Hi everyone,
This one is a bit special…
First of all, I chose to tackle a touchy subject… Yeah, I'm actually derailing the sacrosanct ending of Help Me!
I know this episode – and especially the last scene – is probably the most untouchable Huddy moment of all. So why would I want to change it?
Well, to be honest, as much satisfying as it felt back then (and trust me, I was more than thrilled when I watched that episode, wrapped in my little red blanket, alone in my hotel room at 2 o' clock in the morning… ahhh, memories! :P) the thing is, in hindsight, I can't help but think that this sudden, completely out of blue change of heart from Cuddy was carrying a sense of Huddy doom in it.
Yes, love should conquer all, but the timing, albeit very romantic, was fucked up: House was broken, weak, confused, about to relapse… Cuddy was impulsive (huh?) demanding, confused as well…
So I thought… What if House had been aware of that, and strong enough to say 'no'?
Ow, don't throw stones at me, yet!
You know me, right?: this IS a Huddy story, so eventually, they're gonna be together. I just felt like changing the pace of their getting together a bit.
Also, and second of all, you might be a bit startled by the style of this one…
I love to write, but I also love to test different writing styles and for this one, I've decided to try something I've never done before for a fanfiction: I wrote a script!
What I wanted to do here was to create a 'visual' as much as possible, and I thought the scriptwriting style was something that would allow me to do that the most. I hope it won't take you off guard too much, and I also really do hope you will "see" the scenes as I imagine them in my head.
I followed the specific "script layout" as much as I could (some of you may already be familiar with it) so there'll be dialogues mostly, punctuated with short, directing cues.
Anyway, on to the story!
I hope you'll like it! :)
** HELP ME NOT **
- chapter 1 -
INT. HOUSE'S APARTMENT - BATHROOM - NIGHT.
House is sitting on the floor, his back against the bathtub. Cuddy, dressed in pink scrubs, is standing in front of him.
Cuddy: Lucas...
House: Oh, great. You're feeling uncomfortable again. Probably means you just got back from some quickie wedding in Vegas or you're already pregnant.
C: I ended it.
H: What?
C: I'm stuck, House. I keep wanting to move forward. I keep wanting to move on, and I can't. I mean, my new house, with my new fiancé, and all I can think about is you. I just need to know if you and I can work.
H: You think I can fix myself?
C: I don't know.
H: 'Cause I'm the most screwed-up person in the world.
C: I know. [Long pause] I love you. I wish I didn't. But I can't help it.
House continues to stare at her, stunned.
HOUSE:
I was about to take Vicodin—
CUDDY:
But I'm here now.
HOUSE:
I know. What I'm saying is… Cuddy…
He sighs, defeated.
CUDDY:
(a little bit worriedly)
What?
She holds out her hand to help him stand up. He reluctantly takes it and gets up. Facing her, he stares into her eyes, looking ashamed.
HOUSE:
(self-deprecating)
You've made the wrong choice.
CUDDY:
Wh…What?!
Now panic has replaced worry and she looks at him with wide eyes.
CUDDY (cont'd):
(incredulous)
I'm here, House. I broke up with Lucas.
[A beat]
I came to you.
House says stubbornly silent and hurt registers on Cuddy's face.
CUDDY:
(insisting)
I love you.
He bows his head and stares at his feet.
Off his undecipherable look.
CUDDY (cont'd):
What is it?
She takes a tentative step towards him, touches his chest with the palm of her hand. He recoils and takes a step back.
HOUSE:
(with obvious sadness)
Is that really enough?
Cuddy looks shocked. Her pride visibly wounded, she looks everywhere but at him.
We follow her gaze as it lands on the hole in the wall, where his mirror used to be. She gulps, uneasy.
CUDDY:
I'd better go.
She starts to leave. House grabs her arm before she does.
HOUSE:
Wait!
CUDDY:
(facing him again)
Don't. Please, don't.
Her tone has a slight warning edge to it, but her voice is wobbling. She's about to cry. House cannot pretend he doesn't see it. He heaves a deep sigh.
HOUSE:
Why did you do that?
CUDDY:
(tiredly)
Do what?
HOUSE:
Break up with Lucas? Why did you end your relationship with him to be with a man like me?
