Melancholic Hills
Author's note: Hi all, Thegoh here. This is my first fanfic, and I have decided to make a Mitsu fic since I love K-ON and its characters. I hope you enjoy this one, and if you are willing to, please rate and review. (Do be gentle)
Time frame: After their third school festival (second one for Azusa) and before entrance exams begin. Contains manga references.
I do not own K-ON! at all.
Ritsu stretched her arms above her head, letting out what must have been her twentieth yawn within the past half hour. She put down the manga she had been reading, having lost interest in the story a short while ago. It was rather disappointing; the story had sounded so interesting when she first picked it up at the store several days ago, but upon actually reading it she found the plot to be far too serious for her taste. She snatched her phone off her bed and checked the time; it was only 3:06 pm.
Ritsu groaned, tossing her phone back to the bed. School had ended early today; the main building was undergoing some massive maintenance work after multiple clubrooms had experienced leaky ceilings and poor plumbing. For the safety of the students and workers, the principal had called for all afternoon lessons and club activities to be cancelled until the works were complete. "Sheesh, just how often do they check the pipes? Does it take a plumbing disaster for them to realize that the building is beyond ancient?" she grumbled to herself as she rocked back and forth on her chair. On any other day, Ritsu would have been overjoyed at the fact that she would have half a day's worth of free time on a Friday. Yet, she could not bring herself to really do anything in particular besides trudge her way home, plop into her seat and stare at the walls of her room. Reading the boring manga only made her feel worse.
Lately, she had often found herself staring into blank space, coupled with an uncomfortable, heavy feeling in her chest; it was as if someone had lodged a boulder in there and left it to be. Sighing had almost become a habit, and she just could not find the energy to go out with her friends. She does feel much more alive while playing her drums – the rush of adrenaline through her body as she smashes the crash cymbals and the satisfaction of hearing her bass drum rumble at her kicks never fails to lift her spirits. But once practice was over and it was time to pack up, the heavy sensation would slowly creep back like a dense fog, and by the time she leaves the school building the terrible feeling would be gripping her at full force. The fact that her mind was pretty much stuck in a massive rut pissed her off to no end, while the absence of a solution merely made her want to wreck something.
She did an internet search regarding this; apparently these were symptoms of depression, and the predominant state she was in was called melancholy. This knowledge provided little comfort; she had merely found a way to define her mental state more sophisticatedly than "I feel like crap." or "I am royally pissed off for no reason." And who was the cause of this entire mess in her mind? Her long-time friend and fellow band mate: Akiyama Mio.
It had been a very simple occurrence, hell; no one would have thought twice about it. They were packing up the music room like any other day after the end of another study session. Well, a rather short study session since Yui had pretty much fainted halfway, grumbling about not having enough cake and "Azu-nyan energy". Three cakes and an overly enthusiastic bear hug later, the idea of further studying had more or less fallen apart completely, since the lead guitarist had glued herself to her seat and teacup. So, everyone decided to call it a day and cleaned up the clubroom. Mugi excused herself first after it was done, followed by Yui and Azusa; the latter was headed over to Yui's home to ensure that Yui studied properly; it really didn't help that their mock exams begin in a month's time. Ritsu was snickering to herself as she watched the small, pig-tailed girl practically drag her whining senior out the door.
Just as Ritsu was reaching for her bag, she felt a light tug on her sleeve. Looking up, she saw Mio standing next to her, refusing to meet her eyes and her face contorted in an uneasy frown.
"What is it?" Ritsu asked, raising an eyebrow. She knew that face all too well, it meant that Mio was feeling nervous, but was trying to keep a straight face. Ritsu smirked inwardly at how badly Mio was failing to do so.
"I… need some… assistance…" Mio's voiced trailed off, and she felt her cheeks heat up uncomfortably. No! I can't blush, not while asking Ritsu about something like this! Mio cursed as she noticed how Ritsu was slowly breaking out into a sly grin.
