Author's note: if this is your first time reading the story, then welcome! However, if you followed me here from the original version and left me one of the longer and unkinder reviews, then hear this: you are welcome to read again, but I will not tolerate another long and crazy review that turns into a lecture on how certain things work. If you have a problem with something I wrote, then take it up with me in a message, not in a review, because that's not what reviews are for. One last thing—this story won't be getting anything else added on, so there's no need to put any alerts on it. I noticed that many of the readers from the original story did that.
Special thanks to my lovely friend and creator of the Castle Crumbsverse, myboygeorge, for helping me revamp the story!
Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.
Castle has been acting really weird lately…
It all started sometime during the case with the bombing in Boylan Plaza during the 'Take Over Wall Street' protest. That was the case where I'd gotten so into the interrogation that I'd told the suspect that I remembered everything about getting shot at Montgomery's funeral.
(Hard to believe that's been almost a year ago now...)
Then there was the case the other day where Naomi Allen, a British citizen was murdered here in the city, and it attracted the attention of her good friend, Detective Inspector Colin Hunt, of the Scotland Yard. Before getting the call to come investigate the case, Lanie had been at my place, talking some sense into me about my love life, or… lack thereof, though she's not one to talk—booty calls with Espo? Did she think I'm surprised by that? Or that anyone else would be?
Anyways, having been my best friend for a decade now, she knows me extremely well and got me to admit I'm very in love with Castle, and that I have been for four years now. That still didn't stop it from being a major blow to the gut when she pointed out after I voiced my worry that Castle is pulling away from me because I've waited too long to tell him how I feel. There's a small part of me that went pea-green when she pointed out that her and Espo at least had the nerve to try it and it didn't work out (says her... I know those booty calls are more than she's letting on). That little pea-green part of me is screaming is anger and fear to try and down out the other voice I heard – that Lanie's right and he is slowly but surely moving on because he doesn't want to wait around for me too much longer.
The part I left out of our girl-talk, the part I had to keep for myself was probably the most crucial part of it all: I find myself wondering – did Castle hear me say it? No, yet another voice in my mind tells me. We've been through too much already for him to be that juvenile over something so major. He would have told me.
Ugh.
I shouldn't drink red wine on a nearly-empty stomach. Too many voices to deal with.
Thankfully the call to a murder scene helped sober me up, as did the double-shot latte Lanie bought me when we rode over together; there would be no other explanation as to why I would have considered telling Castle how I felt on a crime scene. A crime scene for God sakes; that's my mobile office! Unfortunately for me, Lanie wouldn't let me blame my decision to say something on the wine; the entire ride to the Twenty of the dead body, I started getting cold feet about confronting Castle, but Lanie, being the sassy diva of a woman that she has always been, gave me a pep talk that really bolstered confidence.
There is never going to be a right time to tell him, Kate, so you might as well pick a real one. And once that happens, you better name one of your dozen Caskett babies after me.
Caskett, I snorted. Seems like an appropriate nickname for us since I nearly ended up there a year ago and there's been more than once when Richard Castle has both saved me and has been saved by me.
I had my plan in place. I was going to do it. Then we arrived at the motel and it all goes to shit – not only does Castle show up in his Ferrari to a crime scene, but he has some blonde bimbo in his passenger seat! I mean, what the hell is that crap? And just to really rub the salt in the wound he let Jacinda the blonde bimbo drive off with his car!
At first I could deal with it. I mean, I've seen Castle when he gets on his little petulant kicks where he doesn't think I'm paying attention to him. (The Ledger's most eligible bachelor list debacle immediately springs to mind as an example for that) Then annoyance began to mutate into genuine worry as the case dragged on because Castle and Jacinda had four dates in three day, including one where he left the precinct for several hours, then he acted like nothing happened. He said he wants fun and uncomplicated, which is boy-code for mind-blowing, yoga-posing, let's-give-Cirque-du-Soleil-a-run-for-its-money sex.
If it was all just that simple, I could deal with it. I dealt with that when I was with Josh and Castle was back together with ex-wife number two. I could even deal with it if it was his old playboy ways, like how he was when first met. What I didn't count on was missing his annoyingly cute puppy dog crush on me Even when we started out, we had that. Now it's...I honestly don't know what to feel about it.
