I have decided to take down "Childhoods and Mr. Clean"; I have not updated in a long while, and I currently have no inspiration for this. If I get inspiration later, than I will post it again, but until that time, it will stay in storage.
I hope you like this one- Once again, I own nothing.
She did not want this. Silence deafened everything in the bullpen, so she said it again, so she could be sure she said it. "I do not want this." Empty ring boxes, the two of them on separate continents each month, him constantly away. She had not signed up for this.
And yet...And yet... Months ago, so long it seemed like a lifetime, before she had met Ray, Tony had asked her out. And she had said yes. They had had fun- he goofed off, but not too much, she loosened up, just enough, and it did not end with an awkward goodbye. But then she asked herself where it was going. They were friends, and Tony had matured. But he could not make a commitment. They would not grow old together. One of them would die- hit by a bullet on a case, stabbed in a dark alley, poisoned from a drink. Or maybe they would divorce, and end up like Gibbs and his wives- with many hard feelings between them, unable to speak without snapping at each other. She wanted stable, steady, a rock; she wanted long-term commitment.
She apparently wanted the moon, the sun, and the stars, all bagged up and ready to go, supersized, not regular. She had said no the next time, ignoring his questioning, hurt look, and had said yes to Ray, thinking he would be someone who she might have a chance with. But all he gave her was a promise.
A promise. A promise for what? A promise for marriage? For staying put in one place? A promise to stay, to never leave her? A promise to come back? A promise to talk to her? A promise to leave her? What was this promise he spoke of?
She swallowed, choked back tears of self-pity. How dare he leave her with a promise, a promise that she didn't even know? A month he'd been gone, and here she was, almost crying her eyes out over him. Did he deserve that? Yes and no. He served their country, just as she did; he did his service in a different way than she. But maybe he could have told her what this promise was, instead of leaving her in the stifling silence.
"Hey, Zi?" She jerked her head up, surprised to see Tony there, a movie and a packet of microwave popcorn in hand. "Do you want to se a movie?" She looked at him. Friend with some commitment; friend who has grown. Friend. "Yes, Tony. I think I would like that." He smiles his trademark smile at her, then pops in the movie, settling in to a chair next to her. She scrambled for a topic. "Have you heard from Agent Barrett?" He looked over at her, a small smile on his face. "She's doing okay." she smiled at him in return. "That's good." He nodded, and they turned their attention to the movie.
She wanted the sun, the moon and the stars. She wanted commitment; she maybe even wanted a family, with children of her own. She did not think Tony would give her that. Perhaps she was wrong about Ray; perhaps she was seeking too much from him. She would find out eventually.
She wanted the sun, the moon, and the stars. She wanted commitment; she would later want a family.
Tony would give her this, and the world.