Greetings inhabitants of the internet! Clichéd SI's got you down? Mary-sue's overrunning fanfiction? Looking for something out of the ordinary? WELL LOOK NO FURTHER! I have no way of telling how good this will turn out, but I've been wanting to write an SI for some time and I'm also annoyed with all the habits people tend to fall into (date the quarian, steal the spotlight. Etc.). So here's a story that I'm 99.99% sure hasn't been done yet. It'll take a few chapters to get into the actual plotline, but trust me, you'll like it. (I hope)

I would also like to thank Herr Wozzeck and iNf3ctioNZ for writing amazing stories that have inspired me to start writing this.

And now the part I hate, so listen up, I'm only gonna say it once. I DO NOT OWN MASS EFFECT OR ANY OF THE BANDS, TELEVISION SHOWS, MOVIES, BOOKS, AND OTHER THINGS THAT I MAY REFERENCE.

And with that out of the way, please enjoy!

I sit on the edge of my bed in my bedroom, eyes glued to the television, and an Xbox controller grasped firmly in my hands. On the TV, are the words "Critical Mission Fail". Normally, if I'm even close to death in a video game, I start to lose it, but I had seen that screen so many times in the last few days that it's now permanently etched in my brain.

For the past week, I had been trying to win a bet with my friend, saying I could beat both Mass Effect games on insanity before he could. We were tied about three days ago, but who knows how far he's gotten since then.

I feel my phone vibrate and when I open it up, I see that a picture was sent to me.

Achievement unlocked: Insanity-75GS

"God dang it!" I say out loud. "That's fifty bucks I'll never get back." I chuck the controller at the ground, not caring if it breaks or not, and turn off my Xbox.

An entire week, wasted, and now I was out fifty bucks. Only one thing can help at a time like this.

I press the play button on my IPod, which is already in the dock, and it starts to play "Survive" by Rise Against.

So much better.

I fall back onto my bed and begin to air guitar as I forget about the world around me.

It really is amazing what a bit of hard rock and heavy metal can do. I could honestly listen to this stuff for days on end. It seriously annoys me that a lot of people only focus on the satanic screaming that most of these bands tend to do, because a lot of them have beautiful lyrics. Then again, I guess I'm the only one who pays attention to that.

While I actually listen to what people are saying, everyone else I know just listens to the music and if it's catchy enough, they start singing it. This annoys me to no end, mostly because the people who make these so-called "catchy songs" have no talent whatsoever. Case in point, Justin Beiber, Ke$ha, and almost every rapper on the planet.

My phone vibrates again, snapping me out of my music induced coma.

"Hey *****.Let me guess, you saw my picture, rage quit, and now your air guitaring to Day to Remember."

I can't help but smirk. He knows me so well.

"Actually it's Rise against. And stop calling me *****. For the thousandth time, it's Parker."

I swear he does that just to annoy me. Everyone else calls me by my last name, why can't he?

"Whatever *****. Still, I expect the 50 bucks on my desk tomorrow."

"You do realize tomorrow's a Sunday, right?"

"So?"

I roll my eyes in annoyance. "You're an idiot."

"Ugh, your words! They hurt me so!"

"Good bye, Brett"

I shut off my phone before he has any time to react. Normally I contribute to his odd sense of humor, but I honestly wasn't in the mood right now. The song ends and I shut off my IPod.

Not having anything else to do, I switch the input on my television and start channel surfing.

Family guy? Nah.

South Park? How is that any different?

How I Met Your Mother? SPARE ME!

I finally stop when I hear a familiar monologue.

"Sometimes bad guys, make the best good guys."

Leverage? SCORE! Honestly, I don't know why more people don't watch this show.

As the credits dissolve I see that it's one of my favorite episodes, so I lean back and enjoy.

It's about a half hour later, now. The only light in my room was coming from the tv and the smell of melted butter filled the room. I had gotten a bowl full of popcorn during the commercials and after having a few handfulls I was now wishing that I was smart enough to remember a drink. I shrug apathetically as the show comes back on and it shows Parker, the thief, in a flight attendent uniform.

"In the event of a water landing, your seat may be used as a floatation device, but lets face it, if we were to crash into the ocean the impact would most likely kill you…"

I smirk at this. Parker was always my favorite character on the show, and not just because we share the name.

"Please take this time to locate the emergency exits closest to you, because if this plane catches fire, you'll wanna get out, remember, jet fuel burns at 1000 degr"

*BOOM*

Out of nowhere, a deafening sound reverberates through the house, causing me to flinch so hard that I slip off of my bed. Popcorn spills everywhere and continues to shake on the floor as the house vibrates.

