I can't fight this feeling
Disclaimer:- Don't own them just borrowing!
Episode:- None
Pairing:- Sandra/Gerry
Rating:- K
Achieve:- . /group/new_tricksff/
Summary:- Gerry decides it's time to do something about the letter he received from Jack.
Author's Note:- Story five of the From the Grave Series lyrics from " Can't fight this feeling" By Reo Speedwagon.
I can't fight this feeling any longer and yet I'm still afraid to let it show
What started out as friendship has grown stronger.
I only wish I had the strength to let it flow.
Sitting in the car outside Sandra's home Gerry stared again at the envelope in his hand Jack's words still running through his head. For years he'd watched her, slowly falling in love with her and thinking he was doing a good job of hiding the fact from everyone else but he should have guessed Jack saw it all. Part of him was still finding it hard to come to terms with the fact his friend was gone and he knew Sandra would be having an even harder time with it all. Jack was the closest thing she had to a father and the fact he had gone away knowing her was going to die would have been even harder for her than it was for the rest of them. That alone was making it impossible for him not to want to go into the house and comfort her and the fact that Jack had as good as told him to tell her how he felt only made it more pressing. Still with all that said he was finding it impossible to get out of the car the nerves were so strong and the doubt still so nagging in the pit of his stomach.
I tell myself that I can't hold out forever, I say there is now reason for my fear
Cause I feel so secure when we're together
You give my life direction, you make everything so clear
In the years they'd known each other she'd come to be his grounding force, his touch stone when he'd been close to doing things that were questionable and the reason he'd given not given up on UCOS years before. He'd thought more than once about telling her how he felt on those nights when they'd drank too much and spent the evening talking or on the days when she seemed to be able to tune in frighteningly quickly to what was upsetting him and was able to make him open up like no one he'd ever known before. In those moments he'd so often been sure that she mist feel something for him too that not telling her had seemed laughable but then real life took over so quickly that he'd never built up the courage.
My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you I've been going around in circles in my mind
It's always seems that I'm following you girl cause you take me to the places that alone I'd never find
Looking through the windscreen into the darkness he tried to think to remember what his life was like without her. Since UCOS his life had certainly never been boring, he'd gone from spending his "retirement" drinking too much, gambling too much and having too many meaningless relationships to actually looking forward to getting up in the morning. They'd worked on such a variety of cases that it would be impossible to get bored and even when they weren't working it was her he gravitated toward , her company he craved.
And even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window on a cold dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might.
"Gerry pull yourself together and stop being such a tosser." He muttered looking again at the letter in his hand that suddenly felt like the biggest prize and yet the most deadly ticking time bomb all at once. He knew what she'd say if he told her how he felt and how long he'd been feeling like it. She'd point out that he hadn't exactly spent the ten years since they met pining. She'd remind him that he'd had his share of relationships and that had he been so determined to show her how he felt he might not have spent too much time chasing other women and flirting with every mildly attractive female they came in contact with. What she didn't and could never know was that she had been the ghost haunting those relationships and flirtations. None of them had ever compared to her and no one ever could and that was why he knew he had to see her now. He had to take what Jack said at face value and take his chance while he had it.
And I can't fight this feeling anymore I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore and throw away the oar forever
Cause baby I can't fight this feeling any more.
Finally getting out of the car and walking toward the door he saw her standing by the window the sadness in her eyes as she stared at the sky not seeing him at all making his heart break a little, If Jack was right and eventually she'd walk away from UCOS he wasn't going to be left mourning for what they might have had when she did. The days of being cowardly were over even if she laughed in his face at least he'd know and if she didn't and things worked out then maybe one good thing could come from the death of someone they both cared about so much.