You know what you need to say, that same stupid red wine voice tells me. Tell him you can be fun and uncomplicated! Tell him everything, that you just want to go back! Tell him you miss knowing for sure that he is your one-and-done! You've known he's that guy for so long and you don't want to lose that!
Stupid red-wine voice. Shut up! I have things to do in the here and now! Things...that are way less fun without him around to bug me so I smile as I do them.
After closing Naomi's case, her friend Colin invited me out for a drink before he left for London, and I turned him down because I'd wanted to spend some time with Castle. I didn't tell the cute inspector with the very good...ahem, body, that it would feel like cheating on Castle, and it was a good thing I didn't because just seconds after he'd gone I had to be witness to Castle on a call with Jacinda. Maybe that was what hurts the most of all – she is the kind of person he needs in his life right now because she's fun and uncomplicated and I'm still in therapy.
What hurt even more than that tiny, niggling little barb of a question was what happened next – no 'until we meet again', no snappy quip or pun about Alexis being his gorgeous brilliant date for the evening.
He left.
He just got into the elevator and left.
He didn't even say goodbye.
I sat down numbly at my desk, picked up Colin's card from amongst the bits on my ink blotter calendar, then tossed it in the trash, instead hitting speed-dial six for Lanie. She thankfully hadn't been entertaining – after calling her one night when she said she'd just finished a run on her treadmill and I was hearing the voice of her television which sounded suspiciously Esposito out of breath too – and we went to the Old Haunt ourselves for a drink. I didn't really talk about it, and this time Lanie didn't push me; she must have known just how much I was starting to feel it. From sit down to pay for our drink and catching our taxis homes, it was an hour, hour-fifteen tops. I knew if I'd stuck around for too much longer, I wouldn't have been able to keep my act together anymore because no matter how hard I'd tried to focus on the conversation, my mind kept going back to how much I miss Castle. How much I miss my Castle.
I went home, trying to keep my breathing steady as I thought about what I'd do with a wide-open Friday night. I'd got off shift on-time at six pm, Lanie and I were out of the Old Haunt by seven-thirty and it was barely quarter to eight now. Too many hours to sit and wonder what Castle and Jacinda would be up to tonight. Part of me thought I should have invited Lanie over, but I had a sneaking suspicion the 'late date' she had was with a very familiar Puerto Rican detective and I didn't want to ruin the happiness I knew they were working on getting back in private.
I dropped my keys in my Mexican ceramic bowl, an ugly thing from college I found at an antique store I just couldn't part with, and press the machine to play my messages.
You have no new messages, one saved message.
Before I can hit the button, Castle's voice fills my apartment.
Hey, Kate, you know who this is, but I just wanted to call and make sure hta you and I are still going to the Old Haunt after shift tonight for someone's drink and surprise! Okay, if I say any more, I'll be self-spoiling, and that's not cool. Happy birthday!
I thought about that night in November – it hadn't been a tough case, just one with a lot of paper work which made it seem endless. He'd left that message the morning of my birthday so early it would be there when I'd wake up; because he'd done that, I'd remembered to put in a somewhat decent-looking non-cop top in my bag and put it on in the ladies room at the precinct once off shift. Castle had waited for me since he knew I'd be late, and we'd taken a town car to the Old Haunt where everyone important to me had been waiting with champagne; Rick had let her have a single glass since she was eighteen and it was a special occasion. He'd made a wonderful toast and we'd spent the night dancing to the playlist Alexis had put together with Ryan and Esposito's help.
Castle had waited for me that night too, and made sure I got home safely; he'd waited outside my building until he saw me wave from the window of my living room before getting in his town car and driving home.
He'd waited for me.
Numb from my present circumstances, overwhelmed at the joy in his voice on my machine – so different from the Castle I saw this week – and warm from the memory of that night, I sank onto my couch and bawled my eyes out.
DING DONG!
I lifted my head from the pillow on my couch. After my crying jag and a hot shower – I couldn't take a bath, not knowing it was the usual way I unwound from sparring with Castle – I'd tossed on my leggings and a long-sleeve t-shirt, curled up with the afghan my mother had made for me when I went to college and began to read Dostoyevsky's The Idiot, as it seemed to be rather fitting to my circumstances.
