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Chapter One: Getting Motivated (Forward by Lord Sauron)

At one point in everyone's lives, they want to do something considered 'bad.' (i.e. kill, mutilate, etc.) Getting enough of this 'badness' is what every good Dark Lord (or Lady) needs to live a long successful life. This brings us to the point of motivation. Without motivation, you can't be evil. End of story. Of course, there are what heroes call 'Shades of Gray' (do not confuse with Gandalf the Gray), but they are totally useless. They don't know what's right or wrong. NEVER trust a 'Shade of Gray.' It will be the last thing you ever do.

But back to the point. Most likely you are now a minion of a powerful evildoer. This is the recommended way to become a Dark Lord. It is much harder to become a villain when starting from scratch. If that is you, I admire your determination. But most are minions. The first step is to move higher up in ranking. Right-hand-man is the place to be if you're going to stage a take-over. I was my master's right-hand-man, and I was all set to overthrow him. But then the Valar did the job for me. Wasn't that nice of them? (Then again, they overthrew me too. But I lived. Ah well, one way or another, right?)

Now that you have ousted your former master, you can get on with being an evil, sadistic ruler. All in a day's work. To maintain this high and lofty place you have gotten yourself into, you must have complete and utter devotion to your work. No "it's the right thing to do's" or " for the good of the community's," now! You must be committed! That said, I wish you the best of luck in your quest.

—Lord Sauron

Getting motivated is the most important part of your career. If you aren't motivated properly from the beginning, you will have second thoughts later on—and by that time, you'll be too deep into your plans for world / galactic domination to stop. You need to be completely dedicated to what you are about to do. You need to be prepared to drop everything else in your life—family, friends, reputation, Little League, etc. And the reason of your motivation is just as important, if not more so.

A classic example of motivation catastrophe is Anakin Skywalker, or Darth Vader. Anakin was a good guy, and an annoying one, too. He became evil—or, as the Jedi and Sith call it, turned to the Dark Side—because he wanted to save the woman he l--ed (The L-O-V-E word, from here on referred to as the L-Word, and any tenses of it, are forbidden in this book, as they can have serious negative effects on many Masters of Evil). This is the worst possible reason to turn bad. It is almost guaranteed that the person you l--- probably end up dead or estranged—maybe even by your own hand (see Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader and Erik/Phantom of the Opera). Although at first this will have positive effects, such as blaming the Good Guys, hatred, anger, blood-lust, wishes of revenge, etc. But in the long run it is extremely harmful. You will not only begin to regret acts of evil, but you may show some kindness, which is obviously a terrible sign. Not only that, but you may actually become a Good Guy, or at least be know as someone who was 'misunderstood.' You will be pitied, and/or admired (see Darth Vader and Erik / the Phantom of the Opera).

We all hate and despise emotions such as pity, mercy, kindness, l---, courage, responsibility, nobility, etc., but you may see these emotions coming out in yourself if you are motivated for the wrong reasons. For your sakes, we have compiled lists of 'Do's and Don'ts' about motivation, along with some examples of famous Dark Lords or minions.

Don't Turn Bad Because Of:

Wanting to save a l--ed one (Anakin Skywalker / Darth Vader)

Someone forced you to (Draco Malfoy)

Guilt (Admiral Piett)

Do Turn Bad Because Of:

Not being appreciated (Anakin Skywalker / Darth Vader)

Being downtrodden (The little-known Orc Rebellion, Erik / The Phantom)

Revenge (Any villain you can name. Seriously.)

Power / Money (Saruman)

So to sum up this chapter: emotions generally associated with evil, suffering, and cruelty are good. Emotions generally associated with Good Guys are no-no's. As we always say, stay bad, and you won't be sad.