A/N: Okay, guys, this is something I've actually dealt with, and I've heard that writing about it or talking about makes you feel better, and this has just been sticking with me. I couldn't take it so I decided to start it as a new story. The first chapter is complete truth, honesty, actual happenings. All chapters after that are most likely just my own addition to the story to complete it; fake. The names of me and my family members are changed, mainly to Twilight names, for privacy purposes, but this is NOT a Twilight story. Enjoy :)

BPOV

Prologue: It had been maybe three years since I'd last seen these people. I know that doesn't seem bad, but it might when I tell you they were immediate family members. Aunts, Uncles, first cousins. Ridiculous now?

I didn't know how they'd react. Would they like me? Would they think I was... too grown-up? I might not have been so concerned if it weren't for them being such strict, religious people. And if he wasn't there, I'd probably not have been so stressed. But, somehow, he just seemed to make me nervous.

BPOV

We pulled up to the steak house and found a parking spot. My palms were already sweating as my dad put the car in park. It took all my self control to contain the trembling of my legs as I stepped out of the car, more clumsy than usual even in two-inch heels. Anything to make me taller, more mature-looking. It sure helped my self confidence to be taller. Knowing that he would be at the table made my stomach turn. Oh sure, any other thirteen-year-old girl would be excited, even happy to see her cousin. Not me.

Things were always weird between me and Edward, my first cousin. I knew why. He knew why. But all others, including my own mom, didn't know, nor notice the awkwardness between me and him. It was always there, intended it or not, and I hated it. Hated it with a passion.

Besides, I wasn't even prepared mentally for this. We had just been invited out of the blue yesterday, to a local steakhouse to celebrate mother's day. So, of course, we agreed, since we'd never been invited to anything by this side of the family ever since we'd protested Christmas in a teeny, tiny house with no central heating and many unliked family members. So sorry.

I brushed back some of my chest-length brunette hair behind my shoulder, and resisted the urge to rub my eye, since I wasn't used to this fancy eye make-up. But I'd worn it.

"Bella? They said the table was back there." my mother, Renee, said to me as we walked through the door. She pointed towards the back left corner, and I followed her gesture. I tripped a bit in my strappy black wedges, straightened my strapless dress, and pulled on my black leggings a bit. I had to dress up, of course, which made tonight even more uncomfortable.

"Yeah, okay." I said, remembering to acknowledge that my mother had said anything. I weaved through tables and avoided a few waiters before I could get to the table. Everyone looked up when I reached the table, realizing I had walked too fast and left my family behind. But everyone was looking at me, so I had to do something.

"Uh.. hi, everyone..." I said quietly, never one to be bold or outstated.

"Hey!" said my cousin Alice, who was three years younger than me and super energetic. She bounced a bit in her seat, clearly happy to see me. I spared a timid smile, sneaking a look at Edward. His eyes were locked on me, so I looked away quickly.

"Um.. where do I sit?" I asked quietly.

"Here." Alice said, pointing to a seat beside her, which I pushed out with my foot and sat in greatfully. I did not want to be seated next him. My older sister, Leah, was already sitting beside me on my left, followed to her left by my mother. My dad, Charlie, sat at the head of the table. To his right sat my Grandma, Esme, and Grandpa, Carlisle, younger cousin, Jasper, (Alice's little brother), my Aunt Rosalie and Uncle Emmett, (Alice and Jasper's parents), then Edward himself.

Across from him sat my Aunt Tanya's new boyfriend, Tony, and my cousin Alice. All around me, awkward chatter started, and everyone said hi to everyone else, but Edward didn't say anything to me, and I never spoke to him. I asked what was good, and Aunt Rosalie suggested the sirloin, so that's what I got.

The waitress asked me what I wanted to drink, and I murmured something about diet soda dismissively. She brought back my drink almost immediately, and I tried not to suck it dry. I was anxious and nervous and the place seemed hot, even though i knew it was just me.

For the next hour and a half, I ate absentmindedly, trying to keep up with Alice's chitter about ten subjects at once, adding a mumble and sometimes a sentence when I could. Mainly she just talked her heart out, about her school and her recent trip to Disney World. The whole meal I tried my hardest to eat with my best manners, sipping my drink and cutting my meat without much elbowing others. Thank God Leah didn't start a conversation about me, or refer to me. Many times I looked at Edward, sometimes starring for minutes until I looked away. I caught him many times looking at me, which made me grin inwardly.

So he didn't hate me. That was a start. After the meal, we were all standing outside waiting for my grandpa to make his way slowly out. Everyone hugged and said goodby. I hugged everyone and said goodbye to them. Then it was just me facing Edward, and he knew I was expecting no less than a hug.

"C'mon, I didn't get a hug from you." I said jokingly, and he smiled a bit. I wrapped my arms around him, and rested my cheek against his chest for the barest second, since he was about half a foot taller than me, at least. I don't remember if he hugged me back, or if he just stood there, making me look like an idiot. Either way, I had my arms around him. I pulled back after a few seconds, and let my arms down. I kind of looked down, blushed, and walked away, and he did the same. I tried not to think of his bright blue eyes and short, dark hair that tousled to the side, without success. So I just blushed deeper. My cousin Alice said goodbye one last time, and hugged me again, then we were on our way.

We decided to stop by my Grandma's house and visit for a few minutes, and mom thought that Edward might like to ride with us, so she called Aunt Tanya.

"Hey, we were wondering if Edward wanted to ride with us to Esme's?" Mom inquired over the phone. She paused, then said, "Oh, well we can turn around." she said brightly, then paused again. "Okay, well, Happy Mother's day." she said and hung up. My dad looked at her and she shook her head. "They said they were going to Lowe's, and Edward said he was okay not going." she said and shook her head again.

What? He... he said.. no? my scrambled mind questioned. So he didn't want to see me again? Was that it? Or was he just tired? It still bothered me, either way.

The rest of the week, the more I thought about it, the more upset I got. I cried once in the shower, but then I told myself he didn't matter. I told myself my relationship with my cousin wasn't tattered. It was really pathetic. He was like my brother. As a little girl, we were best friends. But, when it all happened, we never really were the same... and I couldn't take it. So I ignored it. For three years. Then it was brought back to surface again, and my little glued-together-heart couldn't hold any longer. Like I said, I was really pathetic.

So shy Edward didn't want to be around me, was that it? Were the memories just too unbearable? Was it because everytime he saw me, he thought about it? I had no idea, but I intended to find out.

Soon.

A/N: Okay guys. Love my twisted life? Hate it? Or do I just suck as an author? Tell me! Review it. And if you're going to just use the 'Review' button just to tear me down, that means you have no life. So, please, be realistic. Just think of this as another story. Thanks.

-Me