As I try to get up, my blanket warps around my feet and I slip back down to the ground.

"What the hell was that!" I hear my mom scream from her room.

Breaking free from my cloth prison, I scramble to my feet and yank open the door, stepping out into what used to be the upstairs hallway. Bits of broken glass and splintered wood litter the floor and I try my best not to cut my feet. However that soon becomes the least of my worries.

Somehow, the fact that there is a car sized hole in the roof and floor dividing the hallway into two halves is slightly more unsettling. Unfortunately, the rest of my family is on the side that didn't have any stairs.

My dad comes bursting out of his room with his baseball bat held high above his head and my mom cowering behind him in fear. I shake my head in disbelief.

"Dad," I ask, "What the heck is that for?"

He shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know, in case it was a burglar or something."

I resist the urge to facepalm. "Dad, burglars break open windows, they don't drop a God damn bomb through the roof!" Honestly, I love my dad, but he really needs to think every now and then.

"Oh, be quiet you two, this is hardly the time." My mother says as she yanks my dad's bat out of his hands. "Now, *****, go call 911."

As always, my mother is the voice of reason. I slip back into my room to put on my gym shoes and navigate across the debris filled hallway.

I turn the corner down the stairs and head for my kitchen. Upon entry, I immediately freeze as I see what crashed into our house.

"How the hell…" I begin to say, but find that the words were stuck in my throat. Standing erect in a 6 foot deep crater is a large metallic pillar.

It looks kind of like…no…no Parker, it's your imagination. You've been playing too much Mass Effect.

Shaking off my initial fear, I ignore the oddly shaped meteorite and climb through the crater, heading for the phone on the other side of the room.

As I pass the giant mass sticking out of the ground, something catches my attention. My eyes widen at the sudden realization. It was faint, but whatever this thing was, was giving off some sort of odd glow.

I think about what to do for a moment, and then curiosity gets the better of me. I reach out my hand to touch it. Biggest fucking mistake of my life.

I barely even graze it with the tip of my finger before I get punched in the chest by an unseen force. My head begins to go numb as my body hovers above the ground. I try my best to break free of the invisible hold, but my limbs refuse to move. However, I don't stay there for long. There is a bright flash of light as I am thrown back from the pillar and sent crashing through the wall.

I land on my head, somersaulting out of control until I'm finally stopped by some large metal thing.

I wrap my arms around my head and tuck it into my knees, trying to relieve some of the pain, but it has little effect. My vision starts to blur, most likely from some sort of head injury and I begin to feel dizzy.

I hear someone approach me followed by a female voice.

"Hey, are you OK? That looked like it hurt."

"No, Mom, I am most definitely NOT ok." I say with a bit more venom then I intended.

"Wow, you must have hit your head REALLY hard. Do I look your mother to your mother to you.

"Wait… what?" I say, my vision finally returning to me. To my astonishment, my house is nowhere in sight. Instead, I am in some alleyway with metallic walls, but that's nowhere near as alarming as the people inside of it.

Kneeling over me is a turian, an asari, and what I'm guessing was their child. The turian speaks next. "Wait, what's that thing that humans do?...Oh yeah."

He holds up his hand...talon...thing...whatever...in front of me and asks very slowly. "Can you tell me how many fingers I'm holding up?"

My body begins to shake uncontrollably. What the fuck is going on? "I…I…I"

"Mommy, is he ok? He's all shaky and weird." The child says.

The asari leans to whisper to the turian. "Do you think he's having a seizure or something?"

"I don't know. Should we take him to the hospital?"

Not thinking about what I'm doing, I fumble to my feet, push past the three of them and charge towards the exit. Second biggest mistake of my life.

The alley opens up into a place that I know all too well.

turians, asari, salarians, hanar, krogan, omni-tools, public terminals, flying cars, rapid transit posts, elcor, and holograms are just some of the things that I can say without a doubt, SHOULDN'T EXIST! Yet, there's no denying it…I'm on the Citadel.

I can't tell if it's the magnitude of my situation, or the massive concussion I probably have, but my legs go weak and I fall against the alley wall.

Having nothing else to say, I blurt out the first words that come to mind.

"SHIT THE FUCK!"

And thus we have our prologue. So…how'd I do? This is one of the first times I've posted anything online so feedback would be greatly appreciated. If you liked it, I'll be cranking out the next chapter fairly soon, but for now, this is a good start…I hope…