She puffs. A long silence, as she stares at him, dismayed.
CUDDY:
(resentfully)
Fuck you, House.
She wriggles to set herself free from his grip, and leaves.
We follow her as she almost runs out of the bathroom, tears falling down her cheeks. She's already halfway down his hallway when, off her distraught look, House's voice calls after her.
HOUSE:
You think I don't want that, too?
Cuddy stops dead in her tracks. She's visibly struggling to decide whether or not she should keep going. House's silhouette appears at the end of the hallway.
HOUSE:
(beseeching)
Cuddy—
She closes her eyes. Maybe shivers a bit. Finally, she turns around.
They don't speak for a long while.
Finally...
CUDDY:
(defeated)
But that's not enough, is it?
House walks toward her, limping heavily. He stops, just inches away from her and locks eyes with her, looking sorry and lost. She stares back, expecting something that doesn't come.
CUDDY:
(bitter)
Fine. Don't explain. I got it. I'm a fool for b-
HOUSE:
(almost angrily)
Do you have any idea how much I want to make love to you right now?
She gasps, visibly stunned.
They both stand in his hallway. Their bodies are like two shadows, the only source of light coming from House's bathroom behind them.
They stare at each other. Slowly, House raises his hands to cup her face. Very gently, he leans down and presses the tip of his nose against her nose, breathing deeply. Their lips almost touch.
HOUSE:
(whispering voice)
Do you have any idea how much I want to kiss you?
Cuddy takes a long, wobbling breath and closes her eyes. Relief spreads on her face. She wraps her arms around his neck and brushes his lips with her lips.
It's tentative, almost hesitant. For a second it feels like House is going to let go and kiss her back…
Instead, he grabs her wrists and pulls back.
HOUSE:
(eyes closed, visibly struggling)
No.
CUDDY:
No?
HOUSE:
You can't do this... We can't.
CUDDY:
But… why?
She looks puzzled, and mostly sad.
HOUSE:
Look at me. My patient died and I was about to relapse.
I'm a mess—
CUDDY:
I'm a mess, too.
HOUSE:
No, I mean—I literally am a mess.
CUDDY:
Is this about your shoulder? Does it hurt? I'm sorry, I-
HOUSE:
It's not just my shoulder. It's everything… This…
You, here… Now. This is a gigantic mistake.
CUDDY:
Don't say that…
HOUSE:
I'm a drug addict, Cuddy.
CUDDY:
(looking down, uneasy)
I know.
HOUSE:
(reproachfully)
No, you don't. You dumped your fiancé, and so what?
Love conquers all, that's it?
She puffs.
CUDDY:
(sarcastic)
Apparently, it doesn't.
House studies her face with gravity, but gives nothing away.
A beat.
CUDDY (cont'd):
You're right. I made a mistake.
You don't love me so I guess there's no-
HOUSE:
You are everything I want. Everything.
CUDDY:
Sorry if I have a hard time believing this is true, right now.
(pause)
I came here and I told you I loved you and you-
HOUSE:
(cut the crap)
You are screwed-up.
CUDDY:
Excuse me?
HOUSE:
Do you realize what you did? Do you even realize what it means?
CUDDY:
It means I want to be with you.
HOUSE:
(raising his voice angrily)
No. You want to try me!
Cuddy's mouth falls agape. Guilt registers on her face, as she understands where this is going.
HOUSE:
Three hours ago, you yelled at me that you didn't love me,
and now you wanna know if you and I can work?
CUDDY:
(looking down, avoiding his accusing gaze)
I-
HOUSE:
And what if it doesn't? What if you and I doesn't work?
She sighs.
CUDDY:
You're afraid.
HOUSE:
Of course, I'm afraid! Cuddy, I-
(exhales deeply)
I feel numb. My shoulder is… It hurts. I'm not even sure I could…
(looks away in shame)
… you know. I'm too weak and… Hannah's dead.
CUDDY:
I'm sorry.
HOUSE:
No. You don't understand.
She gulps, uneasy. But mostly, she looks like she doesn't understand, indeed.
HOUSE (cont'd):
This savior thing, it won't work. I've been hoping for this moment to happen for so long...
