"So…" told Kurt smiling widely when he opened the door.
"So what?" Blaine lifted his eyebrow "And besides – what kind of greeting is that?" Blaine shifted a little, hiding his hands even more behind his back. "When will I have time to kiss you and tell you how beautiful you look today" Kurt blushed at his words "When will I have a time to give you THIS?" Blaine reached his hands toward Kurt, giving his boyfriend a bouquet of red roses.
"Oh Blaine!" giggled Kurt and took flowers from him, smiling right away. "They are so beautiful! You didn't have to!"
"Of course I had to," said Blaine firmly "Today is our first kiss anniversary… How could I come without flowers?" He leaned forward and kissed Kurt hurriedly on the lips.
"No PDA on my front porch!" They heard an amused voice coming from the house.
"Dad," squeaked Kurt and pulled Blaine inside, closing the door behind them. "Our lips barely brushed."
"Just kidding kiddo," chuckled Burt. "But on a serious note… I tolerate MILD PDA inside my house but I prefer you not to kiss outside the house"
"Yes, I know dad, the world is an ugly place," said Kurt mockingly.
"It's not a reason to mock, Kurt. Mr. Humm-" Blaine cut himself off when he saw raised eyebrow of Kurt's father. "Burt is right. The world really can be ugly…" he sighed heavily.
"Oh honey…" Kurt hugged him firmly "I'm sorry. I never meant to make you feel bad. I just… I'm tired – you know?" he came toward a kitchen to fill the glass with the water and put flowers in there. "Tired that after a YEAR of being a couple we have to be careful and don't show around other people how much we love each other… A FREAKING YEAR!" He threw the glass down with a loud bang. "I wonder how many of them made it past ONE DAY. And yet they could shag in the car in a parking lot and maybe - MAYBE they'll get warning. But us? We could be sent to a fucking jail for holding hands in public place if we happen to be seen by some homophobic asshole… HOW IS IT FAIR?" Kurt finished his rant, sat down, and started breathing heavily.
"Hey, hey, hey… It's O.K." Blaine came to him and kissed the top of his head.
"No. It's not" sniffed Kurt "All I want is not to be afraid all the time."
"Just wait until I start to really work in Congress. I will change the law – you have my word," added Burt.
"Thanks dad…" replied Kurt.
"Why the long faces?" asked Carole cheerfully entering the kitchen "Did I miss something? Is Cooper not coming?"
"Yeah… right – about that…" started Blaine "He is coming!" he added quickly after seeing a sad look on his boyfriend's face, "But apparently a cab driver lost his way so he will be probably later than he expected…" Blaine smirked "Maybe two, three minutes later – but still."
"He really is punctual?" Burt lifted an eyebrow.
"Even more," chuckled Blaine "He is twice as bad as I am."
"Oh god, it's the end of the world! Robots are taking over the Earth!" joked Kurt.
"Oh, shut up," Blaine slapped him playfully "We are not robots. We are just well behaved young men."
"Yeah… let's say I believe you," teased Burt. "But enough on your world domination plan… Tell me again, why this kid is using a cab? You could have picked him up…"
"Oh no, no, no," grimaced Blaine. "He hates when I drive. He knows of course that I have a license… but he is pretending – or at least trying to – that I don't own a car… or don't use it."
"Wait, why?" Kurt started to wonder. "I drove with you multiple times. You are a great driver. Also, dad saw you driving too. You are agreeing with me, right dad?" Burt nodded. "You see? Even my father is approving of your driving skills."
"It's not about that," Blaine sighed heavily. "It's just… Cooper treats cars as necessary evil. If he had a choice – he would never sit in a car, even as a passenger… He was driving for a long time when he was sixteen. It took him three years to sit in a car and not have a panic attack while someone is driving longer than five minutes."
"W-" started Kurt but was quickly cut off by the sound of a doorbell.
"It's probably Cooper – I'll get him," said Blaine and moved towards the door. He was near them when he stopped in his tracks and turned around. "He has post traumatic stress disorder. Doctors are saying that the possibility that he will ever get over it is close to none," he almost whispered.
"Was he…?" Burt wanted to ask, but never had a chance to finish the sentence. When Blaine opened the door and revealed his tired-looking brother, Kurt shrieked loudly.
"Oh my god…" Kurt swayed a little. This face. Yes. He saw this face before. Bloodstained and terrified. "Oh my god." He could clearly smell it - The blood. Taste it in his mouth … hear the screams … This time he would surely end up lying on a floor if his father didn't catch him on time.
"Hey buddy, what's going on? You're pale… Do you know him? Did he hurt you?" Burt sat him down and shoot warning look toward Cooper who seemed to be frozen in one place. Standing there, on the doorstep, like he was afraid that he isn't invited anymore. After all – if his brother's boyfriend started to scream when he saw him…
"Yes…" admitted Kurt quietly. "I mean, no. No hurt was done… At least not on purpose ... but I know him."
"Kurt, sweetheart," Blaine turned his attention to his boyfriend. "You must be mistaken. Cooper never left LA. Not since he moved there a year and a half ago."
"No… I'm sure," argued Kurt. "I'm sure I know his face. Just can't put it anywhere now… I have some memories … and they are not a nice memories…"
Carole seemed to be the only one with the power of deduction in the room. Cooper, from what she remembered, was eight years older than Blaine, which would make him twenty-six now. He was scared of driving a car since something happened to him when he was sixteen, so something happened ten years ago. Ten years ago, Kurt was involved in a car accident which had killed his mother. She knew that it was a long shot, and there is a huge possibility she is mistaken. Clearly, something must have been done in this whole, crazy situation. She glanced from Cooper, who looked like he was really close to running away, then Blaine, who was standing near his brother sending puzzled looks toward his boyfriend, then to Kurt, who was still looking like he was about to faint, then to Finn, who entered the room along the way and was looking just awkward – standing there with hands on his head like he tried to figure something out, and finally at Burt, who looked like he wanted to murder Cooper just because he made his son nervous. Yes, this woman definitely needed to stop them all from going crazy or killing each other.
"Cooper, come in," Carole smiled friendly. "It's such a pleasure to finally see you!" she approached him quickly. "Blaine has told us a lot about you. Now we can finally meet you in person!"
