It's Christmas eve in NYC, and in an apartment just outside of Manhattan, a very nervous Kurt Hummel is pacing around, anxiously awaiting the arrival of his Ex-boyfriend. Or, at least, he thought it was his ex-boyfriend. He couldn't be perfectly sure, after the phone call they had shared on thanksgiving. He pondered this for a while, still pacing up and down his apartment. Actually, he was more pacing in circles due to the lack of space - he loved Rachel, but when he agreed to become her roommate, he hadn't taken into consideration just how much stuff Rachel was going to take with her to their new apartment. It was completely cluttered with knick-knacks and old furniture. Kurt sighed and flopped down on a near-by chair. He was lost in thought. He had been taken aback when he had received the text from Blaine only a few hours ago.
'I need to see you. My plane comes in at 6 o'clock.'
It was so blatant. What did Blaine want to see him for? Was he coming to apologize again? Was he coming to tell him that they were officially over? Kurt thought that had been implied after what Blaine did to him. But then that damn phone call had just confused everything. Kurt wasn't sure what they were anymore.
At about quarter to seven, Kurt heard a knock on his door. He got up to answer it, perhaps a little too quickly. He fumbled as he turned the door knob, clumsily opening the door. He was as nervous as a child on his first day of school. All this nervousness was quickly forgotten, though, when he saw Blaine's incredible brown eyes looking downwards at the ground. God how he had missed those eyes, and that curly black hair of his. Blaine quickly looked up and their eyes met, locking onto each other. They didn't say anything for a few moments as they took each other in. They both noticed a difference in each other. Blaine seemed so much more solemn usual; he was usually smiling and singing the minute he walked through the door. Not tonight though. Kurt found it strangely unsettling. Blaine eyed Kurt, noticing a new sense of maturity in him. He seemed as though he was all grown up; ready to move on. Blaine hated this thought. He longed for the days when they were both together at McKinley. The days when everything was so much less complicated, and the biggest problem was deciding the set list for sectionals.
Kurt noticed the delicate white flakes on Blaine's dark hair.
"Snowing outside?" Kurt asked, desperately trying to break the tension.
"Hm? Oh. Yeah." Blaine replied, forcing a smile.
They stood silent for another few seconds before Kurt gestured for Blaine to come in.
"Well, um, welcome to my humble abode!" Kurt said, trying to mask the sadness in his voice.
Blaine walked through the door, and Kurt took his duffle bag from him, placing it on the small ornate table beside the coat rack; another one of Rachel's antiques.
Kurt and Blaine walked into the living area.
"I'd forgotten how great this place was; I hadn't really had time to take it in last time I came. We were too busy doing...um...other things." Blaine looked around awkwardly.
Kurt blushed, immediately thinking back to that magical first night Blaine had come to visit him in New York. The night before Blaine told him. The night before everything ended.
"Sorry. I, um, didn't mean to make things awkward." Blaine shuffled from one foot to another anxiously, now realizing what he had said.
"Oh, no. No worries. That - that...no. That wasn't awkward. Don't be silly." Kurt blushed even more.
"Really? Because you're turning as red as you did when that 60 year old transvestite started hitting on you at tha-."
"Thanks, Blaine, we don't need to be reminded of that."
"Right. Sorry." Blaine tried his best to hide the smirk that was appearing on his face.
"Not. Funny." Kurt repeated.
"I'm sorry. It's just, when he tried to get you to-" Blaine's smirk turned into a wide grin as he stifled a giggle.
"Blaine! I'm serious. That was humiliating."
Blaine only laughed harder.
"Stop it!" Kurt said, giving Blaine a light smack on his arm.
Blaine didn't respond - he was just about doubled over laughing now as he collapsed onto the nearby sofa. Kurt resisted the urge to join in, for the sake of his pride, but failed hopelessly as he too started to giggle. Soon they were both sprawled across the sofa laughing, sides hurting, breathless. This went on for a good few minutes before they finally managed to gather themselves. They sat side by side on the sofa, panting, trying to catch their breath.
"I've missed this." Blaine said, breathlessly.
"Missed what?" Kurt turned to look at him, still laughing ever so slightly.
"Y'know. Us. These moments." Blaine replied.
Kurt smiled.
"Me too."
Blaine placed his hand beside Kurt's, grazing it ever so slightly. He lingered there for a short while before Kurt tensed and pulled his hand away.
Blaine's heart sank. He glanced sideways at Kurt, feeling somewhat hurt by his actions.
Kurt picked up on Blaine's disappointment and turned to look at him.
"Look, Blaine, I'm glad you came to visit, I really am. But...I'm still not sure I'm ready to forgive you. What you did - it really hurt me. It made me question my trust for you. And I still haven't come to terms with it."
Blaine's face turned from hurt to angered. The feeling of warmth and happiness they had both felt a few moments ago had vanished.
"'Come to terms with it?' It happened, Kurt. There's nothing we can do to change it - nothing I can do to change it. You either forgive me, or you don't. But don't give me all that bull shit about honesty and trust because I know what I did, Kurt. And I feel terrible. I fucked up. Don't you think I know that? Because I do. I'm painfully aware of it. It kills me inside. But the last thing I need is for someone to remind me of what I did. I thought you of all people would understand that."
