Hi guys! Tis is my first fic in English. I am sure it has too much error in its grammatical form. But I hope you wish to read it and give me some clues about my mistakes. Thanks!

"Why did you date him?"

If you got this kind of question, what would your answer be?

"Because I love him."

That sentence would be your answer, right? But, I would never give an answer like that. Because, if I were asked, "Why did you date Sasuke, Naruto?" My answer would surely be, "BECAUSE I HATE HIM."

I HATE YOU WITH MY LOVE BY KYRA DE RIDDICK

NARUTO BY MASASHI KISHIMOTO

Why? Are you confused with my answer? Is it unbelievable? Or do you want to say, "Are you kidding, me?" Sorry, but I will really say that. I dated Uchiha Sasuke because I hate him so much. Reason? Do you really want to know? Then, I will tell you a story.

I know him, Uchiha Sasuke, since I enrolled in Konoha Highschool as freshman. Our first meeting was left too much impression. We were run into each other, precisely I hit him, because I was running in the hallway. I was late in my first day of orientation where all freshmen would be accompanied to see the whole area of the school and introduced to the school's rules.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry," I said a few times while bowing my body to show my respect to the seniors as well as the members of the student council. I was bowing when I found his nametag under my feet. I took it directly and gave it back to Sasuke. But, not only I did not get any word of gratitude, I was also punished to run around the school's lawn.

'I hate him!' I said in my mind.

After that, my hate toward him just increased more and more until I found myself thinking how I could kill him and how happy I would be if I could see him die in front of very eyes. Well, it was still part of my fault, I would always be punished by him and made me hate just thinking about school.

Just because I was late to arrive at school, he made me clean ALL toilets in the school with he was around as my watchdog. He gave me a lot of non sense orders that can not be accepted –even- by my brain as an ordinary-brain-student.

"You idiot! Can't you even clean a toilet?" his cold voice was too familiar in my very ears to the point that I really wanted to spray the toilet cleaner to his face. Luckily, I did not desire to be a prisoner so badly to make me do that kind of crime.

"What do you mean, senpai? I believe whatever I did was never right in your eyes!" I tried to argue him.

"Should I show you how to brush a toilet, huh?!" his words stabbed my heart. Didn't you know I was in charge to clean the bathroom at home, and mom always complimented my work?!

"Look, the left side is not as white as the right side. Brush it 'till it's clean!"

Enough! I really had it enough! I throw the brush and cleaner in my hand to the floor and glared at him as scary as I could be. Ignoring the sharp smell of the cleaner, I shouted at him and defied his 9stupid) orders. "Senpai, did you realize you were being too much?! I was just late for a few days but my punishment was harder than the others! Do you have any problem with me or what?! Why don't you just spit it out?!"

Listening to my complaints, he just looked at me as if I was not good enough to get looked at. It made more angry and thought to give some punches to his face that was being admired by my classmates.

"I just hate a stupid and noisy people like you."

"I hate him!'

"Just finish your punishment and go home. Looking your face made me tired already."

'I'll make sure to kill you, you bastard!'

My inner was shouting, bashing, and cursing him. He left me who could only be silent hearing his reason to give me this hard punishment. It was not long for me to realize that my heart was so hurt, I could barely breathe and my tears were flowing. I was fully aware with my attitude that was not similar to other high school girls who were more feminine and diligent in study to keep their rank good. Then, they were not only being seen as beautiful. But, his frank words were hurt me so much, I could not help myself but cry.

Is that so wrong to be a stupid and noisy girl? At least I still knew what to say to not hurt others deliberately. I hate him, I really hate him. I HATE HIM!

Not long after that, he punished me to clean the school's backyard and teacher's pet house after breaking one of the school's windows when was playing baseball. Once again, he was assigned to be my watchdog.

Being his victims in bullying (that is my self-made name to every punishment he gave to me), I began to know him more and better. His name was Uchiha Sasuke who born in July 23rd, I know this when he made me student council slave after I, without purpose, got the student council document wet with water which I used to mop the class window. Who would expect that he was standing under my class when I threw that dirty water?

