A/N A random story that is the longest I have ever written. The idea came to me when I was listening to a song and I wrote it in less than a day. I hope y'all really enjoy it and please leave your comments. They are always very muchly appreciated. ;)

Just a Box of Souvenirs

My heart stopped as I looked at the retreating figure of Emily Prentiss. She had really done it. She had really just upped and left the BAU. She had left the team, her family.

And she had left me.

I never thought she would. Sure, we had broken up a few weeks ago but I didn't think it was permanent, I always thought we would get back together. We were good together. We were a team and we loved each other. Not to mention the fact that she is great with Jack. I always thought she was my forever, but now, I realise, I couldn't have been more wrong.

Because Emily Prentiss had left me. And all I had left of her was a box of things she had given me and the lingering memories of what could have been.

/+/+\+\

I shut the box in the trunk of my car. I couldn't bear to look at it, because looking at it meant it was real. That this wasn't just some horrible dream. That I wouldn't wake up to see her lying next to me in my faded SWAT t-shirt, lazily smiling up to me. I could imagine it now: I would tell her that it was time to get up, time to go to work. She would pout at me before huskily suggesting we get some 'sleep', nibbling on my ear for extra effect. I would play along until she went to kiss me, then I would paste a confused expression on my face and say that I thought she wanted to sleep. She would groan as I went to get up, and I would wink at her before slipping into the bathroom. I could still hear her laughter echoing around my bedroom.

It was then I realised what I was doing. I had circled the block around my condo three times and was about to make it a fourth. I couldn't go back there. It was filled with memories of her: her laughter, her jokes, her teasing. I knew Jessica had Jack so I turned around and headed to the one place that could help me tonight: the bar.

/+/+\+\

The bar's parking lot was packed. It took me 15 minutes of driving round to find a space. I don't know what I was expecting: Shenanigan's was the most popular bar in the area. Add to that it was late on a Friday. It was where we went with the team after work sometimes although I had never liked it in there that much. Actually, now I think about it, most of the team didn't seem to particularly like it. It was, however, Emily's favourite place and she seemed to have a knack of getting people to do what she wants. I had to laugh at that. In all our time we spent together, I didn't seem to pick up on that particular skill. If I had she would have never left today.

Maybe, it wasn't such a good idea coming here after all. This place reminded me of her, almost as much as my apartment did. I was just to put the car in reverse, when I switched the engine off and rested my head on the steering wheel. Who was I kidding? I couldn't spend the rest of my life avoiding things that remind me of her. I would have to get a new life. Everything reminded me of her. I would have to get a new job, new clothes, a new place, and new furniture. Heck, I'd even have to get a new son!

At that thought, I finally got up the courage to exit the vehicle and head over to the entrance. The box stayed firmly locked in the trunk.

/+/+\+\

It was as I was ordering my fourth scotch; the bartender started looking at me funny. He knew me from when we went out with the team. I could understand why he was looking at me like that: I normally only drunk beer and rarely ordered more than two pints. He was beginning to annoy me though, so when, after serving his next customer, he glanced over me again, I gave him a trademark glare. That should do it, I thought smugly. I looked down at my glass, before realising it was empty again. Damn. I would have to speak to the bartender again. I waved to attract his attention and indicated to the glass. He frowned but moved to the other end of the bar where the good scotch was kept. Good boy.

Wait, why was he taking so long? And why was his colleague running off after talking to him? What did he say? All thought of this was promptly forgotten as he returned with his fifth scotch. Thank god, the team had begun to like this place so I would hate to be the one who got them banned after kicking the guy's ass. Kicking his ass, all because he talked to his colleague? Maybe I should slow down...

Any thoughts of slowing down swiftly exited my mind when I heard voices behind me.

"Boss man?"

"Dang, man! You sure can drink..."

Morgan and Garcia. Kicking his ass? That bartender will be lucky if he leaves here alive...

/+/+\+\

"I can't believe that she actually left! I mean, my very own Wonder Woman left! She wouldn't do that to me surely! At least, not without letting me throw her a leaving party..."

"This was Prentiss' favourite bar! I mean, we came here in the hope of seeing her. I really thought she'd be here..."

