Sometimes Chopper really envied other doctors, who had an nice little practice, saw a few patients who had scrapes, bruises or colds and who would actually be listened to if they prescribed bed rest.
Not that he would trade being a pirate for anything in the world, but damn this could get stressful.
"Stop moving", he instructed their favorite swordsman for what seemed like the millionth time. "Luffy stop picking at your stitches, and Sanji, if you light that cigarette you will not like the consequences!"
Because of course there had to be a devil's fruit user who had the power to give people injuries from their own future. And of course they had to run into them. And of course all of their three main fighters had to be hit by it, and completely fail to acknowledge that they were patients for the time being. Because each one of them would probably shrug off decapitation as "just a scratch" if it came to that, so Chopper had to make sure they behaved and…
He smelled smoke.
"Sanji!", he yelled, trying to simultaneously not drop the stitch he was doing on Zoro's thigh and turn around to glare menacingly at their resident cook, who tried to look as nonchalant as possibly while pretending his head wasn't surrounded by a cloud of tobacco scented smoke.
"Oh come on, Chopper, I don't even need to be here. See, there's no bleeding anywhere", Sanji said, lifting his arms to gesture at himself. "My future self is more careful than these two idiots so I'm fine"
"Oi ero-cook, you're the biggest idiot here", Zoro said with a sneer. Also shifting slightly in his seat which made Chopper mess up the stitch again. The little doctor really wished the natural sound reindeer made was more intimidating because all his attempts at growling were steadily ignored.
"Want me to make sure your injuries are worse than mine, Marimo?", Sanji said, lifting his leg threateningly. When had he even stood up? Chopper must've missed it, busy as he was with trying to make sure Zoro didn't bleed to death. Which Zoro didn't seem to consider much of a problem.
"No fighting in the infirmary! And no smoking! And Sanji, sit back down, even if you're not bleeding on the outside I am the doctor and I decide whether or not you're free to go. And Luffy put that down, that's not for eating!" Chopper yelled at the three of them, switching to heavy point (which made him lose his thread again) to try and be heard better.
"Sorry", Luffy said putting back the jar of salves that he'd thankfully not yet put into his mouth. Sanji sat back down grumbling and Zoro just leant back with a scoff.
"And didn't I tell you you were free to go like ten minutes ago?", Chopper asked. Secretely he was wondering if he had, because with all the chaos in the infirmary (and more patients waiting outside…) he suspected it might have slipped his mind.
"Yeah, when you were done stitching me up", Luffy declared happily.
"So why are you still here?"
"I'm huuungryyy", Luffy suddenly wailed. "So you need to fix Sanji."
"I don't even need any fixing", Sanji said, making to get up again. "I can make you something right now."
"That's not for you to decide", Chopper snapped. "Luffy, out! Sanji, sit your ass back down and if the next time I turn around that cigarette is still lit you're getting a prostate exam at all your future physicals!"
Sanji made a face, and finally stubbed out his cigarette as he flopped back down onto the examination table. Luffy
"Heh", Zoro remarked, which just set Sanji off all over again. Chopper took a moment to wonder what exactly he'd done to deserve this as he heard Brook remark through the partially ajar door that his radial fracture would probably be bleeding quite profusely if only he was still capable of bleeding.
Ten minutes later Chopper had finally managed to shove Luffy out of the door, with Franky promising Sanji that he'd keep him out of the fridge as long as the cook was held up, and he'd finally applied the last few stitches to Zoro (really, he would've been done ages ago if only people would stop interrupting him). Finally turning to Sanji he found him fiddling with his lighter again, so Chopper turned on his best scowl as he went to treat him.
Which wasn't at its most impressive because he'd converted to brain point again.
"Really Chopper, I don't even need to be here, I don't even have any broken bones, I can tell", Sanji insisted, but much more calmly now that Chopper had sent Zoro away.
"I believe you. But you coughed up blood when you were hit, you could be bleeding into your lungs", Chopper cautioned. The cook was probably right about the bones, though, he definitely had enough experience with those by now. "Take off your shirt."
"Just the once though", Sanji said, undoing his buttons. "If I'm bleeding into my lungs shouldn't that happen more?"
"Not necessarily. There's all sorts of things coughing up blood could indicate, so you should just let me be the judge of that", Chopper said. He took out his stethoscope and rubbed on it a little to warm it up.