Sasuke was the second son of two siblings with six years differences. His older brother's name is Ichiha Itachi, a kind person who loves and also loved by his little brother. I knew this after hearing their phone call. Sasuke became different person when they were talking.

Sasuke also was the type that hate crowd place. In his spare time at school, he would take a rest or nap under a tree near the school's backyard pool. When he was resting, he would read a book or listening to music.

I would say every hate and curse words toward him were just heat in the moment if that tragedy never happened. That tragedy happened one and half a year ago, a few months before we started dating.

I could accept any kind of punishment, no matter how hard it would be. Being bullied was also no matter for me, I could accept it. His harsh words, I would also accept it no matter how hurt it could be. I would never hate him like how I hate him now. The pure hatred that made me would do anything to see him tortured and die in front of my very eyes.

.

Her name was Haruno Sakura, my childhood and best friend. She was just like myself, she knew everything about me. We were different in everything, but it never made us being in argument, except this one difference that I could never accept and acknowledge. She loved Sasuke, while I hate him. But, for her happiness, I set aside my hatred toward Sasuke and began to approach him in order to get them together.

"Senpai, may I know what kind of girl do you like?" I asked in my punishment time to clean the pool that he used to visit.

"Smart, beautiful, feminine, the opposite of you, of course," he answered directly that made me wonder because he was willing to answer a private question like that, although I was a little bit annoyed because he made looked so bad.

"So, what do you think of Sakura?"

"Haruno Sakura?" he asked to make sure. I bow my head as his correct answer. "Well, she had all the requirements."

Geez, what did he mean with 'requirements'? I thought bitterly. "So, you are willing to go out with her right?"

"…." He did not answer my question that afternoon no matter how many times I asked and forced him to. But, the next day I heard they were going out. Sakura looked so happy, and I began to forget my hatred toward him.

Everyday Sakura would tell me how kind and polite Uchiha Sasuke was. He took care of Sakura, respect her, and was very capable. Sasuke would never do impolite things to her, touching her without permission, or said harsh words, unlike his attitude toward me. Hearing her story, I began to hate him more. Sakura's story was proof of his unfaithful sttitude toward me.

Sakura's happy story did not hold for long. It was just about three months and her story about the kind and polite Sasuke, or this and that Sasuke, was never heard anymore. She became a silent type that worried me. At that time, I thought she was hurt by Sasuke and made hate Sasuke even more.

.

That day was still fresh in my memory. One and half a year ago, I was just back from buying a drink that was asked by Sakura when I saw the teachers and other students were standing in front of the school building. They were looking to the top. Curious with what they were seeing, I also looked to the top. I was frozen in my place when I saw Sakura was standing in the rooftop, outside the rooftop fence.

Realizing the worst situation that might happen, I recovered from my freeze. Quickly, I ran passing through the mass in front of me and calling Sakura's name over and over. I tried talking to her, asking her not to be crazy to jump from the rooftop. "Sakura, I brought your drink, wait for me there, okay? I will bring it soon!"

Sakura did not listen to me. She cried, cried and cried. Looking her like that, the fear I felt within me ivreased. I have never seen her became like this. What's up? Why did she became like that?

"Sakura, please, I beg you, don't do stupid things. Let's talk, okay? What's up? It's me, Naruto! you heard me, right?!"

"HATE ME!" She screamed, but not to me. She ignored me, and talked to someone in the rooftop. It seemed someone was there and talking to her. Was that Sasuke? Ifthat person was Sasuke, then Sakura might hear him. My hope rose at the moment.

I did not know what they were talking about, but Sakura seemed going to jump. I tried talking to her again, but she ignored me. She did not listen to me at all.

I did not know when the drinks in my hands were thrown away, What I knew was I ran to catch Sakura's body that fell freely from the fifth floor. It was stupid, of course. I surely would not be left unscathed, even die if Sakura's body were to hit me in that kind of speed. But, what was on my mind at that was to save Sakura with everything I have.

