"Welcome to the first, and probably last, annual Ego Battle!!! I'll be your
announcer for the competition, unless I somehow get injured! My name is
Yusuke Urameshi! Let's introduce some of this year's players!" Yusuke was
standing in a large boxing ring in a huge, high-ceiling arena. He was
wearing a suit and dark sunglasses, and looked very professional. He jumped
over the ropes and landed on the floor outside the ring. He started through
the crowds of people, towards the competitors' divided-off waiting room. He
walked inside and he sees that there is only six people left.
"Where is everyone?" Yusuke asked, walking over to where Kuwabara and Hiei were standing.
"They got scared when Legato started screwing with people's limbs... They pissed him off pretty bad so he broke some arms and they ran away crying to their mommies. Literally," Kuwabara said.
"Oh... Well then I guess the battles will be a good bit shorter than we had expected them to be... Oh well, it'll still be good. We got left with the best four. Plus Kuwabara and Domon," Yusuke said.
"HEY! WHY AREN'T I IN THE TOP FOUR!?" Kuwabara yelled.
"Simple. You suck," Hiei said coldly.
"HEY, YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH, HALF-PINT!!!" Kuwabara screamed, spitting all over Hiei in the process. Hiei got an extremely disgusting look on his face and took the hankerchief that Yusuke offered to wipe the spit off.
"Well," Yusuke said, turning back to the camera, "it seems we only have six competitors left. Let's go to the first battle! Would Hajime Saito and Kazuma Kuwabara please report to the ring!"
Yusuke walked out of the waiting room, followed by Kuwabara, Botan, who was acting as a sort of coach to Kuwabara, and Saito with his coach Kenshin. They had gotten only halfway to the ring when Yusuke spotted a girl leaning against the ring. He walked forward to tell her that nobody was allowed that close, but when he was a few feet away he recognized the girl as Starshadow Jaganshi (she had stolen Hiei's last name when they first met and she had needed a last name). She was a little shorter than Kurama, with long black hair, always pulled back in a ponytail, and a strange zig-zag silver stripe on the top-right side of her head. She was wearing all black, but that just made her bright blood-red eyes stand out even more.
"Shadow, sorry, but unless you're the announcer, a competitor, or a coach, you can't be here. Take a hike," Yusuke said.
"I'm your co-announcer! Nobody told you?" Shadow said, pulling a microphone out of her pocket and waving it in front of Yusuke's face.
"You--- Damn," Yusuke muttered.
"Who is this girl, Urameshi?" Saito asked.
"She's a friend of... Hiei's," Yusuke said. He didn't call her a friend of his because she was a very annoying person and she annoyed him a lot and he didn't like having annoying friends. Of course, that excluded Kuwabara.
"Shadow, take a hike! I gotta beat this guy to a pulp! Go hang out with your stupid demon boyfriends!" Kuwabara said, pointing back toward the waiting room.
"They aren't stupid and they AREN'T my boyfriends," Shadow snapped, but she did walk back toward the waiting room.
"Okay, you people out there in the audience have waited long enough! The first match of the Ego Battles will see Kazuma Kuwabara facing off against Hajime Saito! You guys know the rules, right? Good, then let's go! Begin your insults!" Yusuke said happily, jumping out of the ring. He walked around to where a huge stereo system was hooked up and he pressed play. A second later, death metal music blasted so loud he fell over backwards.
"Don't kill him," Kenshin said as Saito walked toward Kuwabara.
"Right..."
"Kuwabara, good luck continuing your horrible losing streak!" Botan said cheerfully as Kuwabara started towards the center of the ring.
"WHAT? HEY, THAT'S NOT NICE!!!" Kuwabara said, momentarily distracted and giving Saito the privledge of first insult.
"Hey you stupid kid, are you gonna fight with your coach or me?" Saito asked.
"Yeah, well at least my coach looks like her gender is supposed to," Kuwabara said.
"That's not an insult to me, you dumb bubblehead! That's an insult to Kenshin! You're too stupid to comprehend who you're supposed to insult!"
"Shut up!"
