Disclaimer: Redwall locations, Characters and other unwieldy things belong to Brian Jacques.
"Oh my God!"
Renato flailed, scrambling around on the ground. The young man stood up quickly, briefly annoyed at-
"What the hell am I standing on?"
"Wh' ar' yoo?"
"What the hell..." Renato muttered, still having no clue what he was doing in some weird giant red castle. Was that a giant mole?
"A GIANT FRICKIN' MOLE!"
Renato jumped back, staring at the large animal before him. It seemed he had shrunk to this animal's size, or something.
"Wh' 'r yo' 'n, hur hurr y' arn't fr'm aro'd hurr, no no nur!" Cried the mole, sounding totally like an idiot.
Silently, Renato walked away and headed up the stairs. To his surprise, there were more giant animals. Mice, and squirrels, and other auxillary back-up roles ran screaming.
One stopped. He was a taller mouse, with a sword that seemed ripped from Sir Arthur stared at Renato. "Who are you?" Asked the mouse in a British voice. "Are you some kind of vermin?"
"Vermin? This is madness!"
Suddenly, the mouse became furious. Yelling in Renato's face, he screamed, "Madness? THIS IS REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDWAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!eleventyoneoneoneshiftoneplusELEVANOMGSUSERIUSWUT$$#$#$43597843559389439!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!1o1n!"
"Why did I see that coming?" Asked Renato, promptly being knocked unconcious.
"WTF?" Cried Renato, flailing again. Now, he was in the middle of the Mossflower woods. "Why am I the decoy?"
"Because! It goes in the plot!" Cried the mouse. "He wrote it so!"
"He? Who's he?" Renato shot back.
"S't 'p, hur hurrr hurrr! He iz watc'n! Blar!" Replied the Mole, bowing down to the God of Mossflower, Jacques...Jacquesia. Yeah. Jacquesia.
The two rodents ran. Shortly after, an angry group of rats, foxes and other assorted evil creatures appeared.
"Gimme ur moneyz n i liek wull not sturm da ridwull but den i shull attak ur place neway, lololololololol, and den liek, dat mouse will be all liek, ' 'Sup, ' and then we say ' 'Sup ', and den we get beated and lololololol dats da plan rieeeghts?" Laughed one of the rats to the supremo commander, which was the fox in front.
"Right." The fox said, staring at Renato. "Speak your name."
"Renato Andreas San Darino Gambiras Maxim Gardo McMackery Smith Damieon Bradley Milton Shaquan Mario-"
"Yeah yeah, I get it." The fox said. Clearing his throat and now speaking with an evil voice, he pointed the sword at Renato and said, "Prepare to die!"
Silently, Renato quickly kicked the fox in the nards. That's right. Redwall characters have nards.
"OMG." Cried the mary sue female Marlfoxes that ran away from the evil peoples at their castles and are good and are trying to warn Redwall of an invasion/is all loving and merciful, piling from the sky along with random Neko girls trying to revive the Fox, which basically died in pain.
Meanwhile, the Redwallers waited for the invasion, even though it never came and they were gone FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR because the plot was dead so everyone died of old ages and thumb-twiddling.
THE END OMGS.