"Oh? Assistance? With what?" Ritsu drawled coyly, stepping closer to Mio and blatantly showing the bassist the sly grin on her face. Mio clenched her teeth, she knew Ritsu would be quick to tease her, especially with the rather formal language she was using, but she was the safest person to ask! Mio swallowed hard, well aware of an upcoming headache.
"I… received a letter."
"Oh? What kind?" the grin grew wider. Mio felt her face flush in anger, this was serious dammit! And Ritsu was treating the whole thing as a joke! Not that it was unexpected, but still!
"A …." Mio squeezed her eyes shut felt her whole body tense up. This had been putting her under a great deal of stress recently and she was not going to let her friend make a mockery out of this. Still, she tried her best to remain calm and composed. Well, as calm and composed as she can get under the circumstances. Ritsu began to howl in laughter; watching Mio desperately trying and spectacularly failing to manage her nervousness was simply hilarious to watch. Ritsu's ability to read past Mio really did not help the poor bassist at all.
Mio instinctively smashed her fist into her best friend's head. "It was a confession letter dammit! I'm trying to be serious here! Why won't you just listen for once!" she yelled, before clamping her hands over her mouth, astonished at her outburst and un-ladylike language. Ritsu immediately stopped laughing.
"Wait… you mean, a real letter?" It was a dumb question, no doubt. But Mio could tell that Ritsu was seriously not expecting it to be so, nor did she anticipate the sheer intensity of Mio's emotions. Mio groaned, for all the credit she silently gave Ritsu for being able to understand her, she was really thick to not notice the immense stress this topic was causing her.
"Y-yes. Wasn't that w-what I just s-said?" Mio's nervousness had returned full force. Ritsu held her head gingerly; that was a seriously hard punch. She was speechless; it had never once crossed her mind that such an event would occur to Mio. Yes, Mio was a popular girl, she had pretty wicked skills while playing her bass, she had a really good singing voice, quite the good cook, crazy grades and she was quite attractive by most standards… Wait, what? Ritsu blinked. And blinked. And she felt her own eyes widen as her thoughts clicked into place.
Meanwhile, Mio fidgeted very uncomfortably as she watched her friend undergo some kind of mental crash. The silence was highly disconcerting, and Ritsu's blank stare was really beginning to scare her. She had expected Ritsu to shrug off the injury, give some awkward or hopefully useful advice and they could go home together as always, perhaps with some minor, no, major teasing from her. But she was not supposed to keep staring at her, utterly speechless, drained of her wit and looking… somewhat horrified and offended. After what felt like hours, Ritsu lowered her hands, coughed slightly and finally, finally averted her gaze. The sly grin was completely gone.
"Um. Just… good luck I guess. Go find this person and talk it out… or something." Mio was confused. No teasing, no witty, mocking remark. No outburst of questions regarding the sender. Not even a smile. Just a simple, straightforward reply, strangely devoid of the life her friend usually has. Before she could open her mouth to ask anything, Ritsu stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Mio in an awkward hug, which confused her even more.
Ritsu was out the door by the time Mio regained her senses.
It had been 2 weeks since that incident. Really, to anyone watching from the outside, it was just a rather weird exchange between two childhood friends. No one would have been able to see or sense the rapid increase in tension between the two during that short exchange. Yet to Ritsu, it was like being hit by a sack of bricks. It was the realization that Mio… was no longer going to belong entirely to her, and the realization that she had never truly "belonged" to her in the first place. Ritsu slammed her fist on the table in anger, she cursed her cowardice, her stupidity, her ignorance… everything. Her cowardice, as she has not dared to speak to Mio since the incident, her stupidity for having the gall to think that she owned Mio and turning her into some object, and her ignorance… of the fact that she always had feelings for her best friend.
