(PLAY SOME CHEESEY SOAP INTRO MUSIC)
(Hwoarang enters the Mishima Arms pub, currently been run by Anna and Nina. Anna is flirting with Lee at the bar, as Nina glares angrily).
Nina: Oi, you! Yer not old enough to be in 'ere. Get outta ma pub! (Takes a swipe at Hwoarang with a cloth).
Hwoarang: Whoa, calm it man! I just wanted to come in here for a quiet drink, that's all!
Nina: Quiet drink? My arse! That Jin Kazama will be in 'ere, and you two will scrapping again!
Hwoarang: Fuck that. (Lights a cigarette). I'm a hard bastard, me. That Jin hasn't got a chance.
Nina: Oi! Dontcha know it's illegal to smoke in a public place? (Points fire extinguisher at Hwoarang)
Hwoarang: (Stubbing out cigarette). All right, all right, bloody Nora. Your such a stuck up bitch, no wonder yer husband left ya!
(Steve, who is sat at the bar, turns to face Hwoarang. He stands up and confronts him).
Steve: Oi, mate, we'll be having less of that.
Hwoarang: (laughing) What you gonna do? Kick me?
Steve: (Angrily). No guv'nor. One better than that. Kuma!
(Kuma comes rushing out from the back room and charges at Hwoarang, knocking him off his feet. Hwoarang slowly sits up, cringing and rubbing his back).
Hwoarang: All right, bloody heel, bunch of nut jobs the lot of ya! (Leaves)
(Elsewhere, Asuka, Christie, Julia and Xiayou are heading to a nightclub, dressed in barely anything. Hwoarang see's them and strides up to them).
Hwoarang: All right ladies? Hey Xiayou is that a ladder in your tights or a stairway to heaven?
Xiayou: (giggling) Oh, piss off!
Christie: (tapping Xiayou on the shoulder and pointing somewhere behind Hwoarang.) Look, it's Jin! Doesn't he look hot!?
Xiayou & Julia: (excitedly) Ooooh, yes! Hey, Jin! JIN!
(Xiayou rushes over to Jin, waving madly. Jin nods at Xiayou. As they chat, Xiayou is seen to be pulling down her top slightly, and fiddling with her skirt, flirting madly)
Xiayou: … So then I said to grandpa, "Don't worry, I'm sure if you keep using the cream, the rash will go away!"
(Jin looks horrified)
Asuka: Xiayou! (rushes over, and pulls her away)
Xiayou: I'll see you inside Jin Jin! (waves)
Julia: Um… Xiayou? Don't you think you should… (waves hand back and forth) Calm down a bit?
Xiayou: (smiles)
Julia: You know, in case he get's scared off?
Xiayou: (still smiling)
Julia: You do seem a tad hyper… (pause)
(5 minutes later)
Xiayou: (still smiling)
Julia: (fed up) Never mind, come on girls lets go in!
Asuka: Lets go pull some totty!
Christie: I'll drink to that! (laughs and head towards the door. The other girls follow, forgetting about Hwoarang. He stands with his mouth open. He snaps out of it and head towards the night club).
Bouncer 1: Scuse me mate, you can't come in dressed like that!
Bouncer 2: Yer, it's no some flipping gay bar! (they both laugh)
Hwoarang: Oh fuck you! Let me in NOW or I'll… I know origami!
(both bouncers laugh)
Bouncer 2: Sure you do mate. Now hurry along, it's probably past your bedtime.
Hwoarang: You bastard! That's it! Don't say I didn't warn you! (Charges towards the bouncers, ready for a fight.)
(30 seconds later)
Bouncer 1: (throwing a heavily beaten Hwoarang into the streets) And stay out!
(Hwoarang gets to his feet)
Hwoarang: Like I wanted to go to that shitty place anyway! (Turns round and storms off)
(Hwoarang marches to the other side of the street and site on a park bench. Sighing, he lights up a cigarette and takes a drag. Suddenly, he feels a hand on his shoulder. Turning around, he see's Baek).
Hwoarang: Baek! What are you doing here?
Baek: I know what you're like, Hwoarang. Always up to no good. You need to sort yer life out before yer arrested again! Shop lifting? Hiring escorts! Yes I know all about that!
Hwoarang: (gasps) Yer stalking me!?
Baek: No, I've got me sources. Put that fag out lad, smoking stunts yer growth. And stop picking yer nose, or yer head will cave in.
Hwoarang: I don't need no help. I'm 'appy as I am!
Baek: (raises eyebrow) Yeah right. Stand up boy. Right, first things first. Stop smoking and as tempting as it is, don't go for all those prozzies.
Hwoarang: (wide eyed) Where am I supposed to get me action from then!?
Baek: Ever considered a girlfriend?
(Hwoarang looks down at his feet, shuffling them, obviously starting to feel shy)
Hwoarang: Well, there's this one girl I like…
Baek: And she is?
Hwoarang: (blushing slightly, trying to hide his face) Askshyou…
Baek: What? You like me!? (budges away slightly)
Hwoarang: No! Ewww, no yer an old man! No… its Asuka… (hangs head)
Baek: Why dintcha just say boy! (claps hands) Right. Get yer arse home, put some decent clothes on, and go to that nightclub, and pull that Asuka!
Hwoarang: No way, blud. I'll just let the foxy lady come to me.
(Baek tuts and rolls his eyes. Grabbing Hwoarang by the collar, he drags him home.)
Baek: Right. Go put some decent clobber on, you wont get in any nightclub dressed like that!