"I-" started Cooper but after a moment he decided differently. "Never mind." He entered the house, and Blaine closed doors behind him. "It's nice to see you too Mrs. Hudson-Hummel." He lifted her hand and kissed her knuckles.
"Oh…such a young gentleman," she smiled warmly. "Please, call me Carole. I have a request for you. Please sit down," said Carole pointing toward the closest chair. He silently followed her instructions. "Now, I'm sorry, but I have to do this to clarify situation a little bit."
"O.K?" said Cooper hesitantly.
"I need to ask you something… Blaine told us that you are afraid of traveling by car… Can you tell us why?"
"No…" whined Blaine, trying to stop Cooper. It was to late. His brother was already lost in his own world.
"When I was sixteen, there was a car crush somewhere in the area of Lima. I don't remember clearly." Cooper swallowed loudly. "I was driving… The weather was really bad … and … and..." he looked down at his lap. "I killed someone…"
###########################################################################
"Coop! Coop! Look at me, Coop!" screamed Blaine from the back seat of the car.
"I'm driving!" snapped Cooper without turning around.
Bad weather was enough to make him nervous, and his giggly, noisy brother who seemed to never get tired, definitely wasn't helping. Usually, he was really patient with him. He spent every second of his free time just being with him, hanging out with him. He also made sure that he was clean, full and happy. Their parents rarely had time for them. Always busy, always at work, always having to do some 'serious adult stuff.' He was more of a parent for his little Blainey than they were. So no, being angry at Blaine was unusual for him. Still, he was mad already… and for completely different reasons…
He was sixteen, just two months ago he got his driving license, and being outside right now, driving during a storm was definitely the last place he'd like to be.
"But Coop!" whined Blaine again "I'm bored!"
"I know," Cooper managed to grind out.
Of course Blaine was bored. They were driving for almost three hours already. Three hours he'd rather spend in their house in Detroit, with a cup of hot chocolate in his hand, and his little ball of happiness jumping around him. But no, he couldn't. He couldn't just relax like any other normal teenager. He couldn't because they 'absolutely have to,' as his mother said, visit their grandmother in Westerville. And of course they had to do it today – of all days. And what else – there was no possibility that he would just hide somewhere and not do as he was told. They told him that if he didn't call them from grandma's house before the end of the day there will be serious repressions toward him. And knowing them, he just knew it was better to listen to what they were saying. No, they were not abusive parents – at least physically. But mentally…?
He still remembers one day, six years earlier, when he was disobeying their orders. Remembers being closed in a dark basement for five hours and listening to records of his fathers voice giving him reprimands… After those five hours, he was hypnotized. He doesn't remember what he was doing… he just remembers snapping out of it when their housekeeper started to scream… he remembers snapping out of it, and seeing himself sitting with a knife in one hand and holding his baby brother with another… He still doesn't know what he was about to do. If he was about to kill himself, his brother or maybe both of them… He just knows that that day he told himself – NEVER AGAIN.
So NO – today he had no other choice.
Originally they were meant to fly by plane…but because of a fog, their flight was postponed. Their parents couldn't understand that if a flight was postponed because of the bad weather, it probably wasn't a good idea to travel at all. But no, of course, they just had to travel! So they left their sixteen year old son with the responsibility to travel his eight year old brother safely from point A to point B. Because, as always, his parent's were busy.
"Be a man! Don't be a pussy! Show your brother how the man should behave! Maybe it's not too late for him, maybe he isn't a total fairy yet!" The words of their father were ringing in his ears. He was mad, completely mad, and being mad made him hard to concentrate. Yes, his brother was more … delicate than other boys, but he wasn't a fairy!
Cooper can say it from his own experience. When he was Blaine's age, he also was 'girly,' at least more 'girly' than his father would like him to be… Now? Look at him now. A football player, the most popular kid in a school, straight A student, with a wonderful girlfriend and zero interest in men.
He was actually never interested in men. He just enjoyed watching Disney movies about princesses and singing along with characters. The same thing Blaine loves so much to do. So NO, he wasn't agreeing with his father's opinion. But even if … even if Blaine was a fairy, then what? No … his brother would never be a fairy, or a fag, or a queer. He was Blaine. His younger brother, who, maybe one day will come to him and tell him, 'Cooper – I'm gay,' and that's all. That's what Blaine being gay would change for him: nothing. He will always love him and take care of him, no matter what.
"Bambi!" screamed Blaine suddenly "Look out for Bambi!"
"What?" asked Cooper turning around just for a second.
"Bambi!" shouted Blaine again, pointing toward the window.
"Bambi?" thought Cooper, and then it clicked… BAMBI ON A ROAD! He turned back to look at road again, and yes, he was right. There was a deer. A deer standing on a middle of a road. Not moving, just standing and looking at them. Like he was waiting for death. Cooper tried to save him, tried to stop from colliding with him. He turned his steering wheel quickly to the left to avoid the animal, but because of a bad visibility, he hadn't seen that avoiding one danger, he is inevitably getting closer to another. Danger he couldn't avoid now. When he saw the car driving from the opposite direction, it was already too late.
"Blaine, close your eyes," was all he managed to say before he heard a loud crash, and everything went blank…
###########################################################################
Kurt was listening to Cooper's story with bated breath. He remembers seeing a huge scar on Blaine's abdomen, but never asked about it. He was nearly sure that it was 'a souvenir' from Sadie Hawkins. He never asked about detailed description of Blaine's injuries after the dance. What he knew … what he heard about doctors fighting non-stop for Blaine's life for three days, and Blaine ending up in a coma for next five months, was enough information for him. But what if he was mistaken? What if Blaine's scar was much older than he thought? What Cooper was saying - sixteen? What made the time of whole situation happening ten years earlier? Lima area? Bad weather condition? A storm? A deer on a road? He looked at his father… An equally puzzled and terrified look on his face… Their eyes connected… And then it all clicked into a place…
###########################################################################
"Mommy! You want to hear a song I learned today?" asked Kurt cheeringly trying to make his mom happy. She wasn't happy. He could sense that. He could sense that from the moment when it started raining. He always liked rain, he thought it was pretty. Apparently, his mother had different opinion about it. When it started to rain, she looked tense, clenching the steering wheel so hard that her knuckles turned white. He was feeling bad now. Feeling bad because if he wasn't such a strange kid, they would be home now watching 'The Little Mermaid' or other Disney animation. But no – he was a strange kid who loved to sing so bad, that his mommy was driving him every Friday to Westerville, where they taught him music. He tried to learn how to sing in Lima, but kids were too mean for him to play with them. He was always coming back from this lessons with a sad look on his face and tears in his blue eyes. One day, he said that he doesn't want to sing anymore because other kids are mocking him that he had a voice like a fag. They immediately started to search for another school where he wouldn't be treated like that. They never told him what the word 'fag' meant, but from the look on their faces, he could clearly see that it was something really bad.
