So yeah, I went to a gig the other night and this song was played live and it's one of my favourites and when I listen to it, it really reminds me of Emily and Naomi so I thought I'd write a story on it.
Song: Hollow Crown - Architects
"There, there must be an easier way to release these feelings."
There was nothing that I could. I couldn't help myself and I couldn't help the situation. She had gone and done it and messed us all up therefore she has to go and repair it all and me again. She keeps asking me for help and asking me how she should make everything better. All I can say every time is that I do not know what she can do and that she should know and that if she loves me, she'll find a way to make it better.
"So, so far from home. In need of your voice, to hold my head together"
I miss her so much though. I try my best to be angry at her and most of the time I can be, but I get lonely at college. Sure, she sits next to me whenever we're in the same lesson or on breaks but that's nothing, we don't touch, we don't even touch hands or smile at each other. I've never felt so lonely in a crowded room in my entire life. And then there are the lonely times at night when I'm at home. She stays in the same room, in the corner of the room on a set of cushions or she'll go downstairs and I'll hear her walking around for hours of music softly playing.
"So, so far from home. In need of your voice, to life my lonely state of mind."
I know that she doesn't sleep and nor do I, until I manage to cry myself to sleep every night. I just wish that she would get in to the bed, our bed with me and that we could both sleep peacefully and that everything would be alright but I know that that cannot happen as it would just be pushing things aside and this needs to be sorted.
I know that she doesn't eat and I know that she tries to hide it from me but I know that she doesn't because the kitchen is clean and I know that she doesn't do the washing up, she hates doing the washing up. She's a mess, but I'm a wreck.
I'm like the sunken Titanic, lying on the ocean bed, stuck and broken in two, unfixable and wearing away.
"You, you can but wait for me to return. For me to show you how I felt"
Sometimes, I just want to hit her around the face or make her feel exactly as she made me feel but I love her too much to do that to her, I could never bring myself to hurt her. I don't have it in me and if I'm honest, I don't think that it would hurt her half as much as it hurts me.
"These months have just blurred and the days just fly by"
It happened months ago and we're not healed, in fact, we're nowhere near that stage. We're still stuck at square one and we probably will be for a long time. It's just the way that we are now. The last few months are blurred and hazy. I've drank so much that I've forgotten what has been happening and I've taken so many pills that at several points I forgot my own sister's name.
I'm a wreck, a total wreck and there's nothing that she can do about it.
"These times I needed to feel you right by my side"
But I wish she'd find something to do about it fast because I need her back, I need her at my side, holding my hand and making me feel alright. It's hard to get through a day without having her there by my side. She is there, but she's not there fully, she's just a ghost of her old self now and I guess that I am too. What a pair we make.
"Oh, there must be an easier way to release these feelings"
Everything is so built up inside of me and I can't let it go properly, all I keep doing is making these snide and sly remarks at her all of the time. I'd tell myself to talk to her about it but then she'd talk to me back and I know that I would end up forgiving her straight away and I don't want to, I want her to fix this and build my trust back up for her.
"As the sea breeze hits my lungs. It takes me back to where I belong. To where I belong"
I know that she loves me, and I know that she loves me too, but it doesn't seem to be enough. It might never be enough.
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