So, here's another one. That's 3 today! This one is dedicated to my friend Yagmur. She has read and reviewed, I'm pretty sure, all of my Salex fan fics and she's always giving me the best compliments and motivation! I don't think I would have written these if it weren't for her. So Yagmur, this one's for you! ENJOY!

P.S I am sorry for the crap ending! If you have any better ideas please let me know. Or if you like it, that's cool to. Let me know about that as well :)

"Is that what we do now? Tell each other all of our secrets?"

"I'll tell you anything you want to know."

Those words still haunted her. She hadn't told him. She knew she should've but he had just gotten back and then they had to fake his death, everything just seemed so hectic. Nikita had already told Alex that she had to tell Sean about her relapse. The older women had made it a 'if you don't tell him I will' scenario and Alex knew she didn't want Sean to here about it from someone else.

So there she was. Sitting on the bed of an old recruit room bouncing her leg against the floor nervously as she waited for Sean to arrive. After what seemed like hours of picking at her nails and starring at the white walls Sean pushed the door to the room open.

"Hey." He said, a little colder then he meant it to be. Things still weren't great between them. He didn't blame her it was just taking him a little bit of time to adjust and the confinement to Division wasn't helping his current mood. "You wanted to talk to me?" He said closing the door behind him but still staying close to the wall.

"Yeah, I did." Alex said her voice small. "Look, what you said the other day. About telling each other everything. Well, I've been keeping something from you and I think you have the right to know."

Sean stood there. A thousand thoughts were running through his head. Was she okay? Was she somehow sick? Did she need a break from them? Was there someone else? He knew he had left, and even now that he was back he wasn't exactly being the best boyfriend in the world but he still loved her more than anything in the world and the thought of not being with her terrified him. "Uh, okay. Is it something I did?" He asked hesitantly.

"No! No, not really. It's just..." Alex trailed off. After a few deep breathes she figured the only thing to do was to come right out and say it. "I relapsed."

That was not what Sean was expecting. Not at all. "When?" His voice cracked at he asked.

"About 2 months ago." Alex said.

That hit Sean like a ton if bricks. That's when he left. When he abandoned her. "Was it because of me?" He asked.

Alex wanted nothing more to look at him and say 'No of course not. It was only for my shoulder.' But she had promised herself she was never going to lie to him again when he came to their relationship. She hung her head for a few seconds before looking back at him. "I don't know. I want to tell you no, but I can't." She said.

Sean swallowed back tears of anger. "How long we're you using?" He asked.

Alex winced at the word. It wasn't one she wasn't particularly fond of being associated with. "A couple of weeks. Michael found out and confronted me about it. I was already clean again when you came back so that's why I never mentioned it." Alex said meekly.

Sean stared at the floor. "How could you not tell me about this?" He asked frustrated.

"I didn't think it was that big if a deal. I was clean when you came back, and this whole thing with us faking your death. I just, I didn't know how to bring it up." Alex said keeping her tears at bay. She didn't want Sean to reject her for what she did.

"That big of a deal!?" Sean said raising his voice. "Alex you started taking drugs again and didn't tell me!" He was yelling now. He knew he shouldn't but he was so angry at himself, and annoyed with Alex. He just couldn't figure out why.

Alex looked at Sean, anger building behind her eyes. "I tried! I tried to tell you. I called you Sean, everyday. I thought maybe if I could talk to you and figure everything out then maybe you would come back and I could get clean. I want to be able to tell you that you weren't the reason but I can't! You left me Sean! Just like my father did, just like Nathan, just like Thom and Robbie. You left and I had to sit here and try to keep myself together!" Alex screamed at him. She was sure by now people had heard them arguing but she was so angry with him she didn't really care.

Sean stood there in silence. What was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to respond to that when it held so much truth. Sean watched as the tears fell down Alex's face. She was trying so hard to wipe them away and not let them fall but everyone and a while one would sneak by. After what seemed like a decade Sean opened the door. "I'm sorry." He said before walking out of the room.

