The Challenge as presented at the Fan Fiction Challenge at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ffchallange/


I am not sure when this challenge was posted but this is an
response to it. Don't ask me about the rating but for sure its not
higher than PG 13, for sure not. No bad words, no sex scenes
nothing like that and yes its written by me

=====================

Archive: http://www.eves-paradise.de.vu/

Author: Mary Eve Parker

Summary: Response for Mickey's Thought Challenge:

Miss Parker is sitting in front of an open fire. What is she
doing? Describe her thoughts, her feelings and her
surroundings.

Spoiler: IOTH

Note: a little based on "One Day I will fly away" in my
favorite version by Nicole Kidman

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One Day I'll Fly Away

I was sitting here in front of the open fire place in my own,
silent house. It was a day like every other, and I was alone like
every other day too. Just sitting here, in thoughts, not knowing
how to stay alive another day. The loneliness was killing me
and since Thomas was gone, no man had been that lovely and
patient with me. Everybody always wanted only sex, but this
life had ended with his death and now I am here, lonely and not
even drunken.

For years I had been casing Jarod, for years men only were a
toy for me, just played with them, let them give me what they
had and that was it. But today I see that this couldn't have been
everything.

Its cold in the room, cold because of the small fire or cold
because nobody was there to hug me to comfort me. I don't
need a lover, just a person who cares deeply for me.

Jarod had always been there for me when I needed him but
since Ocee's many things have changed and he hadn't phoned
me within a couple of weeks, not only once and this deepens
my loneliness even more.

I have never really had any family, not a little since mum was
dead. She had died and the family feeling with her and the
whole institution of family is gone. So many things died with
her.

[Holding a picture of Mrs. Parker in her hands, slowly brushing
over it, tears in Parkers eyes]

To many things were gone with her, all the love. And than
Thomas was the first person who could give me what I needed.
Many people thought men were only in my life because of sex.
But sex was just an excuse to be hold once, and if not for long -
it had been enough.

I wasn't a person easy to love, I know that but what shall I do.
The Centre, the whole evil company had built this person up
who I am now and Jarod is the only one who knows the real
little girl I once have been, he is the only person who can bring
her back.

[started to cry ]

One day I will fly away and let all this behind me. Once day I
will fly away to be what I ever wanted to be. One day I will be
gone forever, and nobody will know where I will be, nobody -
except Jarod. I couldn't live without him, he was always there
and will always be, just to know that he knows where I am
comforts me.

But the loneliness is hard. Being alone, having nobody to talk
to - is the hardest thing in life and I am into it. I cant escape.
Not yet. To many things have to be revealed before I can go, to
many dark secrets still exist, to many things I have to know
before I can leave all this to yesterday. Before I can leave all
this to yesterday, many things have to be said. Many things
have to be done.

One day I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday!
What more could your love do for me, when will love be
through with me?
Why live life from dream to dream and dread the day when
dreaming ends?

One day everybody will be gone, and I will be standing here
alone. Nobody will care what I do, nobody will know where I
am, not even me.

Jarod is the only one who knows me, and knows to bring me
back to life.

We nearly kissed at Ocee's. I am not sure what would have
happened if she wouldn't have disturbed us. I have waited for
that moment my whole life, all the time since I saw him the
first time, when I came back from boarding school. So many
things we've been sharing, and he never forgot one. Not even
one of my birthday since he is gone, gone from the Centre.

My whole life changed, since this day. He had left me there in
this evil place, gone forever. He had left me there, and they had
decided to let me chase him, day by day for a couple of years
now. We've been through so many things together and I
couldn't live without him anymore, but what shall I do? He is
gone, we cant be together - but one day I will fly away and see
what happens than.

One day I will fly away, and he will be next to me. He will be
the only one. I have waited to feel his lips on mine for so long
but it shouldn't happen - Ocee came in. I thought about this
moment every free moment I had since I am back. He had
called me, once - never since this one time. I am waiting, more
than that, nearly begging to hear his voice, to know that he is
fine.

One day I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday!
What more could your love do for me, when will love be
through with me?
Why live life from dream to dream and dread the day when
dreaming ends?

I don't have family left or something else, everything is gone,
everybody I've ever loved is gone, decided that it is better to
stay without me, that it would be saver. And it is. Everybody I
ever loved is dead and I am not sure what Jarod is. He hadn't
been around for weeks and I am really scared that something
could have happened. That Lyle could have done something.

Not even my job makes fun anymore, not that it really ever had
but just seeing Jarod for a couple of seconds had been enough
to comfort me, to know that he is well, that nothing had
happened to him. This was just enough for me and I was glad
that there hasn't ever happened something during the years that
I was doing my job more than worse. I could have killed him
more than once, but he knows that I couldn't do that, never
could. He was too important for me, the only person in my life
who was able to comfort me, the rest has decided to leave me
alone long ago.

Thomas - when I think about him, tears came up my eyes and
slowly make their way down my cheeks. He had given me one
of the most wonderful moments in my life, till the Centre got
involved. And again the Centre had decided that it would be
better if I wouldn't be in love - like they always did.

Mom - has gone so long ago. The only person who was able to
give me a little comfort was Jarod during this time. I see his
lovely eyes in front of me when I think about this moment,
long ago.

Till the moment the days I go to see her at the graveyard are
the hardest. Till the moment I am not able to go out on her
anniversary, till the moment the only thing I can do on this day
is get drunken as fast as possible to get over this day. I cant do
anything, just sit here like today, the anniversary day, and think
about everything the Centre had taken from me.

But today I am not drunken, today I am more down on earth
than most of the rest of the year. I haven't drunken a draught
today.

*And you know mommy, that one day I will fly away, leave all
this to yesterday to come to see you there somewhere.
Wherever you are.*

Day are coming and going and nothing ever happens. Nobody
is smiling, nobody is happy - who shall the people me able to
smile - the Centre had stolen this long ago from them.

[Tightening the quilt a little more around her small shoulders]

Everybody knows that the day will come, the day I cave in and
it will not take much longer this day will be here.

And than I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday!
What more could your love do for me, when will love be
through with me?
Why live life from dream to dream and dread the day when
dreaming ends?

~~~ FIN ~~~

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AIM: mary_eve_parker@yahoo.com YIM: mary_eve_parker