Nightswimming

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Summary: A Memory of Remus J. Lupin!

Spoilers: I never get this one so erm… this is hard! I suppose that it is pre POA if that helps!

Rating: PG to PG-13

Disclaimer: I want to make a witty comment, but I can't think of one! I don't own them! Or the Song!

Notes: When reading, it would really help you to put on the song Nightswimming by R.E.M. to help put you in the mood!

Dedications: Firstly Alfie who (so very kindly) beta-ed it. Thank you so much!!! And also Amy, who will probably never read this, but who helped me too! And to everyone who takes their time to read it (I sound like I'm doing some kind of award speech!)

Feedback: Yes please sir!

Nightswimming deserves a quiet night.

It was Remus J. Lupin's 'other' guilty secret. He had never told anybody, but then again, he didn't have anyone to tell. Not anymore. Everyone he had loved and confided in were now gone. The bespectacled, courageous young man and his beautiful, kind wife were both dead. His short, plump and slightly gormless friend was also dead. And finally, his devilishly handsome partner... lover... mate, well he was as good as dead. His mate. Remus knew what Sirius had done. He knew what horrific crimes Sirius had committed. He knew it all, but still he went there. Year after year he would return, reliving in the past. As much as his conscience told him it was wrong and as much as he berated himself for doing it, he continued to visit the lake.

Remus had almost finished his packing, not that there was a lot to pack. His essentials were being sent on ahead of him and what little was left would go into storage. But Remus wasn't thinking of about his property arrangements. He was thinking about going to the lake just one last time before he left. He was about to head out of the door, when he remembered the one thing he needed for the journey - the one essential item he took every time he went there. It was the only one - out of many since Sirius was a keen photographer - that he had kept. There had been hundreds of photographs to sort through after Sirius went away as he had taken so many. Sirius liked to take those serious' photos such as landscapes, sunsets, animals (werewolves), however his favourites had definitely been ones of people. Sirius had loved taking pictures of his friends and family. Remus remembered the tears spilling over picture after picture of James, Lily and Peter as he looked at them one last time before he disposed of them. Seeing his friends smiling, happy faces had been unbearable for him. There was no way he could have kept them. A constant reminder of what he had lost on that accursed Halloween night - his mate's, the traitor's betrayal. However, there had one photograph he had kept and it was the one that accompanied him on every journey there.

........

Remus grabbed his keys from the small table next to the door, and hurried out of his small, tatty cottage. It had been his parents' cottage, left to him after they died. Back then it was beautiful. One of those quaint little things with the typical ivy climbing up the sides of the house, a beautiful garden, filled with flowers. Extremely well cared for - it had been his parents pride and joy, as well as his and Sirius'. Nowadays, it was run down, neglected, shabby, like most of the things he owned. He simply didn't have the funds to maintain the house. After all, he was a werewolf - his original guilty secret. Due to his Lycanthropy, he had struggled enormously to find paid work in the wizarding world. No one wanted to employ a werewolf, especially a werewolf that was once the lover of a mass murderer. So Remus had ended up in the Muggle world, being restricted, due to his absence of Muggle qualifications, to remedial labour, 'no experience required' jobs. Unfortunately, these were also the jobs that paid the least. He barely had enough money to live on, never mind indulge it on house repairs. This 'lack of money' situation was worsened by the necessity of having a car. Remus had found that in the Muggle world, it was very difficult to do anything without your own means of transportation and thus he had purchased a car, very reluctantly and after learning to drive. It was an old banger, costing hardly anything to buy and very little to maintain, but still enough that Remus found himself at times going without an odd meal here and there. Remus had, for a fleeting moment considering getting a motorcycle but in the end, he couldn't bring himself to do it.

The photograph on the dashboard, taken years ago.

