A quick little ficlet. Kurt/Blaine + Tina
At the Wemma wedding, based upon recent spoilers for "I Do".
After Blaine and I had performed our ballad we headed towards the refreshments to grab some water. We ended up talking for awhile. I think I've forgotten how easy this is. Why is it so easy? Shouldn't I still be mad at him? I want to be furious but I just no longer have the energy to be. Is this what forgiveness is supposed to be like? Because I'm not sure if I'm ready for that.
Jake starts singing Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran and larger groups couple off to dance on the platform. Blaine makes no attempt to move, but I notice how his right hand grips his glass until her fingertips turn white. I take the glass away from him before his shatters in his hand. His eyes are sparked with confusion, and my throat feels like it's full of cotton.
"May I have this dance?" I ask him, my voice barely shaking. I see a glint of hope cross his features before he replies with "Of course."
I grab his hand and bring him to the dance floor. We stand awkwardly across from each other before I put my arms around his shoulders and he brings his own to my waist. It's very strange because it's a bit too intimate for where we are in our relationship right now. But it feels right, like this is how it's supposed to be. Eventually I bring one of my arms down to grasp his hand, putting a little bit of space between us. I think that this is even scarier now, because we have to look each other in the eyes. His are reserved, with just a spark of hope. I wonder what mine say to him, whether it illustrates my inner turmoil.
He must see something because he slowly brings his head down to rest on my shoulder. His breath is unsteady, a bit more than mine is. It shakes against my shoulder. He brings his face to rest in the crook of my neck, but he suddenly goes stiff. I think he wonders if I'll push him away, reject him.
I don't.
After a few more minutes his breath has calmed some, but I feel a few drops against my neck. I feel my own eyes start to swim but I force myself to keep composure; mainly because I can see Tina across the room from me, glaring something fierce. I had never imagined her being so protective of her friend.
Unfortunately, Blaine can't seem to keep his tears in, and they remain a constant flow. I'm not sure how many songs have passed by now. I lean back and look at his puffy, red eyes. They with mine and they are filled with so much fear, it knocks me breathless. After a moment, I regain my voice.
"Why don't you go to the bathroom and compose yourself. I'll meet you by the car and we'll talk." He just nods before heading off the dance floor. I decide to head over to the refreshments again before going out to the car. Blaine will be a few minutes anyway.
I've only just managed to refill my glass when Tina comes charging over.
"How dare you do this to him?" She yells at me furiously.
"Tina, lower your voice, you're making a scene." She looks at my sheepishly before continuing.
"You can't just string him along; he's just getting over you. He's been moving on and you're screwing it up." She tells me.
"Moving on?" My throat clutches painfully. Who is it? If it's whatshisface I feel like I might just die. And suddenly I'm angry at him again, angry for breaking us in the first place. "With who?" I ask her tensely.
"Me," she tells my triumphantly, "his best friend."
...
"Blaine's gay, Tina." I tell her, my confusion replacing anger.
"It doesn't matter. He wants to be with me, even if he won't admit it yet. We spend all of our time together, exchange songs and playlists. He even let me care for him when he was sick and put vapo-rub on his chest, and he bought me a rose." She tries to reason, but I see her resolve cracking. And suddenly I'm sixteen again, pining after my step-brother, and I know exactly where she is coming from.
"Tina," I tell her slowly, "He used to do all of that for Rachel too last year, because they're really good friends. But, just friends." I see her starting to shake, desperately trying to hold onto this fantasy so that she can feel loved. I put my hand on her shoulder.
"I'm sorry." I tell her honestly, because I know how it feels. Then something clicks.
"You put vapo-rub on his chest? I used to try to do that when he was sick and he wouldn't let me because he found it so ticklish."
"Who put vapo-rub on my chest?" Blaine comes up behind me and asks quizzically. His eyes are no longer red and puffy, but I can still see a certain sadness in his them.
"Tina did." I reply instantly, and suddenly she's looking at the ground like she wishes it would swallow her up while Blaine looks really confused.
"I have no idea when this was, and to tell you the truth I don't really want to know." He says simply, as usual, way too forgiving.
I see Mike coming up in the distance and I distract Tina with him while Blaine and I make our exit.
The walk to my car is filled with a buzz, a tension of sorts. I don't know how else to describe it, but I've never felt it before. Not like this at least.
We stop beside my car and I'm not quite sure what to say.
"I've been seeing someone." I blurt out suddenly. After seeing Blaine's face fall I immediately start backtracking. "Sort of." He just takes a breath.
"I'm not surprised someone else realized how amazing you are." He tells me simply.
"We've just been on two dates, so we're not together or anything. But I don't think it's going to work out." I see other guests walking across the parking lot, and I really don't want them to overhear us talking. I open up the rear door of my Navigator and we slide into the back seats across from one another. The tension is back, and I don't know what to about it.
"Why do you think it won't work out?" Blaine asks me, looking down towards his hands.
"He's not you." I tell him honestly. His face snaps up, and I almost cry at the longing etched across his face. In the cramped back seat I start leaning forward, without being really aware of what I'm doing. I find myself almost sitting in his lap, my face about an inch from his when I stop. And it's like I'm stuck, and I don't know what to do. Our eyes bore into each other, and I know Blaine won't lean forward. If I want to do this then I have to make it happen, he won't push me. I see his eyes begging me too.
Instead, I grip the lapels of his tuxedo with my hands and I pull him forward so that his lips lightly graze mine. It feels like coming home.
We lean back after a moment, still shocked by this turn of events.
"Kurt, what do you want for us?" He asks me, desperate for an answer.
"I honestly don't know." I tell him. "I just want you right now, I want us."
"I want you for forever, not just right now." Blaine tells me. "But I know I can't ask you for that, I don't deserve to." He says morosely.
"Blaine, you deserve everything the world has to offer. One mistake doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you human. And what I know right now is that I miss you; all the time."
"I miss you too. I love you so much, Kurt." His eyes begin to prick again, and I really don't want to see him cry.
"I love you too." I say, and before he has a chance to respond I close the gap between us again. I let myself settle fully in his lap as he grabs my back and holds me close. I put a hand on his neck, while the other weaves through his hair, securing his face to mine. His grip is tight; like he's afraid all of this is just a dream. His breath shudders whenever we separate. I swallow his sobs and dry his tears with my kisses.
And maybe we're not perfect, far from it in fact. But we're working on it, and I think that is what really matters in the end. And I know I said before that I don't know what I want. But as I rest my head atop Blaine's I just know there is no other place I would rather be than in his arms.