Curious about who would be calling on me at nine-fifteen on a Friday night, I marked my place with my cedar-and-silk ribbon bookmark that reads 'Lawyers Do It In Their Briefs', and crossed to the front door to open it.
"Hey Kate."
"Alexis!" I exclaimed, completely blindsided; she was the last person I thought I'd see tonight. The fact it was a Friday night and she was obviously in her party clothes – a rather sexy crimson dress and long dark stockings with Mary-Jane high-heels – made her presence all the more baffling. "What's going on? What are you doing here?"
She let out a long, shaky sigh, which had me seeing that she wasn't herself at all. Quite the opposite – she looked really tired and sad.
"Detective Beckett, I know that we aren't exactly friends or anything, but I just feel really inside our right now and I needed a place to relax that isn't the loft, and your place was the closest," she explained, hovering in the doorway as she babbled. Clue number two; Alexis Castle doesn't babble, I thought as she went on, "I got your address from dad a long time ago because he made me memorize it just in case—"
"Shh, Alexis, it's okay," I soothed her and stepped to the side to let her enter. "Come on in."
She smiled a weary smile and entered slowly.
"Go sit on the couch. Would you like some tea?"
"Oh, no, you don't need to go to any trouble for me," she started and I shook my head, realizing if I had someone to look after, it might take my mind of my own troubles. Even if the daughter of those troubles was the one I was helping.
"I'm already putting the kettle on for myself and I need a guinea pig anyways." I went to my cupboard, pulled out the mixed-flavors box of Stosh tea I'd gotten from Whole Foods. My therapist had said that tea would be good for me when I wasn't on the job, all natural and caffeine free. "I haven't tried any of these flavors and I need someone to help me decide if they're worth buying again.
"Okay." Alexis came over and I could see the way she was delicately pressing a tissue she'd found to her eyes that she was trying not to cry the way I had been crying just an hour before. "If you have chamomile that would be great."
"Blueberry chamomile?" I asked her, reading the box and she nodded; I pulled out two mugs from one of my cabinets before turning back to study my house guest. Alexis was relaxed at my kitchen counter now, stocking feet tucked beneath the rung of the bar-stool. Her shoes lay casually discarded on the floor by the end of the couch, and she looked lost in thought as she played with her hair.
She didn't say a word until I put the steaming mug in front of her while I chose peppermint for myself, added a dab of honey from my toast caddy by the bagel slicer. I studied her carefully, not with a cop's concern but a friend's. I know that teenage girls have their issues because I was a teenage girl once, but I could just tell that something is really bothering her. Alexis and I weren't exactly girlfriends, although I am old enough to be her big sister because I was fourteen when she was born. Though I know she hasn't exactly been my biggest fan since the hostage situation at the bank, there's still a part of me that's extremely touched that she came to talk to me.
"Thanks for letting me come in, Detective. I really didn't know what else to do." Alexis told me, sipping her tea. "I'm sure that you had plans tonight, huh?"
"I actually didn't, and I'm completely off tonight and all day tomorrow, so I'll all yours for as long as you need."
"I'm glad of that. Not that I want you to be lonely, just-"
"You don't want to be alone."
"Exactly," she replied, once more. "Like I said, I'm really inside out right now."
"Then let's talk about it." I moved so she would follow me into the living room, me on one end of the couch, her in the chair kitty-corner to it so we could make use of the view from my nice big windows that let us see the city zooming by.
"Okay, Detective Beckett."
"Please call me Kate; you're in my home now." I made a sweeping gesture towards her outfit. "Where did you come from dressed up like that? A party?"
Alexis nodded. "Yeah, I was at an unsupervised party that Lauren was having at her place because her parents are in Paris right now, doing who knows what. My other friends—Paige, Taylor and Sloan were there, there, too…"
"Did it get out of control?"
"That's like saying the Atlantic ocean is a little wet, Kate," she replied with a little laugh.
