8th September 2013 11:24 pm

Day 1

Dear fucking diary

I hate that I have to write this. A diary. A FUCKING DIARY. What am I, a Disney princess! Dear diary none of the boys in school like me. Dear diary I think I have a crush on my teacher. Dear diary you can go such my balls!

*sigh*

I hate it here already. It hasn't even been 24 hours since I first set foot in this place, but it know I hate it. It's cold, it's wet and it's about 5000 miles from civilisation. Overall, it is my nightmare reincarnate. I know why I'm here; I fucked up, I know I did. But this place, THIS is not the answer to my problems. A juvenile detention centre or some kind of work scheme might be more beneficial, but no, apparently getting a decent education will be much more 'advantageous' for my future. Advent-fucking-tageous.

What a crock of shit.

Instead I am being subjected to a neo-fucking-nazi Boarding school for the socially deranged. I say Hogwarts has less hopelessly obscure misfits than this place, and that place was run on magic, had three-headed dogs, giant spiders, talking snakes and Hermione turned into a fucking CAT.

It is bullshit. BULLSHIT I tell you!

Everything is soooo bloody structured too. Just LOOK at this fucking thing!

6.45am - Students rise

6.55am–7.55 am - Morning Study

7.50am-8.15 am - Breakfast

8.45am-12.30 pm - Morning Classes

12.30pm-1.30 pm - Lunch

1.30pm-3.40 pm - Afternoon Classes

5.00pm - Tea

6.00pm-9.30 pm - Evening Study

10.15pm - Students go to their rooms

10.30pm - Lights out

On Wednesdays school ends at 12.45 p.m. to facilitate involvement in sports (all boys are expected to participate in some sporting activity).

This is utter horseshit…

6:45am start. The BIRDS aren't even awake at that time of the morning. Oh yeah. I listened for them this morning. Not a PEEP out of them. And do you know why? Because they were still asleep in their cosy beds, where I should have been. But no, I should be so lucky to obtain such luxuries.

Instead I was forced out of my bunk and this unmerciful hour of the morning and with only 10 minutes of daylight in my eyes, they throw books in front of me. I can barely say my name 10 minutes after I wake, never mind start to learn French verbs or Trigonometry or the Carbon cycle, or whatever the fuck it was, I couldn't understand it so it may as well have been written in Ancient Greek. OH WAIT, they DO teach Ancient-fucking-Greek here! We are dropouts, junkies and rejects, why would any of US need Ancient Greek!

Oh and you know what the best part of this is, get a load of this… compulsory fucking sports.

"All boys are expected to participate in some sporting activity."

I have died and gone to hell. Seriously considering shooting myself in the foot to get out of it.

I don't play sports. Never have, never could. My uncle once told me was 'vertically' impaired. Thanks for that, Uncle Frank. But he's right. I can't kick a ball, I can't shoot a basket. Hopefully they will only ever play baseball or rounders, in which case they won't let me play because of my conviction. Yeah, that might work.

Also I wasn't allowed to bring ANYTHING with me. No comic books, no DS, no magazines, no DVD's, nothing that could be categorised at fun. But they let me bring my books, so I suppose that's ok.

They don't know that I brought my iPod and charger with me. They can't take my music. I'd let them take my limbs before I would let them take my music from me. Pseudo-fascist-anti-establishmentarianism. Something something. Fuck the man!

Oh god. I need to sleep.

Right. I don't know how to sign off on a diary because I'm the only one who is ever going to see this. Like writing a letter to myself from myself. Ingenious.

So how should I sign off?

Oh maybe with a quote. Delores does love her quotes and she repeats them to me often enough. Well in all fairness, I actually like her quotes. They are like the best of the English language rolled into neat little phrasings.

So for tonight I will end with this.

"But Fate does iron wedges drive,

And always crowds itself betwixt."

― Andrew Marvell

Until tomorrow. Good night.

John Watson

(Dammit)