a/n: Do not own any of the characters. I'm obviously not the owner of anything Fallout related.
When Nuka Six heard the Auto-Doc's diagnosis, she was struck dumb. She'd been under the weather off and on since she stumbled into the Big MT, but it hadn't been a problem until she attempted to stand after an hour of stealth crawling through X-13 testing facility's corridors through one psychotic test after another. When she woke face down in a puddle of drool ten minutes later, she thought maybe the refrigerator she'd been keeping her supplies in was on the fritz.
That would have explained her upset stomach, the dizziness, the exhaustion, and the recent headaches.
"You're malfunctioning," she said, "It's just a little food poisoning."
"I may not be the newest model on the market, but I know knocked up when it vomits in my main compartment and begs for death."
She wondered if dropping a plasma grenade into said main compartment would improve the diagnosis. Pregnant just wasn't possible. She knew damn well where babies came from and she hadn't been there since Benny twisted her "charlies" like radio knobs.
"I'm not pregnant," she said.
"Tell that to your little passenger. Two hundred year old Salisbury steak may be potent but it's not that potent."
For the first time in her life, she was going to cry. She was about to become the next virgin birth and her auto-doc was cracking jokes about it. How could something like this happen?
"This just isn't possible," she said, "How is this...how am I? I can't be pregnant. I haven't slept with anyone."
"I'm your auto-doc not your diary. How the hell should I know?"
"Can't you run another test?"
"I can run tests til the cows come home, and it won't change a thing."
If the Biological research station wasn't firmly bolted down in the next room, she would have been suspicious. It was the only other thing she'd come in to contact with that practically drooled at mere mention of reproduction. And there'd been that nasty business between it and Muggy.
"So help me if I find out any of you had anything to do with this," she said, "Are you listening to me, Biological research station, I'm talking to you-"
"Baby, I wish I could take the credit," it said.
She tuned out the rest of it's response. Somehow, this mess had the stench of the Think-Tank all over it. They'd taken her spine, heart, and brain with no reservations, impregnating an unconscious "lobotomite" would have been right up their alley. Doctor Dala couldn't get enough of her as it was and when Doc Borous made that crack about castration, Nuka told him to go ahead, that he just might impregnate her.
Her stomach lurched. If she'd thought for a second he'd take her up on her offer, she never would have suggested it. If he really was responsible, she wondered who the genetic "samples" belonged to; the thought of spawning with one of the crazed lobotomites was even less appealing than the thought of spawning with with a radscorpion or one of those feral ghouls roaming the wasteland.
But none of that was important. There was still a chance the auto-doc was wrong and it really was just a mild case of food poisoning. She'd been living off instamash and cram for the duration of her stay in the Big MT. Most of it had been scavenged from the ruins, old duffel bags, and broken refrigerators. Her missing period was just a coincidence.
Even without a brain, she knew that sounded weak.
The Auto-Doc's diagnosis was probably correct. It was the end of the world.
Nuka changed her mind four times before she forced herself to leave the safety of the sink. She wasn't usually one to hesitate, hell, she'd popped a live plasma grenade between Caesar's teeth even as his fist sped mightily toward her face. But this was something else altogether. She wasn't ready for a baby, and if one of the docs admitted they were responsible, she wasn't certain she could stop herself from prying open their gooey brain jars to deposit a happy little grenade inside as a thank you. Pacification field be damned.
Whether she liked it or not, and she most certainly did not like it, she still needed them to put her brain back where it belonged. She took a deep breath and counted to ten. Doc Borous was puttering away at one of the computer stations. He reluctantly turned his attention to her as she approached.
"The LOBOTOMITE returns. What insidious plan can it have brewing in its horrid mind-"
"Yeah yeah. I've heard this speech before," she interrupted, "Let's cut to the chase. I'm pregnant. Did you or did you not leave something unspeakable in my uterus?"
"I was only taking your suggestion," Doc Borous said, "This is for SCIENCE."
"Science?"
She felt her stomach drop. He wasn't even going to try to deny it. Of course not. Why would he? He was an evil floating brain. She tried to force herself to breathe, to keep her mechanical heart from bursting out her throat.
"Yes, Lobotomite, SCIENCE. You are my living, breathing test tube."
"You're out of your mind. I don't even know how to explain to you why what you did is wrong if you don't already know it."
His eye monitors pulled back and for a mad scientist he looked rather bewildered. Panic turned to a simmering rage. He could at least have the decency to pretend he understood why impregnating someone against their will would piss them off. She took a few more deep breaths and a bit of the dangerous red haze cleared from her vision.
She could fix this. She didn't know how but she knew there was a way. After all, she and a plucky band of miscreants had chased Caesar's legion out of the Mojave. She had to believe anything was possible.
"Nonsense. There is logic and purpose in this endeavor. As a lowly LOBOTOMITE you can't possibly understand-"
"Just tell me where you got the spooge."
"The what?"
"The spooge! The white goo. The stuff you basted my molerat with. The other genetic material."
"I retrieved my own genetic material for this experiment. It was the only way to be certain the samples weren't contaminated by COMMUNISTS. As I learned back in high school at American High, COMMUNISTS like BETSY BRIGHT and RICHIE MARCUS are everywhere."
"Of course you did."
"This specimen will inherit my SUPERIOR intellect. With the data it will provide, I will be able to combat the DEVESTATING effects of COMMUNISM once and for all."
Nuka was wrong when she thought things couldn't get any worse. Her baby's father was an evil floating brain. An evil, crazy, floating, mad scientist's brain. If she didn't find her brain, it was going to be a long nine months.