Her band mates all wanted to help with the situation, but Ritsu firmly told them that she was fine, and made sure that she turned up for club after school and diligently practiced her drums so that she wouldn't affect the band. She really did not want the rest to be involved in this mess of hers, yet she was aware that this avoidant, gloomy behaviour was causing them all to be very worried. Ritsu could only laugh bitterly at the irony of it all. Even so, she was secretly thankful that her friends were really supportive despite all this, sending her text messages to try and cheer her up and ensuring that she ate regularly. Picking up her phone, Ritsu stared at the screen, specifically, a name displayed on the screen. She gritted her teeth, feeling the bricks hitting her again. Damn this to hell.
Meanwhile, Mio sat absent-mindedly on her bed. She had long since abandoned her history notes; she could not concentrate at all. She really couldn't care less about the impact it may have on her grades right now, the terrible mood that has clung to her mind for 2 weeks had once again resurfaced in her head, carrying with it an amount of fear and confusion Mio never had thought was possible. She never responded to the sender of that letter; she couldn't bring herself to. She was being constantly gripped by this guilt and confusion, and had also receded into a shell of melancholy.
She felt guilty for upsetting Ritsu so badly, yet she could not bring herself to face her and apologize, for fear that her apology would only worsen Ritsu's mood. Since Ritsu has begun avoiding going home with Mio, she had to rely on Yui and Mugi to give her updates about Ritsu. She had to bite back her tears every night so that she could get some semblance of sleep. She missed Ritsu so bad, her laughter, her teasing… everything about her. Yet in the midst of all this, one question plagued Mio's mind: why?
There could be a million and one reasons why Ritsu responded in such a way. At least, that was what Mio tried to tell herself. Despite trying to be rational and reasonable, there was this nagging feeling at the back of her mind, telling her that she knew exactly why Ritsu would react like this.
No matter how much Mio would try to brush it off for being too good to be true, it really seemed like a very plausible reason. Ritsu, ignoring all her child-like antics and laziness, was a logical and down-to-earth person. Her thoughts only come off as seemingly random because she has been in the company of Yui, and Ritsu thoroughly enjoys joining Yui's antics. But put her in a serious situation, and she can become quite critical and straightforward, able to process information quite quickly. Granted, this was a side rarely seen, since much of the Light Music Club's activities never really require this side of her and that she herself is usually too lazy to use this ability.
This processing of hers is what led to the mental crash Mio witnessed. She saw the look of panicked realization in Ritsu's eyes that day, it was unmistakable. Furthermore, Ritsu always had a knack of being rather… protective of Mio, as much as Mio refuses to acknowledge it. Even though she was sick the other time, Mio knew that Ritsu was also rather jealous of the fact that Mio was no longer giving her affection solely to her; now she had to… compete of sorts with Nodoka. Add on the fact that Ritsu has been much more… affectionate to Mio compared to their childhood days…
It was very, very possible that Ritsu interpreted the letter as Mio leaving her, and that Ritsu had developed a… more than friendly attachment to Mio. Mio squeezed her eyes shut at the thought.
It wasn't that Mio found that idea repulsive or new, she had long been aware of this subtle change in the dynamics of their relationship. The increase in frequency of bodily contact was the first dead giveaway; Ritsu never really had a habit of giving Mio hugs or asking for her to hold her hand whenever she was sick in bed while they were kids. To the energetic Ritsu who was constantly at loggerheads with the boys, she saw it as a sign of weakness that only girly girls had. The next major sign was she became a lot more encouraging and endearing to Mio while they were alone, which was especially apparent while they were practicing for their class play. Mio swore that she would never in a million years expect Ritsu to tell her- while they practiced late into the night- that she would make a very cool Romeo and blush so intensely like that.
Mio, in the midst of all her observation, also began to grow attached to Ritsu. She really did not like the idea of being alone in a new class, without Ritsu around. Yes, she did befriend Nodoka, but it could never replace her friendship with Ritsu. She too was aware that she went absolutely berserk when she thought that Ritsu had a boyfriend and worried for her night and day, not just for her studies, but also for the fear of losing their close relationship. She knows that there is a love between them, but for years it had been restricted to a close friend type of love. Now, in light of this new situation… Mio herself was no longer sure.