"Make me!"
"You want me to, you stupid police officer?"
"I'd like to see you try, you ugly kid!"
"Right, and you're not ugly?"
"No!! I'm married!!"
"I've got a girlfriend!"
"So what?!"
"So once we're old enough we'll be married too!!!"
"That doesn't change the fact that you're ugly! Maybe she's got bad taste in guys, you stupid boy!!!"
"Hey, no insulting Yukina!"
"I wasn't insulting Yukina, I was saying maybe she's got bad taste in boys meaning that if she's got bad taste in boys and she likes you, then you're lousy and ugly and smelly and stupid and fat and worthless and the list goes on and on!"
"I AM NOT!!!" Kuwabara screamed, starting to get an aura. "BEHOLD MY POWER!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!"
"Right. I've killed over one hundred people. I bet you've never killed even one person," Saito said.
"OH, THAT'S IT!!!" Kuwabara charged, forming his spirit sword as he ran. Saito blinked, unimpressed with his speed. What speed?
"Wow, after an insulting round of insults, Kuwabara is the first to charge!!! Saito isn't even moving! Kuwabara's so slow it looks like he's barely moving! And there's one question that isn't in everyone's mind: who will win? I say it's not in everyone's mind because it's obvious-- AGH!!! That had to hurt!!!" Yusuke said as Saito drew his sword and smashed Kuwabara in the side of the head with the flat side of the blade. Kuwabara spun around a couple times, fell agaisnt the elastic ropes and bounced backwards, landing on his back with swirls for eyes and stars spinning over his head. Saito sheathed his sword.
"He lost," Saito said to Yusuke as he climbed back into the ring to start the countdown.
"I wouldn't doubt it, but rules are rules. One! Two!" As Yusuke counted, Hiei, Kurama, who had decided to be Hiei's coach, and Shadow watched from the doorway of the waiting room.
"Typical," Shadow muttered.
"I wouldn't be surprised if he's dead," Hiei muttered.
"Maybe the force of that hit scrambled Kuwabara's brains," Kurama said, sounding hopeful.
"What brains?" Shadow and Hiei said at the same time.
"Hm. Good point."
"Kuwabara has been down for well over the allowed time! Hajime Saito is the winner! Would somebody please remove this body? Is he even alive anymore?" Yusuke said, lifting his sunglasses to look at Kuwabara. Botan jumped into the ring and checked his pulse.
"He's alive," she said.
"Damn!" Hiei said, rather loudly. He realized he almost yelled it and put his hand over his mouth, looking around. Saito, who had been coming back to the waiting room, raised one eyebrow.
"Not too fond of each other, I see," he said.
"Fond? I hate him!" Hiei said, walking back into the waiting room.
"He didn't seem very likable..." Saito muttered, watching Kuwabara get taken out on a stretcher with Botan walking beside him.
"Five minute intermission between each battle!" Yusuke announced into the microphone. "But for your entertainment, here's some person who will put up with having things thrown at him!"
A nobody-man walked into the ring and Yusuke ran off, sheilding his head with his arms as the man starting getting things thrown at him. Yusuke pushed the door open and walked into the waiting room.
"Hey guys. The second battle is Legato Bluesummers versus Prince Vegeta. Would the two of you get ready?" Yusuke said. Vegeta stood up, glaring at Legato, who was sitting in the corner.
"Please, it's not worth my time," Vegeta said. "This man has no power level, and he hasn't even moved since he got here. What kind of man do you think I am?"
"Shut up, you lousy Hiei look-alike!!! You'll fight him and that's final! Just cuz he doesn't move doesn't mean he's not strong!" Yusuke snapped.
"He has no power level!" Vegeta growled. "And who is Hiei? I don't look like anybody!"
"Yes you do! You look like Hiei!" Yusuke said, pointing at Hiei. "Spikey black hair, nasty attitude, you're just like him!"
"Shut up!" Hiei said. "I'm nothing like that dolt! He's weak!"
"FIVE MINUTE INTERMISSION IS OVER!" Yusuke yelled. "Git yer asses out there, you two!"
