That fucking witch again. Why does she torment me? Not even in my dreams do I get a respite from her. She incenses me so, yet I cannot quell the desire and longing I have for her. Not for the first nor the last time do I wish her mother had never found me in those blasted Wild's. I wish Flemeth would have just let me die. If it were not for the Dwarven blood in my veins, I would think she had cast some dark witch's snare of desire and longing. I escaped one form of slavery for another. I escaped the accursed Imperium as a slave used to combat enemy mages but I had no control of which mage I attacked. The Magister with my control rod and seal on my lips was what had me following blindly.
And the things the Magisters had me do things that made me cringe. How many times did I have to watch some innocent maiden or man be taken force fully? Bleeding so badly from their brutal attacks. How many times was I forced on another, for their fucking enjoyment. It had taken 15 blood mages working with at least 30 or more sacrifices for them to chain me as they did. The spell strengthening further when one of the Magisters had the others blood to reinforce my spell. Dwarven blood made it very hard for magic to work on me. I cursed the fact that I was half human mage. All that life to chain and gag me.
It damn near killed me to escape, managing to kill my current "master" I had been given to for a week as a name day present for that week. Six long and putrid days chained to this disgusting couple's bed to be used and abused as they saw fit. Letting others have me as they wanted. Making me crawl to them on my hands and knees, commanding me to pleasure them. The beatings and moon tea prevented a bastard from growing in me, which was the only thing I was glad they did. So I waited bided my time until they were too drunk to notice anything. Passed out almost to the point of comatose. I knew the pain I would have to bear, in my hands that control rod caused excruciating pain. Bit by bit over the years I had learned to conceal how it seemed to hurt less every time I was forced to hold it.
The knowledge of that fact kept hidden. I never bothered to try and learn their spells. I hated magic and all those associated with it. Even Templars I hated. They had a magic of their own. But despite the pain from extended contact, I could not pass up this chance to escape. I gritted my teeth and grabbed it, forcing myself to not cry out. I escaped out of the window. The idiots having left it open and not even considering the possibility of my escape. If they had multiple floored building it might have been harder. The one thing all could say honestly about the Tevinter Magisters is that they were arrogant. Unbelievably arrogant.
After months needless to say I found myself in Ferelden, the Korcari Wilds if my mind remembers well. I was at the end of my endurance. I would die that was for sure, but at least I would die free from my masters. I lost consciousness, when awoke I was sitting, well laying on a bed I could see a fireplace, flames burning brightly. "So you have awoken." I heard an old woman's voice. I panicked looking for the control rod. I found it still in my hand fused there really. "I thought of removing it, but thought better of it. You have never let it go. Through the pain and sores your skin healed with it attached. I could have removed it and healed it…" she said. "Touch me not you harpy witch!" she chuckled. "So my theory is correct, you are an escaped mage hunter slave. Tevinter Imperium. I would think they would have at least taught you the common tongue." She said. "Be at ease mage killer, I mean you no harm. Perhaps though we could help each other." She said ominously.
I glared at her. "I need no help from you witch!" I shouted at her in the common tongue. She chuckled again. "But you do mage killer. Without my help you will most likely die. But you will not die free, not as you believe. You should have died weeks ago. That rod is all that keeps you alive, but it is also a beacon. The Magister's are clever with their slaves, especially powerful and valuable ones. They need only to make another rod, designed for you specifically. The one fused to you will make it that much easier for them to find you, the new rod need only be more powerful and a slave you will once again be. I can free you of that fate." She said. "How much will this cost me?" I asked. We both knew it was meant other than gold wise. She smiled, and I shiver ran through me.
"It's quite simple my dear. A favor for a favor. I free you, and you protect my daughter in return, sort of like a guardian." She said. "I am no babysitter. I don't even like children." I said to her. She chuckled again, I wanted to rip her throat out. "Morrigan is no child. She has had 17 name days thus far. I would guess it is the same for you." She says. "18 name days. I maintain still that I am no babysitter." I said to her angrily. "You would not be babysitting her, only coming to her aide when needed." She said. "Speak plain witch, you are hiding something." I told her. "Very well, I would need to bind you to her…" I raised my hand and stopped her. "I would rather die, then be bound to another's will." I tried to rip the rod out of my hand and I could not. I couldn't even pull at it. My hand would stop before I could pull. "Do you see what I mean, even now they still have you under control mage killer." I glared at her, feeling trapped. "To be free, I must trade one form of slavery for another. How does that even make sense." I said to her.
