I know many people probably have already done the whole Soda writes a letter to Sandy thing, but I don't care. This is my version. It isn't like the others. Especially since most of it was based off my experiences and feelings for that one guy...

I was thinking of making this a one-shot, it depends. We'll see. For now, read&review Stay Gold! ~ClarkKentsgirl96

Sandy,

I can't take it anymore. This pain. It eats at me slowly every day. It's been months, but I still think about what happened every day. Every fucking day. Sometimes, I miss you and it's unbearable. It's like I'm waiting for you to show up at my doorstep, apologize and we get back together forever and it's like nothing ever happened. It'll be like the way it was before, but better.

Other days, I hate you. At least my brain does. My heart still says I love you. But on the days when I think I hate you, I just wanna scream at you. Tell you all the things I've been waiting to say for so long. Shake you so the words I'm saying will go through your thick skull.

How could you do that to me? You said you loved me. But if you loved me, why'd you betray me in the worse way I can imagine? Was that guy better looking than me? Stronger? Funnier? Nicer? Smarter? I bet he was. You never said it, but I knew that you hated the fact that I was a drop-out who didn't mind working at a DX. Well I hope that guy was worth it. Every fucking second you spent with him, I hope it was worth it.

Did it even pass your mind for a second how I would feel. Not just then, but right now? Cause right now, I don't even know what I'm feeling honestly. If I see you, I'll either freak out and swear at you and call you every nasty word I can think of. Or, I'll grab you into my arms and kiss you harder then I ever had before, and never let you go. There's so much on my mind, but I don't know how to say it. I know exactly how I'm feeling, but I can't put it into words, and when I do it comes out a jumbled mess (Kind of like right now)

I had so many plans for us. I never told you any of them, I was too nervous bout how you would react. I know that you knew I loved you, I told you it plenty of times. But there was so much more then that. You were my first love. All the other girls I've liked in the past, the feelings I had for them were nothing compared to my feelings for you. Every second I wasn't with you or talking to you I was looking forward to the moment I got to again. Even if I was hanging out with somebody else, I was thinking of you.

I was gonna propose to you, Sandy. We could have gotten married, spend the rest of our lives with one another.

But no, you had to go and fuck it up.

Are you happy with yourself? Probably not. You sure got yourself into some shit after you lied to me. Guess karma is real.

But you know what I hate the most? Even though I saw all these rude things to you, let out all my anger, I still love you. No matter what I do, I can't get over you. It's been months, I've been trying as hard as I can but nothing works. My friends and family see it, they tried helping me at first. Now I can tell they're getting annoyed with me. At least some of them are. I feel like a burden to them. They tell me "You gotta get over it!"

They don't fucking understand. They're not me. I'm trying, really and truly that's all I've been doing. Trying. But once you have feelings for somebody you can't make them go away. No matter how hard you try or want them to, they're gonna stay as long as they please.

I'm always gonna love you, for the rest of my life. I might find someone else to spend my life with, but there will be that tiny part of me that loves you, no matter what.

So hopefully you finally understand what I've been going through, cause of you. If not, I don't know how else to tell you, cause this is the only way I can think of. There's so much more I wanna say, but I don't know how to yet. So I guess I better go now. But just remember, you may not give a shit about how I feel, but I do.

-Sodapop Curtis.