"Maybe when we go home, O.K honey?" said Elizabeth, trying to sound calm. But the truth was she was terrified. If a storm started an hour earlier, she would have never left Westerville. They would book some hotel room and wait there till the weather would be good again. But now she had no other choice than drive with her little son and pray. Now she was completely lost, in the middle of nowhere, and to be honest, she was only hoping that she was using the right road to go home. She couldn't tell for sure, though. It was so dark outside. She knew how much time would take her to drive from Westerville to Lima in good weather conditions. So that's how she was navigating. Driving and waiting, hoping that they will managed to get back home ALIVE. Because the truth was there wasn't any other way…
"But mom! Just listen! It'll make you feel better!" smiled Kurt again.
"O.K…" sighed Elizabeth. She was pretty sure she was too concentrated on the road to hear anything, but she couldn't say no to her little prince, could she? If her little Kurtie wanted to sing, he would sing. And she wasn't meaning only now, she was meaning ALWAYS. When she heard that some kids were making fun of her son's beautiful, angelic voice and almost killed his love for music, she was about to go all ballistic on this school. The funny thing is that Burt was the one who stopped her. Burt who usually was the one acting on impulse, but not this time. This time, he was the one who was mature. This time, he was the one who made a complaint, but finished with it. He was the one who started searching for a new school. And herself? All she could have done was listen in her head the sadness in her son's voice when he told that they are calling him a fag and no one wants to play with him. All she could have done was dwell in her own hate until Burt managed to finally calm her down. Yes, it was unusual for him to act this way, but it was unusual for her too. Who knows? Maybe it was just how they worked? Fitting themselves perfectly into each other lives.
"O.K. listen!" laughed Kurt and started to sing.
"Old Mac Donald had a farm,
E-I-E-I-O
And on his farm he had some ducks,
E-I-E-I-O
With a quack, quack, here,
And a quack, quack, there,
Here a quack, there a quack,
Everywhere a quack, quack,
Old Mac Donald had a farm,
E-I-E-I-O"
Elizabeth smiled at the song choice. She would have never seen her little son as the type for singing a song about a farm with many strange noises in it… In all honesty, Kurt never failed to surprise her.
"Old Mac Donald had a farm,
E-I-E-I-O
And on his farm he had some cows,
E-I-E-I-O
With a moo, moo here,
And a moo, moo there,
Here a moo, there a moo,
Everywhere a moo, moo,
Old Mac Donald had a farm,
E-I-E-I-O"
Elizabeth giggled a little. Yes, it definitely was the funniest song choice she could have heard. Her son sounded adorable making all this strange noises. But wasn't that the point? If you asked her, she would say that her son was singing to her just to make her smile a little. With the song choice, she could tell Kurt just wanted her to be happy.
"It's wonderful," she smiled.
"Haven't finished yet!" yelled Kurt, a little frustrated. "Don't talk to me until we reach home! You destroyed my recital!" he frowned.
"Oh sorry, maestro," giggled Elizabeth. "I'll be good, I swear!"
"I hope so! But now, sit and listen!" demanded Kurt.
"Old Mac Donald had a farm,
E-I-E-I-O
And on his farm he had some dogs,
E-I-E-I-O
With a woof, woof here,"
"I pro…" said Elizabeth before something different caught her attention. There was a light in the darkness.
"And a woof, woof there,
Here a woof, there a woof,
Everywhere a woof, woof,"
Something very bright started coming toward her quickly. It took her a moment to register what was happening. She knew that there is no hope, not anymore. She turned around and looked at her little son. Her little son, who was so passionate about this whole singing thing, who was sitting in his car seat with his closed eyes and hand lifted to his heart like he was singing some heart-wreathing ballad, not a silly kid song, not knowing what was about to happen.
"I love you so much," she said quietly, hoping that he wouldn't stop singing. That he wouldn't see the worst, and then she felt it. The impact of a car hitting their car, bending the mask from her side so much that it felt like car hit right in her, stealing the breath and blood from her body.
"Old Mac Donald had a farm,
E-I-E-I-O" were the last words she heard in her life…
###########################################################################
Blaine was standing awkwardly in one place. He heard the story told by Cooper about million times already. He doesn't remember it, not really. He was badly hurt after all, and he was still a kid when it happened. He remembers only few small things. Cooper is still having nightmares about it. After all these years, he still can't get over it. Nothing helped. Moving to Westerville to live with their grandparents hasn't changed anything. Neither have the years of therapy, and even taking medications wouldn't do anything. Blaine accepted it already, to be honest. Yes, it was really hurting him that his brother had problems, but what else he could do for him? His brother was fine most of the time. Happy, moving on with his life… But sometimes his past just suffocated him. He still remembers waking up multiple times over the years because of Coopers screams. He still remembers Cooper having a panic attack when he learned that Blaine had a driving license, and his grandparents were going to buy him a car. Cooper was still dwelling in the past. From his own experience, Blaine knew that it's the worst thing a person can do. If he was still dwelling in his Sadie Hawkins memories, he would have gone crazy. He knew that Cooper couldn't help him with that. Nightmares just happen on their own, and fighting with them is really difficult, but Blaine sometimes thought that Cooper, in some twisted way, enjoyed it. That he enjoyed punishing himself for his brothers hospitalization, for the death of this young woman. Yes, Blaine wasn't dwelling in the Sadie Hawkins experience on purpose, but still, he was the only one who was really hurt. Mark had it lightly. One punch to the stomach, after which, he managed to run away and call some help. If he was at Cooper's place, if he was remembering clearly, something else than this terrified boy with beautiful sad eyes who lost his mother in the accident, he would be probably trying to punish himself too. Wait… Beautiful boy with sad blue eyes, pale skin and the voice of an angel… He gasped and looked at Kurt and Burt, both equally shaken up… Yes, he remembers it clearly now, but what does it will mean for all of them?