"No! No, Blaine, I don't understand. You can't do that. You can't just cheat on someone and expect them to forgive you right away. You have to give them time." Kurt stood up, exasperated.
"Yeah, because you gave me so much time to forgive you when I caught you sexting some random guy you met at the music store behind my back."
"That wasn't my choice - you were the one who chose to forgive me so quickly. Besides, I was in a bad place at that time. You knew that."
"Yeah? Well did it ever occur to you that I might've been in a bad place when I did what I did to you?" Blaine's voice cracked at the end of his sentence. Kurt could see tears forming in his eyes. Suddenly realizing that he might have been being a little harsh on Blaine, he refrained from voicing his reply and instead sat back down next to Blaine, who now had his face buried in his hands.
"Blaine..."He said, unsure of what to say. Blaine had always been sensitive, but he never usually got this upset when they argued. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"
"No-" Blaine said through muffled tears "-It's...It's not you." He lifted his head, his eyes now red with tears streaming down his cheeks.
Kurt looked slightly confused.
"What is it? You can tell me, Blaine." He put his arm around him and rubbed his back in comforting circles.
"I-I don't want to b-bother you with my troubles. It's f-fine. Just-just leave it. Y-you're moving on. You don't need to worry about me. I-I'll be fine." His voice shook. Kurt grew even more concerned.
"Blaine, just forget all that stuff between you and me. That doesn't matter right now. Look, I know that things are confusing, and that we're not sure where this relationship is at, but one thing I'm certain of is that I love you. And I'll always be there for you, no matter what. Now tell me what's the matter." Kurt said this all with that same comforting tone that Blaine was so familiar with. The tone he used whenever he was trying to calm down his nerves before a big performance. The tone he used whenever he was reassuring him that his hair looked fine even when there was no hair gel within reach. The tone he used whenever he needed to tell Blaine that everything was going to be ok. So, Blaine did as he said. He forgot all the tension between them, and started talking.
"It's...It's my mother." Blaine started, his voice still thin and cracked. "She was diagnosed with colon cancer early this year, just after you left for New York."
Kurt's heart sank.
"Blaine...I'm-I'm so sorry. I had no idea-"
Blaine was crying even harder now, barely able to speak.
"Th-The doctors caught it early. They said there's a 40% survival rate. But that still leaves a 60% chance that she-she won't..." Blaine paused, sucking in a deep breath."...That she won't survive." His face scrunched up in agony "And, I-It scares me to d-death, Kurt. S-sure, the odds are on her side, but w-what about that 30%? What will I do then? I-I'll have no one. My dad hates me for...for what I am. A-and I don't even have you anymore-"
"You'll always have me." Kurt said with certainty, now also crying.
"But, Kurt. I...I didn't know that then. That-that's why I did it. that's w-why I did...what I d-did."
Kurt froze.
"I-I had just heard the news, and I was feeling s-so alone..."
"Why didn't you tell me then?" Kurt interrupted, feeling somewhat resented.
"That's the thing - I tried. I-I really did, Kurt. B-But, you were so busy with your new life over here in New York, and y-you, you weren't answering my calls. And when you did, you were always just so ha-happy, talking about you're internship and, I n-never really got the chance. After a while, I...I just sort of g-gave up." Blaine desperately tried to wipe the tears away from his cheeks as he choked out the words.
"Blaine, I...I..." Kurt's mouth stumbled to keep up with all the thoughts which were now flooding his brain. "I never meant to hurt you, or ignore you in any way. I just got so...so caught up in my own little world, I never even stopped to communicate with the most important people in it - the most important person in it." Kurt looked at Blaine compassionately.
Tears were now streaming down both of their faces, and Kurt put his other arm around Blaine. He hugged him tight, pulling Blaine's head to his chest. He could feel his warm tears being absorbed into the fabric of his shirt.
"Everything's going to be ok. I love you." Kurt said to Blaine softly, his voice muffled by Blaine's thick curls.
"I love you, too." Blaine whispered into his chest, still whimpering.
They sat silently on the couch, Kurt still holding Blaine close to his chest. Blaine could feel the steady beat of Kurt's heart against his warm face. Kurt listened to the faint noises of the city coming from the window. They both felt the heat of each other's bodies against their own; something they hadn't felt for a long time. They slowly closed their eyes, holding on to each other tighter than ever before.
"'I've never stopped loving you." Kurt whispered, as he softly kissed the top of Blaine's head. "I never will."
Kurt could feel Blaine smile, his face still pressed up against his chest.
"Merry Christmas, idiot."
And with that, they both drifted to sleep. They didn't notice the sounds of the traffic outside. They didn't notice the snow falling against the roof. They didn't notice Rachel come and go, smiling at the sight of them both asleep together on the couch. They didn't notice the presents she'd left for them under their make-shift tree. All that was important was that they were in each other's arms, and that as long as they were together, they'd be ok.
