Things Sirius Black and James Potter are not allowed to do. I own nothing. Most of the points I got off the internet.

JAMES

I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office

I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick

I am not allowed to give Sirius Black a flea collar

I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand

I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals

I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force"

I will not charm the suits of amour to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast

I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day"

I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways, not even on Halloween

It is a bad idea to tell McGonagall she takes himself to seriously

I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions

I will not ask Sirius if he's serious

I will not answer all of Remus' Questions with "Are you fucking Sirius"

I should refer to Professor Dumbledore as 'Professor', 'Headmaster' or 'Sir', not 'Dude', 'My Liege' or 'Tim the Enchanter'.

I must not change all Sirius' robes green and silver.

I must not Scream, "PINK PUPPIES" at the top of my lungs at random moments, and stare at Sirius

I must not cut Sirius' hair

I will not attempt to throw sticks for Sirius

I will not charm the armor to sing loudly at ungodly hours

I must not ask Sirius if he thinks scars are sexy

I will not talk like Yoda

I must no sing the Santa Clause song every time Dumbledore enters a room

I must not buy Sirius a leash and ask if he wants his 'walkies'

I must not send Snape blood flavored lollypops.

I will not buy Sirius a muzzle for his birthday

I will not circle 'Mother' and 'Fathers' day on Sirius' calendar

I am not a Pinball Wizard.

I will not greet Professor McGonagall with "What's new, pussycat?"

"Liften Separatis Crotchum" is not a real spell

Professor Flitwick does not wish to be addressed as "Admiral Naismith".

Sirius Black did not found the Sirius Cybernetics Corp.

My name is not Captain Subtext

Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab does not sell potions ingredients and I will not resell their products as "Veela Pheromones", nor was it founded by Sirius' Family

I cannot Hadoken anything into oblivion

Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda.

Using the Engorgio charm on certain parts of the human anatomy is not permitted on school grounds, not even for entertainment purposes.

I will stop referring to Hufflepuff's as "cannon fodder"

I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class

Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists

I am not allowed to lock Sirius Black and Remus Lupin in a closet to see if gay sex will occur.

A time turner is not a flux capacitator, and I should therefore not install one in any Muggle cars

I will not claim my X-Files tapes are "Auror Training Videos"

When being interrogated by a member of the staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce, "These are not the droids you are looking for"

I am not a member of the Spanish Inquisition

Albus Dumbledore is not my personal Jesus.

I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts: A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.

I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.

I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks

I will not sing The Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches.

I will not tell first years that Moon Prism Power is a basic Transfiguration spell

I will not yell "Believe it… or not!" after any of Dumbledore's speeches

Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class does not count for extra credit

Dumbledore is not Gandalf

I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rock series during Arithmancy exams.

I will not call Professor McGonagall "McGoogles"

I am not allowed to reenact famous battles of the Revolutionary War in the charms corridor.

I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes"

I will not organize a Hogwarts Fight Club.

The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife

I will not hold my wand in the air before casting spells and shout "I have the power!"

I am not allowed to set up a first-year on a blind date with Moaning Myrtle.