Hi! I just want to let you all know that I should not be writing another fanfiction, I have a few that I'm still in progress in, and adding another is against my better judgement. However, in areas aside from school and work, I'm irresponsible. So, yeah...

Anyway, one day I was sitting around, texting one of my friends then I thought, What if Kanan never came back that one time he was captured? What would happen to Ezra's Jedi training? I brought up this idea to two of my fandom sisters. One of them told me not to do it, the other told me to do it. So, here I am, writing it. =P Hope you like it!

Something had happened, Ezra knew it. He may not have understood the Force in total, but he could feel when something was off.

Things had been off for nearly a week. Kanan was still captured, the rebels had made no headway, and the tension within the Ghost was almost palpable. The ordeal was hard on everyone, but it hit Ezra the hardest. It wasn't just the fact the Kanan was gone, he could sense any other feelings from the rest of the crew, excluding Chopper.

He'd almost gotten used to it, but in that night, something totally different attacked his senses. It was like he'd gotten stabbed or had his heart yanked out of his chest. The pain was like nothing he'd ever felt before, so bad that it left him incapacitated for a few minutes. He laid there, panicking, breathing hard, maybe even dying.

What came next was worst. Waves of pain flowed over his mind, making him want to curl into the fetal position and cry, and that's saying something because the last time he'd cried was when he was about seven or eight years old. Then it all stopped, the ache, the negative emotions. Everything. Gone as though it had never existed.

Then the truth seemed to come down on him like a pile of bricks. All the pain was coming from his bond with Kanan, and now the pain had disappeared. That was how he knew what had happened. That's how he put together that Kanan was dead.

Ezra actually did cry at that point, the one of the first people who had paid him any mind, any kindness since his parents' deaths was gone. That sentiment aside, without Kanan he was nothing, he was not a padawan. He reverted back to a child with Force sensitivity.

No! There was no way Kanan could be dead. He was Kanan, after all. He wouldn't die that easily. Right? Ezra knew that was just his emotions talking, but he clung to them like they'd keep Kanan alive, despite the fact that he was already dead. I took all of Ezra's will to stifle his sobs, and even then he failed at it as his breaths came in with shuddering and left with difficulty as though his throat was being clenched.

He must not have been as silent as he thought, because he heard Zeb stir from the bunk beneath him. "Hey, Kid," the Lasat said quietly. "You crying?" Ezra didn't answer, knowing that if he spoke, his words would be incoherent, garbled from tears. He also didn't want to give Zeb a chance to tease him about this.

"Listen," he said, sounding stern. "We're going to get him back. There's no reason to cry about it." Ezra knew that it was supposed to be comforting, but whatever warmth was there, he couldn't feel it. He was too far away.

He didn't want to verbalize what he had felt. It would make it all more real, more concrete. Ezra had the feeling that if he said what he had felt, it would all be set in stone.

It was a nightmare. It was a nightmare. It was just a nightmare! He told himself over and over. He'd keep denying it because there was no way that it was true!

…

Sabine's body went stiff as though she had died and was experiencing Rigor Mortis. Her eyes scanned the single line over and over again, praying to whatever Force Ezra and Kanan used. She prayed that her eyes were deceiving her or she was wrong in some way or the report was lying.

"Prisoner Status: Deceased" seemed to take over her vision.

"Well, where is he?" Zeb prompted worriedly. The look on her face couldn't be a good indication.

Sabine said nothing as Hera read the file over her shoulder. "He's dead," she whispered almost inaudibly. Hera glanced at Ezra. The files could lie, they could have been falsified in order to throw them off the empire's trail. Ezra sensed whether or not Kanan was alive, but his silence and face said it all. Kanan was gone.

"I-I could feel it when it happened," Ezra murmured. Tears formed in his eyes.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Zeb questioned, borderline angrily, but one didn't need to be a Force sensitive to sense that he was too sad to be angry. Ezra flinched.

"I didn't want it to be real." Ezra bit his lip and swallowed hard. "I'm sorry," he said softly. He retreated out of the cockpit.

Zeb sighed. It's not like he'd meant to blame Ezra. Hera glanced at him. "Yeah, I'll go to apologise," he muttered, assuming Hera's glance had demanded an apology.

Hera shook her head. "No. He needs some time to himself." She recalled the first time Ezra used the dark side. Kanan had said that Ezra needed time to think. This was no different, he'd come to talk about it when he was ready.

"What do we do now?" Sabine asked.

Hera bit her lip, she barely knew what to do at this point. "We'll keep moving," the leader said, trying to hide the sadness in her voice. That was only half true, they'd take time off. Grief riddled people couldn't function under such circumstances. "But for now," she said seriously. "Everyone should have some down time."

She walked out of the cockpit without another word. Once Hera had closed the door to her cabin, she sank to her knees. Kanan was gone. He was dead.

She waited until the trembling stopped coursing through her. She waited until the tears slackened. It could have been minutes. It could have been hours. Hera didn't know, but it felt like forever.

She heaved a breath in to calm down, before punching in a series of numbers on the holoprojector to contact Fulcrum. "Ghost to Fulcrum," she said, her voice not sounding like her own.

A hooded figure appeared in the hologram. "I was about to contact you," it said. "I hate to tell you that our spies have-"

Hera knew what Fulcrum was going to say before the end of the sentence. Reports of Kanan's death would have been recognized by now. "I already know," Hera interrupted distantly. "He died in interrogation."

"I'm sorry for your loss," Fulcrum said, the voice somehow still had emotion in it even through the vocal modifiers. "How is everyone taking it?"

She shook her head. "As you'd expect. We lost our leader."

"What do you plan to do?"

Hera shook her head again. She wasn't as steady as she normally was, and it was possible that she'd be that way for awhile. "I'm not sure. We'll all take some down time. Try and recover from the shock."

Hera knew what part of conversation was coming. What would happen to Ezra? Without Kanan, Ezra wasn't a padawan. He was still a member of the crew, but Fulcrum had focused in on Ezra the one to bring hope because he was special. Because he could be the next keeper of the peace. What would that mean for him? Hera didn't want to think about it.

"And Ezra?" Fulcrum pushed.

Hera sighed, the topic couldn't be avoided. "He's taking it hard. He sensed it when it happened." More pain crept into Hera's voice.

"I understand you don't like the idea," Fulcrum said sympathetically. "But he's still untrained."

Hera nodded. "I know. I agree with you, but I'm just afraid of how hard it will be on him… and us."

"I understand," Fulcrum said again. "But-"

"Yes, I know," Hera interrupted sadly. "It's the best thing for him and the rebellion."

So, it starts. Such good times, before Ezra teetered between the light and dark and before the Ghost crew was seriously involved with a large scale rebellion... and Ezra was tiny, but I guess that's also season two... Point is I kind of miss this time! Please review! May the Force be with you!