It was a warm, late summer night. It wasn't fully dark yet, but it would be soon. Remus made his way through the overgrown garden, not stopping to take in the magnificent array of colours, oranges and reds and purples that danced across the sky and across his face, giving colour to his pale, washed out skin, giving his heavy amber eyes a slight sparkle and giving his now dull light brown hair, flickered with grey life. On reaching his car, he slid his key into the slightly dented lock and opened the door of the rusted Volkswagen. He then climbed into the extremely warm, slightly musty machine, closing the door behind him and then opening the window to let in some fresh air. Once it had been aired, Remus placed the photograph neatly on the dashboard, before starting the car, and slowly pulling away from the house.

Every streetlight reveals the picture in reverse.
Still, it's so much clearer.

Soon he was driving on that familiar road, taking him away from his village on the outskirts on London and back to his past. With the window open, the wind blew into the car, circling around his body, rushing through his hair. As the sun set and the moon began to rise, Remus noticed the streetlights begin to flicker until they were all lit, dimly illumination the way. It was so very similar this time and it made the memory much clearer than usual...

........

Remus clung tightly to Sirius as they rode along the dusty road, dimly lit by the scattering of street lamps. Pressing his face into the back of Sirius' leather jacket, Remus revelled in its powerful, musky yet incredibly sexy smell. Feeling and loving Sirius' long black hair flicking across his face as they sped up, he found himself very thankful of Sirius' carefree attitude. If Sirius was law abiding and safety conscious he, or rather both of them, would be wearing full riding gear, together with helmets, hiding his amazing hair. But Sirius wasn't law abiding or safety conscious. He liked to 'live' as he put it. He wanted to experience things fully, not being restricted by worry, doubt and insecurities. Worrying about things, for example the future and his physical well being, was not in his character and as far as Sirius was concerned, he was untouchable. They were both untouchable. The foolishness of youth.

I forgot my shirt at the water's edge.
The moon is low tonight.

Remus couldn't help but chuckle softy at the memory as he drove into the clearing, just as Sirius did almost 16 years ago now. And yet the memories were as fresh as the day they happened. Remus jumped out of the car, not bothering to lock it. The amount of times he had come here, he knew full well that he would be the only person within 10 miles of the lake.

Treading gracefully on the dusty ground, making his way through the thick growth, he eventually emerged on the other side of the shrubs and trees so that in front of him now, lay the magnificent lake. He walked over to the edge of the water, and then stopped to observe the beauty of it. The lake was picturesque, hidden in the valley of forested hills, reflected in the sparkling water... as too was the moon. It might have been the fact that its reflection dominated the lake, bouncing off the surface onto Remus' face, but the waxing moon seemed lower than usual - he could feel it enticing him. Without the slightest care, Remus started to unbutton his worn, short sleeved shirt, letting the soft cotton slide off his shoulders onto the ground. He then proceeded to remove his scuffed brown boots together with his socks, his faded blue jeans, and finally his boxer shorts. He now stood there, completely naked, about to step into the water, yet he didn't care. The inhibitions he had felt the first few times he and Sirius had come here had long since gone...

........

"Come on love," said Sirius as he dragged him though the thick growth surrounding what Sirius called his secret lake'. Sirius had told Remus he knew of this place - a lake where he, his brothers and James used to visit when they were younger. He had then gone on to insist how beautiful the lake was and how his mate would love it. Not even moments after Remus had agreed, Sirius had pulled him out of his favourite chair, through the cottage door and forced him onto his flying motorcycle, which this time didn't fly.

"I'm coming," said Remus, using his free hand to waft the branches out of his face. Sirius smirked, at least Remus thought he did, as his mind filled with images that would make a porn star blush.

"You're not actually," replied Sirius, "But you might be soon." Remus smiled at his mate's tendency to take the most innocent of comments and take them in a totally different context. "Remy, you keep throwing them to me and I keep knocking them back."

"You're just too quick for me, Siri," laughed Remus as they appeared to be getting to the end of the woodland.

"Okay, love. Close your eyes." Sirius stopped in his tracks and turned to face Remus.

"Why?" Remus raised one eyebrow quizzically.

"My little werewolf," said Sirius, moving forward until their faces were only inches apart. "Always so suspicious of me."

