Angel
a/n: HEYYYY IM BACK! what's this? I'm in a new fandom? what?! yes! I'm sorry to all you malec shippers, but I've kinda fallen out of the TMI fandom... I know, I know, I promised so many good stories coming up, but I'm not sure what happened. Maybe I'll be back with more Malec eventually, but for now, I'm gonna be writing Phanfics. again, I'm sorry!
(If you don't already know, Phan is the ship name for AmazingPhil and danisnotonfire, who are YouTubers. They are perfection, so if you're bored then go check them out.)
Phil's pov
I dreamed of angels that night. Angels and fire. There was fire everywhere. Burning up forests and taking down skyscrapers. The angels were flying, their small white wings fluttering desperately, but something was pulling them down, down, down. The tongues of flame grew larger, reaching out and burning the wings of the angels. One by one, they fell, the hungry flames eating them up. And as they fell, I realized that every single one of them had the same face. Dan.
I woke up with a gasp, sweat covering my body and tears in my eyes. I sat up, shivering slightly, even though it was summer and quite warm. Dry sobs wracked my body, and I gasped for breath, tears threatening to choke me.
If things hadn't gone the way they did, Dan would've woken up by now and comforted me. He would've cradled me in his arms, and kissed my head. He would whisper how everything would be ok, it was just a dream, and that he was there. He would've rocked me and comforted me until I fell asleep again. But things went they way they did. And the nightmares had started.
Three months. The nightmares had started three months ago. They were all essentially the same, where something innocent was mercilessly slaughtered. But never before had it been about Dan. I've had at least four a week for three months. Not a single one was about Dan. Not a single dream about my love ever since it happened.
Ever since Dan left.
I don't know what went wrong. I don't know where it went wrong. Or how.
He had promised forever. He had promised not to leave me. I never thought the day would come where he would just get up and go.
Just like that.
I wrapped my arms around my knees and rocked back and forth, silent tears streaming down my face. Silent tears in a silent apartment.
It wasn't until hours later that I finally decided to get out of bed. I stumbled through the dark, not caring enough to turn on the lights. I made it to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face in the dark. The sun had not yet risen, but I went to the kitchen and poured myself some cereal and milk anyways. My thoughts wandered as I ate.
xXxXx
We never really fought, Dan and I. Sure, there were the brief squabbles over video games and whose turn it was to do whatever chore. But nothing like the fights we had before it happened.
It started out with something stupid; Dan getting annoyed that I left all the kitchen cupboards open yet again.
To which I had replied "Oh please, it's not like you're any better."
He had raised his eyebrows and said "Excuse me?"
"Have you seen your room? It's a mess. I can't get up in the morning without tripping over something or the other."
That wasn't the first time we had that argument. But this time, it somehow grew into something more. We started stating everything we hated about each other. Soon we were screaming. And then Dan was slamming his door, soon followed by my own slam.
I had then proceeded to crawl under my covers and cry softly, hating myself. I thought of all the things that I could've done instead, but by then, they were useless pieces of regret.
The next morning I got out of bed before Dan was up, like usual. I decided to pretend that everything was ok. So I made pancakes for both of us, knowing that the smell woke him up. But messy-haired, still-sleepy Dan didn't show up this time. Confused, I went over to his room and knocked of his door.
"Dan?" I called. No reply. Maybe he was still asleep. "Dan, I made pancakes."
"I'm not hungry," came the faint reply.
Worry immediately gnawed at my stomach. Dan never refused pancakes. Nor did he ever stay in his room after waking up. Was he still mad?
"Are you sure?" I called anxiously.
"I said I'm not hungry, Phil!" I flinched at his harsh tone.
"Ok..." I tried to keep my voice even. "They're on the table if you change your mind. I'll be in my room."
Quickly, I ran to my room and shut the door, the pancakes forgotten. I choked back more tears. Dan was still mad.
Suddenly, I heard Dan's door creak open. Hurt laced through my stomach. I shuffling shuffling, a fridge open and close, and more footsteps before the door closed again.
My throat felt tight.
Eventually, I left my room and knocked on Dan's door.
"Dan, please, come out of there. I haven't seen you all day, Dan please." I sounded pathetic, but I didn't really care.
The door creaked open just a little bit, and Dan peeked out. I sighed in relief.
"Dan come out please," I whispered. "Don't ignore me. I'm sorry about last night, I don't know what happened, but I'm sorry for everything I said."
He sighed softly, and quickly stepped out, shutting the door behind him fast. My fear of him staying mad was reducing little by little.
"I'm sorry too, Phil. I'm sorry I said them." He said quietly. I smiled a little. It would all be ok.
"But I know that to some extent, everything you and I said was true." My smile crashed to the floor. "And... I don't know." He hung his head a little.
Immediately, I took a step foreword an wrapped my arms around him. He stiffened a little.
"Phil, wait -"
I stepped back, unsure.
We stood in silence for a second, before I spoke. "I know you're right. But it's ok. We'll get past this, right? I love you so much, we have to get past this. You love me too, don't you?"
"Of course I love you, Phil. More than anyone. But I-I think we need to, um..."
My heart started to pound. What was he saying? We need to what?
"W-we need to, I think we need to cool off a little. Take a break." His words were rushed and mumbled, and he wouldn't catch my eye.
"Dan? W-what do you mean by a b-break exactly?" I stuttered, fear gnawing at my stomach. I didn't want to hear the answer.