"Correct me if I'm wrong, Alexis, but you aren't the kind of girl who goes to that kind of party and calls it a good time. You're the kid who turns around and bails if the music is even too loud. Why did you even go in the first place, never mind sticking around?"
She squirmed uncomfortably. "I...I just wanted to forget things for awhile."
"Do your dad and Martha know where you are right now?"
"I haven't the faintest idea where Gram is or what she's up to, and my dad is probably out with Jacinda somewhere."
It didn't escape me that she said the woman's name with undisguised disdain, but Alexis was on a roll; my misery would have to wait.
"I sent him a text when I left the loft to go to the party," she continued, "and I sent him one the second I left the party and he didn't respond until I got off the elevator on your floor, Kate. That was a twenty-five minute wait just to see one word: 'okay.' What the hell? That's not like him, and even you know that."
Alexis gave a heavy sigh and rubbed her eyes as she tried not to start crying again.
"I need my dad back, but I don't know what to do. If he's not with you at the precinct, he's with Jacinda until God knows when, and he writes in between that." She rubbed her eyes again and took a few calming breaths. "Gram is a parent, obviously, and I know she loves me dearly, but it's just not the same."
Unsure of what to do or say, I picked up my mug and had another drink. Alexis' mug now sat on the table, forgotten about as she got up to try and pace off her anger while the rest of it came pouring out.
"Dad is in La-La Land right now and I do have a mom, but we've never been close and she lives on the other side of the country, so a fat load of good that will do me! I've never felt so alone in my life before, and I can't even talk to my friends about because they come from traditional non-divorced families. My mom took off when I was like, three, so I have no memory of my parents' marriage or if they were even happy together. They probably only got married because they accidentally made me. I probably wasn't even supposed to happen…"
I blinked in shock at Alexis in shock because as long as I've known of her, Castle has been singing her praises about how smart, sweet and loving she is, and yet here she was on my couch, questioning her own existence.
In this moment, I could gleefully snap Richard Castle's neck like a wishbone.
"I take it you've been losing sleep over this?"
"Some nights I stay up sometimes wondering if I did something wrong." she answered bluntly, flopping back into the armchair. "Sleep has not been my friend for awhile."
"Sweetie, you shadow my best friend, who is a professional medical examiner. Last time I checked, you really need to be on your feet and alert for that!"
"Doctor Parish has shown some concern and told me that I can talk to her if I'd like to, but I don't know how to talk to her like that because she's my boss."
"That makes perfect sense, but answer this: when was the last time you got some good sleep? When I was rewarded with a shrug, I slap her knee definitively. "Then it's settled—after we finish this conversation, you're going upstairs to take a shower, put on some pajamas I set out for you because we're just about the same size, and then you're coming back down to sit at my kitchen table to eat a healthy home cooked meal that I'm going to make for you."
"But—"
"There's no room for arguments on this one." I informed her as I sent a quick text to Castle, apprising him of the situation and praying it would help bring him to his senses. "You're feeling unnoticed and neglected, so I'm going to take care of you tonight and you're going to get at least nine hours of uninterrupted sleep here."
"The couch is fine—"
I shook my head and spoke firmly, looking her square in the eye. "You're a guest in some desperate need of TLC, like hell I'm letting you sleep on a couch."
"Okay."
My friend gave another uncomfortable squirm, and I softened up when I saw her start to blush a little.
"There's something I need to ask you about, but you can't tell another soul, okay?"
"Okay."
"I mean it. Not Ryan and Espo, not Lanie and especially not my father."
I suddenly felt more like the big sister than ever as I absorbed her words and the weight behind them. I look her up and down; give her a beady eye as only another woman could. "Alexis Castle, are you pregnant?"
"No. No!" She shook her head emphatically. "I...have you ever had a one night stand that didn't mean a damn thing, that you just had for release?"
"Yes," I replied, thinking of an old love affair when I'd been homesick while on my college exchange. "Is that what happened at the party tonight?"
"Mm-hmm. I didn't even know the guy's name, I just...I was dancing with him and we started kissing in the middle of the dance floor and all I could think was, take me away, make this pain go away. It led to a very brief, very sweaty and very physically satisfying encounter in one of the bedrooms, but when it was over and I was getting dressed, I felt even more sick in the heart than before."