"With good reason usually," retorted Remus, "As about a thousand detentions might possibly suggest." Sirius bared his award winning smile.

"I think I have personally set a record at Hogwarts."

"Yes," chuckled Remus, "For causing the most mischief."

"Hey!" Exclaimed Sirius as if he had been mortally offended, "I was a Marauder. It was my job to cause mischief. But I promise I'm not up to any mischief now," Sirius definitely smirked this time. "At least not yet." Sirius leaned in to brush his lips gently across those of his mate's. Remus let out a low growl as Sirius slid his tongue into his gracious mouth, sending waves of pleasure through both their bodies. As the kiss ended, Remus let a slight whimper leave his swollen, parted lips. "So will you please close your eyes?" breathed Sirius, threading his fingers through Remus' shoulder length hair.

"I suppose," murmured Remus, "As long as you promise to take up where we left off before the night is over."

"I promise, love," said Sirius planting a soft kiss on Remus' forehead. Remus smiled as he saw the earnest look on his mate's face. He was so incredibly handsome. Sirius' skin was dark, olive, which complimented his piercing blue eyes and his jet black locks of glossy hair. He was beautiful… Someone so wonderful deserved someone as – if not more – incredible, not a werewolf. Thus Remus gladly closed his eyes. "And no peeking," insisted Sirius as he once more took Remus' hand and led him out of the bushes, taking care so that Remus didn't stumble. "Right then," said Sirius bringing Remus to a standstill, "You can open them." Remus obeyed and the former blackness was replaced by not only the sight of the most magnificent scenery he had ever seen, but also a fully laid out picnic spread on the ground, only a few metres away from where the waters edge lapped lightly.

"Merlin, Sirius!" Remus jaw gaped slightly as his eyes moved over the checked red and white blanket and the feast placed on top of it.

"Do you like it, love?" asked Sirius eagerly. Every so often, Sirius would surprise Remus with these impulsive yet incredibly romantic gestures, catching him totally off guard.

"I love it. The food, the wine-"

"Which happens to be your favourite," said Sirius promptly.

"The candles... How did you get them to stay lit by the way? A Conflagro Charm?" asked Remus. This time it was Sirius turn to smile at the way Remus' mind always seemed to take the most perfect situations and start to analyse the mechanics behind them.

"Got it in one," grinned Sirius wriggling his eyebrows. "I did graduate almost top of the class Remy if you remember!"

"It shows," said Remus with a chortle. "But I really do love it, Siri." He turned round and snaked his arms around Sirius' waist. "Thank you."

"Anything for you." Sirius looked lovingly into Remus' eyes - a look that spoke louder than words - just for a moment before taking a hold of Remus' hand and guiding him over to their picnic. "Enjoy, love."

About an hour and a bottle of wine later, Sirius had cleared away the left over food, the dishware and the cutlery, and now Sirius was fiddling with his most treasured Muggle possession, his camera.

"Nearly ready, Remy," he called, as Remus watched him repeatedly check, then realign, then check the camera. Usually he was a very laid back person, but when it came to his love of photography, he was passionate. Everything had to be perfect.

"Ready?" Remus was starting to feel very uncomfortable in the position Sirius had forced him into.

"Patience is a virtue." Sirius, from what Remus could see, was now turning some kind of knob.

"I know Siri, dear." Remus felt like grimacing rather than smiling now. He had been holding his arm up, as if he was wrapping it around the shoulders of an invisible person. This was so Sirius, once the timer had been set, could rush back to him and slip easily into position. Unfortunately, it had been a full moon only a few days ago and Remus' body was still a little achy. "I seem to remember telling you the exact same thing on more than one occasion." Sirius was no longer listening as he very carefully, trying not to move the camera, setting the timer.

"Okay," said Sirius, suddenly running back to the picnic mat, sliding under Remus' arm and getting quickly into position. Sirius then did something that took Remus by surprise. Just before the timing delay ended, he very tenderly placed his finger underneath his chin, tilting his head towards him and pulling him into a sweet, loving kiss. Going with the flow, Remus instinctively closed his eyes, breathing in Sirius' marvellous scent. The camera flashed, capturing this chaste moment forever in a photograph - a photograph that now lay on the dashboard of Remus' car. "Love you Remy... Forever."

