One day there was a girl named Pupinia innocently skipping down the road, looking for something to do. She had a pretty ordinary teenage life, playing Roblox and such, but was keen to find any excitement she could to jazz things up, ya know. As she ventured along whistling, she heard something rustling in the woods, and out came a screaming, muscled hulk of a man. He was yelling, "I WILL HACK YOU PEWDIEPIE. I WILL DESTROY YOU!" At first she was frightened, but she got up the nerve to approach him and say Hi. "I am Dill(i)on, the world's greatest hacker. AND PEWDIEPIE MUST SUFFER!" He then roared and ripped off his shirt, before asking, "Will you join me fair maiden?" "Oh yes, oh yes I will!" she did exclaim. Young impressionable Pupinia was mesmerized by his large lips, bowlish haircut, thick glasses, and general rough, manly bravado, and could not resist such an intriguing adventure. They trained together, making war on many a loser and super-villain of the Internet realm. She also made a powerful ally at this time, a valiant warrior named BG Kumbi, who taught her how to cut down trees in order to become very strong. Around this time, as well, it is worth noting that she became friends with a little half-retarded girl called Schmitty Winkleson, who would become her sidekick, but we'll get back to that later. These valiant heroes did battle with and defeated many ugly venom-spewing trolls of the deep, dark wilderness known as the YouTube comments section. It is a realm of pure evil from which few who venture return alive, at least while still possessing any sort of human soul. But our heroes were most strong and did endure and always fight back the endless tides of pathetic haters. Alas, however, for while Pupinia and Dill(i)on the Hacker achieved greatness together in their passionate drive to purify the world of evil, their romance was fated to end. For it is written in the ancient books of lore that two immortals can never be together forever. It is the price they must pay for their incomparable powers. pause for make sad face
Pupinia, though, was destined for greatness beyond which she could even imagine. She formed a powerful new order named Our Third Life, designed to bring Truth and Order to the world. She was joined by Schmitty and a man named Steven Skyhard, as well as maybe a couple others, idk. This coalition would start from humble origins but rise to world-renown. It was when Pupinia exposed the terrible reality of the Minion menace, however, that the masses began to really take notice of her prophetic vision. Too, her deep insights on American-English foreign relations stunned many and brought her notoriety. As her message spread however, the army of nasty trolls only grew. It is sad to reflect on how great truth-tellers throughout history are persecuted for their wise words of wisdom. And noble Pupinia Stewart, unfortunately, was no different. But! She was a seasoned veteran at destroying these wicked beings, and they were unable to harm her. In fact, she only gained strength from their hatred, and blazed a bright path of justice forward through the shrouding darkness. And later, her revelations about the wonders of incest would bring her vindication and much-deserved recognition. There was something, though, which would transform her life forever. For just as she was on a glorious path of ascendance in the YouTube realm, another mighty soul had begun a righteous quest of his own, and caught Pupinia's eye. His silky flaxen fair, bright baby-blue eyes, advanced age, and burning desire to Make America Great Again entranced her, mesmerized her even. She would then ask this great Donald J. Trump to prom and begin a long, steamy, but tumultuous relationship with him. It is even said she had a child, a young daughter with him, but gave it a "permanent naptime" for being annoying and crying too much. The Donald would lift her soul and inspire her much. But it greatly saddened her that he would stay ignoring her entreaties of love. She remained loyal though, as always she does in her pure heart.
Fast forward now many months into this current year, after her fame and success had only grown, and after a relationship with an autistic ex-boyfriend had fortunately run its course. She now grew lonesome, although she did have the greatest cult following probably ever, at least since the Manson family or maybe Jonestown. It was then a new boy, this time surprisingly her own age, and not decades older, that gained her amorous affection. His name was Our Fourth Life. Yes, the Mor-Man whom had once set out to destroy O3L and make it a mockery now had joined the good side, and his handsome Peruvian features and deep baritone voice charmed her. Moreover, his MAGA hat reflected bright red in her sparkling eyes and swept her off her feet. It was like destiny, she felt assured. She invited him into her palace in the wooded grove of Meme, the same palace that many, many like about two years ago she had shared with the infamous Hacker and learned from her master sensei Kumbi. "My darling," she gushed at O4L, "you are so tall, dark, and handsome." He blushed, at least as much as a brown person can, and said, "Oh, yes, and what lovely, um, teeth you have, Madame." She giggled and replied, "My oh my, my dear sir," she pronounced, now speaking like an old-timey Southern belle for some odd reason, "thank you dearly, I make sure to brush at least once or twice a month, you know." "DELET THIS," he awkwardly spouted in an outburst, not sure how to respond to Pupinia's raucous flirtatiousness. "Hehe," she did chuckle, "you're so funny." She then approached him and ran her finger down his collar, looking up a foot in the air and making eyes at the stunned young man and doing that biting the lip thingy. O4L was becoming quite warm and could now feel sweat forming on his brow. He could smell the Trump Success wafting off her hair and neck and became much excite. His heart was beating so loudly in his chest that the neighbors considered calling the cops and reporting a noise violation. He bent down to give her a quick peck on the cheek and wrap his arms around her in a hug. They made sure of course to keep the rest of their bodies besides the arms a good foot apart, however, like any good unwed Mormons. But in this embrace, their two MAGA hats brushed together and created a friction. The hats' brims rubbed lusciously against another one and really made some sparks. The passion of these two snapback trucker caps for one another was so tremendous and rough that I cannot even go into detail really, or this story would become more graphic than 50 shades. This fling between the MAGA hats was very short but oh so raunchy, tbh.