Vegeta and Legato followed Yusuke out to the ring and prepared to start.
*Note from author: Hope you like it. Each battle will be a chapter, plus what happens between the battle. Don't worry, it won't take me long to update this one, I'm almost done with the second chapter already.*
"Where is everyone?" Yusuke asked, walking over to where Kuwabara and Hiei were standing.
"They got scared when Legato started screwing with people's limbs... They pissed him off pretty bad so he broke some arms and they ran away crying to their mommies. Literally," Kuwabara said.
"Oh... Well then I guess the battles will be a good bit shorter than we had expected them to be... Oh well, it'll still be good. We got left with the best four. Plus Kuwabara and Domon," Yusuke said.
"HEY! WHY AREN'T I IN THE TOP FOUR!?" Kuwabara yelled.
"Simple. You suck," Hiei said coldly.
"HEY, YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH, HALF-PINT!!!" Kuwabara screamed, spitting all over Hiei in the process. Hiei got an extremely disgusting look on his face and took the hankerchief that Yusuke offered to wipe the spit off.
"Well," Yusuke said, turning back to the camera, "it seems we only have six competitors left. Let's go to the first battle! Would Hajime Saito and Kazuma Kuwabara please report to the ring!"
Yusuke walked out of the waiting room, followed by Kuwabara, Botan, who was acting as a sort of coach to Kuwabara, and Saito with his coach Kenshin. They had gotten only halfway to the ring when Yusuke spotted a girl leaning against the ring. He walked forward to tell her that nobody was allowed that close, but when he was a few feet away he recognized the girl as Starshadow Jaganshi (she had stolen Hiei's last name when they first met and she had needed a last name). She was a little shorter than Kurama, with long black hair, always pulled back in a ponytail, and a strange zig-zag silver stripe on the top-right side of her head. She was wearing all black, but that just made her bright blood-red eyes stand out even more.
"Shadow, sorry, but unless you're the announcer, a competitor, or a coach, you can't be here. Take a hike," Yusuke said.
"I'm your co-announcer! Nobody told you?" Shadow said, pulling a microphone out of her pocket and waving it in front of Yusuke's face.
"You--- Damn," Yusuke muttered.
"Who is this girl, Urameshi?" Saito asked.
"She's a friend of... Hiei's," Yusuke said. He didn't call her a friend of his because she was a very annoying person and she annoyed him a lot and he didn't like having annoying friends. Of course, that excluded Kuwabara.
"Shadow, take a hike! I gotta beat this guy to a pulp! Go hang out with your stupid demon boyfriends!" Kuwabara said, pointing back toward the waiting room.
"They aren't stupid and they AREN'T my boyfriends," Shadow snapped, but she did walk back toward the waiting room.
"Okay, you people out there in the audience have waited long enough! The first match of the Ego Battles will see Kazuma Kuwabara facing off against Hajime Saito! You guys know the rules, right? Good, then let's go! Begin your insults!" Yusuke said happily, jumping out of the ring. He walked around to where a huge stereo system was hooked up and he pressed play. A second later, death metal music blasted so loud he fell over backwards.
"Don't kill him," Kenshin said as Saito walked toward Kuwabara.
"Right..."
"Kuwabara, good luck continuing your horrible losing streak!" Botan said cheerfully as Kuwabara started towards the center of the ring.
"WHAT? HEY, THAT'S NOT NICE!!!" Kuwabara said, momentarily distracted and giving Saito the privledge of first insult.
"Hey you stupid kid, are you gonna fight with your coach or me?" Saito asked.
"Yeah, well at least my coach looks like her gender is supposed to," Kuwabara said.
"That's not an insult to me, you dumb bubblehead! That's an insult to Kenshin! You're too stupid to comprehend who you're supposed to insult!"
"Shut up!"
"Make me!"
"You want me to, you stupid police officer?"
"I'd like to see you try, you ugly kid!"
"Right, and you're not ugly?"
"No!! I'm married!!"
"I've got a girlfriend!"
"So what?!"
"So once we're old enough we'll be married too!!!"
