BRITTANA ONESHOT – SANTANA'S JOKES AND HOW BRITTANY TAKES IT
Brittany was on top of her bed, looking up at her ceiling when her phone starts to buzz. She turns her head to the right and snatches it from a wooden table. She checks to see who the caller is and smiled when Santana's name was shown.
"San! You called?" she greets the woman on the other line.
"Hey Britt, I have a favor"
Brittany picks up a pillow from her left side and hugs it tightly. "Sure, what is it?"
"The fucking guidance counselor told me I have no sense of humor. That I ruin people's lives and make them want to commit suicide"
Brittany frowns slightly. "You don't ruin people's lives and you're not mean San. You're the kindest most loving person I know" she objects.
The blonde heard laughter from Santana and couldn't help but smile when she hears her adorable voice. "Thanks Britt, You're the only one who understands me"
"That's right. So, what's the favor?"
"Right. Well, you see, since I have no 'sense of humor', that ginger woman told me to think of a really funny joke and tell her tomorrow."
"Why would you bother doing it?"
"She said she was willing to pay" Santana smirks.
Brittany giggles softly. "So what do I have to do about it?"
"Well, it's kind of embarrassing for me to do this, and I'm pretty sure people would laugh and see me differently if they see me do this. So, I need your opinion, since you're the only one who's there for me" Santana responds, feeling a bit shy.
"You're going to tell me jokes? OHH! I would love to help you Sanny!" she says with excitement.
Santana chuckles at her girlfriend's chirpy-ness and begins to open her notebook. "Alright, here's one. What's the most holy letter in the alphabet?"
"JEW!" Brittany answers, too quickly.
"No, Britt. I'm asking for an alphabet"
Brittany brings her index finger to her mouth and starts to think deeply. "But, isn't the letters in 'JEW' from the alphabet? I'm correct then!"
"I'm just asking for one letter Britt" Santana laughs.
"GOD!"
"That's three letters"
"No their not. 'O' is zero, so its not counted. And, Umm,, 'D' looks like a zero, so its not counted too! So… it's ONE!"
Santana sighs. "No Britt. It's Liturgy. As in LETTER G (litur-gy), they both rhyme."
"What's a liturgy, San? Is that a cat disease?"
"Cat disease? No Britt, it's a HOLY word, Mercedes told me"
"Who's Mercedes? You talked to a car, San?"
"Talked to a car? No Britt. Actually forget it, I wont use that joke. How about, how many sides are there in a circle?"
"CAT!"
"Cat? Why Cat Britt?"
"I didn't get what you said, so I just said Cat" she replies.
"Britt, think harder. SIDES of a CIRCLE. How many?"
"What's a circle?"
"A shape, Britt!" Santana laughs, her girlfriend was too funny.
"Are shape numbers?"
"No. they are figures"
"Ohh! So their human beings? We have figures!"
"No, What? Ugh. No Babe, as in shapes are figures. Like tria—you know what, forget it. The answer is inSIDE and outSIDE. Get it? They both have the word SIDE. And I was asking how many SIDES does a circle have" Santana explains as she laughs at her own joke.
"What's a circle?" Brittany asks, making Santana stay quiet for a few minutes.
"Okay, I wont use that one" she mutters, earning a heavy sigh from the blonde.
"What's the use, Sanny? I'm not smart. Get someone else's opinion"
"Nuh-Uh, Britt. You are smart in your own way. And the joke I'll tell that ginger bread woman is the one you would answer" she says.
"But SAN! I won't be able to answer anything!"
"No. I believe the perfect joke I need, is the one you can answer. That's it Britt"
Brittany slumps back to her bed and grunts. "That's unfair to you, San. I wont ge—"
"You will Britt. You will" Santana cuts in.
"Anyways, How about 'What's Lady Gaga's father's name?"
"Mr. Gaga?" Brittany answers, a bit unsure.
"Not really Britt"
"Uhh—ohh! Lord Gaga?"
"Nope, something else"
"Adam Lambert!"
"N—Wait, what? Adam Lambert? Why is it Adam Lambert, Britt?"
"I dunno, I'm listening to him right now, so I thought that's the answer" Brittany says, while she hums the lyrics that was coming from her iPod.
"Well, its not. The answer is PAPA-RAZZI. (PAPA=FATHER)" Santana says.
"Isnt that a song?"
"Yeah, but that's why. Her song, and …. You know what, next one!"
Before Santana could ask her next question, she hears a sob coming from the blonde.
"Britt, are you crying?"
Brittany sniffs sadly and starts to cry louder.
"Britt, what's wrong?" Santana asks, feeling very worried about her girlfriend.
"I-I'm so stupid, I'm so sorry San. I… I cant get anything right" she cries out, wiping the tears on her face.
"Shh… stop Britt, you're not stupid" she says softly.
"NO. IM STUPID, SAN. IM THE… " the blonde doesn't end her sentence, it was hard to talk while crying.
"Britt, Britt… Stop it please, Don't think like that, you aren't stupid."
"What am I then? Smart? I don't think so, uhm, you know what Santana… I think I'll talk to you tomorrow. I don't feel well"
"No, Brittany don't do that" the Latina politely commands.