Sean walked angrily down the hall. He wasn't mad at Alex. He was furious with himself. He should've known that with her past him leaving her and putting her in that position was going to hurt her. He had asked her to leave Division, to leave Nikita. Who was pretty much her second mother. He pushed open the door to what he thought was an empty exercise room only to find Owen next to a punching bag wrapping his hands.

"Hey Sean. What's up?" Owen asked politely.

"Nothing." Sean barked back at him.

Owen raised an eyebrow at Sean reaction but when he saw his face he quickly put it together. "She told you." It wasn't a question.

Sean's head snapped up towards Owen. "You knew?" Sean growled wondering why this guy who Alex had only know for a few months knew about this before him.

"Yeah. Look she needed to talk to someone. I've been through the same thing. I understood what she was going through." Owen said.

"And you didn't think to tell Michael, or Nikita?"

"It wasn't my place to tell them. Alex had stuff she had to work out on her own. Nikita knowing wasn't going to speed up that process." Owen told him.

"What if something had happened to her?" Sean asked frustrated. "What if she had tried to OD, or something. Would you still have thought Nikita didn't need to know!?" Sean yelled moving closer to him.

"She wasn't going to do that. Like I said she wasn't exactly where I was. She needed the drugs to get through some personal crap but she still had something to live for. She had Nikita, and the knowledge that once this was all over with she could have a normal life." Owen told him. "Although it's not like you cared enough to stick around." He said.

Sean brought his fist up and it connected with Owens face. Owen took the hit and simply rubbed his jaw. "Okay. I probably deserved that." Owen said quietly.

"Actually you know what? I didn't. I'm only saying what everyone else has been thinking. Maybe you shouldn't have come back if Alex is that disposable to you." Owen said angrily. Alex and he had bonded over their time together and he now saw her as a little sister. He'd be damned if he let anyone hurt her.

Sean brought his fist up again and continued to hit Owen in the face. After a few more seconds the two men were having a full on fist fight. Seconds later Michael and Nikita came running into the room. "What the hell are you doing?" Nikita screamed as she and Michael ran over to the fighting men. Michael pulled Sean off Owen and Nikita held Owen back. The two men had started a starring contest and were sizing each other up.

"You mind explaining what you two were fighting about?" Michael asked them.

Sean stayed quiet. "It was just a little disagreement." Owen told him whipping his bloody lip on his sleeve.

Alex walked in a few minutes later. She had washed her face so the tear tracks were gone but her eyes were red and puffy making it obvious she had been crying. Though no one point it out. "What the fuck did you do!" Alex yelled at Sean as she walked over to where they are standing.

Michael and Nikita shared a look before Michael let go of Sean and Nikita led Owen out of the room.

"What happened?" Alex asked Sean sternly as he dropped his gaze to the floor. "Sean" she said more sternly when he still didn't respond.

"I didn't mean to abandon you." He choked out. "I just needed space. I was selfish and didn't think of how it would impact you." He said sadly.

"You're right. You shouldn't have left. I'm not going to sugar coat this for you Sean. I need you to know how much it hurt when you left. And you didn't even give me a chance to say anything! You just walked out. Like I was supposed to do everything you told me." Alex said harshly. "You had no right to treat me like that. You asked my to leave my family, Sean."

Sean winced at her words. He knew she was right, he did something completly unforgivable. "I know. And I am so sorry. Can you forgive me?"

Alex shook her head gently. "I don't know Sean, I really don't know. Just give me some time okay?" She asked him.

Sean nodded his head in understanding. Alex turned to walk out of the room. "Alex?" He called, when she was halfway to the door effectively causing her to turn around. "I want you to know that I'm not going to leave again, and I'll be there for you for the rest of our lives. Okay?" Sean told her truthfully.

Alex smiled. "Thanks Sean. That means a lot. By the way, are you coming home tonight?" She asked.

Sean smiled at the mention of 'home' "Uh, yeah. I think I will be. I need to talk to Ryan first but yeah. I'll see you later." He said lifting his arm to give her a small wave. As he whipped the blood off his cheek he smiled. He knew he'd never forgive himself for what he did, maybe they could find a way to move past it.

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