Hi my name is Ally Dawson and I have long wavy brown hair with caramel highlights. I Kind of look like Lea Michele except my nose isn't fucking huge and unlike her I don't use it to crack open nuts to eat or the skulls of children.
As I walk into Sonic Boom, the shitty ass music store my dad owns and is never actually at so I just run the place. Like what the fuck I'm 15 or some shit why trust me with a fucking shop when all I wanna do is watch Jersey Shore and play with my pussy. Anyway, as I walk into Sonic Boom, I see him, Austin Moon, and copper smelling friend Dez.
Austin Moon is the most gorgeous guy in existence. He is tall, handsome, and looks remotely like Ellen Degeneres but also like a squirrel. I like squirrels. His eyes are brown, just like the shit I had last night and have the same chocolatey swirl to them.
"Hey Austin," I say approaching him. Gosh he makes me so wet. "What're you doing here?"
Austin turns around, putting down the trumpet he was playing. If he can use his fingers to make such heavenly noise with a trumpet then I wonder what noise I'll make when he uses those fingers on me. "Oh, hey Ally. Dez and I were just messing around with the instruments in the shop. Isn't that right Dez?" Austin swivels his head in Dez's direction. All Dez does is nod as he's a bit preoccupied with Trish. my mexican friend who just showed up.
"No that is not okay Austin," I say frowning at him. "Do you know how expensive those instruments are? No you don't as your family is fucking poor as shit because you sell mattresses like who the fuck wants to buy a nasty ass mattress from your parents shop when they just smile weirdly at everyone and have probably fucked on all of them."
"Gee, I'm sorry Ally. Really. Let me make it up to you." He says sliding over the counter and to the guitar section grabbing a guitar. Austin starts to sing me some love song. His voice is heavenly melodic and I'm so hypnotised by it that the only words from the song I can make out are 'Toot it and Boot it'.
"Oh Austin," I swoon, leaning onto the counter. "If you're gonna touch the instruments, at least touch mine." I wink at him, his eyebrows raise and I know he understands what I'm on about. He drops the guitar, the instrument smacking loudly against the hard floors of the shop and I don't give a fuck because my dad's paying for it and not me.
Grabbing his soft, dainty effeminate hand, I lead him across Miami to my bedroom and he pushes me onto the bed. I spread my legs and lean back on my elbows, and from this angle I can see Trish and Dez also entering the room, popcorn in hand.
"Ew guys go away Austin is going to murder my vagina and I don't want you guys to see." I yell.
"Sorry Ally, but Austin said we could. We love voyeurism."
"Oh, okay." I say turning my gaze back to Austin.
"Now pound this V." I command pointing to my vagina.
"I love fish tacos." Austin says, his eyes full of hungry lust.
"Bitch what the fuck thats such a turn off. I'm out of here." I say hoisting my vagina up and getting of the bed. As I leave the room I can hear yelling behind me.
"Where's the show?" Dez cries, still eating his popcorn.
"In her pants but I need to work for it." Austin says.
On hearing his voice I squeal. He does care about me! I can't just walk back in there though, Trish is a dirty bitch and has probably farted and I'm not losing my virginity to the aroma of her nasty burrito farts mixed with the smell of Dez's ginger dick. Ew.
Trudging down the stairs I see my Dad sat on the couch, flipping through a newspaper. He hears me come down and puts the newspaper on the coffee table.
"How was losing the virginity champ?" He says with a smile.
"Almost as bad as losing mom to the Uncle Bobby who is now my step dad."
"Really that bad?" Dad asks with concern.
"Not as good as losing it to Trish though." I say.. "Hymens are hard to regrow. Not that it matters anyway… Austin's probably up there jacking it off to Trish's nudes that are in my drawer. Not that they're any good. She has a taco covering her hoo hah."
"Ally Ron Dawson, someone sent you nudes and you never told me? I'm proud of you champ, 10 points to gryffindor."
"Oh my fucking god dad I'm a Ravenclaw!" I yell running back upstairs. I slam open the door of my bedroom, only to see Austin, Dez, and Trish playing Uno.
"Get the fuck out of here guys! And stop touching my stuff that isn't my pussy or my tits."
"Fine." They all say simultaneously leaving the room and the house and then getting into Trish's probably stolen BMW. Bitch is mexican and poor as fuck so it has to be stolen. I bet she uses it to cart her family over the border which is why she sometimes disappears for weeks at a time and comes back with scars all over her face and Chipotle stains in her panties.
After they've left, I jump onto my bed and start to cry heavy tears of depression. I grab my phone and take sad selfies, posting them to all my social networks with a shit ton of emoji's and Coldplay lyrics in the description.
Putting my phone down, I bury my face in my pillow and cry myself to sleep at the shit hole that is my life. Even though I live in Miami and am surrounded by attractive people and have a dad who is kinda rich.