Title: Rollercoaster
Author: A. Windsor
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. My one semester of law school could allow me to legalese this a little more, but it also tells me it's pretty useless. So please don't sue; it's not mine, I'm just playing!
Summary: Life in the Robbins-Torres household is not always sunshine and giggles. With three kids under six, it's easy to fall back on hold habits of half-communication. But on a rollercoaster, what goes down must also come back up.
Author's Note: Set after Worth It, but stands alone perfectly fine. Rating's gone up because Mami drops the f-bomb twice (bilingually) and other fun stuff. Also, if you're offended by speculation about the real nature of Bert and Ernie's relationship, read no further.
"Momma, can we go home now?" Asa asks, bored.
He and his sister Lena are squished into her desk chair, and one foot idly spins them while the computer plays an endless stream of Sesame Street.
"Soon, bubba. I'm waiting on a few charts, and then Mami'll pick us up and we'll go."
Baby Caroline occupies herself in her car seat, entranced by the multicolored stars hanging from the carry handle.
Mary Walder, one of her young peds nurses who has an obvious, but harmless, crush on her, appears in the doorway with the charts Arizona's been waiting for.
"Dr. Robbins, I have those charts you wanted," Mary says earnestly, setting them on Arizona's desk. She smiles widely at Lena and Asa. "Hey, guys. You get to hang out in your mom's office, huh?"
Asa and Lena give the obligatory "Hi"s but barely turn their attention away from Bert and Ernie. The duo is their favorite; Asa has a tendency to ask why Bert and Ernie don't have babies of their own.
"Thanks, Mary. You're the best," Arizona smiles warmly at the young woman.
Mary blushes. "Not a problem, Dr. Robbins. I know the munchkins are anxious to get home." The pretty redhead spots the baby carrier and gasps: "Oh my goodness, is that little Caroline? She's so big!"
"Oh, I know. Only five months and it seems like she grows a foot every day," Arizona says distractedly, skimming through the charts.
Suddenly, her beeper pierces the air.
"No, no, no," she groans. "ER. 911. And Callie's not here yet. Crap."
"Crap," Lena giggles. "Momma said..."
"Don't," Arizona says firmly, pointing a finger at her for emphasis.
"I could watch them until Dr. Torres gets here," Mary volunteers eagerly, cheeks still flushed with warmth. "Guys, we'll be fine, right?"
"Yeah," Asa says distractedly.
"Um, try that again or Bert and Ernie go off."
"Yes, ma'am," Asa says, making pointed eye contact with his momma and Nurse Walder briefly.
"Better. Are you sure, Mary?"
"Definitely. I just clocked out."
"Okay, thanks. Hopefully I'll be right back, or Calliope will come get them. It won't be too long."
"We'll be fine," Mary repeats. "Go."
"Guys, be good for Nurse Walder for me, okay? Look out for your sister."
"Yes, ma'am," they chorus as she hurries out the door.
The child involved in the MVA she was paged to the ER for turns out to be just fine, so she easily passes little Kayla off to one of her residents and hurries back to her office.
Arizona beams brightly when she sees her wife waiting (or is that pacing?) outside her office door.
"Hey, you!"
Her smile fades when she notices the outright rage on Callie's face.
"How could you?" Callie whisper-yells.
"I, what?"
"You left them with her!"
"Wha, but, I got paged. ER. Um, what?" Arizona stumbles, completely taken aback.
"With her?"
"Her being Mary? She's a peds nurse! And I think one of seven kids. Asa and Lena are watching their favorite gay men, and Caroline is playing with her toes. I think everyone is alright."
"Yes, they're just fine." Callie's sarcasm is in full force. "I'm sure they're having a great time playing with Momma's new girlfriend."
"Whoa. What?" Arizona hisses, grabbing Callie's elbow and pulling her towards an empty exam room. "Callie, what the heck was that?"
Callie crosses her arms over her chest, wavering between defensively defiant and uncomfortably protective.
"Come on, Arizona."
"I repeat: What?"
"I've seen the way she acts around you. The whole hospital has seen the way she acts around you. I didn't think you were into that whole simpering, ego-stroking younger woman thing, but yeah, okay. Sure, I can see it."
"See what, Calliope? How can you even say any of this? You know..."
"I know she's hot. And twenty-three. And has a ridiculously nice ass. And she's been walking around this place practically begging you to fuck her."