"That doesn't change the fact that you're ugly! Maybe she's got bad taste in guys, you stupid boy!!!"
"Hey, no insulting Yukina!"
"I wasn't insulting Yukina, I was saying maybe she's got bad taste in boys meaning that if she's got bad taste in boys and she likes you, then you're lousy and ugly and smelly and stupid and fat and worthless and the list goes on and on!"
"I AM NOT!!!" Kuwabara screamed, starting to get an aura. "BEHOLD MY POWER!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!"
"Right. I've killed over one hundred people. I bet you've never killed even one person," Saito said.
"OH, THAT'S IT!!!" Kuwabara charged, forming his spirit sword as he ran. Saito blinked, unimpressed with his speed. What speed?
"Wow, after an insulting round of insults, Kuwabara is the first to charge!!! Saito isn't even moving! Kuwabara's so slow it looks like he's barely moving! And there's one question that isn't in everyone's mind: who will win? I say it's not in everyone's mind because it's obvious-- AGH!!! That had to hurt!!!" Yusuke said as Saito drew his sword and smashed Kuwabara in the side of the head with the flat side of the blade. Kuwabara spun around a couple times, fell agaisnt the elastic ropes and bounced backwards, landing on his back with swirls for eyes and stars spinning over his head. Saito sheathed his sword.
"He lost," Saito said to Yusuke as he climbed back into the ring to start the countdown.
"I wouldn't doubt it, but rules are rules. One! Two!" As Yusuke counted, Hiei, Kurama, who had decided to be Hiei's coach, and Shadow watched from the doorway of the waiting room.
"Typical," Shadow muttered.
"I wouldn't be surprised if he's dead," Hiei muttered.
"Maybe the force of that hit scrambled Kuwabara's brains," Kurama said, sounding hopeful.
"What brains?" Shadow and Hiei said at the same time.
"Hm. Good point."
"Kuwabara has been down for well over the allowed time! Hajime Saito is the winner! Would somebody please remove this body? Is he even alive anymore?" Yusuke said, lifting his sunglasses to look at Kuwabara. Botan jumped into the ring and checked his pulse.
"He's alive," she said.
"Damn!" Hiei said, rather loudly. He realized he almost yelled it and put his hand over his mouth, looking around. Saito, who had been coming back to the waiting room, raised one eyebrow.
"Not too fond of each other, I see," he said.
"Fond? I hate him!" Hiei said, walking back into the waiting room.
"He didn't seem very likable..." Saito muttered, watching Kuwabara get taken out on a stretcher with Botan walking beside him.
"Five minute intermission between each battle!" Yusuke announced into the microphone. "But for your entertainment, here's some person who will put up with having things thrown at him!"
A nobody-man walked into the ring and Yusuke ran off, sheilding his head with his arms as the man starting getting things thrown at him. Yusuke pushed the door open and walked into the waiting room.
"Hey guys. The second battle is Legato Bluesummers versus Prince Vegeta. Would the two of you get ready?" Yusuke said. Vegeta stood up, glaring at Legato, who was sitting in the corner.
"Please, it's not worth my time," Vegeta said. "This man has no power level, and he hasn't even moved since he got here. What kind of man do you think I am?"
"Shut up, you lousy Hiei look-alike!!! You'll fight him and that's final! Just cuz he doesn't move doesn't mean he's not strong!" Yusuke snapped.
"He has no power level!" Vegeta growled. "And who is Hiei? I don't look like anybody!"
"Yes you do! You look like Hiei!" Yusuke said, pointing at Hiei. "Spikey black hair, nasty attitude, you're just like him!"
"Shut up!" Hiei said. "I'm nothing like that dolt! He's weak!"
"FIVE MINUTE INTERMISSION IS OVER!" Yusuke yelled. "Git yer asses out there, you two!"
Vegeta and Legato followed Yusuke out to the ring and prepared to start.
*Note from author: Hope you like it. Each battle will be a chapter, plus what happens between the battle. Don't worry, it won't take me long to update this one, I'm almost done with the second chapter already.*