Matchmaker, Matchmaker
By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife
I got this idea from an episode of one of the more recent reincarnations of the Mighty Morphon Power Rangers. I only watched one episode, so I'm afraid I don't remember the exact name they were going by.
Remember those Six Napoleon Pearls I mentioned in "See Spot Sliter"? (Please read)
Well, Flintheart hired the Beagle Boys to steal the sixth and final pearl from a museum and they actually succeeded in doing so!
Prelude:
Launchpad and Dufus are out for a walk when Dufus stops and points:
"Look, Launchpad! A construction worker is going to fall! He's hanging from a girder!" Dufus said.
"Hey! You're right- I better do something!" Launchpad said.
Launchpad ran towards the construction worker, Dufus ran the other way.
"Hey, Dufus, you're going the wrong way!" Launchpad said.
"I know what I'm doing!" Dufus replied.
Launchpad shrugged, but kept running. He grabbed an old discarded mattress somebody had thrown out and headed for the elevator at the construction site. Launchpad went about half way up, got off and put the mattress over some crossbeams.
Meanwhile, poor schnook (1) of a construction worker could NOT hold on any longer and he fell... right on the preformentioned mattress which broke his fall.
"I'm...ALIVE? And I'm not hurt?" Schnook asked.
"Good thing my friend Dufus spotted you...or you would of been a goner." Launchpad said.
"You put this mattress here, didn't you? Thanks! Listen, you got to call the cops- somebody is trying to rob the museum!" Schnook said.
"Huh? The museum is next door." Launchpad said.
"I KNOW that. Somebody was climbing into a window of the museum next door from here." Snook said, "I spotted him and tried to stop him because I THOUGHT it was just a kid on a dare. Then I realized it was a Beagle Boy and knew he was up to more than just "kicks"- too late! He pushed me off, but I managed to grab the girder."
Just then, a siren screamed. An ambulance and a couple of Duckburg Police cars arrived at the scene.
"Launchpad! I ran to a pay phone and I called the cops and an ambulance!" Dufus called out.
"Oh, so THAT'S where you were going! Good work!" Launchpad said.
Launchpad and the schnook explained the situation to the cops and the paramedics. While the paramedics where checking the schnook out to make sure he was OK (2) the cops went into the museum. All the lights were out and by the time they found where the Beagle had been, he was long gone- with the sixth Napoleon Pearl.
"And to think the pearl was moved here because THIS museum has better security!" said the museum's curator when he heard of these goings-on.
Main event:
We cut to Flintheart Glomgold looking over all six pearls and gloating.
"Hah! Even Napoleon never owned all six of these pearls at the same time! People kept stealing one or the other from him!" Flintheart said.
"There is a legend that says if all six are brought together, their possessor can summon a monster out of the past- and control it! Fortunately for me, nobody believes in such things anymore and the legend is all but forgotten!
I have all six pearls now! I will summon and control a monster- and order it to smash all of Scrooge's businesses to smitherines! Scrooge won't even be able to prove it's me that controlling the monster- but I'll tell him, just to watch him squirm!"
Later on...we cut to the Himalayan Mountains. Launchpad has recently flown Mr. McDuck there in his fanciest jet. Launchpad is asking Mr. McDuck a question:
"A SKI RESORT? IN THE HIMALAYAN MOUNTAINS? You're building a SKI RESORT in the HIMALAYAN MOUNTAINS?"
"Why not? It's a famous mountain, it has PLENTY of snow." Mr. McDuck replied, "The area could certainly use the business. The fact that it's in the middle of no place is an asset; rich people love "getting away from it all" on their vacations. I turned some fine old buildings into a hotel, built an airport near the base of the mountain. I'll be in business here in no time."
HOWEVER...Flintheart Glomgold was on top of a nearby mountain top, arranging the six Napoleon Pearls so he could summon a monster to smash Scrooge's new ski resort first, then all of Scrooge's other businesses! Because Flinty was in the Himalayan Mountains. he summoned up a Yeti- an Abominable Snowman, a MALE one.
Flintheart ordered the monster to smash the ski resort below. The confused and disoriented monster (he had been "moved" several million years thru time sans explanation or warning) was under the spell of the Pearls; he obeyed.
The Yeti lumbered its way down the slope. He saw the hotel below and he made a snowball and rolled the snowball down the mountainside. The snowball grew bigger and bigger as it accumalated snow.
But the snowball also got heavier and heavier and slower and slower. It hit some rocks that were concealed by snow and "exploded" into a shower of snow!
Nobody was hurt, but Mr. McDuck and Launchpad saw this event and went to investigate. They followed the "wake" the giant snowball left as it rolled down the mountain and found huge, all-too-familiar-looking footprints.
"Mr. McDuck, we've seen footprints like these before, haven't we? " Launchpad asked, hoping against hope that he was mistaken. "Yes, Launchpad. Those are the footprints of an abominable snowman." Mr. McDuck said.
"SnowMAN- not snowWOMAN? I'd rather not deal with HER again." Launchpad said.
"No, these footprints are much bigger than the last set. And deeper. Indicating a larger, heavier yeti then the one we met the last time. It's only a guess on my part, but I'd say this one is male." Mr. McDuck said.
"The question is: did it roll that snowball at US? On purpose? And if so, why?" Launchpad asked.
"Well, the snowball came from here and snowballs don't make themselves. I'd say he made it and he rolled it at us. WHY is a very good question. Perhaps we should do some more investigating." Mr. McDuck replied.