This had been going on for the best part of an hour. If this was an attempt to distract from drinking more, they were failing miserably. I was getting more annoyed at each passing comment and my fingers were anxiously twitching and reaching for the glass in front of me. In their defence, they didn't know about Emily and I, none of them did. Well, except Dave maybe. That man had a canny ability to know everything. It didn't matter though; they're profilers for God's sake! Well, Morgan is, anyway... He is trained to notice behaviour and mine is clearly saying that what they are talking about is annoying me! Then again, the only person who ever seemed to know how I was feeling was Emily. She always knew what was wrong and what to say to make it better. How ironic...

"So, I asked my brunette beauty why she was leaving and she just said that- sir, are you crying?!"

Was I? I moved my hand up to my face and could feel the wetness on my cheeks. Shit.

"Hotch, man, are you okay?"

"I am fine, Morgan. Why wouldn't I be? Now, if you don't mind I am leaving! Did it never occur to you that I just wanted to be alone?!"

I admit that was harsh. I regretted it the moment I saw the flash of hurt cross both Morgan and Garcia's faces. I stood up and moved to leave, not even bothering to take it back. It was true after all. My life was falling apart and I wanted to be alone. Actually, my life had fallen apart. My life consisted of Emily and Jack but she had left.

She had left. She was gone and I would never get the chance to hold her again, to kiss her again, and to let her know I love her again. It only just seems real. It only just sunk it. I felt my legs begin to give way and I wondered briefly if it was the alcohol or the wave of emotion I suddenly felt. Emily would have said it was the emotion. She would have said that I was so unused to feeling emotion that my body couldn't handle it. I would have turned my best scowl on her and she would only have laughed. At that thought, any attempts I had at regaining my balance were lost and the floor started rushing towards me. Strong arms gripped my waist before my head hit the floor.

I would never get the chance to tell Emily I did feel. That every time I saw her, I felt a wave of calmness. That every time she smiled, it felt as though someone had turned the sun on in my life. That every time she kissed me, my heat pounded so hard in my chest, I thought it would burst. I had to tell her. I had to get out of this bar. I tried to stand up and with that the world turned to black.

/+/+\+\

My head was pounding and my whole body sore. I opened my eyes a crack and the light blinded me. Emily must have forgotten to close the curtains last night. Emily. The events of the last few weeks came back to me all at once. I shot upright up and my head screamed in protest.

I was on the couch in my living room and I had no idea how I got there. Last thing I remembered was falling in the bar. Morgan was there; he must have been the one to catch me, which means he was the one to take me to my apartment. He must have been inside, him and Garcia must have been in my condo. I had no idea why the thought unsettled me so much.

I slowly got to my feet and walked over to sink into the dining room chair. Then, I saw something that made me stop dead in my tracks. The box that Emily gave me made me sat on the middle of my table. How did it get there? Did Morgan take it up from my car? Did Morgan look inside? My head hurt from all the scotch and from thinking too much this early. I sank down into the dining room chair and looked around my living area.

There were pictures on the walls: a photo of Jack and I that Haley took on his first birthday; a picture of the team at Dave's annual Fourth of July barbeque; and a photo of Jack and Emily at the park, she is pushing him on the swings and he is laughing hysterically at something she said. My eyes settled over the final photo. It was my favourite: a picture of Emily and I that Sean took without us realising when we spent a weekend in New York. We are dancing and my forehead is resting on the top of her head. She is looking up at me and her eyes are smiling. My eyes are looking into hers and they are filled with pure love. There's a rare smile on my face. I hadn't taken them down because I always thought we would get back together.

It was then that I realised why I was concerned that Derek and Garcia had been here. They would have figured out about our relationship. I realised I no longer cared. I rested my head on the cool wood of the table and stared at the box in front of me.

/+/+\+\

I was working late at the office. There was nothing unusual about. I only realised it was a dream when Emily strode in. She was wearing a skin tight black dress that stopped just above her knees and cherry red stiletto heels. They made it look as though her legs went on forever. My jaw dropped open.

"Wow, Prentiss. You look absolutely stunning."

"Prentiss?" She practically spat the word at him. Oh God, she was pissed.

"Sorry Emily. I am still in work mode." I cracked a small smile, hoping that would curve her mood.

"Exactly, sir. You are still in work mode, which is the problem." She waved her hands around for extra effect and I winced at the tone of her voice. "It is eleven o'clock at night on the eleventh of May and I am dressed like this. Do you have any idea what this means?!"

I shook my head meekly. I didn't have a clue.

