p b DISCLAIMER: /b This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
p b "30 Minutes" /b
p I know that my choices affect everything that revolves around me, but sometimes in your life you have to choose between two things that really mean something to you and it's inevitable to lose one of them.
p You have to decide what is more important to you. What you want. But you have to be aware that your decision will affect your future life forever, leaving an invisible wound that probably will never stop bleeding. And you have to be aware that maybe you will choose the wrong option and curse forever what you decided.
p And is in those moments when you think: Why do I have to face these things? Why life isn't perfect? Why can't I have both things? Why can't everything just be right? Should I hide until my death and never affront the consequences of my decision? Do I run to the end of the world and forget all the things that keep me here?
p But you know that you can't hide like a coward and that even if you run they would find you. And also… you know that you can't leave him there. But is him worthy enough to betray your family? You have really few probabilities of success and even if you rescue him there are many chances of failing later, of losing him.
p You know that you would never forgive yourself to leaving him in there… to leave him in his death chamber without helping him, knowing that he would be tortured and suffering horribly until his body can't resist more. But the worst is that you would be the one making him suffer even more than those death eaters, that you would be inflicting him deeper wounds, wounds that are worst than all physic torture because they don't make you bleed, they don't break your bones. They shatter your soul… they shatter your heart.
p I know that both of us would be devastated, yes both of us. Because even if it's hard to admit it. I love him. And how do I know this? How am I so sure of my feelings? It's really simple… when you love somebody, you can feel it, if you're listening to your heart there's no way to be confused. The heart doesn't lies.
p And how I know that he loves me?
p He tell me two days ago that I was the most important thing is his live, the person that gave him the strength to fight every battle and that he loved me. Many could say that those words were only lies, but if they have been staring at his eyes when he was talking… they would know that there was no chance he wasn't telling the truth.
p Maybe I'm blinded by his love and I can only see what I want to believe, and I want to believe that he loves me.
p In this precise moment he, the one I love, is waiting for me in those cold dungeons of the Malfoy Manor. I know he is waiting for me even if he begged me to stay in Hogwarts if something ever passed to him. What he doesn't knows is that I'm forced to go in there, not for saving him… not for my own choice, I have to be in the Malfoy Manor because today in exactly 30 minutes I will become a death eater.
p Now I have just thirty minutes to decide what I want to do, to change the course of my live and never turn back and see what I left behind. Yes, it's a difficult situation and thirty minutes are nothing… but how I was supposed to know that the precise person Voldemort chose for be sacrificed in my initiation was going to be him.
p Maybe it was obvious that the Dark Lord wanted him dead and I was aware that our love was not easy, that we were really exposed to danger, that he could be killed any day… but that's something different to see him being murdered and not only be an spectator but be the one doing it.
p Life is really difficult, life is anything but fair. I think that fates damned me since the day I was born, I have experienced many kinds of feeling: hatred, fury, disillusion, sadness…but just one person have really made me feel alive.
p He showed me to see people for what they truly are, to have compassion, to be happy, but what is most importantly he showed me how to love.
p And now I'm supposed to kill him, to show him no mercy, to show him no love but… how can I do that to him? Tell me, how? If the only think I want to do in these moments is to held him in my arms and tell him that I'm sorry.
p Why that I'm sorry? Because I'm sorry for not telling him those three smalls words that means so much: I love you. For breaking his heart and leaving him in Hogwarts without any explication because I was going to the Malfoy Manor to become for second time in my life one of his enemies.
p I'm aware that even if I save him, he isn't going to love me anymore, I'm almost sure that he hates me. I shattered his heart the moment after he confessed his love, I began to laugh, told him that everything I had said and made were lies, that everything had been a game for me. I didn't wait for his answer; I couldn't look at him after saying what I had said.
p When I told him all those things, I didn't break any promise because I never promised him anything, I never asked for his trust, I never said that I love him… but damned him always playing the hero, saving the souls of the evil ones decided to promise me the stars and the moon, decided to trust me and decided to love me even when he knew that everything could be a lie.
p I have to recognize that he achieved his purpose; he wanted to melt the ice barriers I have built around myself, I never thought he could do it but… I was mistaken.
p I love him and that was the reason because I left to the Malfoy Manor to become a death eater, the reason to hurt him and tell him that everything was just a sick joke.
p I was trying to protect him, I thought that if I hurt him enough he would leave me and I would go to the initiation ceremony without fearing he would appear in any moment to save me.
p But how wrong I was, everything I did was in vain, Voldemort had to choose him as the sacrifice. /p
p I think that this is the hardest decision I have made in my whole life, it's the hardest because I can lose everything. /p
p I love him, I can't live without him. He is my everything.
p When you have to decide between your pride and family honor or your happiness and the love of your life… it's stupid to even ask yourself. You can't fight against love.
p And even more if Harry Potter is the one you're in love with…
p b Author's Notes: /b Please, please don't be mean with me... This is my first intent on slash... well if you can call this slash. Also English is not my native language and well you can see my grammar and spelling mistakes all over the fic. I made this before the release of OoTP so I didn't kow about the prophecy... I just posted this to know your opinion. please review!!!