"All right, do your Doctor thing", Sanji said. He shrugged off his shirt and folded it on the cot next to him.
"Take deep breaths through your mouth", the little doctor instructed. He hopped onto the examination table and pressed his stethoscope to the cook's back, listening to his breath sounds.
The left lung sounded normal everywhere, and Chopper was already thinking of other causes, something gastrointestinal maybe, when he heard it.
Or rather didn't hear it. For a moment he thought something was wrong with his stethoscope. He lifted it up and looked at it critically for a moment, before putting it back down.
"Something wrong?", Sanji asked just as Chopper pressed the stethoscope to his back again and that made his voice reverberate through the little reindeers very bones.
"Don't talk while I have this in!", Chopper yelled, fighting the urge to slap Sanji for the transgression. The cook was his patient right now, after all, so that would be a bit counterproductive, no matter how much it made the doctor's ears hurt.
"Sorry", the cook mumbled.
Chopper put the stethoscope back down and listened more closely. "Deep breaths", he instructed again. The upper corner of the right lung sounded normal, and so did the base, but there was a spot in the middle lobe without any sound at all. Or rather, paying closer attention to it, Chopper thought that there were sounds, but very muffled.
Missing breath sounds would usually indicate a collapsed lung, but lungs didn't collapse in parts. The entire left half would be quiet if that were the case, sounds missing from one bit only… Chopper's mind was already buzzing with differential diagnoses, but he tried to remind himself there were more benign explanations than those he was coming up with.
There had to be, even if he couldn't think of any right now.
"Turn around", Chopper said, and proceeded to listen to Sanji's lungs from the front- The left side really was fine, but he could hear the muffled noise on the right side from this angle, too, even if it wasn't as quiet as it had sounded from the back.
He put his stethoscope higher and proceeded to listen to his heart sounds. Rhythm normal, aortic valve fine… pulmonic, too… tricuspid, mitral… everything normal.
"Any trouble breathing? Pain, any other symptoms?", Chopper asked as he put his stethoscope away and transformed to heavy point.
Sanji shook his head. "I've been telling you Chopper, I feel fine. Bit of anxiety Franky might not be able to keep Luffy out of the fridge, that count for anything?"
"Franky's a huge cool robot, have faith!", Chopper declared and Sanji chuckled at that. "Anyway, I have to examine you", Chopper said, proceeding to feel for lymph nodes. He found an enlarged one above the clavicle. "Does this hurt?", he asked as he poked it.
"No."
Chopper tried moving the node, and found it hard and immobile. Trying very hard to keep his face neutral, he did the same with some cervical nodes he found, with the same result. The list of possible causes for this was whittling itself down in his head and the pirate doctor was not happy with the options that left him with.
"Wait here, there's a test I want to run", Chopper said, and went to retrieve desinfectant and several biopsy needles.
"Can't you do that later? Lunch is getting late, and with the fight we didn't have time for a proper breakfast", Sanji said, looking at the door longingly.
"It won't even take five minutes", Chopper reassured the cook while he spread his supplies on the table next to him. He sprayed some disinfectant on Sanji's back and wiped it off, then followed up with some more that he left to soak in. While it did that he took some bandaids out of their wrappings and reading them.
"And what exactly are you doing?", Sanji asked, eyeing the two large needles next to him distrustfully.
"Just taking some samples", Chopper said and took one of the needles. "Don't worry it won't hurt", he assured. "Take a deep breath and hold it."
When Sanji held his breath Chopper said "slight pinch" and was glad that Sanji was facing forward so he couldn't see his doctor blush at the lie. He pushed the needle in, finding it sliding into a mass that did not feel like lung tissue. The cook winced, but mostly kept still, as Chopper aspirated some of the mass into his needle. He took it out and put it away when he was reasonably sure that he had enough and stuck one of the bandaids on the small puncture wound.
"That's what you call a slight pinch?", Sanji said, sounding a bit offended.
"Well, not normally, but you're really tough and strong so I thought it wouldn't be so bad… did I hurt you?", Chopper asked, his face the picture of innocence.
"Oh… uh, no, just surprised me a bit, is all", Sanji said, looking a bit put off.