It's not like years ago.

Remus dipped the toes of his left foot in the water, causing pretty little ripples to spread outwards over the previously still surface. The water was lovely and warm, but then again they were in the last days of a summer heat wave. Assured of the lake's pleasant temperature, Remus made his first steps into the deep expanse of water, relishing the feeling of his body slowly sinking into its peaceful calm. Once mid-deep, he allowed himself to fall forward, letting the water swallow his pale body. Trusting the lake to support him, he started to swim out into the black mass. Strong, graceful strokes took him away from the bank, the world and the troubles of his life. Out here, he was free. He was free to be who and what he wanted, but most importantly he was free to remember, fondly at that, the love of his life.

The fear of getting caught,
of recklessness and water.
They cannot see me naked.

"Do you want to know what we should do Remy, love?" asked Sirius, running his fingers through Remus' hair. He loved to do that.

"What, Siri?" replied Remus lazily, his eye's closed. Remus lay on his back, while Sirius lay on his side facing him, using his elbow to support his head.

"Guess."

"Hmmm... I'm not sure, but I think it would be pretty safe to suggest that your idea somehow involves us both being without clothes." Sirius smiled, moving his head over Remus, so that he was looking down on his face. "Am I right?" Feeling Sirius' shadow over him, Remus opened his eyes. "I'm right aren't I!" Sirius answered with a quick kiss, before quickly jumping up, pulling his lover up with him.

"What are you doing Siri?" asked Remus, pulling down his slightly raised t-shirt.

"Don't do that," said Sirius, brushing away Remus hands and slipping his own hand underneath the werewolf's clothes. Remus moaned quietly as his lovers soft hands started to explore his sensitive flesh.

"Mmm Siri," whispered Remus contentedly, "You better stop because...Ahh..." Sirius had moved one hand round to Remus' chest and was now in the process of gently sliding his thumb over his nipple.

"Yes, love?" Sirius' voice had become husky with desire and need.

"It's... at least an hour's drive home and... Oh Merlin!" Remus tipped his head back, moaning in pleasure whilst exposing his slender neck to Sirius' lust filled gaze. Never one to waste an open invitation, Sirius made way to gently trail kisses down his lover throat. After tracing the line of kisses with his tongue, Sirius broke the moment to draw back slightly. "Siri... Why stop..." moaned Remus.

"You have no idea," panted Sirius, "How much I want to throw you onto the floor and take you."

"And if we weren't out in the open we could but-"

"Love, I'm not stopping because we're outside." To emphasise his point, Sirius moved his hands from Remus' chest to tug on his t- shirt, attempting to pull it over the werewolf's head - an attempt that Remus quickly thwarted by backing away from his mate.

"Siri! What are you doing?" exclaimed an ever-modest Remus.

"Trying to undress you." Sirius stepped forward and again started to lift Remus t-shirt.

"But... But we are outside!"

"So?" Sirius managed to win his battle with Remus' upper garment, pulling it over the protester's head and dropping it with a triumphant smile onto the floor. "Merlin, you're beautiful," sighed Sirius, letting his eyes run over the lightly muscled, region of Remus' body, flawless apart from white scar - the present he received when he was only a child. "So pretty."

"And very self-conscious," shivered Remus. "Siri, why are you undressing me?"

Sirius' eyes lit up. "Because, my lover, we are going swimming." Before Remus could respond, Sirius had quickly shed all his clothing and now stood, totally exposed and not at all ashamed. His lover had an exquisite form, with those well muscled legs, his wondrously sculpted chest and firm shoulders, obscured slightly by the wind blown locks of hair. "Take your clothes off love... Please."

"But Siri I-"

"Please."

"But someone might see us," replied Remus, trying to reason with him.

"Who?" Sirius was very determined. He'd obviously been planning this whole evening for a while.