However, I failed.

I could not save her. I did caught her body, but both us fell down and hit the ground so hard. Sakura's head was badly wounded, she was blooded while I losing my consciousness. The memory that left in me at that time was Sakura's blooded face that felt like a dream and my immobile body.

I knew I failed to save her. That was why I cried, cried, and cried while calling her name through my lips, or my mind, I could no longer realize which one. I really wanted to hug her, but I could not move at all.

When I regained my consciousness, I was in the hospital. Both my hands had broken bones and I needed three months to recover. However, I would never back like before. Sakura's parent came to visit me and told me that Sakura was no longer in this world. She has gone… with another life in her stomach. Hearing that, once again, I lost my consciousness around me.

.

Sakura's funeral, my recovering, everything was going on with the emptiness within me. People said Sakura's death was not my fault and it was brave of me to try saving her in that kind of situation and sacrifice both my hands, still I could not accept it. The fact was, I failed to save her and I could only see her died without doing nothing.

Three moths passed, I came back to school with my refusal of Sakura's death. All of those feeling I had was thrown to Sasuke who could act as if nothing happened. I blamed him, judged him as the reason of Sakura's suicide. I said to him that I hated him. I wanted him to feel miserable of Sakura's death.

"Here you are."

I heard that voice again after sic months of its absence. It was not because he distanced himself from me, on the contrary, I was the one who distanced myself from him. I felt the sounds of his steps closing the distance between us. I was being silent and treated him as if he was not there.

"You.. are you still angry?"

Hearing his question, the hatred that I hid this time was forced to appear. 'Angry' he said? This was not anger, but a grudge. I hated and held a grudge against him. How he thought the feeling of losing someone I really loved in front of my very eyes?

Thinking about it, sudden realization came to my mind. Why did Sasuke become so calm when his girlfriend jumped in front of him? Did not he feel a slightest sadness within him? With tha realization, I forced myself to look at him and let him hearing my voice.

"Did you love her?"

I could see his expressionless face stared at me, may be he was looking at me from when he came. But he did not answer my question, he just stood and looked at me.

"Ne, senpai," I called him, "Tell me that you loved her."

I did not know why asked him to acknowledge his love toward Sakura. Was I trying to find a reason to forgive him? Or was that to make me lessen my sin toward Sakura? But why?

"I.." he began to talk, "Never loved her, even once."

Hurt. My heart was hurt. It felt like there was a knife that stabbed my heart. I felt weak and unable to say anything in return.

Why? I really wanted to ask why did he date her if he never loved her even once? But, I could not do it. I could only looked at him who got himself closer to me. He knelt down to make our height even, and for the first time I saw him close up.

He brought his hands to touch my face and wiped the tears in my face. The tears that I could not even tell when did they appeared. Feeling his touch, my consciousness came back at once. I pushed him and refused his soft attitude toward me.

"How?" finally I stated the question in my mind. "How could you become this cruel?!"

He stood up again. With his direct stare at me, he answered, "because YOU are the one who asked it."

I could hear the thunder in my cloudy head. His answer was hard to believe. I did not want to believe it even though he said it honestly.

"Because it was the request from someone I love."

"It seemed Uchiha-senpai, had a feeling toward you, Naruto. I felt envy."

"He? Toward me? Had grudge was he felt toward me. Like you did not know how his attitude to me, Sakura!."

"Well, he always acted ignorant toward others. But to you, he acted differently."

A piece of conversation with Sakura was recalled. Sasuke has turned out to be the hammer that crushed all of my reality. The reality that I built by forcing myself to realize Sasuke's attitude that only done to me. That was all for her sake, Sakura's sake.

"You… lied, didn't you?" I said with forced tone. "What you said just now was a lie, right? You said that to get you free from responsibility, right? Right?"

"How could you didn't realize it?" Sasuke said strongly. "Should I recall you how I acted differently toward you? Or should I ask the whole people in this school to tell you? Even, Sakura knew that you were the one I desired, and not her."