"Callie!"
"I know..." Her resolve is crumbling, her voice getting thicker with unshed tears. "I know I don't look like that. I really never did, and I never will because I pushed three human beings out of me. Three human beings I pressured you into having. Three human beings that Nurse Lolita doesn't have. But nos prometimos siempre y ahora vas a coger a otra mujer. No. A otra chica y..." [We promised each other forever and now you're going to fuck another woman. No. Another girl and...]
"¡Basta!" [Enough!] Arizona finally interrupts, because Spanish is the only thing that can snap Callie from one of these rants. She's learned that particular word from raising the kids, and she's rather fond of using it. "What is going on? How in the world can you believe that I am cheating on you? I haven't even looked at another woman since I kissed you in that bathroom. And I know you're upset about this, but I'm pretty freaking offended that you could even think that about me, Callie. So what is going on?"
Callie's holding herself tightly. Arizona reaches out to comfort her, but she pulls away, renewing Arizona's anger.
"And another thing. A few other things. When exactly do I have time for this affair? We have three kids under the age of six, one of whom doesn't sleep through the night yet. I can barely keep my eyes open long enough to perform surgery; I don't have the time or energy to check out hot young nurses. All I know about Mary Walder is that she's competent and her patients like her. That's all I need or want to know. And you didn't pressure me into anything; those are our children, and I can't live without them. I love your body because you carried our tiny humans and that, and so many other things, makes you the sexiest woman I've ever met."
"We haven't made love in eight months," Callie says, sounding so small.
"Oh, Calliope," Arizona breathes, all anger draining from her body. She knows they've been off, stressed and out of sync, for the past six months, but she assumed it was the natural consequence of adjusting to having three kids. "You haven't let me touch you since Caroline was born. I wanted to give you space, so I stopped trying."
"How can you say you think I'm still attractive? I laid in that bed for almost eleven weeks and you wouldn't touch me."
"I didn't want to hurt you! Or Caroline. Why won't you let me touch you now?"
Callie doesn't answer the question.
"So you're not getting some somewhere else?"
"No. I'm horny as heck when I'm not asleep on my feet. I'm like a teenage boy; I want to jump you every time you lean over to pick up Cari or Lena, and that's certainly not appropriate. But only you, Calliope. Talk to me, please."
"What about number four?" Callie asks softly, losing Arizona again. Her arms drop limply to her sides.
"What?"
"The rollercoaster rule. I want another baby, Arizona. You want another baby. So no one has to sit alone on the rollercoaster. But I can't. And I feel like a failure."
"We don't have to have four," Arizona says, confused at the sudden shift. "It was just a number."
"We bought a house for four," Callie counters. "We had a plan."
"Okay, so. Plans change."
"I still want four."
"I can't believe we're having this conversation before Caroline can crawl, but okay. We find a way to have four. Addison says it's not safe for you to be pregnant again, so I'll..."
Callie interrupts her with a snort of laughter. She's fairly offended, but she's mostly relieved to hear that sound after the past half a year.
"What?"
"You would be the worst pregnant woman ever."
"Hey!"
"And I know you don't really want to, so thank you. But oh my god, the nesting alone. It would kill us all." Callie takes a breath to compose herself. "Besides, the risk of complications in first time pregnancies at our age; I don't want to put you or Baby #4 in danger."
All offense aside, Arizona tries not to look too relieved that Callie shot down her initial idea.
"So, we adopt. Or get a surrogate. When Caroline can at least walk, please. It's 2019; there are a million ways to make a family. You're amazing because you carried our first three, but it doesn't make you less of a rock star because you shouldn't do it again. I don't blame you or anything silly like that."
The look that flits across Callie's face tells her that she doesn't think that idea is as silly as Arizona does.
"Oh, Calliope," Arizona's heart breaks. "Really?"
This time she doesn't let Callie push her away, pulling her close even as she stiffens at the contact.
"I'm sorry I didn't notice. I'm sorry I let you hurt like this, all alone," she whispers fiercely as she feels Callie cry into her shoulder. "I love you. Only you. I'd love you if we had no babies. Or ten. Though I'm pretty hooked on our three."
"I almost lost Caroline."
"You didn't; she's here, and she's whole, and she screams from three am to four am every freaking night, so she must have a precocious sense of time."
