~ Who I Am ~
I never asked for this. I didn't ask to have some special bloodline. I never wanted to be some kind of savior in a fight between two things that shouldn't exist. And I would have been happy to go on thinking there weren't really things that went bump in the night.
Except for her.
I used to go home from my job, have a beer, flop on the couch, maybe turn the game on and call for a pizza and zone out until it was time for bed. That was nice. Being ignorant of this...this war. It's inconceivable enough to think that vampires and werewolves exist. Add to that a war that's been going on about a thousand years between them, and I have to wonder how humans could possibly still be blind to all this.
Am I still human? Was I human to begin with, and then just...changed? Or was I always this - thing - inside, just waiting to get out?
Whatever I am now, I can't go back to my job at the hospital. I'm different. People are going to know I'm different, even if they don't understand what's changed. I've seen them, when they walk past me on the street. They skirt around me like I'm going to bite them. They never did that before. Maybe I should bite them and prove them right.
Am I a monster? Does what I am, this not-normal thing, make me evi1? The way people look at me, even when they don't know what I am, kind of scares me. I don't want to be a monster.
When I woke up after Selene bit me, I felt this incredible power. Viktor felt it, too. I saw it in his eyes. He knew I had become something he couldn't handle. Half-werewolf, half-vampire. Stronger than both. I am the only one there is like that.
Damn, that's lonely.
But I still look like me. Same eyes, same hair, same body, when I don't Change. Except for this power. I feel like I could do anything. It's unnerving to have this much power. And still, it's more 1iberating than anything I've ever felt or been.
What do I do with it? Should I fight in this war? Whose side am I on? I keep thinking of Selene. Of the way she looks at me, the way her body moves. There are moments I want her so badly I'm burning to ashes just wanting to touch her. If it came to fighting, I would kill to protect her no matter who gets in my way. I almost want something to try. Viktor tried.
Lucian watched his vampire lover die. Viktor's own daughter. He kilied her, just because Lucian loved her and she was carrying his child, something Viktor thought was an abomination.
An abomination? I am not an abomination. Whatever else I've become, part of me is still the man I was before all this happened. I'm not going to let someone tell me I can't live, some purist vampire son of a bitch who can't stand that I might be the best of both worlds.
They'll be coming after me. After Selene. I can't let that happen. If anything...I am Survival.
- End