Do you know how it feels, to hope for something to happen, so hard that it hurts?
Tentatively, he caresses the side of her face with his fingertips and she exhales a sigh of relief.
HOUSE (cont'd):
I don't want to have you only now… I want tomorrow, too, and the day after that.
I want next week, and next month, and…
He stops and gulps, uneasy.
CUDDY:
(reassured by House's intention, softly)
We need to take this one step at a time.
HOUSE:
No, we don't. It's all or nothing, Cuddy, and you know it. There is no middle ground.
I don't want us to be some doomed, fucked-up trial that you've decided to test on a whim
because you can't decide what you want.
CUDDY:
(angry)
Don't make this about me, House. I chose you!
HOUSE:
Yes, you did. And I'm an ass! I lie. I cheat to get what I want.
I have no boundaries. So are you sure you want me?
Do you really want to be with me?
CUDDY:
Why do you have to make this so complicated?
HOUSE:
(self-conscious)
Because you're the only chance I have at being happy, and I don't want to blow
it because we're both confused and needy, and all of this, right now, sounds
like a good idea, like something comforting that we—
He puffs, and Cuddy shakes her head in dismay. Yes, this is really what it is to choose House...
HOUSE (cont'd):
You saved me once. I hallucinated you, as my savior.
And I lost my mind because of it, remember?
CUDDY:
(not giving up)
This is not what it is—
HOUSE:
Really? How? How is that different?
CUDDY:
Because I'm really here. You're not hallucinating, House.
HOUSE:
But this is still the same, somehow.
CUDDY:
(confused)
I thought… you wanted this.
HOUSE:
I do. I really do.
CUDDY:
Then why should it be a problem?
HOUSE:
(struggling)
Because… Cuddy… I've watched you date that man child for months-
CUDDY:
So this is what it's all about? You're punishing me for-
HOUSE:
No. I'm giving us a real chance. If you and I got together now, then what would happen?
We'd make love, and we'd bask in an endorphin-driven blissfulness for a few days,
maybe a few weeks until, somewhere down the road, reality would hit us in the face-
CUDDY:
What reality?
HOUSE:
You broke your engagement, and you made the most impulsive move you probably
ever made in your entire life, but when you found me here, I was about to relapse!
There's a long pause, as Cuddy bites her lower lip, stunned to silence.
HOUSE (cont'd):
And so next time I screw up, and trust me Cuddy, I will, you'll start wondering
if you made the right choice... and because you're the one making the sacrifice,
you'll start blaming me for it.
CUDDY:
I'm not making any sacrifice!
HOUSE:
Right now, you only think you're not, but... what if you'd come two minutes later?
What if I had already taken the Vicodin? Would you have still wanted me?
CUDDY:
This is so unfair!
HOUSE:
(resignedly)
No. It's called being realistic. That's my sanity at stake, here. All those months, all those years,
I've wanted to have you... so badly. You have no idea how much! And if there's a God, he must
be one fucking ironic bastard because now that I can have you, it feels like you and I together,
now, we're just a ticking bomb threatening to go off-
She inhales deeply, and looks at him more peacefully. Maybe he's not rejecting her, after all...
Off her look.
HOUSE (cont'd):
And I can't let that happen. Don't you see it? Right now, it'd be so easy to give in.
Of course, I want you. I wish this was enough, I wish-
Another pause. He stares at her with obvious sadness.
CUDDY:
What do you want?
HOUSE:
(staring straight into her eyes)
I want to be the man you choose.
CUDDY:
You are-
HOUSE:
Today, and tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow.
Cuddy holds his stare for a long while before closing her eyes to ponder his words.
HOUSE (cont'd):
I just need some time...
CUDDY:
How much time?
HOUSE:
I don't know.
Cuddy sighs heavily and studies his face in silence. Then she raises her hand and cups his cheek in her palm. He closes his eyes and leans into her touch briefly.
HOUSE:
If you don't want to do this, I'll unders—
CUDDY:
Shut up.
HOUSE:
I'm serious. Cuddy, I'd rather lose you now than…
CUDDY:
(adamant)
You won't lose me.
HOUSE:
(self-conscious)
I need to do this.
CUDDY:
I know.
HOUSE:
For me…
CUDDY:
I know.
