"You can't keep blaming yourself for everything, Shepard," Ashley remarked, shaking her head as she watched the Commander once again stare at the list of dead etched into the memorial on the third deck of the Normandy.
"Yes, I can, Ash. I can. Everyone here? They're dead because of me. Because of me. The people on Earth? Dead because of me. I wasn't able to do a damn thing except run and keep my ass from being shot off," Shepard growled out.
"Thane isn't dead because of you. Mordin isn't dead because of you. Pressly isn't dead because of you. The people on Earth aren't dead because of you. They're dead because of the Reapers, and in Thane's case because of Cerberus. Stop blaming yourself," Ashley insisted.
Shepard's fingers ghosted along each name before she let out a breath.
"It isn't right that I'm alive and they aren't. What makes me so special?" Shepard asked, hazel eyes glowing a faint red from the implants.
"You're the only one capable of doing what needs to be done. You defeated more Reapers than everyone else put together. You ended the geth threat. You brokered peace where peace didn't seem possible. The rest of the galaxy is alive thanks to you," Ashley said, gently pulling the other away from the memorial.
"We lost some good people along the way. I wish I had died back on the Citadel, sometimes…" Shepard said, allowing herself to be pulled to the mess 'hall'.
"Then you'd have broken your promises to the rest of us. To me, to Cortez, to Liara. That isn't like you," Ashley said, offering a water to the woman.
"You're right. But it still doesn't feel like I should be alive. I escaped death so many times," Shepard said. The scars along her face and over one eye, a testament to what she had survived and the fact she had had to be more aggressive after the Reapers attacked Earth, stung often.
"There's always a reason for the way things happen, Commander. Trust in the Cosmos."
I trust that peace won't last because it never does… Shepard thought. She glumly took a drink of water.