I do not own any of these characters or story lines according to my psychiatrist.

If you find any mistakes, let me know. My mother language's Dutch so there may be some fault.

"The lady Mary, a true lady if ever should be one, calm in every respect, in every situation." That's the reputation she had in high society when people talked 'nicely' of her. If they weren't talking nicely words like cold, haughty and even stuck-up may come over people's lips. Yes, it was true that she didn't have the best reputation among people though it wasn't her fault. Growing up, all she was ever told was to behave in a "lady-like manner". And unlike her youngest sister and far more than her middle sister, Mary cared for people's approval. She wanted it desperately. So every time she went in public she tried to mimic a lady's stature, up to perfection.

But right now, she wasn't any of that. Right now, she was sitting in her bed, crying desperately. Who could blame her? Even if people said she didn't have a heart, she most certainly did. But the man that heart belonged to didn't believe it in the slightest. Had broken off their engagement because of that. And all of that because, in a way that suited her character more than the crying girl who had lost it, she didn't want to lose Matthew's good opinion of her rather than tell him the truth about a mistake that happened in the past.

It didn't matter now, she had lost it anyway. He now believed that she only wanted to marry him because of the money, the estate and the title that he would inherit upon her father's dead. Which in a way was far worse than the truth about Pamuk.

The night surrounding the abbey was quiet as usual. One wouldn't suspect it was lying in a country that was now at war with Germany. At war… the words frightened Mary. And tomorrow morning Matthew would be leaving to take service. He would leave and maybe die, without ever knowing that she loved him. Thinking that she hated him.

At that thought something cracked inside of her. The brave part that her youngest sister possessed and flaunted so publicly suddenly awoke and she knew what she had to do. She got out of bed and took the clothes Anna had left for the next morning. For once, dressing herself and sneaked out of her room, not thinking on the consequences in case she got caught.

She knew the big front gate would be closed and would make far too much noise so she used one of the side doors to sneak outside, grabbed a bicycle next to the stables and drove towards the village. Towards Crawley house.

Once she was there she suddenly realized how crazy her whole act was. Matthew would be sound asleep, there was no way she would be able to reach him without waking up the staff and cousin Isobel as well. The village church made it clear that it was 3 o'clock, in the middle of the night. Realizing how cold she was, underdressed and without even her hair done properly, she grabbed the bicycle again and turned around away from the gate.

"Who are you? What do you want?"

Realizing it was Matthew who was fast approaching she jumped on the bicycle and tried to get away but skirts don't match bicycles so well and he was with her in a second.

"Mary?"

"Matthew, I didn't realize you'd be up… I'm sorry, you must think me a madwoman for showing up like this."

He was still mad at her but the sight of her standing in front of him like that made him calm down quite a bit.

"Well I'm coming close to locking you up in the attic… What… What in heaven's name are you doing here?"

When Mary was crying in her room, thinking of Matthew dying in the war without knowing how much she loved him, it was easy to gather her bravery. But now, standing in front of him, feeling utmost embarrassed she didn't dare to tell the story of Pamuk. Still she knew that if she didn't try now, she would never have the chance again.

"You were wrong."

"I was wrong? Mary is this about the engagement? Mary… It's done!"

"You need to hear me out. You can't go to war without that. I hesitated, but not because I didn't love you… Matthew… I do!"

The words coming from out of her mouth surprised even her, as the exhaustion and emotions got to her.

"You do what? Do you love me?"

"Yes, yes, I do…"

Matthew took a step back, his hand going through his hair.

"Then why Mary? Why did you hestitate? Is my love not enough for you?"

"I made a mistake in my youth, a mistake I must tell you if I were to become your fiancée but I know you will despise me after hearing it. So I hid away. I've ruined everything before we could even start."

Carefully he took a step closer. This whole situation was ridiculous.

"Why don't we go inside first, before someone sees us here?"

Mary nodded and followed him.

"Why were you up and about anyway?"

"Same as you I suppose, couldn't sleep."

They went inside the living room and sat down, each on a different sofa.

"Now what was this secret?"

"Does it matter now?"

"It might make all the difference."

Mary took a deep sigh and started to tell the entire story. How Pamuk died in her bed. How she was now damaged goods…

"I don't understand. Was it love?" Matthew asked, staring half in shock at the young lady in front of him. She looked so fragile with her hair ready for bed. Her hands shaking.

"Love! Matthew! I only knew the man for half a day."

"Then why?"

"It was lust Matthew! Or a need for excitement or whatever. As you may as well have noticed now, I sometimes do stupid, drastic things."

She buried her face in her hands, not daring to look at him again.

"You were wrong on one thing."

"Goodness! Only one? Pray what may that be?"

"I don't despice you, I never could despice you! Mary, if what you say is true, if you truly love me. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife… again."

This time Mary didn't hesitate. Tomorrow morning he would ship off to war. She had already lost him once, she might lose him again. But this time she made sure he knew how she felt about him.

"Yes! A thousand times yes!"

Let me know what you think of it while I work on the next chapter.