Just then a mysterious figure burst through the door. Pupinia and O4L turned in shock, but were unable to make out the shadowy person. All they could see in the shadow of the doorframe was a cloaked man in a hat, with a burning cigarette hanging from his lip. He tilted down his head and drank from a light beer in his hand, then threw the bottle which burst in glass pieces on the floor. Pupinia gasped and grasped onto O4L. "Protect me my prince." "Don't worry, my lil Pup!" he assured her. He then stepped forward, puffing out his chest, and said, "Who go there? Identify yourself!" Just then the diminutive individual stepped forward into the light, throwing off the cloak and hat that only a senior citizen would wear un-ironically. Pupinia and O4L were in horror at the ghastly sight. Before them stood a bald rat, sneering and jaunting in his Boston accent: "Yo, this is wicked not cool. Pupinia is MY girl. And I'm a really nice guy, trust me." O4L retorted, "Away false beast, I have heard tales of your treachery, El Rato!" The rat squealed out, "But she is mine! I have loved her ever since I was going through basic. I'm in the National Guard, hooah! okay, and I'm a Catholic, praise be to St. Frank, and so I'm better than you are's. I'm a pillar of my community, just ask my mother, alright." O4L laughed haughtily and said, "I challenge thee to a duel." "I accept," said Eggman Al. And so they moved around in another in a circle, each ready to strike, before sitting down at their respective computers to fire a series of really pretty harsh tweets back-and-forth at each other, trading shots 140 characters at a time on Twitter Dot Com. The battle raged hot but in the end, bloodied and beaten, Alphonsus was bested and gave in to the superior keyboard warrior. In the end, they say in the legend chronicles, it was O4L's superior ability at sarcastic Memeage and Alphonsus's inability to remain ironically detached during the saga that lead to the Mor-Man's triumph over El Rato. Alphonsus fell to the ground, unmoving. "My hero," Pupinia exclaimed, her eyes bigger and more glowing than any little anime waifu in a weeaboo nerd's fantasy.
But then, suddenly, dramatic dun dun dun just as she was running up to him, someone else burst through the door, this time not a shivering hunched little naked mole rat, but a tall, powerful demigod in appearance, standing boldly in heroic pose, as sunlight poured in around his awesome visage. "Stop, Pupster, I'm here for you now." She screeched, "DONALD!" "That's my name, don't wear it out baby," he purred smoothly, shooting her a wink. O4L stood shocked. Conflicted, Pupinia went on, "But Donny, you.. you…." "Listen, babe, Donald is here for you now. I've been busy as you know, making the country great again and pretending to love my wife instead of you, and taking care of my beautiful children and what not, but I wanna make time for you now. I am a very prestigious red-pilled billionaire with loads of charm ya know." "Oh I know, my Don-Don hunny, but it's just-" O4L interjected, "Now listen right here Mr. Trump, I respect you very much, but this is.." But swiftly Donald reached back with his not-small hand and backhanded O4L so hard that he sent him flying across the room, where he landed with a thump, comatose. Donald smirked and chided, "The wall just got 10 feet higher." "DONALD," Pupinia, yelled out, stunned, "How could you do that?" Donald picked her up and gave her a big smooch on the lips, saying, "Relax, it's you and me now baby." Pupinia fainted in his arms from shock. He gently shook her back to consciousness, like a caring Daddy. She awoke and looking in his eyes, clearer than a crystal-blue sea, said, "Oh, so it is real. I thought for a second I must be dreaming." With her petite hands she felt his strong, masculine jawline and spray-tanned, leathery, wrinkled skin, and whimpered through teary eyes, "I've waited so long for you!" "I know, darling. Now let's take off. My room in the top floor of Trump Tower is waiting for you." "Oh Daddy!" And so he carried her off into his helicopter waiting outside and they flew away into the sunset, headed for NYC. A darkness fell over the scene of the palace entry-room, as Alphonsus and O4L remained lying lifeless. Except there was a groan and a slight stirring in the quiet…
What will happen next time? Are Alphonsus and O4L really dead or will either one come to and plot their revenge? Will Trump and Pupinia stay together forever and finally be married? Will Goku finally defeat Vegeta and collect the seven dragonballs? Is a vegan lifestyle really healthier than a traditional diet or just hipster BS? Check out the next Pupinia FanFic to find out all this and much more!
By Cult_of_Pupinia aka CUlt Memeber
Follow me on Twitter Cult_of_Pupinia and on subscribe to me on YouTube at user/keithhh2892