"It means, sir, that you missed our date. It means that you worked through our one year anniversary. It means that I sat in the restaurant, while people stared at me, for 2 hours and you didn't turn up!" She shrieked the last bit at me and my heart broke as I saw tears in her eyes.

Our anniversary dinner. I had forgotten our anniversary dinner. Oh, shit! I moved around my desk and went to reach for her arm.

"Emily, I-"

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I withdrew my hand swiftly. It hurt but I deserved it.

At that moment the door cracked open and Rossi popped his head in. He must have heard Emily screaming at me. I cannot imagine what he thought of the scene in front of him: Emily standing there all dressed up, mascara all down her face from the tears which continued to stream; and me, disgruntled and with all my walls down, pure guilt on my face.

"Aaron, what on earth is going on here?"

I woke up sweating, and I noticed there was a wet patch on the table. I had been crying and I knew why. It was because that wasn't a dream, it was a memory.

/+/+\+\

I was pulled from my sleep once more by knock at the door. I groaned and set my head back down on the table, hoping it was just the postman and that he would get the hint and leave. Unfortunately, after I didn't open the door, the bell began to ring repeatedly. That most certainly did not help my lingering headache. I moved to the doorway, fully aware that I looked like shit, and opened the door with a gruff "what?" There, staring back at me, were the worried faces of all the team. I did not have the energy to deal with this.

"What are you all doing here?"

"Aaron, take a seat. We are here because we are worried about you." Dave replied calmly. I was really not in the mood for calm.

"Yeah, man, you were in really bad shape when Pen and I dropped you home the other night..."

I was so busy watching JJ and Reid cast nervous glances over the pictures of Emily and I and the box on the table, that it took a few minutes for that comment to sink in.

"What are you talking about? What do you mean the other night? It was only last night."

The team all looked at each other hesitantly, as if there was something that I didn't know. For a senior profiler, I was sure as hell having a hard time trying to figure out what it was. Finally, it was JJ who spoke. She straightened up and I could already see her media liaison mask slip in to place. She was obviously trying to detach herself from the situation. I didn't blame her: I wish I could.

"Hotch, Morgan and Garcia dropped you off on Friday night. It's now almost two in the afternoon on Monday. We all came because we were worried when you didn't turn up for work." Her voice trailed off at the end and she was looking at me funny. I almost didn't recognise it, but then it hit me. The look in her eyes was pity. I swept a glance over the room. The look in all of their eyes was pity.

Morgan chose to speak up next: "You were in a relationship with her weren't you, man. Prentiss, I mean. How long? A few months? Half a year?"

I took me a while to realise I was supposed to respond. I don't even know how I managed to croak out my response of "twenty months". In fact, I didn't even notice I had spoken until I saw the shocked looks on their faces. They obviously didn't expect something so serious.

Morgan let out a low whistle. "Twenty months? Wow, man, I am happy for the two of you. You make a perfect couple."

Everyone was surprised when Reid spoke up next. "Urrm, Morgan? I don't think they are still together. Emily wouldn't have left if they were and Hotch wouldn't be sitting here looking like he does."

"Morgan, Reid is right. Why else would Aaron be out on a Friday, alone, and seven scotches away from sober?"

"Jesus guys, I'm sorry. Please forgive me if I immediately jump to a happy conclusion, unlike the doom and gloom that you seem to have glued into your mind!" I thought he was done but he only paused. "JJ stop glaring at me! Like you didn't jump to the same conclusion..."

"So what if I did? You all need to stop arguing with each other! I think forgetting that the reason we are here is because Hotch needs are support and all you can do is argue like stroppy teenagers!"

At that all eyes in the room immediately softened and turned towards me. Crap. I had hoped that they had forgotten I was here.

"Sir, are you crying again?!" Garcia was staring at me incredulously and that was the final straw for me.

"Everyone out, now!" It was meant to be an order but even I was shocked at how broken I sounded.

A few of them looked as though they were about to protest but luckily Dave stepped in: "Come on, I think it's time for us to leave. We have outstayed our welcome. We can always come back another day."

They were almost all the way out the door when JJ turned back to look at me. "Jessica called. She wanted to know when you were picking Jack up. She thought we were still on the case." She must have noticed the panic in my eyes because she quickly added: "Don't worry, I told her I would pick him up after work. I said that Henry had been begging me for a sleepover with Jack-Jack." She smiled sympathetically and then slipped out the door before I had a chance to thank her.