###########################################################################
The first thing Blaine remembered was the sound of someone crying. He had no idea what happened, where he was, or why his tummy hurt so much. But there was one thing he knew for sure; someone was crying. The heart-wrenching sobs were coming from somewhere near him, and he knew that he needed to stop them somehow. He lifted his head slowly and opened his eyes. For a moment, everything he saw was pure darkness, but after some time, he started to see clearly. He could see the car's front chair broken and bended backwards in a way which captured him in one place. That was probably why his tummy was hurting him so much. The chair was crushing it.
"Cooper? Are you here? Coop, help me out," he whined and started to look around for his brother. He saw him finally, with his hand turned in unnatural position, bleeding nose and head resting on airbag. He could clearly hear his labored breath. Coop was hurt, but at least he was alive.
"Mommy, my nose hurts! It's bleeding!" the loud cry captured his attention again.
"Don't cry," he exclaimed as loud as his aching tummy managed.
"Excuse me?" asked surprised voice.
"I said don't cry," repeated Blaine
"But my mommy…" sniffed other boy. "I can't see my mommy. She was here a moment ago but now, I can't see her. I can't even see the car where she was sitting!" the boy whined again "Mommy!"
"I know that you are scared…" admitted Blaine "I'm scared too."
"Are you alone?"
"No. My brother is here," Blaine glanced at Cooper. "But he … he doesn't hear me."
"My mommy doesn't hear me, either…"
"Are you hurt?"
"No. You?"
"No," lied Blaine. He was a child, but he knew he was hurt. He had trouble with breathing and concentrating, and he felt cold and just wanted to go to sleep. But scaring a kid even more wouldn't help either of them in this situation. "Not really. Just my tummy hurts."
"My nose hurts," squeaked the other voice. "It's bleeding. My new clothes are getting dirty, but my mommy will clean them for me. She's magical. Right, mommy? MOMMY?" asked terrified voice, like he suddenly realized again what happened "Mommy!" cried boy again.
"Oh, shut up!" Blaine heard the grumpy voice coming from the front seat.
"Who… who was that?" asked the boy.
"It's my brother," answered Blaine quickly "Cooper, can you hear me?"
"I just want to sleep Blaine. It's five in the morning! Go watch a cartoon or something," murmured Cooper into the airbag.
"No… it's not," uttered confused Blaine.
"Then why am I lying in bed with a pillow under my face? A PILLOW?" Cooper sat straight suddenly and screamed in pain. "Oh my god, oh my god…" he looked around. "Blaine!"
"I'm here…" answered the small voice from the back seat. What he saw after he turned around, his little brother, his life, captured in there. He just had to get him out no matter what. He just had to. And he would do something, if he just could breath…
"What's happening?" asked the child with high-pitched voice.
"Don't know," replied Blaine, with a confusion in his voice. "I think he hit his head really hard. He's just sitting there, staring at me with wide eyes… Cooper, you're scaring me."
"I…" was all Cooper managed to say before loud, hiccup-like noises started escaping his mouth. Before Blaine managed to proceed of what was happening, he saw Cooper untying his front seatbelt, opening the door quickly and nearly falling of the car to the ground.
"Cooper?" asked Blaine hearing the sound of his brother vomiting violently.
"I think he's hurt. He sounds hurt." The boy's voice stopped sounding angelic, and started to fill with worry. "With him hurt and my mommy hurt… what we are supposed to do now?"
"I'm O.K.," stated Cooper, barely audibly. "It's not the time to cry into your beer. I need to…" he lifted himself and looked toward the direction of the other car… He wished he never did that…
He saw a woman captured in the other car. Or maybe he should say woman's body? Because there was no chance she was alive. She was bended sideways, with her legs still in the car, but the rest of it was hanging outside of it. Her neck was twisted in an unnatural way, and blood was flowing out of her mouth freely, like it tried to leave her body. She was definitely dead, there was no other option. He started to hyperventilate, which was really a bad idea when he had a strong concussion, three broken ribs and a lung on the frontier of collapsing. He was really close to loosing consciousness when he heard a voice slapping him back to the reality.
"No, you are lying. Daddy always says it's bad to lie. Once I was lied that I wasn't stealing a cookie from the jar, but then I ate too much of them and my tummy started to hurt and he knew that I was lying," pointed out the other boy, probably the woman's son.
"Was he mad at you? Did he punish you?" asked his brother. The little boy was still captured in the car. Cooper wanted to see if he was badly injured, because he couldn't tell. He doesn't think the little boy even knows how hurt he is.
"He told me that my aching tummy was enough punishment for me," replied the other boy.
"Oh…" was all Blaine managed to say. If his parents caught him lying … he was afraid to even think about what would happen.
"Let's get you out of the car," said Cooper finally, after he managed to calm his own breathing.
He was nearly sure that he was concussed, and something bad was happening with his right lung and hand, but adrenaline never really gave him a chance to think clearly. He just knew that he have to do something, anything. He stood up and went toward his own car. He tried to open Blaine's door – but he couldn't. By the look on their faces, he knew that there is also no chance to free Blaine by opening the other door on the opposite side of the back seat… his lower body was completely captured.
"I'm sorry Blaine," he cried "But I can't get you out."
"O.K." Blaine tried to sound calm, hiding just how terrified he was. "Just try to get him out, O.K.? At least one of us will be free."
"O.K." Cooper swallowed loudly.
Seeing the face of a child whose mother he just killed was the last thing he wanted to see in his life… But his brother wanted to make sure that the other boy was safe, and Cooper really couldn't say no to him, definitely not in this situation. He carefully approached the other car, trying his best not to see the blood on the ground and a dead body in the car. He opened the door on the boys side without any difficulties. The boy was lucky. If he was sitting behind his mom, not diagonally, he would be dead too…
"Hi. I'm Cooper," he said to the terrified boy.
