Authors Note: For Scarlet Secret's recent birthday and for being an awesome fanfic writer and all round cool dude :D There will be three chapters to this story, hopefully all posted up by the end of the weekend.
Series Two spoilers abound!
Chapter One: Down on the Ground
Thomas Barrow noticed something distinctly amiss with his comrade in arms, Lady's Maid Sarah O'Brien. She could be dour and give the impression that she was a heartless, moody cow but Thomas had witnessed moments where she had allowed a softer side to shine through. However, this was an altogether different mood than he'd seen her in before. She was distant and appeared to have something on her mind. He tempted her outside for a smoke with the intention of drawing out the reason for her odd behaviour.
"So, what's Her Ladyship done to upset you so much? You've been in a foul mood all day." Sarah looked sharply at her ally, for he certainly couldn't be considered a friend.
"What's it any business of yours?" Her voice was as sharp as her stare but it alerted Thomas to the fact that he'd touched a raw nerve.
"I'm only asking. You used to tell me these things without any prompting, before the war that was." They'd spent many hours grousing over their employer's whims and fancies and the extra work it required and how little they'd been rewarded in return.
Those old wounds may not have healed for Thomas but for Sarah she'd had several years to ponder her attitude and decisions and the reasons behind them. She had stayed behind during the war and it had given her time to face up to several truths she'd been trying to keep buried, which had inevitably affected her greatly. Thomas had been away at war, gaining some distance from the household and didn't appear to empathise as she thought he might. He'd attempted some selfish money making schemes which had backfired and now he was caught in this limbo of working back at the house as a not-quite servant. Sarah wasn't sure she could entirely trust him given his most recent history. She would share a cigarette and scathe about the upstairs lot but it didn't mean she could trust him any more than she could Anna Smith.
"Well, that was before weren't it? Things are different now." And my, they were certainly different for Sarah O'Brien.
Lady Grantham sat wearily on her bed shaking from an onslaught of emotion, barely able to comprehend what had just happened. No, that was untrue; she understood exactly what had just happened, what she struggled with was the fact that she had wanted it to happen.
She had always taken her Lady's Maid into her confidence, she'd not many friends here in England and the two women had spent inordinate amounts of time with each other over the years. After her devastating miscarriage and as war raged through their lives, the lines of Mistress and Maid had blurred somewhat, as had many of the others in the Grantham household. Her daughter Sybil was a prime example of a line which had not only blurred but had been crossed entirely. Cora had been loathe to punish her daughter for falling in love with someone of a different social standing, after all she had begun to realise that she was guilty of doing the same; in thought if not in deed. It was not a very comfortable thought but one in which she could not dismiss, especially in light of her husband's affair with the new maid, Jane. It seemed everything she had once known had been broken like a piece of fine china and glued back together askew.
As Cora became aware of her own feelings it was increasingly apparent that a tension of sorts had developed between her and O'Brien. She had begun to dissect every meeting, alone or otherwise, in the hopes of finding out the cause. Had her maid become so perceptive that she could now read her thoughts? Or had she said or done something out of turn, confusing those boundaries even more so? And yet, despite this strange atmosphere, O'Brien had been utterly devoted during her illness. She had been told of her maid's vigil and she'd remembered O'Brien's voice as a constant through the fog of the entire episode. The woman had shown such tenderness and care towards her in the days since; Cora wondered if she would ever be allowed out of her sight again. Robert had become distant once again, despite his reassurance that they were as strong as ever. It hadn't taken much detective work to piece together the circumstances of his affair with Jane and Cora wondered if it was as plain to everyone else as it was to her.
Another sleepless night of wrestling with her demons had left Cora looking grey and washed out; of course O'Brien had noticed immediately and her concern had been overwhelmingly touching. The atmosphere fell heavy once again as O'Brien dressed her for the morning ahead, every touch seemed to heighten Cora's already spiralling emotions and O'Brien scrutinised her all the more closely. Her bosom heaved as she tried to calm her breathing which made securing the garment more difficult for her maid.
"Are you quite well My Lady?" O'Brien finished the brush stroke to her hair and put the brush back on the dresser giving her mistress a few moments to recover from whatever it was that had come over her.
"No O'Brien, I don't believe I am." Cora almost instantly regretted being so honest when she saw the look of worry intensify on her maid's face.
"Do you need me to fetch Doctor Clarkson?" Naturally Sarah would assume it was a sickness of the body and not of the mind. And it was a sickness wasn't it? If she was going to break ranks it ought to have been with a soldier or a footman in the least, not a distinctly female maid.
"That won't be necessary O'Brien, I don't think he could be of much use, not about this matter." Cora had seemingly wandered off into her own mind once again which only served to worry her maid further. Sarah reached out and gently gripped her Mistress's arm in support.
"My Lady, I'd like to help if I can, tell me what's troubling you. It would go no further, you know it wouldn't." It had been a little out of turn but O'Brien had been desperate to help her Mistress when she appeared to be so lost. Cora reached out and placed a gentle hand on O'Brien's soft cheek.
"Dear O'Brien, you are always here, by my side, when I need you the most. What if I confessed my sin and you walked away from me? I think I should simply cease to exist without you!" O'Brien's curiosity was evoked but at the same time Her Ladyship seemed in great turmoil. Sarah lay her own hand over the one on her cheek and ran a thumb over it in a gesture of reassurance.
"My Lady, there is nothing in this world that you could confess to which would make me want to turn from you. You have my devotion for as long as you want it." Two teardrops fell from Cora's watery eyes and Sarah returned the Countess's gesture by placing her hand on her cheek, brushing the tears aside as she did so. Cora lent into the touch.
"O'Brien, my passions are sinful, my thoughts return to you whenever I should be thinking of Robert. Do you understand what I'm saying O'Brien?" Tears fell from Sarah's eyes this time and she nodded unconsciously. Could this really be true?
"I do My Lady, I too feel these unnatural passions, I have done for quite some time. I never thought that you would, or could..." Sarah's words were cut off as Cora closed the gap between them and pressed her lips tightly against hers. Sarah pressed back and then slowly began to move her lips over her Mistress's. Cora responded for a few seconds before she was overcome by a strangled sob. She rested her forehead against O'Brien's and shook her head.
"I can't..." Cora moved one hand to rest over O'Brien's wildly beating heart and the other wrapped around her waist.
"Your heart, it beats just like a man's but you are not. These feelings are so strong yet I know they cannot be real." O'Brien took hold of the hand at her chest and tucked it inside her dress so that Cora felt the hot, bare flesh underneath her palm.
"How can they not? I know what I feel, how my body reacts to you. No man could ever make me feel like this." Cora pulled her Lady's Maid close and kissed her passionately. Sarah kissed back determined to erase all doubt from Her Lady's mind. How could this mutual passion be wrong, Sarah thought. Every nerve seemed alight with desire and Sarah could feel nothing but the shape and heat of the woman pressed against her. Suddenly Cora broke the kiss and took a definitive step backwards.
"This cannot continue, I'm sorry O'Brien. I think it would be best to forget this ever happened." Sarah composed herself well enough to hide the anguish she felt.
"As you wish My Lady." Sarah dejectedly left The Countess's bedroom without even glancing at the woman herself; it would have been too much to bear.
Sarah shut the door behind her and lent back against the wall to gather herself. She was shaking and her heart felt like it was going nineteen to the dozen. She ensured her mask of indifference and moodiness was firmly in place before setting off back down to the servant's hall.