I normally write JAG fics, but I couldn't resist this. I truly believe Danny's mom is Italian. The lasagna comment, the way he calls mozzarella "mootz"… so this is my take on an age-old NJ discussion that all Italian Jersyans have had at some point.
Please don't mistake us for the reality show or the 'housewives of'. Neither could be farther from the truth. Danny Williams is IMO the best representation of a Jersyan on TV, and I grew up a block from Newark.
Thx to Marsha for getting me involved in fandom.
Gravy
"Gravy."
"What?"
"Gravy. It's called Gravy."
"Gravy? Gravy is brown, Danny. This is sauce. It goes on spaghetti. As in spaghetti sauce, or pasta sauce." Steve explained like he was talking to a child.
"It's gravy, Steven. It's my family's recipe. I think I know what my Nonna's recipe is for!" Danny's arms flail, indicating the ingredients spread around the kitchen.
"Danno, can I stir it now?" Grace is standing on a chair in Steve's kitchen, wooden spoon at the ready.
"Yes, Monkey, stir the gravy." Her Daddy's emphasis on the last word makes Grace giggle. She'd heard her parents argue over gravy when she was little, before they broke up. Her Grandma Williams would laugh and tell her mother to 'let it go, Rachel, you can't win this one.'
"Brah, howzit?" Kamekona enters the kitchen with Kono and Chin. "What's cooking, Keiki?"
"Sauce." Steve mutters.
"GRAVY." Danny says.
"Hi! Me and Daddy call it gravy. I'm making my grandma's recipe!"
"Ahh, I see."
"That smells wonderful, Grace. Thank you for inviting us to your dinner, these are for you." Chin presents her with flowers.
"Ohhh, thank you, Uncle Chin. Look, Danno!" She spins carefully on the chair, to show him the bouquet.
"Very nice, Monkey. Now, why don't you set the table and I'll finish up in here."
"I'll help you, Grace." Kono helps the little girl down from her perch by the stove.
"Thank you everyone for coming to my dinner, this is the last thing I had to do to get my cooking badge!"
"Glad to help. Nice to have dinner I didn't have to cook. When you tall enough to reach the stove, I got a job for you!"
Grace giggles at Kamekona. "I like to cook. We all made icebox cake and pineapple salsa as a group, and I had to try a new recipe, so Mommy downloaded a Hawaiian recipe and we made Spam S'mores."
"What?!" Danny blanched at the mention of Spam and S'mores in the same sentence. "You made spam what?!"
"S'mores, Danno! I memorized how. We used 1/3 chocolate bar, one big marshmallow, one slice of Spam and butter on Hawaiian sweet dinner rolls."
"No. Grace. No. That's just… no. Please, don't make me think about that when I'm about to eat your great grandmother's macaroni and meatballs! I may actually cry."
"Oh, Danno, that's why I made it with Mommy." Laughing, Grace jumps up to hug her Dad. "You're so silly."
Danny shakes himself like a wet dog, ridding his mind of the dreaded image. "It says here on the cooking badge sheet" he waves a green sheet of paper, "you have to explain to your guests how you earn your badge."
"Well, I have to make a dish with my troop and a dessert that's a new recipe, like I said, and then I have to serve my family a dinner that I cook from a family recipe. I picked my grandma's recipe 'cause she's like the best cook ever, Right, Danno?"
"Right you are, Monkey."
"Then, I have to explain how I made it. So, first my grandma sent me dried up oregano, basil and parsley from her garden back in New Jersey. Me and Daddy bought canned, peeled tomatoes and onion and garlic. Uncle Steve let me borrow his house 'cause his kitchen is bigger than Daddy's.
We are allowed to have grownups help if we're cooking on the stove, so Daddy and Uncle Steve helped me this morning. Daddy put olive oil in the big gravy pot …"
"See that, Steve, gravy pot." Steve shoots Danny a look but doesn't interrupt Grace.