"K-K-Kurt," stuttered the little angel. "Have you seen my mommy?" he asked in a small voice.
"No." Cooper lied quickly. The kid couldn't be older than his own brother. Learning from him, the person who killed his mommy, that she is dead, was definitely the worst thing that could happened to him. "Sorry, it's too dark and the car is too damaged." He took a deep breath. "But I'm sure she is O.K."
"I hope so… I love my mommy. I don't want to see her hurt," cried Kurt.
"I know…" Cooper moved his injured hand, causing a surge of pain to go through his whole body. Yes, it definitely was a thing he needed to ground himself.
"Is he O.K.?" Cooper heard Blaine's voice.
"He is. Just a little bit shaken and a broken nose, but I think that's all" answered Cooper. "I'll get you out, O.K., sweetie?" he suggested to other boy.
"What about your brother?" questioned Kurt shyly.
"I can't get him out, but I can get you." He untied the kid's seat belt and reached his hands toward the boy's waist. "O.K.?" Kurt nodded, lifted his hands and captured Cooper's neck with them. "Good, that's it," said Cooper soothingly, lifting the boy carefully from his kid-seat.
He ignored the waves of pain in his body. Now wasn't the time for that. He passed the car wrecks with the boy in his hands, making sure that he won't see his mom.
"Can you stand?" he asked when they reached Blaine. Kurt nodded. "Good," he put him down. "You two talk and I n-need to…do something."
That something was a problem. Cooper moved from the car thinking about what he was supposed to do. He had this nagging feeling from the moment when he woke up. Feeling that he should do something. Something else than he already done, but he couldn't put the pieces together. His vision was blurry, his head was hurting, and the problems with breathing were becoming worse with every second. He was nearly 100% positive that his lung was collapsed now. It was the only explanation for the wheezing sound he could clearly hear coming out of his mouth. The doctors would fix it, they were always fixing - DOCTORS! HOSPITAL! But how he supposed to… Something buzzed in his pocket… A PHONE! He had a phone with him! They were saved!
For a moment, Blaine was doing nothing, but just staring at his wandering brother, and that angel, he was positive he saw him standing at his eye level. The angel with a beautiful, pale skin and huge, blue eyes. Nothing could make him look less than beautiful. Not even a broken nose.
"You lied too," said boy after a moment.
"Sorry?" asked Blaine, surprised.
"You told me you weren't hurt. You are. I can see that you are," he scolded.
"I'm not, really," lied Blaine again. "I'm captured, but not hurt. My brother just can't open the door, that's all. I need to sit here and wait for him to figure something out… He always figures something out."
"My daddy is the same," sniffed Kurt. "I wish he was with me now. He would know what to do. He would know where mommy is."
"I know he is not your daddy…" sighed Blaine. "But I promise, 100% truth, that Cooper will know what to do. He just needs some time. And don't cry. You are too pretty to cry."
"You are pretty too," Kurt blushed a little bit.
"My name is Blaine," he smiled, reaching his hand through the broken window in a direction of the other boy.
"Kurt." The boy smiled at him and captured Blaine's little hand with his.
###########################################################################
Cooper looked around, surprised. He was waiting for something, anything, after he stopped talking, but nothing happened. No one said anything or did anything. They were all just standing where they were standing before he started to talk. The thing that surprised him even more than the silence, was the look on Burt and Kurt's faces. The same look Blaine was wearing; lost in his own thoughts, in his own triggered memories. He knew he triggered something in Blaine's mind, even though he was almost positive Blaine didn't remember anything from that day. At least, he never spoke about them. But Burt and Kurt? He looked at Kurt's mom, who was looking between all four of them with a sad look on her face, but he also saw a look of recognition. Like she understood something, but was waiting for all of them to come down from their separate thoughts and discuss about something, but what?
Then he saw it. The large picture hanging above the piano on the opposite wall. The large picture of a mother holding an infant. She was looking so happy, but he couldn't see her this way. He couldn't see the smile on her face, because all he was seeing was a wide open mouth with blood dripping from it. He couldn't see this spark in her eyes when she was looking at her baby, because all he saw was the empty look in them; dead eyes looking ahead, seeing nothing. Upon recognizing the photograph, he felt his breath becoming shorter. It took him a while for it to register, but he finally realized what really happened that night.
"No!" he gasped and stood up quickly "No!" he screamed. "It's not true, it's not! It just can't be."
"Cooper, sit down," said Carole, calmly. The boy was hyperventilating now, and he was pacing back and forth, pulling on his own hair in disgust.
"It's not…" said Cooper again, like he was in a trance. "IT'S NOT!" The scream had seemed to bring everyone back to reality.
"Cooper?" Blaine asked, concerned and approaching his nervous, panicked brother. "Coop, it's me. Blainey. Can you sit down for me?"
"Is he heaving a panic attack?" He heard Kurt's voice from behind his back. He was so nervous right now, he couldn't even hear him moving.
"Yes…" answered Blaine factually. "I'll calm him down and then we will leave…" he reassured looking toward Burt. "We will never bother you again," he looked at Kurt sadly.
"Why?" asked Burt coming closer to three boys. "No one said nothing about you leaving, am I right?" He looked at Kurt and continued after he saw a reassurance on his face. "You are staying and we are talking. Then we are having a dinner."
"I killed her, killed her… Oh god." Cooper collapsed to the floor.
"Cooper!" screamed Blaine, falling on his knees next to his brother.
"Here, take this." Carole showed up right behind him from God knows where. She was holding a paper bag in her hand. "I have some medications to calm him down, but I think it'll be better to not interfere with them right now."
"How are you being so nice to us?" asked Blaine, taken aback by the generous offer. "We are the reason your mother is dead…"
"Take care of your brother first. Then we will talk," replied Kurt. "To be honest? No. I don't think you two are the reason… Definitely not you."
"If you say so…" Blaine sighed heavily.
"Cooper, I have a paper bag in hand. I want you to breath into it, O.K.?" he said to his older brother, who was lying on his side in fetal position with his eyes closed. He was gasping for air, like he was suffocating. After Blaine received no reaction from his brother, he put the bag to Cooper's face covering his nose and mouth completely.