I could not say anything. All people in this school knew? They knew that he loved me, even Sakura?

"It's just you. You were the only one who did not want to face it. How far you wanted to act so selfish?" once again he judged me. It was the first time I saw him behaved like that. Losing his composure.

"Sakura also knew the reason I dated her was because you were the one who asked it. May be she wished that I would like her in the meantime, and she knew it was impossible. I would never like her, that's why she two timed me-"

"I hate you," I said coldly. I could not stand his badmouthing toward Sakura. Sasuke became silent. "Love me?" I said, taking his feeling as a joke. "Do you think I will forgive with that unbelievable stupid reason, you jerk?! Sakura jumped in front of your very eyes, but you didn't do anything! You couldn't save her at all. At that time, was hat so hard to lie in order to save her?! heartless human like you are not worth to talk about love! You are not even have any right to live!"

I said it in anger. Even, sseing his expression turned pale like he was just seeing a death angel was a joy to me. How did it feel to have someone you love said she desired your death? Didn't he love me?

I smiled to him. "You know, I may go out with you in order to see you die."

"…"

"Is that so?" he responded. His shocked face looked so hurt.

"Yeah," I said it in low voice, nearly whispering. "You love me, don't you? Then, I will go out with you. I will become your good girl, even I will marry you. Then, I will see you die in happiness."

"Fine."

I was frozen in my place hearing his agreement. It was just a bluff to hurt him, but now I could not tep back. In order to avenge Sakura's death, I had to take this role. Since that time, I went out with him and became his lover.

.

The news of Sasuke and I were going out spread to the whole school in the speed of air. All people who heard it seemed surprised with this development. Well, my best friend passed away only a few months ago, and I already dated her boyfriend, who would not get surprised? But I ignored their comments. I did not take a single care about gossips or any badmouthed words of me. I wore my happy face as if I really were in love to him.

We went to school and went home together. I made him lunch, he helped me to study, and went to date in the weekend. We also did every lover would do. We looked like a real lover. We even had our own title to each other. I called him TEME and he would call me DOBE. Our agreement that day was never spoken up by us, not because I already forgot about it but I wanted to enjoy every second in my life facing his death slowly.

It seemed my wish would come true soon. In his last exam on his third winter at highschool, Sasuke often took absence. Maybe stress from the exam made him ill easily. It made me often visiting him at his house, of course it was not because I felt worry toward him but I waned to see his hopeless face. I even brought camera with me. I wanted to take his pictures to add my collections since we started going out.

"Geez, you always study, why don't you relax a bit, stupid!" I said when I saw him reading a book on the bed while his cough never stopped. Seeing me, he put aside the book that was read by him and smiled to me. I press the shutter in my camera to capture that worth moment. Aah, seeing his dying face was the most pleasure I could have in my life.

"Come here," he called me. I followed his order and sat beside him. Then he hugged me and kissed my cheek softly. "I miss you, really," he said in whisper.

"Eh? I was just absence for one day and you miss me this much? What if I did not show up for a week?"

"I will probably die." He said it as a joking of course.

"You stupid, don't talk like that!" because I don't want you to die without witnessing it.

As usual, I would stay 'till dinner, sometimes I even stayed the night at Sasuke's house due to the request of his Parent. His parent and his brother were really kind to me. It seemed they already thought me as their daughter. they often talked about Sasuke and showed his childhood picture to me. Having his secrets within me, I went home accompanied by his older brother, Itachi.

"You know, I never expect him to bring his girl home," Itachi-nii said it on the way to take me home.

I looked at him with curiosity. As if he understand the curiousity within me, he smiled and said, "I knew everything about Sasuke, his secrets and his ex-girlfriends, you are the only one he ever brought home. He never really care about others."

Hearing that story from his brother, I could not help but smile. He did not know the reason I dated his little brother was because I hate him. He still thought me as a good girl that loved his little brother. How poor you are, my dear brother.