Silence once again engulfed my apartment. I waited only a moment before I let the sobs take over me.

/+/+\+\

I could feel another body in bed next to me. Oh great, another night filled with dreams of Emily. I turned on my side and rested my head on my hand to see her better. She looked beautiful. Even after all this time, just looking at her took my breath away. I was the luckiest guy in the world.

Then, I noticed the multi-coloured bruise stretched down the far side of her face, marring her usually flawless skin. I felt a bubbling of anger rising inside of me as the details of the last case came back to me. I carefully caressed the sore skin. I noticed Emily stirring beside me.

"Aaron? Why are you awake this early?"

"I was so worried about you Emily. When Morgan uttered the words 'agent down' I felt as though I couldn't breathe."

"Really, Aaron, were you? From where I was standing, you sure didn't show it." I was taken aback by her scathing reply. I was not expecting that.

"Emily, of course I-"

"You know what Aaron I don't even want to hear it." She had moved of the bed, away from me, and had the sheet wrapped tightly around her body. She always went to bed with clothes on and woke up naked. She tried to blame it on me once but I suggested hot flushes. She had thrown her pillow at me. "At what point were you going to show you were worried? Was it when you left the takedown of the unsub to the others so you could kneel down beside me? Or was it when you insisted on being in the ambulance with me, just to reassure yourself that I wasn't going anywhere? Oh, no, wait. That was JJ who did those things, not you. Or were you there as well? Is the concussion just clouding my recollection? Well, Aaron, what is it? At which point did you start caring?"

To say I was shocked at this outburst would be an understatement. "Emily, just because I didn't do those things doesn't mean I don't care. It would have been too suspicious and it could risk the team finding out."

"So what if the team found out, Aaron? What does it matter? Why don't you want to tell the people who are practically family that you have been in a committed relationship for the past 18 months? Do you not love me? Are you ashamed of me, of us?" She sounded so broken, so defeated that it just broke me up to hear her.

"Of course I love you Emily! I absolutely adore you and I am not ashamed of our relationship in the slightest. I think you need to calm down a bit. You are overreacting."

"I am overreacting?! You know what Aaron; I can't do this right now! I can't be in the same room as you right now!"

She gathered up her clothes and walked out the bedroom, leaving me alone in bed.

/+/+\+\

I sat up gasping. I glanced at the clock on the oven. The little red numbers told me it was just passed half three in the morning. Great, there was no way I could sleep after that dream. I was suddenly overcome with a wave of hunger and I realised that I hadn't eaten since Friday lunchtime. I trudged over to the fridge and opened it to find it basically empty. Emily always used to nag me to go grocery shopping, saying she had a big appetite, but I knew she was worried that I didn't eat enough. She was right, I thought bitterly, I hadn't been food shopping since she and I broke up.

I finally managed to find an old box of Jack's turkey dinosaurs and I threw the whole lot in the oven. I took a seat while they cooked and rubbed by hands over my face. I hadn't shaved in four days. Heck, I hadn't even washed in four days. What was I doing? Who was I kidding? I couldn't go through my whole life like this. Barely living, not talking and avoiding the box that had taken up permanent residence on my table. Luckily,I was interrupted from further self-pity when the oven timer went off.

As I sat down to eat, there was only one thing on my mind: I needed to pull myself together. I mean I was eating turkey dinosaurs at four in the morning and it was my first meal in four days! No wonder Emily left me.

/+/+\+\

For the first time since Emily left I woke up in my own bed. Also, it was the first time I had had more than 30 minutes of dream free sleep. People might say this means I'm moving on, that I'm getting over the fact that Emily is no longer a part of my life. They would be wrong though. I am just coping. I will never get over the fact that when I open my eyes, she won't be lying next to me.

I made my way to the bathroom and had a steaming hot shower. The first one I had had since Emily left. The water felt good on my muscles from where I slept on the couch and the chair. The steam also cleared my head. I got out and towelled myself down before brushing my teeth and shaving for the first time since Emily left. This morning seemed like a time for many firsts.

I put on a freshly pressed suit, before gathering my briefcase and other belongings. I headed out the door and was glad to leave the four walls of my condo. I had begun to feel a little claustrophobic. Breathing in massive lungful's of fresh air, I climbed into my car and began to make the familiar journey to Quantico.