(Grumbling, Hwoarang heads upstairs. When he comes back down, he's dressed all dapper, in black pants and a shirt.)
Baek: Ready to go?
Hwoarang: Wait (checks pockets) Money, keys, condoms… Yeah, I'm ready to go!
(As they head towards the nightclub, the bouncers see him and crack their knuckles)
Baek: (approaching the bouncers) it's ok, he's with me.
Bouncer 1: Oh all right… (glares at Hwoarang) Go in.
(Inside the club, dance music is blaring, and strobe lights are flashing. People are randomly stood around the room, chatting, drinking or dancing. Baek and Hwoarang head towards the bar).
Baek: Yo barman! I'll have a pint. What do ya want Hwoarang? A Vodka and coke?
(Hwoarang nods)
Barman: Coming right up!
(Baek turns round and scans the room, searching for the girls. When he spots them, he nudges Hwoarang and points).
Baek: First things first… How you gonna approach Asuka?
Hwoarang: Uhh… Ask her for a shag?
Baek: (slapping his forehead) No you fool! Tell her she's looking stunning tonight, and offer her a drink. She'll be putty in your hands. And no cheesy one liners!
Hwoarang: Awh, man, I always get girls with those.
Baek: Bullshit!
Hwoarang: Fine. No one liners.
Baek: Look, Paul's over there. Why don't you go practise on him?
Hwoarang: Fine. (heads towards Paul)
Paul: Yo, Hwoarang.
Hwoarang: Umm.. Hey. Your looking stunning tonight. Can I buy you a drink?
(Paul stares at Hwoarang like he has sprouted another head. Un expectedly, he kicks Hwoarang in the groin. Hwoarang falls to the floor, Baek comes rushing over.)
Baek: What did you do that for!?
Paul: The tosser was trying to chat me up! I don't bat for the other team!
Baek: He was practising his flirting! (shakes head)
Paul: Whatever! I'm going to the other club down the round. There's a no gays policy in there! (leaves)
(Hwoarang gingerly gets to his knees clutching his groin.)
Hwoarang: Well done, doctor love. Now all the streets gonna think I'm gay!
Baek: Nothing wrong with being gay. Anyway, look there's Asuka! Go for it!
(Hwoarang staggers over to Asuka, and straightens up. They smile at each other.)
Hwoarang: Hey… Um… You look uh… stunning. Can I buy you a drink?
Asuka: (blushes) Oh! Um… ok! Thanks!
(They head towards the bar. Hwoarang grins at Baek.)
Hwoarang: So, um. Do you come here often?
Asuka: (Chokes on her drink) I beg your pardon?
Hwoarang: Oh. Um. Never mind (stares at her chest) How are your breasts? I mean… uh how is your drink?
Asuka: Did you just ask about my breasts?
Hwoarang: No! I meant… Why would I ask? I can see they're nice and big!
(Asuka is offended and throws her drink over him).
Asuka: You and Jin are breast obsessed perverts! I give up! (she storms off)
Baek: Bloody nice one mate. She's got a right face on.
Hwoarang: Oh, lets just go home!
Baek: No. Apologise to her and try again.
Hwoarang: No way! And anyway, Lei's chatting her up now.
(Lei has walked over to Asuka and started talking to her. She begins to look uncomfortable. It seems he is asking very personal questions.)
Baek: Your having a giraffe! He's about 30 years older than her!
(Hwoarang shrugs and turned away, ready to leave, when there is a sudden diversion. Looking back round, he see's Lei is trying to kiss Asuka and touch her breasts. She is trying to wriggle away, but he's got a tight grip on her. Hwoarang charges over and punches Lei, knocking him over)
Hwoarang: Get the fuck off her!
Lei: What the hell, man, we were just talking!
Hwoarang: Bullshit! (kicks Lei several times)
Lei: Ouch! Ow! You dick'ed! Gerrof me!
Hwoarang: Get (kick) the (kick) fuck (kick) outta here (pulls Lei up and pushes him. The bouncers come over, grab them both and drag them out.)
Bouncer 2: There'll be no fighting in this club! Your barred! (throws them in the street. Lei straightens himself up and glares at Hwoarang. Without saying a word, he storms off.)
(Asuka enters)
Asuka: Hwoarang?
Hwoarang: Go back inside. It's cold out here. I doubt you wanna be outside with a pervert anyway
(he turns away. Asuka moves closer to him and places a hand on his arm.)
Asuka: Hwoarang, thanks for that
Hwoarang: (mumbles) it was nothing.
Asuka: No, really. (throws her arms round him)
(Hwoarang is slightly taken aback, but slowly wraps his arms round her).
Hwoarang: I'm um, really sorry bout earlier. I didn't mean to offend you. I get really nervous round beautiful girls.
(Asuka giggles and strokes the back of his head.)
Asuka: I guess I'm just a bit too touchy. (leans forward and kisses Hwoarang on the lips)
Hwoarang: whoa, flower!
Asuka:… I thought you liked me? (drops head)
Hwoarang: I do I just… (Lifts Asuka's chin.) I better shut up talking before you hit me. (leans forwards and kisses her)
(They embrace each other for a few moments, then Asuka pulls away)
Hwoarang: Well, I wasn't expecting to kiss a beauty like you tonight!
Asuka: (Smiles) I'm kinda hungry… how about you?
Hwoarang: Yeah, me too! (he laces his fingers through hers and they began walking away)
Asuka:… To the kebab shop we go! I could murder a one right now!
EXIT