"Oh, good, I was worried", Chopper said. "Anyway, I need another sample and then you can go." He looked at his kit and decided against the other needle. "I need a lymph node. Can you lie down?"
"What do you need a lymph node for?", Sanji asked as he lay down.
"Just to check something, don't worry", Chopper assured, trying not to let on how worried he was himself. "I can get you some local anasthetics, but that'll take a bit to take effect, and I know you want to get back to cooking…"
"It's fine, just do your thing", Sanji said.
"Okay, thanks, don't worry, I'll be real quick", Chopper promised as he proceeded to disinfect the spot where he'd found the lymph node above the clavicle. Sanji looked at the wall when Chopper picked up his scalpel. He didn't move when the doctor used some quick and efficient slices to free the lymph node. Chopper took it out gently, and then put on another band aid. All in all it took barely 30 seconds, and Chopper couldn't help but be proud of himself for that.
"Okay, all done", he said and collected his samples. "You can go now", he announced with a hopefully convincing smile as he switched back to brain point.
"Okay, thanks", Sanji said and sat up. He slipped back into his shirt and knotted his tie. As he took his jacket he looked as if he was about to ask something, but then decided against it. "Lunch'll probably be in an hour."
Chopper nodded that he'd heard, but he'd already put all his samples in front of the microscope and wasn't really listening anymore. He transformed back to brain point, because he felt more comfortable at the microscope in that form.
He took out a bit of glass and smeared the cells he'd got from the mass onto it, and proceeded to cut the lymph node into small slices, putting them on individual glasses as well. He then spent some time putting on various chemicals to color the samples so their structure would be visible under the microscope.
He did his best to focus on the technical aspects, but whenever the coloring needed to soak he found his mind drifting to what he might find. He kept reminding himself that this was the grand line, so even a seemingly obvious diagnosis could turn out to be something vastly different, but…
Again and again he stopped himself from being too pessimistic, but that just made him all the more nervous when his smear was finally properly prepared and he turned on the light on his microscope to see.
His stomach dropped at what he saw, and he blinked away the tears that had sprung up in his eyes. He turned the dial on the side to refocus, but that didn't change the vast amount of small, purple cells so close together that it looked like they barely had any cytoplasm. And even without counting he knew the mitosis rate was incredibly high.
He switched out the samples and took a look at the lymph node he'd biopsied. He let out a small whimper when he saw the same pattern there, cells that had no reason to be there. It wasn't surprising, not with this type of… but what it meant for the prognosis was devastating. Considering where he'd found it, he knew this was just the tip of the iceberg.
His mind was racing. There had been several possible diagnoses left when he'd taken his samples, none of them good, but he would probably have been able to do something about most of them.
Not this one.
Of course out of all the things it could've been it was the worst one. Of course, because… the world just sucked that way sometimes. His mind was racing with possible things to do, but he knew there was only one real option.
He didn't even turn off the light on his microscope before dashing out of the door.
"We have to go back!", he yelled as he entered the kitchen, spotting Nami at the table.
"What? Back where?", Nami asked, confused. Luffy and Franky who were sitting next to her looked just as confused. Zoro, who was sleeping in the corner didn't stir and Sanji kept stirring in his pot.
"Back to that island, as soon as possible", Chopper said, panting.
"We can't just go back. The log pose is already set for the next island, we used a coup de burst to get out of there. If you forgot something I'm sure we can find a replacement somewhere else", Nami said.
"No, we have to find that Devil's fruit user and make her take back what she did", Chopper said. He was struggling not to start sobbing and his voice quivered bcaus of that.
"Why? We're all fine, now", Zoro pointed out. Apparently he hadn't been quite as asleep as he looked.
"No, you and Luffy are fine 'cause you got injuries I can stitch up, but…" Chopper took a deep breath, trying to fight down the tears because he knew that wouldn't make what he had to say next any easier.
"Sanji got cancer!"
A/N: Thanks for making it this far! I'm a med student and I have this bad habit of always thinking of my favorite characters when learning about bad diseases. And this is the result of that.
For some reason the One Piece fandom makes me feel incredibly self conscious because I feel like all my contributions are incredibly superfluous and aren't really needed among everything that's already there.
But I felt like posting this, anyway, because why not? Maybe someone might like it.
So let me know what you think!