"What's up Itachi-nii?" I asked him. He hold my hand when I was leaving his car.

"Could you please accompany him?"

"Excuse me?"

"With his current condition, Sasuke… might not be able to live longer."

I felt my spine was going chilly. The euphoria ran through my blood vein and spread to the whole of my body. But, I hid that feeling from my face and wore my innocence mask. "What do you mean?"

That night, I heard another story of Sasuke which I never expect.

Sasuke had brain tumor since his first year of higschool. At that time, surgery was out of question because the size was too small and the risk was too big. The plan of surgery should be done in his second year, but Sasuke refused it without clear reason and his condition getting worse. Hearing that story, I was too happy and could not stop myself from crying. Just wait a little longer Sakura. Soon enough, he would die surely. Soon.

"I would stay beside him," I said to Itachi-nii. Yes, I would stay with him to see his death.

That night, I was unable to sleep. I was too happy to sleep. I opened my collection of his pictures. I looked at it by sorting the date I took it, and I realized the change of his condition. My sacrifice was not in vain. I could see the result of my sacrifice in no time. I laugh happily that night.

.

The next day, Sasuke's parents asked me to talk to their son. They wanted me to ask Sasuke to do the surgery. Of course I did not want to do it since there was a chance for his recovery, however I could not say it to their face. I was left with no choice but asked him to do the surgery.

"I heard it from your parents," I said when I accompanied him in his room. He did not react and continued his reading. It was his way if he did not want to talk about something. "Why did you refuse the surgery?"

"…."

"Teme, answer me!"

"Because there was a probability for me to recover."

I left speechless hearing his answer. What was that? Was not it good if he could recover? Did not he want to recover? Was he this idiot? Could not he think about his own life?

"That… that's good then. You can recover, and live on, can't you?"

Sasuke closed the book he was reading and put it aside. He stared at me. "How about you?"

Eh? What about me?

""What would you do if I recover?"

What was that? I could not understand him at all.

Sasuke smiled seeing my confused face. "Did you forget the reason you are with me, Naruto."

I could feel my face was slapped by his words.

"If I recover and live on, what will you do, Naruto? will you leave me? Or will you kill me with your own hands? Whichever your choice is, I will never like it. I don't want you to leave me, nor I want you to stain your hands."

I could not say anything in return. His reason for refusing the surgery was to fulfill my wish to see his death? Everything was for me. He did not forget our promise that day.

How stupid! I would not let myself be pitied by him. No matter what, I would see your death myself. However, it was not because you gave me your death. It was not from you!

"You have to do it. The surgery."

"Why?" he asked me with that same smile he always gave me.

"Because I asked you to."

He looked at me in silent. One of his habits whenever we were in serious talk or in an argument. "Fine," he agreed easily. "Well, I still have the probability to die in the process of surgery."

What? What did he say just now? How could he consider that probability before decided it.

"With one condition," he said again. "I want to know your true feeling of me."

I did not have any more strength to argue with him. It was the first time I knew that he could be this stubborn. These one year we were together, he would always listen to me. He would never act without considering my feeling. He… who was so arrogant and selfish always think of me before deciding something. Even, when it was involving his own life, and he did it with that honest smile in his face. How could he possibly do that?

"Wakatta," I said in shaking voice and left him as soon as possible.

I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I HATE HIM!

How could Uchiha Sasuke become this stupid? Everything was for me? Were you kidding me?! If you really wanted to die that bad, then die. Don't use me as your reason.

STUPID! IDIOT! JERK! UCHIHA SASUKE, YOU BIG IDIOT!

.

One week later the surgery was done, and just like is request I wrote my feeling for him before he entered the surgery room. I read it for him and he just smiled to me before that white door closed.

The surgery was going on for ten hours, because it was indeed a difficult one. Those ten hours felt so long for me who waited outside to see his corpse left that white room. I did not leave my place even for a second, I ignored Itachi-nii and Sasuke's parents advice to have my rest. How could I possibly leave when Sasuke might die any time inside that room?

