Dislaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue. I own bugger all here, so please don't sue!
Comfort
I just had to get away.
I was so angry with Cid, and I never really get angry at all. Hurt and frustrated perhaps, and maybe a little resentful, but never actually angry! Well, not to the point of throwing my mug at him and storming off. Usually I just tend to focus and channel all that negative energy into more research or fixing various things Cid needed mended or whatever really...
But this time, well, I guess you could call it the straw that broke the chocobo's back. It wasn't really anything. To be honest it was my fault, walking in on them like that, but then how was I supposed to know that they would be there?
Cid and Vincent, kissing on the couch... okay maybe a bit more than kissing. More like mauling, no wait that's too cruel. But it was certainly...er... passionate shall we say.
Now, I'd known for a while that Cid and Mr Valentine had been more than friends, probably even before they did. And it never really bothered me. Not one bit, why should it? I'm not against that sort of thing, my goodness no! Why that's...
Sorry, I'm getting of topic.
But yes, I'd known. But Cid and Vincent, well, I don't know why, but they never just came out (pardon the pun) and told me. Never needed to I suppose. Always with small touches and what not, but never...
Oh goodness, I'm blushing just at the thought! And I'm rambling again, sorry.
But basically, I came home from buying all the sweets and goodies for the children, since it was All Hallows. Didn't I mention that? Oh sorry, well it was All Hallows that day, and I had left Cid to tidy the house. It was terribly chilly, so I'd wrapped up warm, and when I walked through the door, wondering whether or not I'd have enough time to finish that thing Cid had asked me to fix this morning before the children arrived, when I saw it.
The house, was still a mess, nothing has been touched. As I took my coat off, I noticed the mountain of washing up, and then WHAM! There they were. I dropped my shopping, with a loud squeak. I tried to cover my mouth, but it was too late. They had obviously noticed me, I went bright red.
I tried to sputter out an apology, but then Cid did what Cid usually did and yelled at me. Now Cid yells at me all the time, for various things and it doesn't usually bother me.
But this time, this time something just, well, I suppose broke inside of me.
Instead of flushing red from the sheer want to shrivel up in a corner and die from embarrassment, it changed to red hot rage. How dare he yell at me!
So I picked up a mug from where ever I was standing and threw it. I didn't stay long enough to see whether it had struck him, by then I had stalked out the door in such a foul mood I couldn't have cared less if I had killed that bloody man!
Oh, pardon my language.
So I walked, and walked and walked some more. It was bitterly cold out, and it was rather unfortunate I forgot to put my coat back on rather quick exit. The leaves were always such a beautiful gold and umber colour in autumn, and had I have been...er... less emotionally distraught I probably would've greatly enjoyed stopping awhile to take in such a wonderful sight.
But as it was, I was furious and currently stomping my way any where my feet happened to take me. Which unfortunately for me, lead me out of Rocket Town, and then upwards. Higher and higher I rose, not really caring where I was going, my mind solely fixed on that singular look on the Captain's face a he yelled at me, I was so very angry. When I noticed quite how high up I was.
I stopped for a moment, and looked back. Not Rocket town below me, but Nibelheim, so small and so very far away. It startled me, just how long and how far had I walked? I looked around, it was getting dark and then at my watch, goodness!
I was up a mountain, in the fast fading daylight, miles from home!
Then I heard it, a snarl from behind me. Some kind of monster I'd not seen before! I gave a shriek, and started to run as fast as I could. I could hear the beast behind me, gaining on me. And then all of a sudden, I came upon a water fall. A dead end! But then I noticed it, a small opening behind the water! So I did the only thing I could think of in that moment. I leapt into the gap behind the waterfall, and hoped the fiend wouldn't follow or that there was something worse inside waiting for me.
I stumbled and collapsed onto the ground as I entered the cave, chest heaving from exertion. I couldn't remember the last time I had run that hard and fast. After a while I managed to sit up and take in my surroundings.
It was stunning! Simply stunning!
Never had I seen such a place. The cave was small, but big enough to hold a small shimmering pool of water, surrounded by the most astonishing crystal formations I had ever seen. So clear, and bright and they held this unearthly glow... Mako shards perhaps? I've never seen fresh pieces of Materia or Mako for that matter, but I had heard about it.
Goodness I'm at it again aren't I?
Either or, they were huge! Especially the central pillar of crystal in the middle of the pool, its luminescent glow was the brightest.
It was a little eerie, but so beautiful!
However, as I sat there, alone in that cave the events of the day finally caught up with me. Oh god what had I done? I threw a mug at Cid! He was going to hate me!
I began to cry.
I held my knees tightly to my chest, and then sobbed like a child. I hadn't done that in years. Not really any way.