"Hear me out before you speak this time. I do not bind you to her will. You would know when she needs help, but it would still be your choice. Because as powerful as I am, I cannot make it only when she is in battle. Even if she needs help emotionally or mentally, you will know it and feel it. If you wish to go to her in those times, that is your decision. I'd ask that you help her only when she truly needs it." She said I waited a few moments. When it had become apparent she was had finished speaking, I began to ask questions. "I will have my own mind, my own will?" I asked she nodded. "There's more isn't there?" she nodded again. I sighed and nodded for her to continue. "As long as Morrigan lives, so shall you. But in doing so, no one can ever control you again. Not the Magister's, not any mage, nor me or Morrigan." She said. "My death cannot be my own?" I asked. "It can be. I am simply stating that if Morrigan dies, you will. If you were to die before she was that is your choice, she will still live. It is my insurance policy, so that you just do not let her die." She said. "I am finding it hard to believe it is just because you love her." I said to her. "Oh?" she asked.
"I can feel you are far older then you say or look. How have you lived so long witch? Do you groom them let them grow powerful, then steal their bodies and cast out their souls?" I asked. She chuckled. Her chuckles were grating on my nerves. "No, nothing like that. Though it does give me an idea, maybe I will let others think that too. I do love her, that is part of it. My daughter has something bigger for her coming this way. I am not sure when, all my daughters were born for greater things. But Morrigan hers is the greatest of them all. I would wish for her to live to achieve her greatness." I wanted my freedom. It did not seem such a high price to pay. At least at the time it did not.
But now staring at the witch's daughter across the camp, it seemed too much now. I had asked Flemeth that day, if this could occur. "If I am to become her guardian would I lose myself?" I asked. "Do you even know who you are?" I shook my head. "Then how would you lose that which you do not have?" She asked. "Point taken, then let me reword it. If I find who I am will being bound to your daughter take me over?" I asked. "It should not. You would be separate, yet connected to Morrigan. Your life would be yours to live. So make your choice. Your life is in your hands. Well, technically mine." She said. I thought a moment. "I choose to live. Bargain struck witch." I said.
"Be gone mage killer, I know you are there I can sense it. I do not need you. Leave." Morrigan said to me as she stared at the lake, her sadness was evident and I could feel it as it was my own. "Three years, witch. Three years you have known me, and still you do not call me by name." I growled at her, I jumped down from the tree. I stalked towards her. "In those three years' mage killer you have never once called me by name either. I call you as you are, just as you do me. Now leave. I wish to be alone and away from you. Mother was right. It was just a blighted mirror. Go." She ordered. I growled again and got in her face. "I will do as I please witch. I will come and go as I see fit. No one orders me around." I said and stubbornly sat next to her. "I hate you." She said. "Not as much as I hate you." I said and stared forward. "Please, Alexi. I just wish to be alone." She said and in my heart I felt like I couldn't breathe. "Morrigan… I… as you wish." I began to walk away. "Wait Alexi." I nodded. "I will be in that tree over there. Goodnight Morrigan." I retreated and jumped up the tree.
"Running again Morrigan." I said to her. It had been two years since the mirror. "I do not run. I am trying to gain my freedom from that insufferable hag." She said to me. "You above all else should know what is to desire freedom. I am aware you owe my mother your life, but why must you insist on ruining mine." She said. I looked at her from the shore as she sat in the water cleansing her skin from her wolf's kill. "Do you think I like this? Do you think I like being bound to you as I am?" I asked her. She said nothing. "I like it no more than you do." I said gruffly. "I do not need a protector, guardian, or a friend." She said. "Two of those three things neither of us have much choice in." I said. "I can never escape you. Even in my animal forms I can still feel you. Know you are there. Tis most irritating, to always see you and feel you in my mind. In my spirit. Sometimes I feel like you are in my body. I cannot take it anymore. All because of her." She said. "Again I ask; do you think I like it?" I told her, she said nothing and continued to scrub as she began to disrobe, I let out an angry sigh and left.