/+/+\+\

I strode purposefully through the bullpen, intent on making it to my office before anyone noticed the pain I felt at seeing Emily's empty desk. Unfortunately, Reid decided to make his way over to me. I reluctantly stopped and turned to face him, glaring all the while. Reid swallowed nervously.

"Hotch, you're back... We weren't expecting to see you for a few days. How are you feeling?"

"Yes, I am back and I'm fine." I turned away and abruptly walked away, the little outburst proving I most definitely was not fine. But I would be fine. Eventually, I would be able to walk in to the bullpen and react normally again. That day was a long way off but it would come. Until then though, I would carry on 'coping'.

/+/+\+\

It was around midday when the memory came flooding back to me. This was the one I was afraid of getting. This was the one that I really did not to remember at night, when the dreams of Emily filled my sleep. Yet, here I was, in the BAU, in broad daylight thinking of it, my conscious mind doing nothing to stop it.

I had taken the afternoon off, wanting to get home early. Jack was still at Jessica's whilst Emily was still working. I had obsessed over this day, planning every detail for weeks, months even. I wanted to be prepared for everything. I was going to make it perfect. Emily got home three hours later, opening the door to an apartment that was dark except from the flickering candles.

"Why are all the curtains shut, Aaron? Where are you?" She walked further into the condo seeing the chilled bottle of champagne and two glasses sitting on the dining room table, along with a box of her favourite chocolate strawberries. I, however, was out of her view so she carried on to the bedroom as I had hoped.

"Aaron?" She paused slightly before opening the door and walking in. There on the bed, in rose petals, I had spelt out the words 'marry me'. She gasped and turned around, seeing me standing right behind her. I took her hand and led her to the corner of the room, where there was a chair. I knelt down on the floor, her hand still in mine, and began to say the words I had chosen so carefully.

"Emily Prentiss, I love you with all my heart. You are my life. Every time I wake up and see you in bed next to me, it makes me feel like I'm the happiest man in the world. I want my forever to be with you and I never want to spend another day apart. Would you do me the honour of becoming Mrs Emily Hotchner?" I had let go of her hand at the last part, freeing my hands so I could produce a ring box.

She had been quiet for too long and I looked up to see tears streaming down her cheeks. That was okay, I told myself, women always cry at these sorts of things. However, when another minute had passed and all she did was sit there and stare at me, I began to worry.

"Emily?"

She just shook her head at me.

"You're saying no?" This time she nodded.

"Aaron, I am not ready for this. We are not ready for this. I love you too, so much that sometimes it hurts. That is why this is the hardest thing I have ever done."

"Then don't do it, say yes!" I was aware I was begging but I didn't care anymore.

"I can't say yes! We are not ready for this, aren't you listening to me! We don't live together, even though I spend nearly all my time over here and then we drive separate cars to work, all because you don't want it to look suspicious. You don't want to tell the people we work with, the people who are our family, that we are in a relationship. Well, do you even know how that makes me feel? Do you not think that I want to brag to my best friends about how I am head over heels in love? Do you not think it kills me every time someone makes a joke about me leading the 'single life'? Do you think that you can hide this, our engagement, from them as well? Do you not think they'll notice when people start calling me Mrs Hotchner? I'm tired of us being hidden, Aaron, and I'm tired of our fighting. I can't say yes. I think we need a break."

I sat there too shocked to move, to think, to even argue back. Does she not want to be with me anymore? I just stared as she grabbed her bag and jacket and slipped out of the door with a "bye Aaron".

I wanted to be prepared for everything but I never prepared for the fact she was going to say 'no'.

/+/+\+\

It was the first time in years I had left the office on bang on 6pm but I didn't have the energy to stay any later and to keep up the façade that everything was fine. I carefully folded my jacket over the side of my couch and then toed off my shoes and left them near the door. I loosened my tie as I made my way over to the table.

There was something I had to do. I had to look in the box. I may not be ready, but as I glanced down at the object I had been avoiding, I knew I couldn't put it off any longer. My hands shook as I pulled it across the table carefully, the piece of Emily Prentiss I had left. I looked down at the familiar curling writing on the side: box of souvenirs.

I lifted the lid.

A/N I'm thinking of doing a part two, saying what was in the box and stuff but I don't know if you guys would be interested? Please review and let me know!