The Fall
Summary:It's something about saving the world together- about failing an entire species together- that makes the fall inevitable.
Universe: AOS
Warnings: not a happy ending. Probably could have been rated teen. Spoilers for Beyond.
Author's Notes: First fic in the Star Trek fandom! This isn't my OTP, but it's what I felt somewhat capable of writing. I'll give you two guesses as to what my OTP and favorite universe are. I'm in desperate search of a beta to help me with writing. As you can tell from my uploads, I haven't written with any sort of regularity since the early 2000's. Also haven't taken any english or writing based classes in that long either.
It's something about saving the world together- about failing an entire species together- that makes the fall inevitable. The miracle of the impossible- of hail mary beaming and physics defying piloting, the breathless moment their eyes meet across their shared console. Chekov is seventeen and falling for Sulu is as immediate and as natural to him as calculating warp trajectories.
"Aye, Sulu, zhat was incredible!" He cannot help exclaiming in the turbolift, bright blue afterglow of warp core explosions still drifting at the edges of his vision.
Falling into step as they leave the bridge comes as naturally as the working of their consoles. It feels like they are two sides of a page, same story just different paragraphs.
"You're telling me," Sulu grins.
The adrenaline is still fresh, the buzz of near-misses humming under Chekov's skin, and he realizes they are standing outside his quarters. Their eyes lock, and Chekov doesn't have to ask. They fall into his bed like the beginning and ending of the same story. Pavel isn't inexperienced, but his body has never lit up like this before.
"Pavel," Sulu chokes, mouthing at Chekov's neck. He can only moan in response, trying to remember not to scratch too hard at Sulu's back. The slide of their desperate thrusts in Sulu's steady hand is too much, he's not going to last.
It is a long trip back to Earth without a warp core, even if the Federation meets them partway.
...
Chekov's stomach falls like it's been sucked into a black hole when they disembark and Sulu is swept up into the arms of a slightly older man. He's handsome where Pavel is boyish. They don't kiss, but Pavel feels eclipsed by the obvious regard they hold for each other.
Sulu is practically glowing when he introduces them, "Pavel, this is Ben! Ben, Pavel Chekov."
"Wery nice to meet you, Ben." Chekov tries not to sound too bitter as he observes Ben's arm slung casually across Sulu's shoulder. The way Sulu leans back into him.
"Thank you for everything," Ben smiles, "You were all very brave."
The last part is directed at Sulu, who beams back at him. Soon, their families have found them and they are separated, smothered in hugs and bathed in grateful tears.
The amount of press releases they have to attend is absurd. Sometimes, he and Sulu like to commiserate about it. Other times they joke about how much worse it could be- Spock and the captain have barely had time for meals in between meetings. They still have time to share meals together, and sometimes they even have time to go back to Sulu's place.
"Sulu," Pavel whines as Sulu teases him, fluttering kisses and touches everywhere but where it counts.
"Call me Hikaru," Sulu says. Chekov feels like his heart is going to burst.
"Hikaru," he breathes, and is handsomely rewarded for it.
He tries not to think about how most nights Sulu doesn't ask him to stay, and how he sometimes runs into Ben in the elevator while he's leaving. Hikaru swears they're just friends, and Pavel believes him. But he can't help noticing how Sulu spends more of his time with Ben than with him. How every time they come back from short missions, the first thing he does is see Ben.
...
Sulu looks good in the captain's chair, even better bluffing the fugitive John Harrison. When the enterprise rises from the clouds, when Kirk is in cryo, and everyone is trying not to cry, everything feels so fragile. Something about saving the world- about failing the captain- makes the fall inevitable. They're in Sulu's quarters, and Pavel doesn't have to ask. Pavel slides onto his lap, nipping at his lips.
They work closely together helping rebuild Starfleet. Anything to distract themselves from Kirk's slow and torturous recover, Spock's rigid lines and cutting remarks, the general miasma hanging over the remaining crew.
"Hikaru," Chekov asks at the end of a particularly long day, reaching out for his hand, "Do you want to get dinner?"
"I would, but I've already got plans," Sulu shrugs apologetically.
Chekov already knows it's with Ben, but he doesn't say it. He just nods and let's Sulu go. It feels like falling. Chekov can't help thinking they're the beginning and end of a story, but he's not sure it's the same story any more.
They've finished rebuilding and they've just found out they've been assigned a five year deep space mission on the newly refitted Enterprise. Chekov calls Sulu, thrilled and ready to take on the world, to make sure he's coming.
"You bet!" he can hear the grin in Sulu's voice, "Wouldn't miss it!"
It feels like winning. It feels like flying. Five years in space with Hikaru. Surely, Hikaru will pick him.
...
The glint of metal on Sulu's finger when they board says otherwise. Pavel can't help but stare at it. Sulu laughs and shows it off to him, mistakes his wide eyes for excitement, tells the story of Ben's proposal.
He's not flying. He's falling. He'll try anything, anyone to distract himself, but he can't ignore the fact that he still gets butterflies in his stomach every time Sulu shares a look with him over their console. The way they still fall into step when they leave the bridge.
After an extended shore leave, Sulu comes back with a picture of a young girl. He knows he shouldn't, but Pavel can't help asking.
"This is Demora," he says, the pride evident in his voice, "She's my daughter. Ben and I were finally able to finalize our adoption. Isn't she wonderful?"
Pavel feels like crying. "Absolutely," he manages.
...
Everything spirals out of control from there. On tough days, after disastrous missions, he still feels the gravity well of his feelings. Sometimes they stand outside Sulu's quarters just breathing at each other. The fall is inevitable, but now Sulu never catches him.
Pavel is pretty sure he's slept with more of the crew now than the captain, and he's not sure how to feel about it.
"Chekov," the captain beckons him over after lunch one day. "You're developing a bit of a reputation, buddy. Is everything okay?"
Pavel's not sure how to answer that, so he hopes his eyes aren't watering too obviously and answers, "Perfectly fine, Keptin."
The captain doesn't look like he believes him, and sighs when Chekov isn't forthcoming.
"Look," he starts, running a hand through his hair that's been getting longer over time, "I just- I know that-"
Chekov really hopes he isn't going where he thinks he is. Kirk meets his eyes and purses his lips.
"Take care of yourself, okay? Trust me, sleeping around never fixes any problems."
Chekov is a little offended hearing this from Jim Kirk of all people, who is a living monument to sleeping around to avoid his own problems. He has to accept that Kirk is right, though, when he finds himself in nothing but his regulation boxer briefs in the hallway at shift change. This isn't working, and his heart breaks in half when Ben greets Sulu at Yorktown that same day. Their family is beautiful, and Chekov feels broken.
...
It's something about saving the world together- about failing to save everyone in the family their crew has become- that makes the fall inevitable. Their eyes lock across their console, and for a moment everything feels right. Then Hikaru's ring glints in the flickering lighting of the Franklin and the moment is shattered. Chekov isn't young, no longer naïve. He should have known better; he's a genius, after all. This ending should have been obvious.
He puts in his transfer request before they even begin reconstruction on the Enterprise.
Author's Notes: this isn't nearly as long as I would like. As much as I adore this series and all the characters that populate it, I've been struggling to actually get into their headspaces and write dialogue and meaningful interactions. If anyone has any suggestions on how and where to give this story more depth so that the emotional impact has more umph, please tell me so I can add it. One of the things I love most about this fandom is the quality of the work it inspires. I just can't figure out how to show, rather than tell, Chekov's heartbreak as he watches Sulu slowly choose Ben over him as time goes on...