p b "30 Minutes" /b
p I know that my choices affect everything that revolves around me, but sometimes in your life you have to choose between two things that really mean something to you and it's inevitable to lose one of them.
p You have to decide what is more important to you. What you want. But you have to be aware that your decision will affect your future life forever, leaving an invisible wound that probably will never stop bleeding. And you have to be aware that maybe you will choose the wrong option and curse forever what you decided.
p And is in those moments when you think: Why do I have to face these things? Why life isn't perfect? Why can't I have both things? Why can't everything just be right? Should I hide until my death and never affront the consequences of my decision? Do I run to the end of the world and forget all the things that keep me here?
p But you know that you can't hide like a coward and that even if you run they would find you. And also… you know that you can't leave him there. But is him worthy enough to betray your family? You have really few probabilities of success and even if you rescue him there are many chances of failing later, of losing him.
p You know that you would never forgive yourself to leaving him in there… to leave him in his death chamber without helping him, knowing that he would be tortured and suffering horribly until his body can't resist more. But the worst is that you would be the one making him suffer even more than those death eaters, that you would be inflicting him deeper wounds, wounds that are worst than all physic torture because they don't make you bleed, they don't break your bones. They shatter your soul… they shatter your heart.
p I know that both of us would be devastated, yes both of us. Because even if it's hard to admit it. I love him. And how do I know this? How am I so sure of my feelings? It's really simple… when you love somebody, you can feel it, if you're listening to your heart there's no way to be confused. The heart doesn't lies.
p And how I know that he loves me?
p He tell me two days ago that I was the most important thing is his live, the person that gave him the strength to fight every battle and that he loved me. Many could say that those words were only lies, but if they have been staring at his eyes when he was talking… they would know that there was no chance he wasn't telling the truth.
p Maybe I'm blinded by his love and I can only see what I want to believe, and I want to believe that he loves me.
p In this precise moment he, the one I love, is waiting for me in those cold dungeons of the Malfoy Manor. I know he is waiting for me even if he begged me to stay in Hogwarts if something ever passed to him. What he doesn't knows is that I'm forced to go in there, not for saving him… not for my own choice, I have to be in the Malfoy Manor because today in exactly 30 minutes I will become a death eater.
p Now I have just thirty minutes to decide what I want to do, to change the course of my live and never turn back and see what I left behind. Yes, it's a difficult situation and thirty minutes are nothing… but how I was supposed to know that the precise person Voldemort chose for be sacrificed in my initiation was going to be him.
p Maybe it was obvious that the Dark Lord wanted him dead and I was aware that our love was not easy, that we were really exposed to danger, that he could be killed any day… but that's something different to see him being murdered and not only be an spectator but be the one doing it.
p Life is really difficult, life is anything but fair. I think that fates damned me since the day I was born, I have experienced many kinds of feeling: hatred, fury, disillusion, sadness…but just one person have really made me feel alive.
p He showed me to see people for what they truly are, to have compassion, to be happy, but what is most importantly he showed me how to love.
p And now I'm supposed to kill him, to show him no mercy, to show him no love but… how can I do that to him? Tell me, how? If the only think I want to do in these moments is to held him in my arms and tell him that I'm sorry.
p Why that I'm sorry? Because I'm sorry for not telling him those three smalls words that means so much: I love you. For breaking his heart and leaving him in Hogwarts without any explication because I was going to the Malfoy Manor to become for second time in my life one of his enemies.
p I'm aware that even if I save him, he isn't going to love me anymore, I'm almost sure that he hates me. I shattered his heart the moment after he confessed his love, I began to laugh, told him that everything I had said and made were lies, that everything had been a game for me. I didn't wait for his answer; I couldn't look at him after saying what I had said.
p When I told him all those things, I didn't break any promise because I never promised him anything, I never asked for his trust, I never said that I love him… but damned him always playing the hero, saving the souls of the evil ones decided to promise me the stars and the moon, decided to trust me and decided to love me even when he knew that everything could be a lie.
p I have to recognize that he achieved his purpose; he wanted to melt the ice barriers I have built around myself, I never thought he could do it but… I was mistaken.
p I love him and that was the reason because I left to the Malfoy Manor to become a death eater, the reason to hurt him and tell him that everything was just a sick joke.
p I was trying to protect him, I thought that if I hurt him enough he would leave me and I would go to the initiation ceremony without fearing he would appear in any moment to save me.
p But how wrong I was, everything I did was in vain, Voldemort had to choose him as the sacrifice. /p
p I think that this is the hardest decision I have made in my whole life, it's the hardest because I can lose everything. /p
p I love him, I can't live without him. He is my everything.
p When you have to decide between your pride and family honor or your happiness and the love of your life… it's stupid to even ask yourself. You can't fight against love.
p And even more if Harry Potter is the one you're in love with…
p b Author's Notes: /b Please, please don't be mean with me... This is my first intent on slash... well if you can call this slash. Also English is not my native language and well you can see my grammar and spelling mistakes all over the fic. I made this before the release of OoTP so I didn't kow about the prophecy... I just posted this to know your opinion. please review!!!