"I don't know..." Remus case wasn't going as well as he'd hoped. "People."

"Remy, there's no body here. We're miles away from civilisation. No one will see us." Sirius moved over to his lover, pressing his naked body against him. "And besides, you're so beautiful, it would be a crime to keep your splendour covered up on such a glorious evening as tonight."

"You're making me blush."

"It suits you. Let me..." Sirius had started to fumble with the top button on Remus' pants, eventually managing to unhook it. He then slowly unfastened the zip allowing Remus' jeans to slip down. Remus helpfully pushed off his shoes and socks and stepped out of jeans, leaving them in a crumpled heap on the floor. "Just one more item," grinned Sirius placing his finger subtly on Remus' boxer shorts. Remus inhaled deeply, trying to summon the courage, or rather audacity, that his lover so easily possessed.

"Do it," said Remus, resolving himself to this new experience. Not waiting for him to change his mind, Sirius quickly took off Remus' boxers so that both men were now fully exposed.

"Gorgeous," was the only word that came to Sirius' mind. "Now are we going to go for this swim or not?" And with that, Sirius had turned round, revealing his perfect arse, and was running into the lake, dragging Remus along with him. The two splashed into the lake, both laughing as the tepid water gradually engulfed them. Sirius let go of Remus' hand, dived head first under the surface, re- emerging again several metres away, blinking and wiping the water out of his eyes. "Bet you can't catch me," he laughed.

"Really?" said Remus, standing as his feet still touched the ground.

"I'm just too damn- Ow." Sirius all of a sudden, grimaced in pain and started to struggle. "Remus!" he shouted, "Something's... Argh... Got my feet..." Remus watched in horror as Sirius was dragged under the water, his arms flailing spraying water everywhere, just for a moment before he disappeared.

"SIRI!" Without hesitation, Remus lunged forward into the water, surfacing then quickly making his way over to where he had last seen Sirius. Once there, he looked around frantically, trying to spot any sigh on disturbance on the water - something that was quite difficult to do when you were making more of a disturbance than anyone else. Having no luck, Remus inhaled deeply then dived again into the water. Perhaps it was because of his werewolf eyes, but Remus could see perfectly under water and therefore easily spotted his lover floating at the bottom, motionless.

You could imagine Remus' shock when, after swimming furiously towards Sirius, to see his unconscious lover open his eyes and start to wave.

Remus was flooded with a thousand different emotions, the two dominant ones being relief and also fury. After glaring angrily as Sirius, he swam back to the surface leaving the 'victim' to fend for himself. Sirius emerged moments later behind Remus, gliding over to his mate and snaking his arms around him. He was smiling at first - a smile that quickly faded when he heard the shaky breaths of his lover, meaning only one thing.

"I'm sorry, love, but I couldn't resist." Sirius knew he had gone a little too far, even for his calm, understanding and good tempered werewolf.

"Sirius Black!" Remus' voice quivered. "You complete and utter bastard. I thought you were in trouble... I thought..." Sirius spun him around in the water to see a teary eyed Remus, his lip trembling. "I thought you were dead." It broke Sirius' heart to see the hurt in the eyes of his lover - hurt he had foolishly inflicted.

"Hey, love," said Sirius softly, embracing his mate. "I'm fine. I'm an idiot, but I am fine."

"I thought I was going to lose you," said Remus quietly.

"You're not going to lose me-"

"I couldn't bear to lose you-"

"Remus!" said Sirius shifting slightly so he could face his lover. "Your never going to lose me. Never." Sirius ran the tips of his fingers over Remus' ethereal face, brushing away the damp tresses that clung to it. "You're my mate... For life, Remy." The corners of Remus' mouth twitched, almost into a smile.

"If you pull any more stunts like that Siri, for life won't be very long. I nearly died myself!"

"Was that a tinge of humour in your voice?" asked Sirius hopefully, a smirk finding its way to his face.