Then I heard it, loud sniffs and snarls and the pacing of a monster outside the opening of the cave. My head snapped up and I froze in terror.
Oh god, it had followed me! It was going to eat me!
I don't know how long it was out there, pacing away, I couldn't really tell. But with a loud yowl that could've woken the dead, I heard it pad away.
I let out a breath I didn't realised I had been holding and breathed a small sigh of relief.
"I wouldn't worry, they never venture in here."
A soft voice spoke from behind me.
My eyes went wide and I jumped and I yelled and I fell on my back all at the same time.
I'm such a clutz at times!
In front of me stood a woman in a long white coat, with the longest hair brown hair I had ever seen. She was looked quite elegant and in no way a monster about to eat my face, but she had scared me to death all the same. All I could think of was: How had she gotten there? Had she been there all the time? How hadn't I noticed her? Oh god, I just made of complete fool of myself in front of her!
"I'm so sorry I didn't mean to startle you!"
The woman stepped toward me. A look of concern swept across her face as she got closer.
"Are you alright?"
I tried to speak, but my words caught in my throat and all I could manage was to splutter out a:
"I'm fine."
I'm not sure if she heard me, my voice was so croaky and faint, but that was probably just as well. Even after all these years, I'm terrible at trying to sound alright. I closed my eyes and forced out a smile, trying to pull myself together a little bit more. Goodness, I must've looked such a mess.
"You're crying." She blinked.
Oh dear! I raised a hand to my cheek, yes I was still crying. Oh bugger, how embarrassing!
I stood up, and wobbled a little, my legs were still a little shaky from all that running, and I waved my hand at her and turned away to scrub the tears from my eyes. And tried to change the subject from myself.
"Really, I'm fine. Are you hiding from the monsters too?"
"Something like that." The woman said unconvinced. "Look, are you sure you're alright?"
Then I felt it, all the sadness, and anger, and hurt that had swollen up inside of me earlier. The shame and the guilt, it was all too much! All of it began once again to bubble up to the surface. Fresh, hot tears streaked down my face as I wobbled my way toward the woman.
And then just as before, I broke down like a child. I fell into her, arms flung round her neck pathetically and I sobbed, and sobbed. I was tired, and cold and so upset I didn't care that I had just flung myself at this poor unsuspecting woman. Goodness, she must've thought I was a loony!
I wouldn't have blamed her if she had pushed me away, but to my surprise she didn't.
I felt her tense, but then after a moment or two, I felt her arms pull me into a tight embrace. I felt grateful towards her and tried in vain to stifle my sniffling long enough to give her an equally grateful smile. However, she looked at me with surprise and gasped.
"You're shivering! Come on, I think he left some blankets around here somewhere."
She untangled herself from me and walked toward the shimmering pool, and without asking, I followed. The woman pointed behind a rock. True to her word, there was a thick red blanket.
"Here, wrap yourself in this. Not much, but it might help." She smiled warmly at me.
I did as I was told, and wrapped myself up tight. Oh, it was very soft. It reminded me of a comforter we had back in Rocket Town.
The woman sat down by the pool and motioned for me to join her. I complied for the third time in a row, and joined her.
After a moment to get myself into a more comfortable position, she spoke again.
"Better?"
I simply nodded, unsure of my voice.
"Good." She smiled.
Another moment passed, I swallowed thickly and tried my voice.
"It's warm." I muttered.
And it was. The blanket was very soft and cosy and it certainly helped, but to my surprise the crystals not only gave of light, but also a little heat. Amazing, this would certainly make a fascinating study!
The dark haired woman turned to me gave me that warm, patient smile again, the sort that truly warmed you from the inside out better than any blanket ever could. She was very good at those.
The smile slipped for a moment as she looked at me. She had very soft brown eyes.
"What's wrong?"
I sighed.
I couldn't tell her nothing was wrong. I'm really bad at lying, as you might have already guessed. Plus I wouldn't have broken down like that if I was 'fine'. But at the same time, when I thought about it, what I was really so upset about it? It seemed like nothing at all; small, insignificant not worth bothering about really.
But then I had broken down, and just about attacked her and soaked the poor woman's... lab coat? Goodness, how did I not notice that before? And she had comforted me. She didn't have to, but she did. I felt a little bit guilty. Really, I owed her an explanation.
So, after taking another deep breath I told her about my day.
"I threw a mug at my housemate's head." I moaned as I leant my head against her shoulder.
I felt her tense again, and I quickly removed myself, and went to apologise. Goodness, how forward of me! But she didn't look unhappy or put out, far from it actually. In fact, she looked a little surprised, but happy.