They followed the yeti's tracks in the direction that it had came from. "Not that I'm complaining, but why are we backtracking the snowman instead of following him?" Launchpad inquired.
" I want to know WHY it tried to flatten us! If it's got some sort of beef against my new ski resort, I will give it what it wants if it will go away, and that's easier than fighting against it! " Mr. McDuck began
"I doubt it can talk. Snowy couldn't. (3) but maybe if we trace where it came from, we can figured out why it's mad at us." Mr. McDuck explained. Mr. McDuck and Launchpad backtracked the yeti to where it first appeared in this time period.
"That's weird, it's footprints just disappear- like it appeared out of nowhere!" Launchpad said.
"Maybe it did- look, here's a note from Flintheart Glomgold, on top of a boulder and weighed down by a rock! Its typed and unsigned, but calls me "old friend"- who but Flintheart hates me and calls me that? The note reads:
"Dear "old friend": by now, you have encounter the Monster I brought thru the mists of Time. I control him and will order him to destroy your new ski resort first, then all of your businesses, one by one. Soon, I will be the richest duck in the world!"
"Yup, that's Flinty, all right. Sounds just like him. But since it's typed and unsigned, you can't PROVE he wrote that...since I'm willing to bet he left no fingerprints on it." Launchpad said. (4)"But he says he is controlling the Snowman- that means Flinty is FORCING the Snowman to do his bidding..."
"And if we can figure HOW Flintheart is doing that, maybe we can free the yeti...so it will go back to where ever it came from." Mr. McDuck mused.
"Mr. McDuck... we are not far from where we met that snowwoman, right?" Launchpad asked "Well, she was obliviously lonely...maybe we could play matchmaker between the two? He might find he has better things to do than throw snowballs at us if a lady yeti was around."
"We better make sure this snow ball pitcher is a MALE, first. Or she's liable to chase after YOU, again." Mr. McDuck said.
"Good thinking. Sharan wouldn't like that and neither would I." Launchpad replied.
A little long-distance spying with high-powered binoculars confirmed the fact that the snowball-pitching yeti was male. So they set off to find Snowy, the female yeti.
"I'm going to have to make like Shaggy in "Scooby Doo" and use myself as live bait, aren't I?" Launchpad asked Mr. McDuck.
Mr. McDuck stared at Launchpad like he was a Martian. "If by that you mean you should get her to chase her towards the male yeti, that's probably the best way to do it. She won't hurt you- intentionally. " Mr. McDuck said.
"I didn't intentionally hurt my old teddy bear when I was a kid and I still squeezed the stuffing out of the poor thing, eventually." Launchpad muttered.
So... Launchpad got Snowy to chase him. That was the easy part. Keeping her from catching him, THAT was the hard part. Then Snowy almost stumbled over the male yeti, Pitcher. They stared at each other. Launchpad tried to sneak away while they were staring. BUT...Snowy was still looking at Launchpad, which Pitcher noticed. And Pitcher decided to fight Launchpad for Snowy (despite the fact Launchpad did NOT want her!).
So... Launchpad did the only sensible thing: he took a dive. He folded like an accordion without even trying. Launchpad was afraid that Snowy might still like him anyway (5)
But Launchpad had run away from Snowy twice. And she had not seen him in a LONG time-and she somehow caught on to the fact that he wasn't interested. (6)
And she had also now caught to the fact that Launchpad was a member of a different species. (7) Snowy had never seen another yeti before. And it was love at first sight.
So Launchpad snuck out stage left while the two yeti were making kissy-face.
Then, Flintheart showed up and tried to command Pitcher, the male yeti, to obey him. Pitcher, still under the Pearls' spell WOULD of obeyed- if not for Snowy. She did not like some perfect stranger bossing HER man around. And the Pearls' could not control SNOWY. She reared herself up to her full height and growled at Flintheart...who promptly fainted. (8)
Snowy was confused and did not understand what had happened to Flinty. Poor Launchpad had to sneak back in and rescue Flinty before she stepped on him or something. "Not sure WHY I'm risking my neck to save a no-goodnik like you, except it's my job. Besides, if you die, there will be 2 zillions Flintheart- wanttobes popping up- and YOU, I know what to expect from. Better the devil you know..." muttered Launchpad.
Attracted by rumors of a yeti, the local cops soon showed up. They found the 6 Napoleon Pearls on Flinty and they knew one of them had been stolen. Flinty told a Tall Tale about somebody selling it to him without him knowing it was stolen. The cops could not prove otherwise, but they could take the sixth pearl away from Flinty and return it to the museum.
"Without all six pearls, you can not summon any more monsters, Flintheart. The museum will guard the sixth Pearl better henceforth, they did not take my warnings seriously before, now they will." Mr. McDuck said.
'And Snowy had a boyfriend of her own, now so she'll leave me alone!" added Launchpad, happily.
The End
(1) That's "unfortunate person" in Yiddish.
(2) The poor schnook's just fine, thank you.
(3) That's the name Webby gave the snowwoman in "The Crown of Genghis Khan"
(4) Ducks have fingerprints?
(5) Note to guys: there is no point fighting over a girl. She's going to love whomever she loves no matter who wins.
(6) A lot sooner than the mythical average guy could catch on to that about a girl he likes!
(7) I'd change species in a heartbeat for a crack at Launchpad. I don't particularly like being human, anyway.
(8) Can you BLAME him?