"Perhaps." Remus ran his tongue over his lower lip, before claiming those of his mate's. Perhaps it was the sight of Sirius, hair damp, beads of water dripping down his breathtaking chiselled features, or perhaps it was what Sirius had just said, but Remus felt an overwhelming urge make love right then.

Nightswimming, remembering that night.
September's coming soon.
I'm pining for the moon.

Remus floated on his back, bobbing on the surface contemplating his past, and his future. An interesting development had occurred this summer. Actually, two interesting developments had occurred this summer. The second was that he had (very unexpectedly) been hired by none other then his old headmaster. Albus Dumbledore had approached him to take the position of Professor of Defence Against the Dark Arts. That was why he was packing. In September, just over a week, he would be undertaking another familiar journey, again back to the past. He would catch the Hogwarts Express, the same train he had caught all those years ago when he was a school boy himself. He knew, however, that he would probably be asleep for the majority of the journey. It would be a full moon, just two days before he started work. Even though there was a week until his transformation, the moon was already having its luring affect on him. Looking up at the silver orb, he felt an overwhelming longing... perhaps for the moon... perhaps for his mate... Which brought him back to the first development of the summer. Sirius was now free. No, he hadn't been released. He had escaped. Sirius Black had escaped the inescapable prison of Azkaban. How or why nobody knew. Perhaps he wanted to finish off the last of the Potters, or perhaps he wanted to finish off his mate. Well at least his escape had resulted in one positive thing. Remus knew that the main reason Dumbledore had hired him was because of Sirius. It was possible that Dumbledore hoped Remus could somehow give him an insight into the way the convict's mind worked, just in case he was planning to make an attempt on the life of his godson.

You, I thought I knew you.
You I cannot judge.
You, I thought you knew me.

Why did he do it? Why was he torturing himself like this, year after year? He knew the answer to both questions. He loved Sirius. He would always love Sirius and nothing could ever change that. Yet another burden from his damn Lycanthropy. Sirius was his mate. It sounded a bit melodramatic, but it just wasn't like normal relationships. He was bound to Sirius for life. Unlike the millions of wizards and witches around the world, he couldn't despise Sirius, he couldn't hate him. Hell, he couldn't even judge him for his heinous crimes, because in the end Sirius was a part of him. He knew every bit of Sirius inside out, at least he thought he had, and it had been the same for Sirius. Thinking about it, they had been more than mates. They were one. That was something Remus could never let go of. That was why he came back to the lake. He had to think of how they were once, for his own sanity - remembering how happy they had been together. This night... Not only was it his and Sirius' special place, but the night epitomised their relationship. It had surprises, times of exquisite happiness, sorrow, doubt and insecurities, fear, elation, love, lust. Everything their relationship had endured, happened on their first visit to the lake.

The photograph reflects,
every streetlight a reminder.

It all became too intense. The moon blazing down on him and the memories that surrounded him was enough to drive any sane person mad. Remus knew he came here to remember, but this time, with Sirius on the loose, it was honestly too much. After one final dive underneath the water to clear his head, he slowly made his way back to the water edge and onto the bank. With the heat of the night, he dried off quickly, picked up the pile of crumpled clothes and got dressed again. Retracing his footsteps back through the shrubbery, he found his car still intact and jumped in. Exhaling, slumped back into the back of the seat and closed his eyes. It was over. For at least one year he would not see the lake again. But then again, there was a very real chance that he would see the person responsible for his continuous visits. Not wanting to move quite yet, Remus fumbled blindly on the dash board until he found the photograph. He didn't want to look at it. The picture of him and Sirius sharing that intimate kiss would have sent him over the edge. Tonight, he just wanted to touch it. The time would come again when he would look at it. He would smile, laugh and then cry - he knew the pattern. There wasn't time to do any of those now. He had to get back home soon. He had an early start tomorrow, what with the removal people coming. So reluctantly, Remus started the car and began the lengthy journey back to reality...

Just like the journey there, Remus held on tightly to Sirius as they made their way home, content in the knowledge that whatever happened, he would always have Sirius and they would always have this night.

Nightswimming deserves a quiet night,
Deserves a quiet night.

The End