It was her turn to blink in surprise when I didn't respond right away.
"Well? What are you waiting for? Go ahead and judge me, Kate. Go ahead and tell me that I'm a screw-up for having a one-night stand with a boy I didn't even know or care about!"
"The only reason I might judge you for doing something like that was if it was your first time and you did something like that out of spite," I said quietly, "and the only reason I might judge you is because I know you and know you'd want more for a first-time than something like that."
"Well, rest easy, because Ashley was my first. Valentine's Day, we had dinner at his place and his parents were out of town. We didn't have wine because that would have gotten us both busted, but we had candles and he even got me a little lingerie, this cute white lace bra and panties set with silly red hearts all over it."
She closed her eyes and I could perfectly imagine what she was thinking about – the awkwardness of it, the feel of her mate stretching her out and causing her pain when everything in pop culture told her this moment should be like slipping on custom-made shoes, not jamming a broom-handle up your ass no matter how hot the foreplay had gotten you.
It took every ounce of strength I had in me to keep from freaking out because I was remembering back to a strikingly similar conversation I'd had with my mom when I was eighteen and in need of what I was quite sure Alexis was going to ask me for in a second.
"Alexis you're eighteen, which technically makes you an adult. That means choosing to have a one-night stand was entirely your choice that no one can deny you," I told her as calmly as I could. "However, I'm still waiting for a question because you said you had one."
Alexis flushed even brighter and laughed nervously. "No, I don't need you to take me for an emergency Plan-B pill or anything like that."
I let out a quiet breath. "Please tell me you take the pill responsibly, too."
"Nope."
"No?" Now my voice went up an octave and I whinged right into freak-out. "Alexis Castle, you have the nerve to sit there and tell me you-"
"No, Kate, no, I'm not unprotected, I just meant I don't use birth control pills. I use the hormone needle. Much easier to manage for me, plus I tried taking the pill when I was fifteen to control cramps and I had an allergic reaction to one of the non-medicinal ingredients that you don't get with the hormone needle."
I press a hand to my chest where I can feel my heart racing like a thoroughbred and it takes all my self-control to not reach over and yank her hair like a little kid. "Don't you ever do that to me again, young lady, you understand, or I will use you for target practice."
"Uh-huh," she managed with a wide smile before bursting into full on exhausted tears. A little shaken, but relieved it wasn't for other reasons, I reach over and rub her back in broad circles as she pitched forward, her head in her hands and her elbows on her knees. "God, this is what I've wanted all week."
"A good crying jag?"
"No, this." Alexis gestured between us. "Someone to listen and understand and yell at me. My dad was a champ of yelling at me about parties and boys; he made Joan Crawford look like an amateur. But he's got something in his mind that he just wants to all of a sudden be his old self, the way he was before he met you. Do you think...do you think he's forgotten I still need my dad?"
"No,' I reply immediately, appalled things had come to this for Alexis. Whatever I felt – feel – for Castle was nothing compared to the love a child has for a parent; the bond Castle had with Alexis made me realize that there was more to him than just a party-boy in the first place. Didn't he see I wasn't the only one hurting from his antics? "No," I said again, "he'd never do that to you, Alexis. He loves you too much."
"He was a really young dad. He and my mother got married when they were still in college when my dad was twenty-one and my mother was barely twenty, though she'd die if anyone knew that she's nearly forty now. She had her birth certificate changed to shave about five years off of that."
I raised an eyebrow at her and set my now empty tea mug on the coffee table again. "I get actresses are sensitive about their age but that seems a little much. Besides, the press knows you're her daughter, right? Can't they do the math?"
"No, Dad would never let the press know just how old I am because he wanted my identity protected when I was growing up. She won't even let IMDB or Wikipedia have the year of her birth listed."
Alexis gave a sad sigh and for a fleeting moment, I had the image of her as a little kid waking up one morning and asking where mama had gone. More I wondered where this off-shoot was going, and I soon found out.
"I want a big family one day, Kate, whether it be with my one-and-done or by myself, through in-vitro fertilization or adopting or a combination of all those things. That part doesn't matter to me, but what does matter is that my kids know that they have two parents who love them unconditionally and aren't out skirt-chasing when the mood strikes them."