"I didn't let myself be scared then, but now? I'm scared all the time. That I'll lose any of you. That you'll realize that this isn't what you wanted. That I'm, I'm not what you wanted. I'm scared that Asa's going to fall off that damn jungle gym and break his neck, or Lena's gonna choke trying to eat a hamburger three times the size of her head faster than her brother, or Caroline is going to squirm her way off the changing table. It wasn't like this before. After Lena and Asa, I was normal. But now I'm broken."
"You are not broken. You're post..."
"Don't say it."
"If you know what I'm going to say, you know it's true. Pregnancy screws up your hormones, and they don't always go back into place."
"It's just another way of saying I suck at having babies."
"Calliope. It's perfectly normal. As long as you're not thinking about dropkicking Caroline out a window, I think we'll be okay. And if you're having those thoughts at 3:45am, you're not alone, and that's normal too as long as you don't act on them."
"So. What?" Callie takes a shaky breath and wipes her cheek on Arizona's shoulder before pulling away to really look into her wife's eyes. "I just go to psych and they fix me up?"
"Or we just start with OB. I'll call in a few favors and get you an appointment in the morning. Or better yet, you start by taking a deep breath and believing me when I say that everything is going to be okay. You are what I want, a million times over. I know we only made it official a few years ago, but I've been yours and only yours for a heckuva lot longer."
"I know. I know. I'm sorry."
"Shh. It's okay. It's just your turn to be the crazy one."
Callie manages a real smile, and Arizona helps wipe away the rest of her tears.
"Are you actually horny?"
"Oh my god, so horny," Arizona grins, nudging Callie's forehead with her own.
"Yeah? Even when your wife is a crazy, weepy person?"
"Oh yeah. The weepy turns me on."
"Arizona," Callie laughs.
"How about this? You clean up, I'll go get the kids and send Nurse – What was that? Lolita? – on her way, and then we'll go home. We'll put the munchkins to bed after answering all their awkward questions about Bert and Ernie, and then I want to cuddle on the couch with my ridiculously hot wife. And if she lets me cop a feel or wants to cop one of her own? Well, I wouldn't be too disappointed. But if she wants to take it slow? That's just fine, too."
"Stop talking about me in the third person. It makes me feel crazy."
"Oh, you thought I was talking about you? I was talking about my other wife," Arizona grins cheekily.
Callie groans and grabs her adorably smug face, bringing her in for a hard kiss. It's the most passionate kiss they've shared since Caroline's birth, and it starts to break the haze Callie's been operating in for months.
"Not funny."
"A little funny," Arizona laughs, brushing her nose against Callie's. "I can't believe you thought I was cheating on you."
"Shut up. Don't make fun of the crazy lady."
"Yes, ma'am."
They go home, tuck everyone into bed, answer Asa's questions about Bert and Ernie's sleeping arrangements to the best of their ability, and collapse onto the couch, exhausted.
"After all that, you still want four?" Arizona yawns, letting Callie be the big spoon so she doesn't feel pressured.
"Yep," Callie smiles into Arizona's hair.
All through dinner and bedtime, Arizona has been watching her like a hawk. She wants to assure her that she's okay now. Or at least, she will be, eventually, now she got everything off her chest during her crazy breakdown. She lets her hands do the talking, sliding one over Arizona's hip, following her waistband down to her stomach, slipping underneath her shirt to find bare skin. She feels the blonde's sharp intake of air as her fingers trail higher towards her breast, feeling an answering heat building within her for the first time in far too long.
"Calliope? Are you, hmm, copping a feel?" Arizona asks, a definite hitch in her voice as Callie gives her right breast a gentle squeeze.
Callie presses her lips to the sensitive spot below Arizona's ear.
"Make love to me, Arizona. Go slow."
Arizona moans, flipping so they're face-to-face. "Yes, ma'am." Her eyes flick back towards the staircase. "So help me, munchkins, if any of you wake up now, I'll ship you all off to boarding school."
Callie cuts her off with a kiss.
"That mouth is very good at giving pretty speeches, but shut up. I need it for something else right now."
"Can I say one more thing?"
Callie sighs. "Yes, if you must."
"I love you."
Callie melts, pulling her as close as possible. "You do?"
Arizona nods earnestly, hands reverently cradling Callie's face, intent on proving just how much.
el fin