How Bill Cipher

by Natalia Faye

Hey guys. This is the weirdest thing you'll ever read. Ever. I hope you enjoy! T for mentions of badonkadonk, but ya know, if you're a tough little kid you can handle it! I BELIEVE IN YOU! (This is a joke by the way! Flames will be added to my growing campfire so I can make tasty snores and shove them down haters' throats )

Hey guys... Okay this is probably the weirdest thing you'll ever read so buckle up. I swear, it is Gravity Falls related, you just have to read it all the way through. Please review! And guess what? THIS IS A JOKE! I hope you enjoy! Especially you, NEW YORK TIMES! Seriously guys, it's a joke for laughs. I made this up last night as a bedtime story for my friend who was sleeping over. Calm yourselves. This is not supposed to teach you to fish XP

Once upon a time there was a giraffe named Xavier. He was lonely. Because he was alone. Then one day he stumbled upon a beautimus female giraffaroo (which is a giraffe/kangaroo) and he fell... on his face. Then she picked him up and he fell in love. After 2 hours of eating butter lettuce, they decided to make a child. After 3 hours she was all preggoed up and ready to give birth. The baby was ready to come out. The mother was happy. But she was screaming. Because it hurt. Soon enough, the baby came and she was happy. Then a meteor hit her. And she died.

Xavier named his child Jeoffry. Jeoffry was picked on by the other kids because he was a haylf orphan and his name was terrible. Jeoffry was alone in the world. But then he was walking alone in the outback when he came across a pride of lions. They beat him up. Then he was sad. His pain tears fell to the ground and a rose grew. Then the lions trampled it because roses are red, violets are blue, I bit off my fingers and they're all for you.

Geoffry was depressed. He looked at the sun. And then he went blind. Because the sun cooked his eyeballs away. Then he heard the lions plotting an attack on his old village. But he let them do that because his old village sucks. So he wandered on bumping into things every 10 seconds. Then he looked at the moon and he got his sight back. Because magic.

After that he was so happy he was galloping around. He accidentally ran into a female. He asked her if she wanted any babies. She said not with him. Then she ran out, and she didn't grab no shoes or nuthin, Jesus. She ran for her life. But then Geoffry caught up and she got preggoed. No it's not rape, it's just... They're animals.

And then she gave birth to a triangle. The lions came back to pick on Geoffry, but this time they had laser eyes. Everyone screamed "OH NO, NOT THE LASER EYES!" But then! Geoffry's girl got hit by the laser eyes. And she died. It was tragic. (This is like a Disney movie, all the moms are dead) Geoffry had no reason to stay on the planet. So he hopped on a random spaceship and E. Aster Bunnymund was the captain. He said his home was just destroyed by nightmares. Geoffry said his heart was destroyed by laser eyes. Then bunny was nervous about his sanity.

They went back to earth and Bunny trained Geoffry to be less of a wimp. They trained for hours and they were tired.

They went to battle with the lions and Geoffry almost died, like, 20 times. Then he figured it was time to shed his mortal skin. He hid in a cave and peeled off his flesh. From inside, a yellow figure emerged. A triangular yellow figure. With a bow tie and top hat. HE WAS BILL CIPHERRRRRR! He went to kill the lions with his mindscape powers and saved the day.

THE END!