"It's okay, please." She motioned me back to her, and I happily complied, she was very comfortable. This time I felt her relax, and lean into me a bit.
"Please go on- sorry I don't know your name."
"Shera."
"Shera, please go on."
"Are you sure? It's not very interesting."
"Please." She pushed.
So I told her everything. About the shopping, about the mess, and about Cid and Vincent...
"Vincent?"
"Yes, he's a very nice man really." I sniffed. "Quiet and has this rather gothic look, but really he's a bit of a sweetie. In all honesty I have no idea what he sees in Cid..."
"Do they make each other happy?"
I laughed weakly.
"Oh yes! Goodness I've never seen the Captain as happy as he is when Mr Valentine drops by. Not even when he's flying..."
The woman looked away for a moment.
"Do you love him?"
"Who?"
"This Cid, is that why you are unhappy?"
I sat up a little and must've looked at her as if she had grown three heads. Goodness, she couldn't think...
"Oh no! No, no, no! I mean I love him of course I do. He's a very easy man to love, once you get over the cursing and the smoking and the bad temper. Maybe when I first met him... but no! Absolutely not like that. Never like that!"
The woman laughed softly.
"Ah, I see. Forgive me." She chuckled. "But then why did you throw a mug at Cid's head?"
I sighed.
"I don't know. It wasn't that. It's just..." I took a moment to gather my thoughts. Why had I gotten so mad?
"I guess it's because I do so much for Cid. I always have. For such a long time I felt I had to, because I thought I had taken away his dream. But then, everything changed. He got to live his dream, and he forgave me. I mean, he still shouts and rants, but that's just who he is. And I don't mind.
But recently...
"He got his dream, and now he has his man and he's happy, which is good. I want him to be happy. More than anything, but..."
"You feel taken for granted?"
I shrugged.
"I just wish he told me Vincent was coming over, although that can be a little difficult at times I know. He does have a habit of just 'appearing'."
"I can imagine." The woman smiled a knowing smile.
"But then he shouted at me, as if it was my fault he got all embarrassed. He didn't care at all about me, or my feelings or the fact I had just come home from the shops to find the house in a state and his hands down Vincent's trousers..."
The woman coughed loudly and when I turned back to look at her, I saw a large patch of red cover her pale cheeks.
"Are you alright?"
"Fine." She muttered with an odd smile.
"I just wish he could've apologised to me." I continued on. "I just wish he had said 'I'm sorry about the mess Shera, Vincent kind of distracted me' and so on. But no, what do I get? 'Ragh ragh damnit Shera, ragh ragh!'
I know I shouldn't have gotten so mad, that it's not Cid's fault. It's just who he is. Goodness, I hope I didn't hurt him. Oh lord, I bet he hates me now. And Vincent too. "
I sighed sadly and nuzzled my head into the woman's shoulder. I felt her shudder. It was then I realised I had been ranting on for goodness knows how long and she was just sitting there on the cold ground wearing pretty much nothing for this time of year.
"I'm so sorry!"
I cried and jumped up. She looked at me with a puzzled expression. "Why didn't you stop me? You must be freezing! Here you are letting me waffle on like an idiot about my stupid problems whilst you're freezing yourself!"
The woman's eyes went wide and looked as if she was about to say something, until a cut her off by covering her with the larger half of the blanket and snuggled up tight to her.
"Sorry."
"Thank you" She said sheepishly, and carefully pulled the blanket tight around her shoulders, as if it might disappear at any moment. "You know you're very hard on yourself."
I blinked at her, slightly confused.
"Yes. I can understand why you got angry; in fact you have every right to. By the sounds of it I'm surprised you haven't snapped at him more often."
I chuckled at that. People have randomly commented that I must have a patient of a saint.
"But I'm sure they don't hate you. Certainly not Cid, and I know for a fact Vincent won't hate you. Even if you threw a mug at his lovers head."
I groaned.
"Oh god, I can't believe I did that. I hope I didn't hurt him."
"I'm sure you didn't. And you mustn't feel guilty either. Trust me, this is nothing to feel guilty about, and if what you said about Cid forgiving you is true, I'm sure he can forgive this."
"I guess."
Suddenly I let out a loud yawn. I blushed.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be." The woman next to me wrapped an arm around me to. She seemed more willing to touch me now, which I didn't complain about. She was so warm and giving, I felt so much calmer than I had before.
"You must be tired."
I was. I felt endlessly tired. The emotions that had swept through me that day had all washed away, and left me feeling drained and oh so empty inside. I let my eyes close for a minute.
"Thank you." I mumbled.
I felt the woman's arm tighten around my waist.