She didn't hate Ritsu for possibly liking her in a "more than friends" manner, she did like her back and very much so, but she really had no idea how to deal with this… Sure, she could respond like how those characters in romantic dramas do, and go running to Ritsu and screaming "Yes!" and all would instantly be resolved. She and Ritsu would live happily.
But this was Ritsu, her best friend. This was real life. Miracles don't happen when you want them to in real life. You don't just suddenly get a happy ending, especially after putting your friend through emotional torture like that. It was entirely possible that Ritsu wouldn't forgive her for this. Mio sighed. She really wished she knew what to do; the last thing she wanted was to screw everything up and hurt her friend even more. Romantic love, to Mio, was uncharted territory. She would hope that it was truly light and fluffy as she writes in her songs, but 3 years of high school life and dealing with a hyperactive teacher really teach you to not assume anything. This was the whole reason she dared not do a thing regarding their relationship for so long, she was just too afraid.
Mio was knocked out of her thoughts by the ringing of a doorbell. She checked her clock, it was only 4 pm. Her parents weren't supposed to be home that early. Great, it's probably a stranger. Mio really didn't like having to deal with strangers; she just couldn't find a way to speak to them properly, and they give her weird looks because of that. Mustering whatever courage she had, she steeled herself towards the front door and opened it.
Only to find that it was empty outside.
Mio let out an exasperated sigh. Sometimes the kids in the neighbourhood can get really annoying. Just as she was about to shut the door, she noticed the tip of a shoe sticking out from the corner of the wall that was next to her door. Some distance above the shoe was a tuft of auburn hair, also sticking out from the corner. Mio's eyes widened.
"Ritsu?" she heard a short curse from behind the wall, and Ritsu slowly walked out towards the front door.
"H-hey." Was all Ritsu dared to say. She couldn't look Mio in the eyes; all she could remember was the look of hurt that had plastered her friend's face for weeks, and she feared to see the same expression again. Mio's mind raced, she needed to do something, anything, to break this tension. She may not have another opportunity. And so she blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
"I didn't care about the letter." Mio looked up, and saw Ritsu clearly for the first time in 2 weeks. Her eyes had dark circles underneath them, she had thinned considerably and her now widened eyes were red. It immediately brought fresh tears to Mio's eyes; she could not take it anymore, seeing her best friend in that state. She ran forward and enveloped Ritsu in a hug, sobbing into her shirt.
"Sorry… sorry…"
"No, I'm sorry Mio. I was… a chicken. I was stupid…" Ritsu replied, returning the hug tightly. Neither moved, both savoured the moment as much as they could, letting relief wash over them as they silently forgave each other. Mio did not dare to let go just yet, instead she buried her face deeper into Ritsu's shoulder and neck, letting that familiar feeling of security wash over her, reminding her of all those times Ritsu gave her comfort hugs. She could feel Ritsu tense slightly at the increased intimacy of the hug, and heard her heartbeat increase rapidly. Mio blushed intensely, realizing what she was doing but she kept her face hidden in Ritsu's shoulder.
"M-Mio…. Um… Look, please don't hate me…" Ritsu mumbled next to Mio's ear. Next thing she knew, Mio was wiping the fresh tears that were flowing down her cheeks and was giving her a soft smile.
"I promise I won't. How can I possibly hate you?" Mio chuckled lightly.
"I…really really like you Mio…. I'm sorry." Ritsu whispered, body trembling as the words left her mouth. Mio shook her head, and gave her answer in the form of another hug before mumbling herself.
"Don't be." Mio pressed her lips to Ritsu's forehead, and wiped the remaining tears from her eyes. Seeing the resulting smile on Ritsu's face, and finally hearing her cheer after so long, Mio decided for herself that even though this was unchartered territory, they would face this together.