Hello All! This was just a random thought that struck me, but I doubt I did it justice when I got it down on the electronic paper that is a Word document.
Please don't be too critical, and reviews are welcome! Slight spoilers for ep 5.9.
Disclaimer- Doctor Who is, sadly, not mine. I just like posing the characters to appease my desires
"Amy? Amy, where are you?"
The Doctor stood in the middle of the corridor, glancing into each room he passed, hoping to find his wandering companion. She was somewhere in the TARDIS, that much he knew.
"Amy? There you are! I was worried for a moment that you had fallen in the swimming pool," The Doctor jested as he made his way into the library, his red headed companion lounging across a sofa. He unceremoniously plopped down beside her. She barely noticed, as her eyes were riveted to the novel in her hands. "What have you got there?"
"It's this book I found on the table." He glanced at the title and his breath caught.
The Journal of Impossible Things.
How had that found its way onto the coffee table? He was sure it was tucked safely in his wardrobe…or under it…
"Is this about you?"
"Amy, it's…complicated."
"It is! You're this, 'John Smith: School teacher.'"
"Was. I was John Smith. A long time ago- lifetimes. I was a different man back then." The Doctor had a small smile on his face as he said this- it had been a lifetime ago he had said those same words to Martha.
"So…you remembered everything about how you traveled?" Amy looked to be simply curious, but The Doctor could tell by her tone of voice that she had something else to add.
"More or less, subconsciously. 900 years of Time and Space- that's a lot to try and erase from my big ole Time Lord brain.
"Who was Rose?"
He had known it was coming.
"What?"
"Well, it seems like she's the only one you remembered by name. You knew her face enough to draw it so clearly. I was just wondering who she was to you…was she your girlfriend? Wife? What about River?"
The Doctor put up his hand. "I think that's enough for tonight. Rose was…a very good friend. She saved me in, oh, so many ways."
"What happened to her?"
"I lost her."
Amy felt tears falling down her cheeks. She didn't know why she was crying, The Doctor knew. She had been crying for no apparent reason for weeks now. The Doctor knew why she was so upset. She couldn't remember, and it killed him every time he looked into her eyes.
"I'm sorry."
"Amy…I think it's time you went to sleep. Just know Rose has her happy ending." And, I suppose, so do I thought the Doctor to himself.
Amy nodded and rose from the sofa, pulling The Doctor up and giving him a hug before going off to her room, wiping the tears from her cheeks and forever wondering why she was so sad. "In my dreams, she keeps walking away" John Smith wrote about Rose. Amy had similar dreams- a man, walking away from her. Every morning her heart broke all over again- just as she knew John Smith's had, even if he fancied Nurse Redfern.
The Doctor sat in the console room, holding the book he so painstakingly hidden in his bedroom. The book reminded him of a simpler time, being another person in another place in time, only dreaming of the adventures possible.
He knew why he remembered Rose. Why he had never warned Martha about John Smith falling in love.
The Doctor was already in love.
The Doctor loves Rose Tyler.
John Smith did as well, even if he didn't know it. Joan had a small style similar to Rose, the blonde hair, the bright smile- but Rose's had always been brighter and bigger. He knew Joan was a substitute in even John's mind, but he wanted that something to hold on to.
Rose had left an erasable mark on his life.
All his lives to come, in fact.
The Doctor is in love with Rose Tyler.
Even as a Time Lord, she still haunted his dreams.