HOUSE:
And for us.
She sucks in a sharp breath. Tears well up in her eyes and she blinks a few times to hold them back.
CUDDY:
Will you call me?
He bites his bottom lip and locks eyes with her. She can see in his gaze that the answer is 'no.'
CUDDY (cont'd):
(resignedly)
How long will you be gone?
HOUSE:
I don't know... A few days.
A long beat.
CUDDY:
Alright.
House stares at her in awe. He feels grateful and relieved for her understanding, not quite believing this is true, though.
HOUSE:
Cuddy, I'm sorry, I…
CUDDY:
(forcing herself to remain practical)
What do I tell your team?
HOUSE:
Don't tell them anything…
(She frowns disapprovingly, clearly indicating this can't be a viable option, which he knows.)
Tell them… tell them you gave me the day off… a few days off… to recover from…
CUDDY:
The loss of your patient?
HOUSE:
(avoiding her gaze)
My injuries.
She nods silently, then...
CUDDY:
What about Wilson?
House's eyes widen and he puffs, looking slightly overwhelmed. Cuddy notices his discomfort instantly. She touches the side of his arm, reassuringly.
CUDDY:
I'll take care of him.
House looks down, self-consciously.
HOUSE:
(almost inaudibly)
Thank you.
A long pause.
Everything has been said. For now.
They've reached that moment, awkward moment, when they both know they have to part. Cuddy gulps audibly, visibly trying to gather up the courage to leave.
She opens her mouth to say something but House grabs her hand before she can speak.
HOUSE:
Don't… please. Don't make me make you stay…
They walk to his doorstep. By his door, they lock eyes and stare at each other intensely for some long, meaningful seconds.
Cuddy closes her eyes and shakes her head left and right a few times, visibly struggling.
She finally turns on her heel, opens the door… and leaves.
The clicking sound of the door being shut makes House jump. He stares at the door and grabs the knob.
In his hallway, we see Cuddy standing on the doorstep, facing the door. She looks lost, but resigned. She grabs the doorknob, too.
On the other side, House leans his forehead against the door, his eyes closed. We see his grip on the doorknob tighten.
In the hallway, Cuddy inhales a sharp intake of breath and lets go of the doorknob. She exits the building, hastily, without looking back.
... ... ...
EXT. HOUSE'S BUILDING, FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET - NIGHT.
Through the windshield of a car, we see Cuddy running down the steps of House's building. We follow her as she disappears into the night.
Back to the steps of House's building. No one is around. The lights in his apartment are still on.
Inside the car, through the reflection in the rear-view mirror, we see a pair of blue eyes, intensely staring in the direction of House's apartment…
The car's driver door opens. Lucas steps outside and crosses the street towards House's building.
... ... ...
INT. HOUSE'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT.
Several knocks can be heard. Loud and forceful.
From the doorstep, we see House's silhouette appear in the hallway, coming out of the bathroom. His limp is heavy, but his strides are long, and almost impatient.
The fast rhythm of his pace indicates that he's expecting Cuddy to be back; even maybe hoping that it's her…
House flings the door open, a bit breathless... only to come face to face with Lucas, who's standing on his doorstep.
With one abrupt push on House's shoulder, Lucas makes him step backwards before House has a chance to say anything, and enters the apartment.
House turns around to face him.
HOUSE:
(sarcastic)
Oh great! Here's the angry fiancé, now. Listen, if you're here to smash me, let me just say I—
Lucas doesn't pay attention. He walks past House and heads decidedly towards the bathroom. House follows after him, incredulous.
HOUSE:
She's not here…
LUCAS:
I know. I just saw her leave a few minutes ago.
HOUSE:
Of course. That's not creepy at all.
Lucas is scanning the bathroom and assessing the mess around him.
LUCAS:
(An epiphany)
You guys didn't have sex.
He leans over the bathtub, spots the bottles of Vicodin on the floor, and then looks at the hole inside the wall above the sink.
LUCAS (cont'd):
(disdainfully)
You're pathetic, House. And so predictable. But Lisa, she's stubborn.
She didn't want to admit what a loser you are. I tried to warn her—
House's face darkens with anger.