"Nice and steady," Blaine put a hand on his brothers chest trying to show him with the pressure he put on his hand the right tempo of breathing. "Nice and steady." Cooper opened eyes. "Good. That's it. Nice and steady. Nice and steady."
After a few minutes of breathing into a bag, Blaine could actually see Coop relaxing. He straightened and lifted a hand to hold the bag. He sat down carefully and looked at Kurt and his parents. He was sure that he will see the look of hate, that they will kick him out, not even waiting for him to calm down, but they looked genuinely concerned. Both Kurt and his father were squatting near him. Kurt's step mom was standing with a glass of water in her hand, like she was waiting for Cooper to calm down a little bit and drink it. Even the boy, who he noticed now for the first time, standing a little bit on the side but still close, was looking at him with equally puzzled and sad look. No one looked like they hated him or even thought that he is responsible. He looked at Blaine. His brother seemed to be as surprised as he was.
"Are you feeling better, honey?" asked Carole after a moment. "I can go get some meds if you want me to."
"I'm O.K." said Cooper, a little pathetic, putting the bag down. "I'm just surprised that you are standing here without kicking me out. Please, don't kick him, he doesn't deserve it," he pointed toward Blaine. "He loves Kurt and deserves to be loved even if the situation got pretty nasty right now… But I…"
"You what?" asked Kurt with a pressure. "You got me out of a wrecked car, and you made sure that I never saw the dead body of my mother. You made sure I was safe and you did your best to calm me down. And you called for help. You don't realize it, but you've done a lot more for me than most people would."
"But I wrecked your car! I was the reason you were in danger! I'm the reason your mother is dead!" whined Coop. "You can't side with him Mr. Hummel! You must put some reason to his mind!"
"My son has his mind made up on this," declared Burt "No one hates you here, kid."
"But you should!" snapped Coop. "O.K.? You should…"
"Coop, calm down or you will have another attack," said Blaine, trying to stay calm for the both of them.
"They should hate me Blaine. Why is no one hating me?" Cooper looked like a lost, hurt puppy.
"Dude, you are a mess," said Finn. "It's difficult to hate someone so messed up."
"You should hate me…" repeated Cooper again. Everyone was getting fed up of him sounding like a broken record.
"Do you want us to hate you?" asked Carole, calmly but sternly.
"YES!" snapped Cooper, surprising not only everyone around, but even himself. Is that really what he was looking for? Hatred?
"The same way you hate yourself?" quivered Blaine.
"What? No… I don't hate myself," reassured Cooper. "I just think that I… I…"
"That you should be punished," Kurt finished for him.
"Yes…" agreed Cooper, silently. "I was sure that I would be punished, that I'll go to juvie or something… But nothing happened. There wasn't even an investigation."
"There was…" said Burt surprising everyone.
"What?" gasped Kurt "When? You never told me!"
"I didn't want to bother an eight-year-old kid, who just lost his mother, with news that a teenager will be in court for involuntary manslaughter. That's the last thing I would ever want to bother you with. And before you say anything else," Burt quickly replied, "they really did want to investigate, but I only wanted it written as an accident without pointing fingers at somebody."
"But why…" wondered Cooper.
Burt went to grab a chair for himself, and sat down before he continued. "Why do you ask why?" When Cooper didn't reply, Burt simply said, "I'll tell you why. But can someone explain why we're having a sit-on-the-floor party?" No one seemed to notice the question, because everyone was anticipating the story. "Well, I guess we are. All right, just listen..."
###########################################################################
Burt was driving to the hospital as fast as he could. It was already three hours after the accident, and they called him NOW. Called him now to tell him that his wife, the love of his life, was dead. Killed by some rich asshole in a Mercedes, who apparently thought that traffic regulations are not for him. His little boy wasn't hurt, at least they told him that, but definitely was terrified and needed his daddy. How was he supposed to face his eight year old son and tell him that his mom will never hold him or kiss him again? HOW? What was he supposed to say? Was he supposed to say that she was in a better place now? BULLSHIT! No place was better for a loving mother than near her child. He heard that this punk was brought to the hospital too. Burt hoped that he will die and save him from trouble of killing him. Burt was not a revengeful person, but the murderer of his wife need to pay!
"Where is he?" asked Burt when he entered the hospital.
"Excuse me?" asked a nurse, surprised at the outrage.
"Yeah, right…" Burt sighed heavily. "My son, Kurt Hummel? He was brought in here today… He was involved in a car accident."
"Please, sit down here. I'll check," the nurse said, pointing Burt toward the chair.
He sat there looking around impatiently at all these tired, sad looking people, but one person in particular got his attention. A boy, he couldn't be older than fifteen, maybe sixteen. He was sitting on the opposite end of the waiting room in a corner, leaning on the wall. His face was pale, and his eyes were wide. He had several bruises on his face, and the sight of dried blood was under his nose. He was looking ahead, but Burt was nearly sure he wasn't seeing anything, but only lost in his own thoughts… But that was not the details that got his attention… What got his attention was a fact that kid was clearly already a patient. Wearing a hospital pajama with an unbuttoned top, under which he could clearly see bandages covering the boy's chest. His left hand was in cast, and what was possibly the strangest thing, was an oxygen mask covering the boy's nose and mouth. He clearly was injured, maybe even seriously, but still he was sitting in here instead of lying in a hospital bed. Were they having the shortage of beds or something?
"Mr. Hummel?" said the nurse getting his attention.
"Yes?" He looked up, slowly, awaiting the worst.
"They are taking some tests right now. He is perfectly fine, but they want to make sure," explained the woman. "Can you wait here a little longer?"
"Yes…" Burt sighed heavily.
He wanted to take his little boy home, and mourn a loss they would be mourning for a long time. It was better, however, that they made sure he was fine, and that nothing would happen to him. If his son were to be more injured than they thought he was, and would die - no. He couldn't think about that. Not right now. He couldn't lose him. He needed his son to be okay.
He looked up and saw a nurse approaching the boy sitting in a corner. Burt knew that he shouldn't eavesdrop, but he just had to know. He had this nagging feeling that wouldn't be going away any time soon…
"He's still in surgery," she explained when she had his attention. "You should go to bed. Your lung is in really bad condition. If you don't rest, you will be the one who will end up on operating table."
