AN: This is inspired by the great crisis in my relationship.
Disclaimer: I own only this story.
How to Break up
If you feel sad and abandoned, I know how it looks like. It's dark all around you even when the sunshine is brighter than ever. You look through the window and realize how life is catastrophic error of nature. You don't know where you belong or what your call in life is.
You try to run away from reality, but it doesn't work. I'm getting drunk these past few days. It's so unlike me. I do that for the reason most people have when they start drinking. I want to forget, even if it means that good things will be forgotten together with bad things. That's the price you have to pay in order to start all over again.
But drink brings nothing but a really nasty hangover. Plus, you vomit. And you don't feel like a person afterwards. The only good thing about drinking is that sometimes you can sleep like a log. But that's cheap consolation.
If you feel the way I feel, than we feel the same and understand each other well. I'm afraid to be alone. I'm afraid that I would be alone forever. And I don't have a reason to live if I'm not loved.
There are points in life when you say: "It doesn't matter anymore" and you stop caring. You don't see purpose of anything you do. Why going to take a shower? To be fresh and clean? For who? Why eating? Because that's the way to carry on living. But why living when you have nobody to devote your life to? Why watching movies, when they give you false hopes? So you choose to stay in bed and fall asleep by any cost. So you take pills. But you end up dreaming. And then you wake up and look through the window. Why waking up, when you can't be useful? Why waking up when you're sentenced on sorrow?
Your folks don't understand your burden. So, why getting up? If you did this thing, then you know what I'm talking about.
Some people would never tell you where the problem is unless you ask them to tell. Even then, it is hard for them to admit. And they have expectations from you. And you don't know how to be good and how to act when they're around; you don't know that you made a mistake because they refuse to tell you what's wrong.
So you don't know who is crazy and who is normal. You want to escape the reality. My name is Joseph Wheeler and I know very well what I'm talking about.
"I appreciate that you agreed to meet with me" Such a rarity. He accepted to meet with me somewhere in public for the first time in several months. That's good, for a change. Maybe he had sensed something in my voice. He's sitting on the opposite side of the table; a very nice café in the old part of town. The light is dim; rather romantic atmosphere for my liking, considering the topic I was about to start. But it is calm place and I need his full attention. "So, how was your trip? Have you come her permanently?"
I order two coffees. It's my treat today.
"Yes, I did." He says coldly. He used to look at me with eyes full of unspoken love and respect. I mustn't think about that…not now.
"So…how was it?"
"Most of the time it was boring…" his phone rings. He answers. So typical for him. We cannot even have a proper conversation. "Hi! It's been long time! Yes…yes…Well, I'm with Joey right now, but I can come in ten minutes or so. Ok. See you then." he hangs up. One of his buddies again. He has always been able to put me astray on every single wink of his fellows. Why I'm not surprised? Some people never change. And I've been waiting for his return for six long months. But no. I have to take the better attitude. He's all mine now. "It's Sam. You know Sam, form Yotsuba group…"
"I'm afraid we will need more than ten minutes, Seto." I tell him coldly.
"Ok…Hurry up. I haven't seen him in ages."
"You haven't seen me in ages as well." I feel so bad, but I must tell him some things.
"Don't get mad about every little thing. Besides, I'll make it up to you." he says. I snort.
"And when is that?" I ask ironically. Now the mood is serious and dark. And he can see my black aura around me.
"Don't start with that shit."
"Listen, Seto…" I sigh and look at him. "I've been thinking for a while…You and I…it's not going to work…It doesn't work already. How long it has been…three years? But we don't get along. I suffocate you, you suffocate me…And…I really think we should put the end to this."
He's looking at me seriously, obviously not aware that I'm trying to break up with him. I'm sick of humiliation, manipulation, and neglecting from his side. It's been enough. With every atom of my energy I'm struggling with tears and I'm somehow managing to keep my voice flat.
"Are you breaking up with me?" he looks at me seriously, but I know that he thought about that option as well, and second by second, he agrees with my decision.
"Yes, I do."
"But I…" he stutters. "I thought that we should just take a little break after I get back, that's all…"
"Maybe it's better this way." I sigh, not believing my own words. I know that it's going to hurt like hell the other day, and that I would be alone from now on, but it is better than to feel heartache every single day of a three years old relationship. Things aren't working.
I don't want to fall lower than I already fell.
"Ok then." he says. I can see relief in his eyes.
"Then, that's it." I stand up and leave him to sit and be as happy as he pleases. Now he can do whatever he wants. I will go and get drunk again, but this time to celebrate. I'll think about pain tomorrow.
THE END