Faye: Hello everyone!! I've decided to make an appearance and you all can thank Kit Kat Karma for it. Her and my lack of scissors which put a hold on all arts and crafts.

Vincent: Is this about me again?

Yuffie: You know anyone else who was "In a Coffin?"

Vincent: …

Yuffie: That's what I thought.

Faye: Since Yuffie won that one, Vincent does the disclaimer.

Yuffie: NAKED!

Faye and Vincent: …

Yuffie: Without a shirt on?

Faye: Well, since it's also one of Sera's favorite images… Off with the shirt Vinnie!

Yuffie: Yay!

Vincent: (takes off shirt) This is humiliating.

Yuffie: (steals shirt) Less embarrassment, more talking.

Vincent: (sigh) Final Fantasy in all forms belongs to Square-Enix and Faye makes no money off of this fiction. Now can I have my shirt back?

Faye and Yuffie: NO!

Faye: Enjoy the fic!!

Zack Fair, 1st class SOLDIER of the Shinra Corporation, was a sucker for small children. That's how he got in this mess in the first place. He hadn't realized that agreeing to help the small boy who hung around the square of Nibelheim was going to be so taxing. He had said that there were seven mysteries in this town and he begged Zack, the big, strong SOLDIER, to find them. If Zack wasn't a sucker for children, he loved to have his ego stroked, so he began his trek around the city.

He had already solved four of these mysteries and had gotten some prizes for his trouble, but this was getting on his nerves. Not only did he have to walk about the creepy Shinra Mansion, but he now had a coffin key that he simply did not want to use.

"Come on Zack, what are you afraid of?" he asked himself. "The other coffins only contained Bizarre Bugs. What makes this one so special?"

The fact that you need a key to open it, his inner voice taunted him. "I'm a SOLDIER, 1st class. Nothing in this coffin can hurt me." Unless this is where Sephiroth runs off to in between missions.

After giving his inner voice a good thrashing, Zack took a deep breath and inserted the key. Slowly, he turned it until it clicked and then opened the coffin. Leaning over the box, Zack could see nothing but the darkness within.

"Ha! All this and there's nothing in there. I knew there was nothing to be afraid of," he said, wiping the sweat from his forehead.

All of a sudden, Zack heard a slight snore coming from the bottom of the coffin. He jumped and quickly resealed the coffin. Crazy Genesis clones he could handle, but Zack had read too many horror novels to take any chances. He'd have to thank Sephiroth for introducing him to them later.

"I had better hide this, lest someone unleash the wrath of that vampire." And with that, Zack took off to tell the boy that there was nothing of interest in the coffin and secure that the key never be found again.

Meanwhile, in the coffin:

"Hello? Is there someone there? I've been trapped in this box for more time than I care to think about. Can you open it again? Please? Are you still there?"

Vincent sighed. Surely they would come back. No one would leave another human being to suffer in such a state… would they?

Seven Years (and much brooding) Later:

"Cloud, it's creepy down here. Obviously someone went to a lot of trouble hiding that key. Don't you think there's something bad down here?"

"What are you afraid of Yuffie?" Cloud asked. "It's probably some serious treasure a criminal hid before he was carted off to jail. Maybe some shiny, mastered material."

Yuffie's eyes seemed to grow to twice their normal size as she pushed ahead of the others, snatching the key from Cloud in the process. Passing all the long empty coffins, she made her way to the final coffin on her right. Immediately, she turned the key in the lock and unsealed the coffin. She peered in and immediately her face fell.

"Finally, I thought no one would ever ope-"

Yuffie let out a high, pitched screech and immediately resealed the coffin. She heard an exasperated sigh from within the tomb as everyone came rushing toward her.

In the coffin:

'Why is everyone doing this? I really must be a real monster now.'

'No kidding, Vinnie boy,' came a reply from inside the gunman's head. 'Hell, I'd be petrified of you if I wasn't an all-powerful demon.'

'Thank you, Chaos, that's very reassuring.' Vincent sighed to himself. 'Next time that lid opens, I'm getting out of here.'

'This'll be interesting.'

Back to the Gang:

"What's the matter, Yuffs?" Cloud asked, amused. "See a ghost?"

"V-V-V-V-V-"

"What is it brat?" Barett shouted, highly annoyed with the young ninja's antics.

"VAMPIRE!" she finally let out.

Everyone looked at her and chuckled to themselves. "It's true!" she shouted, hurt that they wouldn't believe her.

"Yuffie, if you wanted a piece of the treasure, you could have just asked. No need to make up stories." Cloud then turned to the coffin, the key once again in his possession.

As soon as the key was in the lock, the coffin opened and a cloaked figure leaped out. Immediately, Cloud jumped back and gave a very unmanly shriek. Yuffie snickered at him until she remembered the "thing" staring at her and she began to shake with fear.

"I told you! Vampire!" screamed the frantic teen. "No human could defy gravity and make a jump like that!"

"I'm not a vampire," replied Vincent, slightly annoyed. These people were obviously journeying together and the gunman had every intent of getting answers out of them. Maybe he could even travel with them shortly while he worked on making himself "human" again.

"Denial! That's the first sign of a vampire. Cloud, kill it!!"

'This is gonna be interesting.'

'Shove it, Chaos.'

Faye: And there you have it. My half of the trade with Kit Kat Karma. I rather like the way it turned out.

Vincent: I wasn't thrilled with it.

Yuffie: What do you have to complain about? You were just stuck in a box. I was scared half to death twice. Which means I technically died! Good thing I had that Phoenix materia.

Vincent: …

Faye: Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, tell me about it. If you didn't, tell me anyway. I love feedback. It's what my muse lives off of.

Vincent: …Can I have my shirt back now?

Yuffie: But it's soo warm.

Vincent: …

Yuffie: You have lots of other ones.

Vincent: …

Yuffie: Fine. You're no fun.

Vincent: (puts on shirt) …

Yuffie: What?

Vincent: …Smells like girl.

Yuffie: …