"After it's all chopped up, Daddy helped me put the onion and garlic in the oil, because the oil's really hot and it can splash. Then we add the tomatoes and the spices. We boil it for an hour and that's my grandma's gravy.
Uncle Steve made the meatballs with me. They have meat, breadcrumbs, eggs, parsley, oregano and grated cheese inside. I measured all the stuff, mixed them up in a big bowl, rolled them into balls, Uncle Steve fried them and then I put them in a bowl of gravy for the side dish."
Everyone applauds and Grace takes a little bow.
"This is wonderful, Gracie, best I've ever had."
"Thanks, Uncle Steve!" She beams.
"Ok, brah, now I gotta ask, whyzit gravy?" Kamekona asks while indulging in his sixth or seventh meatball.
"No. You, too? What's wrong with you people?"
"Us people? Us normal people call spaghetti sauce, sauce, Danny. It's called sauce on the jar. You, on the other hand, are making up names."
Chin and Kono exchange a look and Grace just rolls her eyes.
"Okay. Let me try this once again. I don't care what some marketing guy who designs labels in Ottumwa calls it! Sauce is sauce béarnaise, or hot sauce. Gravy is what goes on spaghetti. It's made from whole, peeled tomatoes, onions, garlic. You put meatballs in it. Or Italian sausage. Or a nice Braciole.
Growing up in my neighborhood, on Sunday at one o'clock, your mom served Sunday dinner. Macaroni with gravy. If you were lucky, you got a fried meatball on a fork from your grandma if you passed through the kitchen. We sopped up the gravy with fresh Italian bread. The bakery was next to my dad's firehouse, around the block. My grandparents, aunts, cousins, all came for dinner. We ate three, four loaves of bread and about fifty meatballs on a Sunday."
"Wait, wait, question!"
"What?!"
"If this" Steve passes his hand over the table "is gravy."
"Yes?"
"What goes on a roast?"
"That, Steven, is brown gravy."
"Yes, the brown gravy, what's it called?"
"That is what it's called. BROWN gravy."
"Brah, you sound like who's on first." They both look at Chin, who is laughing.
"You do, Guys." Kono is wiping her eyes.
"Okay, so red sauce is gravy, and what normal people call gravy is 'brown gravy'?" Steve shakes his head.
"Yes!"
"…and you say I'm insane."
Before her Dad can reply, Grace pops up. "Time for dessert! Uncle Steve, will you help me, please?
"Sure, Gracie."
"The rest of us will help clean up the table." Chin stands and starts gathering dishes. "We can take the leftovers to work tomorrow, there's enough pasta for everyone." He calls to the kitchen.
Steve sticks his head back in the room, "Chin, no!"
"No, what?"
Steve cringes as he hears Danny say one word, "Macaroni."
Chin, confused asks, "What?"
"Macaroni. It's not Pasta. It's macaroni. Let me explain."
.
End. Thanks for reading
Author's note:
Nonna's Gravy Recipe (My Grandma Tess Riccio, made the best)
4 tablespoons olive oil
3 cloves garlic, minced
¼ red onion, chopped
2 (28 ounce) cans crushed tomatoes (Rienzi brand Imported Peeled Tomatoes if you can find them)
1 (8 ounce) can tomato paste (optional, add if you like thicker gravy)
2 tablespoons dried oregano
2 tablespoons dried parsley
2 tablespoons dried basil
1 teaspoon onion powder / 1 teaspoon garlic powder
¼ of the 28 oz. can of water
Directions
Heat olive or canola oil in a large pot, over medium heat. Sauté garlic and onion until tender. Stir in tomatoes, tomato paste, oregano, parsley, and other spices. Reduce heat to low and simmer for at least 40 minutes.
This gravy is "marinara" without meat. I'm a vegetarian so I serve as is. Meatballs or sausage can be added, cooked separately or cooked in the gravy. If doing the latter, cook until meat is thoroughly cooked. Usually 2 hours.