The boy looked at her and put the mask down for a moment, just to say, barely audible, "I should be the one on the operating table." After these words, he put the mask back on.
"You're going to kill yourself if you continue to behave like that!" the nurse scolded him. "And don't even try to tell me you should be the one who died! You are SIXTEEN Cooper. You have your whole life in front of you!"
"In front of me," mocked the boy after taking the mask off. "Life in front of me? I'm sixteen, as you just said. My brother is eight, and the doctors are fighting for his life. My parents don't give a shit about us, and we will probably end up in some sort of an orphanage, because I was stupid enough to tell the police why I was driving in the rain in the first place. Plus, knowing my luck, they will separate us, of course if he survives. Did I forgot about anything? I know! I killed a woman and put her child in a danger!" he gasped for air and put one hand on his chest. "Do you really think I want to live?" he breathed out, in desperation for more air.
"That's it!" The nurse put the mask back on his face. "I'm going for a doctor and you are going back to bed. If you try to run from it again, we will tie you to it. You have my word."
Burt was looking at the whole scene with his eyes wide open… Was it HIM? This kid sitting across the hallway was the murderer of his beloved wife! This … child killed his wife? This child's brother, who was the same age as his little Kurt, was possibly dying on an operating table right now. This kid had some serious domestic problems. This kid was a spoiled brat, who thought he was better than everyone because he drove a Mercedes. This kid was also beating himself up verbally, in self-loathing, for what had happened. This kid, Cooper, had wished harm on himself. He wish he was the only one who got hurt. 'But this can't be true,' Burt thought to himself. He wanted to hate this kid, no, he needed to. Seeing him so vulnerable, and weak, how was he supposed to?
"Wait," Burt stopped the nurse. She had just shown the doctor to Cooper.
"I still have no news. He should be free soon but now-" she started.
"No," Burt cut her off. "I need to hear it from you. This boy," he pointed with his head, "was injured in a car accident that killed my wife, am I right?"
"I- I shouldn't…" the woman looked terrified, "shouldn't share this kind of information. I have no official-"
"But you know," surmised Burt.
"Come with me," said the nurse. She started walking toward the closest empty room, waiting for him to follow. After he entered, she closed the door and looked at him with anger in her eyes.
"Yes, I do know, but before I answer you, you must listen to a few things first." She pointed a finger to his chest and looked at him with a warning. "This child is only sixteen. This boy has a severe concussion, a broken arm, three broken ribs and a collapsed lung. Yet he ran away from his hospital bed because he wanted to wait here for his brother, who is still on the operating table. This boy's mind is so foggy right now, that he thinks that if he isn't sitting in a waiting room, we won't tell him when his brothers surgery will end. This boy completely lost it after the cops came, and he spent over an hour crying and telling us about their parents, who never had time for them and mentally abuse them when they even dared to question their decision. Parents who are so busy, that they refused to come here and told us to contact their grandma in Westerville instead. So yes, I know that this boy was brought in ambulance with your son because they brought his brother in a helicopter. And yes, I know that he was involved in the same accident your wife was. But don't you even dare calling him a murderer or creating a scene because this boy suffered enough already. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?" The nurse was boiling mad, and Burt could tell. He didn't know exactly what to say after that blow. He heard what she was saying, he did. He just needed a reason to hate the kid, but after this, he found he had more sympathy towards the kid.
"But my wife-" started Burt.
"Your wife is dead," retorted the woman. "I'm sorry that I'm so harsh, but that's the truth. And she can't be even more dead. You can make a complaint on me and get me fired for what I said, but right now, I don't care about my job, or your mourning. I care about this boy. You know why? Because it doesn't matter if it was his fault or wasn't, he will live with remorse for the rest of his life. And trust me, this kid is the kind of person who treats the whole guilt thing really serious. In fact, he is treating it so seriously, that we are actually considering if we should put him on a suicide watch. You know why? Because you know how many times I heard the words 'I should be dead' and different variations of them coming from this boy's mouth in the past three hours? At least twenty fucking times. If you think this boy should be punished, you are the monster here, not him. Sure, he caused the accident, but he will have that guilt of not only your wife's death, but his brother's possible death. That kid has internal bleeding that is difficult for the doctor's to stop. Cooper treats his brother like his son, because, in all honesty and truth, he raised him. If he gets charged with anything about this, I'm not sure he would make it to the court alive. Don't even start to think anything bad about this kid. Get your child home, tell him what happened to his mom and mourn together, but LET THE BOY LIVE, DAMMIT." The nurse was screaming at the top of her lungs by now. She was out of breath, and on the verge of tears. "DO WE HAVE AN AGREEMENT?"
"I…" Burt was looking at the nurse with his mouth wide open. All he could do was just stand there and stare, while she was scolding him. She was harsh, arrogant, and had no respect for his feelings… but she was also right… "Yes, we have an agreement. I won't press any charges and won't bother him in any other way," he finally uttered.
"Good. Now excuse me, I need to make sure he is back in bed. I'm happy that we found common ground," she said, with sass in her attitude, and left the room leaving the dumbstruck Burt inside.
###########################################################################
"Now I feel the need to apologize for Jessica," grimaced Cooper. "Her son was my age when he killed himself a few months before our accident… That's why… But still – she was harsh."
"She was right," sighed Burt, heavily. "And adding what I saw a moment ago into consideration, she was definitely right. Your own guilt is enough of a punishment. And don't even try to argue with me."
"I still don't understand…" Cooper looked lost.
"But we do," chirped Kurt. "But I don't understand a few other things, mister," he pointed toward Blaine. "How long were you going to lie to me?"
"About what?" Blaine frowned. "You never asked about the scar on my stomach, so I never even thought about dragging it out-"
"About your parents," Kurt explained, a little frustrated with Blaine right now.
"Oh yeah, about that…" Blaine scratched his head, wondering where to begin with something like this.
"Actually, I don't think he ever lied to you. I think you just assumed something, but I can be mistaken," added Cooper.
"Assumed?" asked Finn, surprised. "We all know that your parents, especially your father, are homophobic assholes and that Blaine is living with your grandma because of them."