"Alexi. Leave. I want to be with him, alone." She said to me as she began to take her lover to a secluded area in the woods. I headed to Flemeth's hut. "I take it Morrigan is otherwise occupied." I nodded at her. "Can you not remove this binding from her?" she shook her head "I cannot." She said. "Why?" I asked. "She has not achieved what she is meant to. I dare not. Not until after. Nor am I sure you would survive it." She said. "I care not. You should have just let me die." I said. "If memory serves correctly, you asked me to save your life." She said. "You manipulated me you harpy. You made me think I had no real choice. Now that there is talk there might have been you say you cannot undue that which you have done." I said. "At your behest. We had a bargain. I met my side you have yet to complete yours." She stared into my soul it felt like.
"There is more to this request." She states. "I cannot take her feelings anymore. They are too strong. I cannot think straight, I cannot make sense of what feelings are mine and what are hers." I said. "Six years, you have now been with us. It would have taken me but three months to teach you to separate them out. But your hatred of mages and all to do with magic, kept you from those lessons. Every year it gets to be too much for you and you beg me to remove the binding. And every year I offer to teach you, and you refuse vehemently. Will you deny me again?" she asked. I had a moment where I felt her ecstasy and I knew the answer. "No. Please Flemeth teach me." I asked her she nods.
Two years again, since I agreed to learn to separate from Morrigan had passed. In those two years. I enjoyed the balance we had. Now the only time I couldn't separate us was when she truly was in dire need. Yet the feelings of longing and desire never dissipated. I never strayed far from her, but this was only to prevent me from not being able to get her in time. She could no longer sense me. I had learned to mask my presence from her completely. It was a week before her 25th name day when I felt the unease so strong, that I could not shut it down. I followed the connection to her, she was in her bear form. That is when I could tell she wanted to give in and completely lose herself to the bear. I stood in front of her. "Morrigan. Come back. This isn't what you truly want. You are being a coward." The great bear swiped at me with her paw. I stepped back. "Morrigan! Hear me witch! Return to your human form this instant or so help me I will force you to!" I stood firm and tall. She roared but became herself again. "Like you ever could mage hunter! You cannot control me anymore then I can you!" she screams. I sigh and remove my coat. "Cover yourself." I told her and threw it at her.
She glared but covered her modesty I set some wood ablaze. "Two years, I have barely felt your presence, but I know you have been around." She said. "I allowed your mother to teach me to separate our consciousness. Why did you wish to become a bear?" I asked. "I do not know how but I have this feeling my life will be irrevocably changed once again without my say so. I wanted to have control." She said. "Don't we all. If I have learned anything it is this. Sometimes you have to give up control, just so you can grow." I told her and nothing else.
I could feel her exhaustion. "Come on let's get you to your bed." I said. "Please Alexi, give me one more night before I must face whatever fate has in store for me. Do not bring me back to Mother." She asks sleepily. I sigh. "As you wish Morrigan. You may stay at my hut tonight." She nodded and mumbled her thanks. I carried her to my hut and placed her on my bed. I went to walk away but something drew me back. I looked down on her and I could not stop myself, I leaned down and kissed her cheek. "Freedom will come for you one day. I will see to it. I love you Morrigan. I hate that I do, but I do." I left the hut that night and vowed to try my hardest to not come to her again unless her death was eminent.
It had been five months until I was needed. The Wardens and her were near Denerim. I had returned from The Imperium a month ago. Here and there checking on her. The giant claymore came crashing down towards her. I teleported to her and blocked the blow with my two swords. The Hurlock alpha pressed hard I felt my knees begin to bend. She was surrounded. "No. you will not win." Magic surged through me, my strength renewed and doubled. I kicked him between the legs as he hunched over I jumped up and cut his head off, I turned and threw several daggers in the assailants surrounding her. I was only slightly winded. She came up to me ignoring the Warden's questioning gaze, grabbed my arm and took me further away. We went as far out of ear shot as was possible. "I thought you gone again. I felt you even less than before is our binding growing weaker?" she asked. "No. I have just been blocking the connection more." I told her.
