No death was not what he had hoped it would be.
Of cause it was peaceful and quiet.
No one yelling at him or ordering him around.
But exactly that started too be a problem for him.
After the bliss in the beginning the closeness he felt to Minerva faded away.
There was nothing but him anymore.
He couldn't stand his own company.
Never had!
His head ran miles a minute and spun with all the things he had done over the years.
After al long while… a small eternity it seamed to him the nothingness around him started to fill with others.
Walking without going anywhere he passed them some looked familiar, some where his comrades, some his enemies.
They all had one thing in common.
They died in sin.
Each face he saw was a new old memory that added new weight to his shoulders. Yes he knew what they all had done. In more then half of their crimes he had been involved.
With a dry laugh he stopped to great a small frame on the non existent ground.
"So there are weasels in hell? I always thought that people like you would go to heaven." He sniggered at the girl and bend down to her.
"Well yes I managed to get a ticket to hell. But what do you care? You are one of the bad guys shouldn't you be happy that the light side suffers here as well?" Ginny Weasley snapped up at him.
"Well, well little one, you are some bitter fallow for a girl your age. What are you here for? Cheating at Quidditch? What can someone like you have done to deserve hell?" he laughed again sitting down next to her.
"To be honest I accidentally killed my bother and myself with a portions experiment. So here I am waiting for my punishment it won't be that bad I think. It was an accident after all!"
She sighted and looked up at him, a smile creeping onto her face.
"You do that you are in for something right? You where a Death Eater! There is no walk on the beach coming for you."
He smiled standing up and going on his way again.
What would his punishment be?
What could be more punishment than his life had already been?
After a long while he started to recognize his victims.
Their whispers filled his ears like a buzzing.
Each face had a name.
Most of them he remembered, but some had been just to long ago!
He saw them all like they were the moment they died. For some there was no difference from the living state at all. For others it must be there kind of hell.
With all them together it was so easy to see the wrongness of pureblood ideology. How could someone want punish them for who their parents were?
But he already knew that in his living days.
He just never cared!
He should have said no when the nasty bitch suggested joining Voldemort the first time. He should have told her to get a grip on reality or even better to shove it up her giggly ass!
But in the end no one had forced him; it had been his own free will. He remembered his father telling him to think it through again the night before he joined.
He should have listened to his father for once in his life!
Hell, if he had listened he maybe could have had a long lifetime with his Minerva at his side instead of just imagining her in his arms!
It was a little late to wonder about the low wall around the well when the child had already fallen inside.
In a distance he recognised a new face.
Not one of his victims, no this one was on another mans account!
Albus Dumbledore was sitting in a comfy armchair having a nice view over a lake that looked suspiciously familiar like the black lake at Hogwarts.
"Professor… why would someone like you sit here in hell?"
"Oh, my dear son! So you finally found me! I was waiting for quiet a while now, but don't worry son time doesn't matter. It would still be fine even if you needed centuries to learn the lesson you needed to learn here before you could start to redeem yourself!" the old Professor smiled at him with is twinkling blue eyes, looking so much like the beloved grandfather every child wanted.
It was impossible to not smile back.
With a shock he realized that the old man had not said punishment but redemption!
"What do you mean redeem myself? How could I redeem the wrongs I have done? I killed, I tortured, I did thinks even worse than that. There is no redemption for what I did!" he rasped, knowing that nothing would ever bring back the people he murdered. And as every life was unique you could not right the loss of one, you could not replace it.
"Well you realized at last that what you did was wrong no matter if you only did it to save you own life. You learned that each life if equal in worth and completely unique. You learned that it matters if there is one more or less human being on earth! That you found me means that you would not do it again. It shows that you changed your mind… that you would not murder again, or not to save only yourself. If given the chance you would choose the light over the dark this time. You where only sent to hell so you could learn that!" the old man said as if it was the clearest thing ever.
"So I go to heaven now?" he looked at his former teacher disbelievingly.
"I can't go to heaven! I don't deserve heaven! I deserve punishment! Merlin beard! Old man, punish me! Don't tell me that now everything is alright!"
"Oh no dear boy, it's not alright! You are just one of the fortunate souls who earned the right to redeem themselves. It's the honour that is given to the ones that learn their lessons. Some need only short bits of time, other need centuries. Every soul that goes to hell has a lesson to learn here. If you learned your lessen you get the chance to do good in the world. You get the chance to help the living to learn their lessons of life and find happiness." Dumbledore smiled with twinkling blue eyes that shown with the pride of a teacher who witnessed his worst student finally managed to levitate his feather without blowing it up.
They have someone special for you to guide my son. You left her with a lot of grief. She misses you. Run to her and let her know you are always by her side; it will help her a great deal!