"Because they are," clarified Blaine. "And that's one of the reasons, but we haven't been living with them since I was only eight. They gave custody to my grandmother. We only visit them on holidays or other special occasions. And yes, on several of these occasions, my father tried to make me straight somehow, but no, I'm not living with my grandma because of that."
Kurt sighed. "You're right. You never told me since you're not living with them. I just assumed..."
"It's O.K." Blaine smiled at him reassuringly.
"I was worried, you know? I was worried for the nicest and cutest boy I've ever met," Kurt flirted.
"Aww, Kurt! You found me cute?" Blaine smiled wildly. "I was positive I saw an angel."
"Oh god, will you two stop!" groaned Cooper. "You two are so sweet with your little flirting that I'm gonna barf in a moment if you continue doing it. It's a good thing I at least have already a paper bag with me!"
"I like you, kid," chuckled Burt. "And don't give me that look," he added, after he saw Cooper hanging his head down. "I have a right to like you. In fact, I'm sure that Elizabeth, wherever she is right now, is looking down at me and slow clapping. She would be proud that I don't hold a grudge."
"She would be mad if you did," added Kurt. "I remember her giving me a long speech after I told her that I hated the kid who destroyed my sand castle and wished that something would happen to him. She was all about forgiving…"
"I don't deserve to be forgiven." A tear slowly dropped from Cooper's eye.
"I think you do. Maybe I'm not the one who should forgive you here," started Carole and looked at Burt, waiting for reassurance. Her husband nodded in agreement. "But look at you and Blaine, and look at Blaine and Kurt… Now tell me that you don't deserve to be forgiven. From what Blaine told us, you are his true parent. You raised him. Alone at first, then with the help of your grandma. You are the reason he is such a gentleman and a wonderful human being. You are the one who taught him all about love and acceptance. You are the one who never turned your back when he needed you. You are the reason my step-son can be happy with a person he truly loves, and that person loves him back. It was you who raised Blaine, and with him coming into our lives, brought so much life and happiness to this household… You really think that someone, anyone in this house is able to hold a grudge against you?"
"Thank you…" sniffed Blaine. "I never thought that you thought about me so highly."
"Of course we are, you dumbo," said Kurt, playfully hitting his shoulder. "Do you really think I'd spend a year with a person I thought about any lower? I don't think so."
"Cooper, look at me," said Burt calmly, continuing with he lifted his head. "I'm forgiving you now."
"We both are," added Kurt.
"We both are," repeated Burt. "But I need you to finally forgive yourself. It's been ten years. You can't continue living like this."
"It's difficult," admitted Cooper. "I've tried therapy, even medications… But I couldn't…" Cooper was surprised at himself for opening up to this family. This family who welcomed Blaine, from what he heard, with open arms. He knew he could trust them.
"I think you needed closure, kid," said Carole. "That's all you need. You also need to give yourself a chance, for once."
"I will… I'll try" Cooper sighed heavily.
"And we will help you," smiled Kurt and took Blaine's hand in his.
"O.K. Now when everyone is happy… CAN WE FINALLY EAT?" whined Finn. Everyone's eyes turned to him. "What! It was supposed to be a dinner, and I'm freaking hungry."
"Sure thing, kiddo," chuckled Burt. "Blaine, would you help Finn with dishes?"
"Sure." Blaine stood up. "I'll be back in a moment," he addressed Cooper, and then followed Finn out of the room.
"O.K. And Carole and I are going to work, too. Dinner won't heat itself…" said Kurt, and he went to the kitchen.
"I guess we're leaving you alone with him. Don't be afraid, maybe he looks like grizzly bear… but in fact he is a teddy bear," Carole smiled at Burt, gave him a quick kiss, and followed her step-son out of the room.
"Women," smirked Burt. "They never change."
"Yeah… I guess?" Cooper asked rhetorically.
"You probably realized that it's not a coincidence I was left here with you alone. Don't be afraid!" added Burt after seeing terrified expression on Coopers face. "I just wanted you to ask, how are you? Not now, but just a general question. Are you all right?"
"Usually? Yes," answered Cooper truthfully. "There are days when I'm wishing it again. When I'm wishing I found the way to take the whole force of impact on myself, so no one else would be hurt. The days when all I can dream of is looking toward the wreck, and in this dream, I don't see your wife's body in there, but Blaine's. And now, I met the people who can help me to finally accept what happened, and I don't know what should I do. I know that I should somehow take advantage from this situation and beg for forgiveness… Well, apparently I'm forgiven without it, but even now when I know – although still don't understand – that you don't want to punish me and even feel bad for me… I just want to run."
"You can't keep running," said Burt.
"I know…" sighed Cooper.
"Your brother really needs you. I want to see you on the wedding day when these two will get married, because we all know it will happen one day," smiled Burt. "And it won't happen if you don't stop punishing yourself for an accident."
"You really like my brother that much?" asked Cooper.
"He is my third son," answered Burt without any hesitation. "And I'm pretty sure that there is still a place for a fourth son in this family if you decide to stick around long enough for me to get to know you better, because I really do want to know you better, Cooper."
"I don't deserve-" began Cooper.
"BULLSHIT. Don't you see that you are the only one in here who thinks that you don't deserve to by loved by us?" Burt was on the verge of yelling. "My kid lost his mom in an accident. He could have died, too, if he was less lucky. I have loved my wife since high school. Losing her was a loss, but now I have Carole. Your brother almost lost his life. And yet you are the one who is repeating all the time that isn't good enough for us. How is it fair?"
"It isn't," admitted Cooper silently. "It's still difficult after all these years. I was so sure that you would track me down somehow and take matters into your own hands. I was waiting for it, to be honest. For an angry husband who wants revenge for his late wife…"
"You are watching too much television," chuckled Burt. "Come on." He stood up and reached his hand toward Cooper. "We'll see if Finn and Blaine aren't trying to destroy our dinnerware with their clumsiness."
Cooper hesitantly took Burt's hand in his own hand. All these years, he was sure that he would be damned and hated. All this time he was expecting it, maybe even longing it. But when he finally met them, everything turned out to be different from what he expected. But was it really a bad alternative? He had no idea, but there was one thing he was sure about - the new day was coming, and this time, he will wait for it with anticipation. With his new family.