It felt like an afterthought to bring it up, but maybe not, given what I told her. "Alexis, look at me."
She reluctantly pulled her gaze away from where it had fallen to the hem of her dress and looked me square in the eyes.
"Yes?"
"If you ever find yourself pregnant before you're ready to be a mommy or if you find yourself in any scary situation about your body or your feelings or boys, you come find me or Lanie right away, and we'll help you out in any way possible, especially if you need help telling either of your parents or Martha."
The redhead's eyes filled with appreciative tears. "Do you promise?"
"Yes, I do." I leaned over and wiped away her falling tears before too much of her makeup got smudged. "I promise always help you out in that kind of situation and I promise that you are welcome here whenever you need someone to talk to or shoulder to cry on, like tonight."
"Kate, why are you being so nice to me? I'm just your partner's daughter."
I smiled and tapped her on the nose playfully, feeling relieved when she laughed a little. "Because you are the smartest, nicest, most mature and prettiest eighteen-year-old I've ever met and after everything you've shared with me tonight, I really want to get to know you better. Do you know why?"
She shook her head. "Tell me."
"Because by the time I was your age, I was on the verge of my wild phase. I'd already done some crazy things and like get my tattoo and motorcycle, but more importantly I was about to go really bananas when I left home to go to college clear across the continent. The thing that brought me back to normalcy was the fact I was close with my dad but way closer with my mom."
"And then she died a year later…"
"Actually, she died less than two months after my birthday," I clarified sadly. "And my dad started the drinking that night. I don't know what's going on with your dad right now but I don't ever want you to feel as alone as I was when I was your age because you've got me now. Is that all right?"
Alexis gave me a grin that was all her father's, but it faltered quickly.
"I went to that party because I decided to act like my father for once and just not give a damn. Can you believe that?"
The pain of that, that she thought her father didn't care, hit deep inside me, and made me want to cry in sympathy for her. "Alexis, you know your father cares-"
"Then why is he acting like such a bonehead?"
Deciding that this topic had been dragged out long enough, I got to my feet and held my hands out to her.
"I think if we try to talk this out anymore, you're going to get a headache even worse than the one I imagine you have right now. So, you take this-" I pressed her teacup into one hand and held tight the other "-and come with me."
"Where are we going?"
"We are going to run you a nice hot bath to get the one-night stand boy off you, and while you soak, I'm ordering Chinese and we are going to enjoy mushu while we watch a movie. Your choice."
"How about Las Picaduras, the original one? They just put it on Netflix and I haven't watched it in a long time."
Vampire movies were totally not my bag – if I have to watch the undead, I'd go for a good zombie-fest – but Alexis needed compassion, not condescension. "You got it."
She let me pull her up and I caught her pretty quickly when she got wobbly and almost fell over straight away because her feet had fallen asleep while we had talked. Once she regained her balance, I encouraged her to walk it off so she could get sensation back a little quicker, but she stopped in front of the stairs and put a hand on my shoulder.
"Kate?"
I turned to face her. "Yes?"
"Thank you." She threw her arms around me in a warm hug, similar to the kind Martha is fond of giving me, and I didn't hesitate to return it. "Thank you for all of it!"
All kinds of affection bloomed inside my chest upon hearing the teenager's words and I pulled her a little closer so I could plant a sort of motherly kiss on the crown of her head.
I didn't question how Alexis had gone from an acquaintance to something like the daughter I never had in an hour and I wasn't about to because I liked our newly established bond a lot, and I just couldn't believe how lucky I was that Alexis had trusted me enough to tell me about some of the biggest secrets she's probably had in her entire life. I felt even more blessed to know that she trusted me enough to show me all of her true colors because by the looks of it, not too many people know that side of her at all...)
"You're very welcome, Alexis."
One month later
Today was Mother's Day, always a hellacious day for me in the same way I imagine Father's Day is for Castle since he's never known who his papa is. The writer-boy is still in a bit of a funk, even though things with Jacinda fizzle after he caught her making copies of his Ferrari keys to lend to her friends when she drove his car home. He's nicer to me now, but things are still weird with us, even though I'm trying to let him in, trying to let him see I am right here in front of him.