"Why?" she asks me and if I am not mistaken there is hurt in her voice. "I was looking, for a way to break the binding. I know you still hate it." I tell her. "Where did you go?" she asks. "Tevinter." I replied. "Ah. No wonder you worked so much harder to conceal the connection. Did you find anything?" she says. "Maybe. I need to look into a couple of things first. Once I do I will let you know." I begin to walk away. "Alexi. Where are you going? You do not need to leave. Aaron could use all the help he can get." She said. I hid my twitch of jealousy as his name was said with affection. "I cannot. I made a promise. I must keep it. I will contact you once I know more. Until then I'll come if you are in dire need. Farewell Morrigan." I told her and disappeared within the trees.
I had lied to her. I knew what had to be done. I just did not think I was ready for that truth. I observed the camp for another week. Then in the middle of the night I came to her tent. Her lover was on guard duty, but I could still smell the sex fairly well, even outside the tent. "Morrigan. Morrigan." She was a sound sleeper tonight. No doubt exhausted from her latest bout of sex. I opened the connection, urging her to wake up. "Alexi." She says. "Come." I tell her simply. I do not expect her to fight and yell like she used to. The Noble has seemed to calm her, she seemed happy. He would protect her. She follows silently. We stop by the creek. "You seem fond of the Warden." I tell her. "You know I am." She says factually. "Do you love him?" I ask. "I do not. Tis most strange, but I feel like I could fall for him. Yet I do not think I am." She says. "But you could be right?" she nods. I nod in return. I found a way to end this binding we have. It is not as Flemeth says." I tell her. "So then what needs to be done." I hand her a gold ring. She looks at me confused. "Relax. It is just so we have a physical vessel for the bond to be in. Once in physical form it can be destroyed like all other things." I told her. "What must we do? Will blood need be involved?" she asks.
"No, no blood. We place both of our hands over the ring and we look inside for the thread, once found we will it into this ring saying an incantation. When the ring turns blue the bond is there, but then it goes back to gold. Then it can be destroyed by casting it into the fire, or if one so would wish given to another, it would not be the same binding. One would just know where the other was at all times." I explain. She considers a bit. "You would be free Morrigan. If you so wished to disappear whenever, you could. There would be no one to find you, or hunt you." I explain. "You would be truly free as well. Are there side effects?" she asks. "Mild ones. You would be a bit weaker for a week, a possibility that during that week you will see their last thoughts before the break. You may experience their recent dreams, but only during that week. Then things would go back to being normal." I explain. "When does it have to be done?" she asks. "Whenever. There is no special position of moon, stars and sun." She nods. "Can we do it tonight?" she asks. "Yes, of course Morrigan." I tell her. I hide the heartbreak well, but this is for the best. He can give her that which I cannot. He already makes her happier than I ever have or will.
I looked up at the sky, the new moon peeking out from the clouds. I watched the clouds drift away. "Alexi, where did you go just now?" The witch I had grown and learned to love. "I'm right here Morrigan, I was just looking at the moon. Trying to gather what time it was." She looks up. "By the looks of it, three hours to dawn. Will that be enough time for the ritual? I would prefer not going to that accursed mage tower, with that binding over our heads." She says. "It is." I confirm. "Then let us complete this ritual." She says. I breathe in the crisp night air. I hand her the words. She reads them a few times. "I have it remembered." She says. The breeze picks up again, I feel it and for once it feels wonderful. Before this ritual is even done, I feel free.
I nod and hold out my hand she places it over mine. The thread is found and we say the words will it into the ring. I block out the loss I feel, the love that never went away. I open my eyes and I feel the emptiness. "I feel empty." She says. We see the ring is blue then gold. "it has been done. You are free Morrigan, in mind I say. "I love you. Be free now my love. Open your heart to him. Find that which I could not. Love and happiness." She looks at me. I do not feel side effects? Do you?" she asks. "Not yet, I think it takes a few hours. I must take my leave now; I do believe your warden is looking for you." I said and we hear his voice in the distance. She takes the ring with her, not knowing that whether she destroys it, our gives it to him, my life is now forfeit.