"You're welcome. It's been a while since I had someone to listen too or hold..."
"It's been a while since I've ranted at someone like this."
I yawned again. It was. I really couldn't remember the last time I had opened up to someone this way. Let it all out so to speak.
Sleep was beginning to claim me. I felt my head droop, and my shoulders slump. I was so utterly tired, and the warm little cocoon I had found myself in wasn't helping matters.
"We should get going, Cid will be worried. Do think the coast is clear?" I asked her.
"I'm not sure, but you should wait till morning. Just to be safe. Why don't you get some rest?"
"But what about you? The mon-"
"I'll be fine." The woman said. "Sleep. I'll keep an eye out for any bad things okay?"
I wasn't convinced, but I was so tired I merely nodded.
I went to lay down, when the woman shifted position so that my head rested in her lap. I blushed and looked up into her eyes.
"I uh-"I tried to mumble out my thanks when I realised I didn't even know the woman's name.
"Sleep." She spoke, her voice barely more than a soft whisper. A hand stroked my hair gently. "It's alright."
I'm pretty sure my face was the colour of scarlet, but I was too tired to care at that point. So I simply smiled and closed my eyes.
The next time my eyes open, I was wrapped up in the warm blanket, by the pool... alone. Funny, I'm usually such a light sleeper. the slightest noise or movement and then I'm wide awake. I must've been exhausted to have not felt her leave. I shot up and looked around, panicked by the woman's sudden departure. I looked by the opening and saw the first few strands of daylight begin to creep its way through the waterfall. It must've been dawn. Perhaps she was outside waiting for me?
I got up and placed the blanket back where we had found it, making sure to fold it as neatly as possible, and slowly made my way out of the cave. Sure enough it was dawn, but no one was there. I looked back at the cave and touched my head. No, no bumps. Had I dreamt it all? No, the blanket... but...
Oh my goodness! I thought, I had spent the night in a cave with a strange woman and Cid didn't know where the hell I was! Oh dear ancients, he must be going out of his mind with worry! And the kids, oh my! It was All Hallows! I hope they didn't bother him to much last night, and that Cid hadn't eaten all the sweeties. I'm sure Vincent wouldn't have let him any way but...
And with that I hurried down the mountain as fast as I could and made my way to the neighbouring town of Nibelheim, making sure to stop and ask about the dark haired woman who had comforted me that night. But no such luck. I never found out her name, and she was so very nice to me. I would've very much liked to have exchanged numbers and maybe talked again sometime. Thanked her properly for letting me cry on her shoulder.
Instead all I got were stories about a woman in white and weeping they could hear sometimes on nights like All Hallows.
Childish nonsense of course, but no use to me.
I borrowed a phone at the inn and called Cid. He had been worried about me, I tried to apologise but he had slammed the phone down before I even had a chance. Half an hour later, I heard the tell tale sound of the Highwind flying above the village.
I met him just outside where he swept me into a big hug and apologised profusely. I went bright red, as the air ship had drawn in a small crowd and were now witnessing the Captain's over the top apology. Once on the ship, Cid joked about the bump on his head I had given him, I went to say sorry, but the captain just laughed and told me he deserved it. In fact, he told me Vincent had been very impressed with my aim.
He asked me what had happened, and although my first instinct was to keep it to myself, I found I couldn't.
I told him about the walking, and the mountain and the monsters, and I told him about the cave. But I didn't tell him about the woman.
"Well, that tears it." He said. "First thing we are doing when we get back is getting you a weapon. Maybe Vincent can lend you one of his guns, the guy has way too many as it is. Or hey, maybe you can have one of my spears?"
I stuttered. Weapons?
But then Cid came to a halt, his face went pale.
"Wait did you say cave behind a waterfall?"
I nodded. It wasn't that strange was it? It was rather fantastical, but surely not terribly odd?
"Oh jeez, you mean to tell me you spent a night in the same place as Vincent's dead ex Lucrecia on All Hallows? Holy crap woman you're sure are a helluva lot braver than I am. Shit, even Vincent won't do that? But you didn't see nothing did you?"
I felt myself grow pale and shook my head.
"Really? Damn, I knew that thing about spirit's walking about that night was a load of shit. Wow, who knew Vincent was such a pussy? Oh well, home we go. I'll give you a shout when we land."
As Cid left me for the bridge, I felt cold.
The woman hadn't left the cave, she hadn't been hiding. It was her tomb...Vincent's dead ex? I had only heard a little about her, and her past. My goodness had I spoken to her spirit? I shuddered at the thought. But then I felt myself smile. She had looked after me, and listened to me and held me in my sleep. I would never forget her be eternally grateful to her.
Thank you Lucrecia.