But once more, my feelings towards Castle were backburnered by my relationship with his daughter. My dad had stopped by to meet me so we could go and put flowers at my mother's grave when Alexis rang my doorbell; Dad had seen the lilacs in her arms while Alexis noted that dad and I had our own bouquets, so he invited Alexis to come with us to the cemetery to lay the flowers down while I introduced my young friend to mom. Alexis was so touched that she was at an actual loss for words and borrowed my father's hankie to dry her eyes while I updated her on what's been going on in my life and with Castle. My mother may have been a top attorney in the Big Apple but inside, when it came to love and romance, she was as tough as raspberry jam.
Dad parted ways with us after that was done to go for a walk in Central Park as he always did on Mother's Day because the four major milestones of their relationship happened there - their first meeting (rock-paper-scissors who got the last pretzel at the snack-stand by Alice in Wonderland), Dad's marriage proposal (ride in a rented rowboat on the Jackie O Reservoir; he was so nervous, he tipped them out and soaked them to the skin when he tried to get down on bended knee in the boat), their wedding (a sweet, simple ceremony by the fountain at Bethesda Terrace at sunset in June) and mom telling him that I was on the way (a picnic lunch in Strawberry Fields where Mom had purposefully bought her favourite wine and told him she couldn't have any because it might harm the baby). I didn't object to seeing him walk off smiling so sadly, I knew he wanted to be alone with his memories.
As we watched him go, Alexis informed me that she was treating me to lunch and that she wasn't going to take no for an answer. Glad to see my favourite redhead back to her usual self – apparently, she'd taken her father to task and told him exactly what she thought of his behaviour lately; it had smartened him up some – she looped her arm through mine.
"Come on, I know a great little spot in Times Square."
"Times Square?"
"Just trust me."
That's how we ended up at a very cute Italian restaurant that lived up to her promise; the air smelled of roasting garlic and fresh baked bread the moment we walked in. The waiter came over, and Alexis beamed a smile at him like a sun as she ordered for us both – bruschetta to start, then we'd split the sampler of baked ravioli, fried polenta with mushroom sauce and the chicken parmigiana.
"Lex, are you okay?" I asked as the waiter took our menus and headed back to the kitchen. "You've been pretty cheery since we left the cemetery. If it were anyone else I'd ask if they popped a pill or something."
"Actually, to tell you the truth, Kate, I've never been happier than how I am right now, and I have something for you."
I watched her as she pulled a white envelope decorated with a bluebird pattern on it from her purse and hold it out to me.
"This is incredibly sweet of you, but I know what holiday it is today, and I'm not your mom."
"Please," Alexis snorted. "Mine is probably off in some unbearably warm tropic destination shooting something for her next film. She hasn't liked Mother's Day for as long as I can remember."
"I'm sorry about that."
Alexis gave a shrug and forced the envelope into my hands. "I made my peace with it a while ago. What's important right now is whether or not you open that envelope soon because I'm giving you fifteen seconds until I do it for you."
I laughed at this and proceeded to do as I was told but gasped when I pulled out the card inside to see the front cover decoration: a beautiful color photograph of a mother and her young daughter, maybe three or four years old at most, dressed in matching purple ball gowns and heading down a forest path hand-in-hand with their backs to the camera because they were so focused on finding their way to a castle.
When I started reading what Alexis had written on the inside of the card, I was afraid to even breathe too hard in case I started crying.
Dearest Kate,
Happy first Mother's Day, and thank you again so much for taking care of me like I was your own when I showed up on your doorstep last month,. Words are never going to be able to say how much it means to me today when I realized and accepted that I have someone in my life who actually cares about me in that extra-special motherly way.
Knowing you, you're probably going to have said something like 'I don't have kids,' or 'I'm not a mother, so I can't celebrate Mother's Day,' but that's not true because you have me, and guess what? In the past month, I've come to realize that you're the closest that I've ever had to a mom who actually wants to be with me, who supports me and who loves me. I love that very much and I hope that you do, as well.
Lots of love,
Alexis Harper Castle
P.S. When I have a baby girl one day, I'm naming her after you. No room for arguments.