HOUSE:
(with a sudden burst of pride)
You're wrong. I know it sucks to get dumped, but there's nothing you can do about it.
She loves me. Sorry.
LUCAS:
(laughing derisively)
Haha. You're funny, pal.
HOUSE:
I'm not your pal, pal.
Maybe you got there first, but turns out what mattered most was to get there, eventually.
LUCAS:
You're nowhere, House. If Lisa wanted to be with you, then why did she leave, uh?
HOUSE:
Because…
House looks defeated for a split second: He can't reasonably tell Lucas what just happened…
Lucas stares challengingly at him with a smug look on his face.
LUCAS:
(provoking)
Yeah. Exactly. Maybe it sucks to get dumped, but surely not as much as it
sucks to find out that the woman you love doesn't want you after all.
House clenches his jaw and stomachs Lucas' barb stoically.
LUCAS (cont'd):
She made a mistake. I wanted to stop her, and I couldn't. But maybe it's for the best.
That way, she got to see by herself. And now, she's going to come back to me…
House looks like he's positively fuming with contained rage, even though he doesn't do anything to stop Lucas' victorious little spiel.
LUCAS (cont'd):
(unaware of House's reaction)
And you know what I'm gonna do, House? I'm gonna forgive her. Yeah, because at least
now I know she won't make the same mistake twice. Actually, you did me a favor!
House closes his eyes, and inhales deeply through his nose. He's visibly trying to control himself. Badly.
HOUSE:
(warningly)
I think you'd better leave now.
LUCAS:
You know what, you're right! I thought I'd have to knock you out - which frankly didn't even rejoice me
that much, what with you being a miserable cripple - but turns out I won't have to, after all.
(He looks at the messy place one last time)
You really made it too easy for me. See? I can't even hate you.
HOUSE:
(biting the bullet)
Listen, I get it: I'm a loser. And Cuddy's going to run back into your arms because you're
the coolest guy. Can we cut the alpha male crap, now? I need to bandage my shoulder.
LUCAS:
Yeah, dude, looks like one messy wound you've got here, hmm?
Lucas leans down and fetches a bottle of Vicodin on the floor.
LUCAS (cont'd):
(obvious double-entendre)
Hurts, right?
(He puts the bottle of Vicodin in House's hand)
Here! You're gonna need this…
Lucas leaves, and House stays rooted to his spot, staring at the palm of his hand, looking distraught.
House continues to stare at his hand, as we hear the sound of the apartment's door being shut. His hand starts trembling and the bottle of Vicodin falls on the bathroom floor.
The sound makes him jump and he quickly fishes his cellphone out of his jeans' pocket. With a trembling hand he dials a number.
As the call gets through…
HOUSE:
I need to see you.
... ... ...
INT. NOLAN'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT
NOLAN:
(Still half-lying in bed. Sleepy voice)
Who's that?
HOUSE:
(Into phone)
Gregory House.
NOLAN:
(Sitting bolt upright. Clearly awakened)
House? What's wrong?
HOUSE:
(Into phone. Shaky voice)
I need to see you.
[INTERCUT AS NECESSARY]
NOLAN:
Where are you?
HOUSE:
At my place.
We see House lean down to collect the bottles of Vicodin on the floor.
NOLAN:
(concerned)
Do you have any drugs with you?
A beat.
Off Nolan's look, the sound of a Vicodin bottle being popped open.
NOLAN:
House?
HOUSE:
(Flushing the toilet)
Not anymore.
Nolan checks his watch and glances at the sleeping body lying next to him in bed.
NOLAN:
(reluctantly)
Do you want us to meet, now?
HOUSE:
No. I'm okay. Tomorrow?
NOLAN:
You sure you okay?
HOUSE:
Yeah... But, let's make it tomorrow, first thing in the morning. You know, just in case…
NOLAN:
Ok. I'll see you tomorrow, then.
Nolan hangs up and goes back to bed.
(TBC...)
A/N
This story is going to be four-chapter long.
I'll try to post a chapter every week.
Thank you for reading!
Have a nice day ~ maya
PS: sorry for the purists (trust me, I'm as bummed as you are): I originally typed the story with specific tabulations for the dialogues, which fanfiction doesn't allow me to reproduce. Blimey! :P