"Then answer me, What am I? I'm not Smart Santana. That means I'm stupid"
"Again, you aren't stupid Britt! You're UNIQUE!" Santana fires back, she hated it when Brittany would say she was the stupidest person on earth, because to the Latina… she was the most special, unique and perfect person she knew.
"Unique?"
"Yes Britt, your mind is so unique. You're body's unique. You're voice is unique. Everything about you screams UNIQUE!" Santana says, chuckling at her own words.
Brittany couldn't help but smile after hearing those words, Santana really knew how to make the blonde feel a thousand times better.
"Thank you San, I'm sorry"
"Don't mind it Britt, Actually I think my next joke would get you answering" she says, a smirk plastered on her face.
"I can?"
"Yup. It's a Disney joke" the Latina informs, making Brittany squeal softly.
"You ready?"
Brittany takes a deep breath and prays she'll get this one right.
"READY!"
"Okay, Why did Cinderella loose the basketball game?" Santana asks,
Brittany takes a deep breath and let the words sink into her brain. She let her mind bring her to a castle, a huge white castle. Also, she wears a shiny white dress and silver sandals to match. She sees herself exit a pumpkin shaped carriage and enter the hallways of the castle. As she walks, a man approaches her.
"Miss, this way" he says, extending his arm to a gigantic door that was closed.
Brittany mutters a 'thank you' and walks closer to the door, holding her breath. Why did Cinderella loose the basketball game?
She touches the two steel doors and pushes them slowly, letting the bright light block her eyes. When she could finally see clearly, she moves her gaze to the middle of the room, where a beautiful woman was standing, wearing a silky red gown. To her surprise, she couldn't believe there was a woman in the whole world that looked better than Santana. She didn't think it was possible.
But, as the woman turns around to face Brittany, she couldn't help but smile wide. It was her Santana, who looked more beautiful than ever.
"Sanny!" she squeals, running down the stairs to meet the brunette.
Santana doesn't talk though, she just smiles sweetly at Brittany and points her finger up. Brittany follows the direction of the Latina's finger and sees a huge banner stuck on the wall.
"Santana Lopez's Ball night" was written on it.
Brittany curiously looks at Santana, but soon turns into confusion once she sees Santana running away from her.
"Where are you going?" she yells, but Santana doesn't look back.
The blonde follows the Latina as she runs through the hallway, past the hostess, and through the entrance doors of the castle. Brittany pants heavily when she finally reaches the end and sees Santana entering a carriage shaped like an oval.
"Where are you going?" she repeats, almost losing her voice.
Santana still doesn't talk, she just smiles sweetly to her just like a while ago, and within one second, she disappears.
Santana! Why didn't she talk to me? Great, I feel like Cinderella when she ran away from the ball.
Brittany thinks to herself, feeling really confused. But, after a minute passed, Brittany realizes something.
Wait, what? Cinderella…. Ran… oh my gosh! I can't believe this! I should tell Lord Tubbington! I know the answer!
She screams those words into her head.
"BRITTANY" someone shouts, making her go back to reality.
Brittany shakes her head slowly. "Wha—What?" she mutters
"Brittany! Are you there?"
Brittany looks down and sees her phone inches away.
"Brittany?"
The blonde quickly grabs her phone and places it next to her ear.
"SAN! Hello? SAN!"
"Britt, I'm here. What happened to you. A minu—"
"San! I know the answer" Brittany says with glee, completely ignoring her girlfriend.
"Answer…? WAIT, you DO?" Santana asks once more, feeling excited as well.
"YEAH! Cinderella lost the basketball game because she ran away from the ball ! In the story, she ran away from the ball, and if it was in the basketball game, she couldn't shoot any scores because she ran away from the ball! AM I RIGHT SAN?"
"OHMYGOD. OF COURSE BRITT! YOU GOT IT! I TOLD YOU!" Santana says loudly.
Brittany giggles at the Latina's voice and tilts her head to the side. "Thanks San, it's all because of you"
Santana scratches her head and blushes furiously. "N-No problem Britt"
The blonde giggles some more, completely aware of what her girlfriend's face looked like right now. "Sooo, Is that the joke you're going to ask Ms. Emma?"
Santana nods vigorously in response. "Definitely" she replies, making Brittany smile wide.
"It's the winning joke of the century"
END
Please Review!
[HAHA OKAY, I'M SORRY IF SOME OF YOU THINK THIS ISNT FUNNY, I DON'T BLAME YOU. WE HAVE DIFFERENT OPINIONS, I JUST WANTED TO POST THIS BECAUSE MY FRIEND IS SOO WEIRD. YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, IM TALKING ABOUT YOU SARAH. =))))) YOU ARE THE WEIRDEST PERSON I MET. HAHAHA. THIS FIC IS DEDICATED TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEIRD GIRL ;) HAHA. BY THE WAY, PLEASE REVIEW! ]
…..
"I AM NOT A PERSON. I AM NOT AN ANIMAL, I AM NOT A THING. WHAT AM I?"
"UHH… WHAT?"
"VOLCANOO!"
LOLZ. =))) SARAH. YOU. ARE. WEIRD.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL ;) VOLCANOES FTW!