Time passed. The sun has set and the moon showed itself. The red above the white door went off. A beautiful blonde doctor called Tsunade went out and informed us that the surgery was a success, but Sasuke was in coma. I was disappointed. He did not die. He was alive.

Then, Sasuke went out from the surgery room. He looked like he was sleeping soundly in his bed. A few nurses brought him to his room. I smiled sadly looking at him who was alive. The sadness within me made me passed out without me knowing it. Ahh, I was so tired.

Three days passed, but he did not show any sign of regaining consciousness. He laid on his bed with white bands in his head, he closed his eyes tightly. His dark blue hair was no longer exists. He used to take care of that hair of his. He could not stare at other people arrogantly anymore, nor I could see his warm stare. He really looked like a corpse now.

"Sasuke," I whispered in his ears. "I hate you."

"I know."

I stared at him when I heard his hoarse voice. He regained his consciousness, but je was still not aware to his surrounding. In a hurry, I called the nurses and the doctor. They did not took a long time to come and did a thorough check that I could not understand.

Sasuke's focus was finally back. He looked at me who were standing outside his room, behind the glass window. He did not smile, but I knew he was smiling to me. I could see it in his eyes. Only a few seconds, and his eyes were closed again. With long sound from the machine that record his heart rate, I knew he was no longer in this world. He was not with me anymore.

He died. Finally.

Sasuke died, I thought happily.

He really died in front of my eyes. I was happy, too happy. I could see his death with my own eyes.

"Naruto, please get a hold of yourself," Itachi-nii's voice brought me to realization. I looked at him in confused. What did he mean by that? Did not he see me smiling happily? I was smiling, wasn't i?

I looked back at Sasuke's room where his soulless body was. I was caught in surprised to find that glass window was in such a high place. How? When?

"Sasuke!"

That… was that my voice? Impossible! Why was I in the floor? Why was I in Itachi-nii's arm? Why was I screaming? Earlier, I was smiling happily. Was not I happy to see him die?

"Sasuke! Sasuke!" I heard my voice calling his name over and over. I called Sasuke's name until the darkness caught me deeply.

.

I accompanied Sasuke to his resting place. Everyone look so sad except me. I was too happy, but I could not show it in my face. I must respect Sasuke's family. I was so happy to see those white flower and his neat grave stone with his name in it.

"You know, I really hate Sasuke," I said to Itachi-nii when he stood beside me.

"Is that so?" he responded to me calmly.

"Yes, That is why I am happy to attend his funeral today."

"Is that so?"

"Yes."

"…"

"I was so happy… but why this tears can't stop? Why am I feeling so empty? Why do I feel like dying? I can't breath. Why do I really want to see his face? His smile? Why do I miss his voice so much? Why do I desire him to come back alive?"

"…"

"Why, Itachi-nii?"

"…."

"Help me… tell me the answer.. I beg you, Itachi-nii."

"You knew the answer already, didn't you, Naruto?"

The funeral that day was not only hiding Sasuke's body, but also my love, my laugh, my smile, my anger, my happiness and… my life. The hatred that I felt for all this time was nothing other than the feeling of love for him. The love that I could not confess to let him know that his love was not only one sided. That I also love. He left without ever knowing this feeling of mine. With his death, my life has reached its end as well.

I love just like I hate you,

And I hate you the way I love you,

Because this love is my hatred for you,

And this hatred is my only love for you,

You are not the traces of my steps,

Nor you are the goal in my life,

You are here, in my heart

In a placed that fulfilled with love and pain,

Tat gives me strength and weakening me,

That give me light and darkening it,

You are my life,

A friend in my uncertain path,

The one that I love with hatred,

This is not some words of love,

Neither this is a form of curses,

I was just wishing to confess this feeling of mine,

A love and hatred that I felt

For someone who is always in my heart.

I Love you, Sasuke.

THE END

What do you think about this? Is it good or bad? Please give me your comments….