Disclaimed.
…..
For You
-;-
The sky is in hue of a setting sun —yellow, orange, violet and blue, abhorring the sky until it's dark —my favorite time of the day and chose to stay under my Sakura tree, where the school ground is flaunted by fewer students.
When I'm alone, I end thinking of myself. I always thought that after a year I'll be able to leave this place, few more days, weeks, months —I convinced myself that time will be fast and wait for it when the day ends.
The day breaks at that time and Mikan Sakura just came pestering my sacred place. What are you doing here? I always asked you that. You're always prying and argue with my stubbornness. I hate it when I hear your voice, your scowl, your optimism, and when you smile. I hate it how you make my time so slow.
But why is my time seemed to stop?
It took seconds before my action would sink in to my racked brain. I saw how you blushed feverishly and aghast, you were completely bowled over at that time but I also, felt the heat behind my neck and ears, hoping you won't even notice my tint of redden cheeks. I cursed myself for being reckless. This is not right. I shouldn't have kissed you, I thought. So before you say anything, I turn my heel to leave.
'Sorry.'
I realized the risk I'm holding so I pushed you away. Missions, my life is always in the verge of death and the only way my friends including you to be safe was to stay away. Especially when academy threatened me that you as their target, but you were oblivious of that, so I focused more on my missions.
You become weary and gloomy; you never smiled whenever we cross our paths. I blamed myself for that. Everything went miserable because I lost you…
I purposely made a thick wall when you started talking to me again. I cast myself away… away from everyone else especially you.
I want to be alone.
I yelled on top of my lungs, etched with disdain and regret that you won't notice, but you were determined that I only made a cold façade; you told me that you want our old friendship back— us.
I can't. I just can't. How should I tell you this? The academy wants you to make dirty jobs. I don't want you to be part of the school's foul activities. You're too innocent, too precious… so I decided what's best. I'll do everything to protect you… protect you from this vindictive academy.
You caught this time. I never thought that you'll be waiting outside my room after what I did. I straightened my composure and ignored you but you blocked my way.
Why are you so persistent?
Before I manage to sidestep and enter my room, my injuries throbs in pain and heaved a heavy breathing. Damn. You should not see this… not when I'm weak and hurt. You cried in front of me for the first time while you manage to dress my wounds.
Don't cry.
I can't utter any words and just watch you with guilt in my eyes. It's my fault for why you're hurting like this. I always thought for your best and maintain the things of what makes you happy. But why are you hurting like this? Me too… I want to take away the feeling of being hurt. I wanted to comfort you, so I pulled you to my chest lightly.
Warm isn't it? Please stop crying.
You stayed in my room this night and fell asleep at the space beside me after your strenuous wails. Your sleeping angelic face, made my insides churn while I brushed my thumb in your eyelashes that was stained in tears and trailed to your rosy cheeks. You're lips slightly lift a curve, and then I felt a crack of light in my cold heart that radiates through myself. It's been a while… I held your hand first time and watched you sleeping until I drowsed myself into slumber.
How I wish this would last forever… but why is my time so fast?
As I reminisce the days with you, I wonder if should I regret that I met you. Should I be happy that I kissed you? Even though all of those happen in a glimpse and never told you how I really felt, Should I still confess?
I told you last time that I'm not selfish but you protested. I take back my words, you were right. I am selfish. I was happy that you stomp in my life, I never regretted that I kissed you, I missed the time we spent together, your banters and your scowl that turn out to be adorable, but am too afraid because the way you smile and cry seems no difference —still beautiful.
I Love you Mikan.
I wished a while ago that we held hands forever but I can't… it's too long… maybe until the day breaks or only until you wake up? Like the time we first met.
My heart is weak and time is ticking fast, how I wish my time would slow down, wished that this day won't end while holding your hand and have the opportunity to leave this academy with you but I guess I didn't make it in a year.
Why is my fate so cruel?
I'm sorry.
As I write this letter I know that I am an obnoxious selfish jerk that you used to tell me. I'm sorry I only told you this when I'm about to leave. I kept this feeling for a long time and never told you this. Didn't I tell you I'm selfish right? You might be crying at this time… I'm sorry, Please be strong. You're Mikan right? And I know you're a strong woman.
Thank you for everything. I'm happy that I was able to protect you and see you smile in my very last moment.
You're beautiful when you smile, so keep smiling.
-;-
-Natsume Hyuuga
A/N: What do you think? (T^T)
*Just made some corrections.
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