"A break. I can stay at a hotel for a while, and I'll find a new place. I need time to clear my head... for a while." He didn't meet my eye.
I stared at him in shock. I'll find a new place I'll find a new place find a new place new place new place. Tears choked me, and I felt like throwing up. This was not real it's a bad dream wake up Phil wake up wake up wake up...
"Are-are you, are you... breaking up with me?" My voice went an octave higher on the word breaking, and I felt a single hot tear roll down my face.
On instinct, Dan ran his thumb under my eye, catching the tear. I could see his eyes brimming with his own, the light reflecting off them.
"I'm sorry Phil." he whispered.
Then, quickly, he bent down a little and kissed me once on the lips.
"Don't..." I choked out, more tears rolling down my face. "Please..."
"I love you..." Then he grabbed some packed bags from his room, which he had obviously been filling all night, and left the apartment.
I stood there in shock for thirty seconds after the door closed.
"I love you too..." I whispered. But he was gone.
xXxXx
My cereal sat half finished in the bowl on the table, and I had somehow ended up in a heap on the floor, sobbing my eyes out. The pain was back, like a reopened wound. I had been numb for so long, eating, sleeping, and making videos only because I had to, but now it felt like someone had taken a knife and gashed a giant hole in my chest; everything hurt like it had been yesterday.
The memories had been blocked for a long time now, but last night's dream had torn down all the barriers for some reason. My angel, my love.
He wasn't coming back.
He had said a "break".
Breaks didn't last three months.
Maybe he had moved on. Maybe he loved someone else now. Maybe he had forgotten all about his awkward, annoying ex boyfriend Phil. Maybe...
My phone rang, but I ignored it. It was probably important, but I was in no state to answer the phone right now.
Dan... I still loved him. Did he not love me too?
"I love you," I whispered aloud. "I still love you. Have you forgotten me?"
The words were lost in the empty room.
My phone rang again, and it was followed by a text notification. Getting a little annoyed, I looked at it.
My heart nearly exploded.
Message from Dan: Phil, pick up your phone!
Missed call from Dan (2)
One word was going through my mind. DanDanDanDanDanDanDanDanDan.
It took me a full minute to figure I should call back. And another to actually make the call. I put it on speaker and waited, my heart pounding in my throat, and tear tracks still on my face.
It rung once. And twice.
He picked up on the third one.
"Phil?"
I gasped, hearing his voice after so long. Memories were flowing back.
"Phil, are you there?"
I formed an image of him in my mind, black sagging skinny jeans, black T-shirt, adorable smile, chocolate brown eyes, and messy brown hair. Perfection.
"Phil!"
I realized I should probably say something.
"Dan?" I choked out.
"Phil, thank god!" I could hear the relief in his voice. "Listen, uh, this might be weird but would you open the front door please?"
"Sure," I breathed, not sure what to expect.
It took me a second to get up. When I did, I realized what I mess I was. If Dan was behind the door (what else made sense?), I didn't want him to see me like this. I put the phone down real quick and splashed my face in the kitchen sink before picked it up again. That would have to do for now.
Stomach fluttering, phone in my hand, I took a deep breath and yanked oped the front door.
Black sagging skinny jeans, black T-shirt, adorable smile, chocolate brown eyes, and messy brown hair. Perfection. But this time, standing in front of me. After three months.
"Dan," I gasped.
"Phil," He said, equally breathless.
I stood, frozen in shock. He scratched the back of his neck nervously.
"Can I, uh, come in, or..."
I tackled him in a bear hug.
"Dan, Dan, oh my god," I said into is shoulder before realizing that he might now want me hugging him. I stepped back awkwardly and apologized.
"No," he whispered. "I'm sorry. Can we, um, go in?"
I nodded hastily and followed him inside. He visibly relaxed the second he walked in.
I sat on the table, my unfinished cereal now a soggy mess. I ignored it. Dan sat opposite me. He took a deep breath and started to talk.
"Phil, I just want to start by saying that I'm so so sorry, I never should've left it was stupid of me. I don't know why I did, I was scared. I was scared of our future and I didn't know what else to do, but I know that it was stupid. Oh god, I was such an idiot. It took me three months to realize how much I actually love you and how much I need you in my life, but I was such a fucking coward, I couldn't come back. I was so scared that you had moved on, that you didn't love me anymore, and I was such a fucking idiot. Those three months were hell, and I missed you so much, and I love you so much, and if you still feel the same way, then I swear I will never leave your side again. I'm sorry."
Tears had started to drop down my face again, and Dan had squeezed his eyes shut to stop his own.
"Nightmares," I whispered. "Ever since you left, I've had nightmares. I was numb, I couldn't feel, I didn't care. My life in nothing without you, Dan. I'm nothing without you. Don't leave me, please. I love you. I never stopped loving you."
He opened his eyes to stare at me for a second, allowing the tears to fall.
Then he was next to me pulling my into a tight embrace, kissing my face, my hair, my hands, my lips. I was kissing him back, I missed him oh god I missed him. I let my hands travel from his hair to his cheeks to his slim waist, I didn't want to let him go and he didn't want to let go either. We ended up on the floor, wrapped in each other's arms.
My angel was back.
a/n: I know, cliché ending. but what did you think of my first Phanfic? I liked it. I'm sorry if it was sad, but I promised a happy ending, so there you have it. I definitely have a multi-chapter high school AU (Phan, ofc) coming up, so follow me if you want to read that. Anyways, review! Bye!