High dive into frozen waves where the past comes back to life.
Fight fear for the selfish pain, it was worth it everytime.
Standing there, Kankri stared at his quest bed. He knew he wouldn't be much of a valuable player, god tier or not. Although one less player would cause problems and become a burden to the rest. With god tier, he would be immortal, at least being some bit of help. Even though he didn't want to do this- or did he?- he still took a step to the red slap and sat down on it. His god tier, Seer of Blood, he wondered what it would be like. Would he be able to see things like Karkat's human friend? What would he see? Would this be easy?
He quivered in his red sweater, taking an uneasy gulp. This had so many problems in it's self. As he held the knife he took from his hive, he couldn't believe he was doing this. Technically, it couldn't be considered suicide, could it? He wasn't running away from anything because he knew he would come back. He was doing this for the greater good of their team. Maybe if he was god tier they'd listen to him better. Maybe they'd like him better. He took the knife to his throat and slid it across the light grey skin, deep enough to do its job.
Hold still right before we crash 'cause we both know how this ends.
A clock ticks 'til it breaks your glass and I drown in you again.
"Where the shell is red bouy now? Glubbin' fuck, he can't be fippin' out now!" Meenah shouted as she impaled yet another imp. She had listened to Kankri for once, rendevouzing at his medium of Land of Haze and Blood. She brought the whole team with her, and she didn't even know if Kankri expected her to come in the first place.
"Kankri's not here?" Cronus called after her, putting Ahab's Crosshairs over his shoulder. Suddenly his eyes widened as he bit down on the candy cigarette in his mouth, breaking it in half. "Shit! That fuckin' idiot!" He turned around and started running. Meenah called after him but he didn't listen. He knew what Kankri was up to, he had talked to the greaser earlier about it. He didn't approve of it and told Kankri not to, but of course the kid wouldn't listen to him. Nobody really listens to him either.
'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need.
Chasing, relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why.
Cronus found him, his red sweater a dead giveaway, on his red slab, his quest bed. His heart turned to ice as he saw him laying down, his bright red mutant blood pooling around near his head. He ran up to him and stared, his body going numb. There he was. HIs friend, the only one who ever listened to him, and he in return, was lying there dead. No, he had to have gone god tier. He filled all the necessary requirements. So where was he?
He looked around, Kankri must have fallen somewhere. He also couldn't stand to look at the body, the thing that once was Kankri too. Its eye's closed peacefully, a sharp blade near a hand drenched in blood. Walking around, he called for the red sweater boy and recieved no answer. He came back to the large slab, his eyes avoiding the lifeless body as he searched almost hopelessly for the soul that once occupied it.
Then he saw him. He was laying on his side as if he never got up from falling. But he was alive. Cronus grinned and ran up to him, the tears that threatened to spill from dispair now finally did, but in happiness. The aching in his heart turned into a fluttering new flame that pushed him further. Falling on his knees, he looked over Kankri.
"K-Kankri man, there you are! Gavwe me a scare, don't do that again man!" Cronus laughed, rolling the smaller boy onto his back. "Diggin' the newv outfit," he added, noting that Kankri's trademark sweater and high pants were exchanged for tights and a dress like robe. For a moment, there was only silence until Cronus spoke up again. "Chief? You in shock or somethin'? Come on, wvhat's wvrong?"
Kankri stared up, not at Cronus but behind him, as if his eyes weren't focused on anything. They were glazed over, as if he wasn't there, and he didn't seem to be. He didn't move except for the light breathing, like he was sleeping with his eyes open. But no, Cronus knew he was awake. Was he ignoring him, or was he really in shock?
"Cronus! There you are, you found him. What happened? Is he alright? I see he is in god tier." Aranea spoke up from behind him as Cronus lifted the immobile troll into his arms and stood up. She blinked as Cronus walked over to her with a frown, and she looked Kankri over for anything that might have caused Cronus's suddenly serious expression.
"Somethin's wvrong Serket.. He should be gettin' mad at me." Cronus said after a moment, looking down at Kankri who still had the same blank expression. Aranea frowned as well, moving her hand in front of Kankri's face, even clapping them. He didn't flinch, nor did his eyes even move. Cronus gulped.
"I suppose.. We will just have to w8 and see. I trust you to keep him in your possesion during our session until he shows any signs of.. waking up from whatever trance he's in. Meenah won't like this.."
Kankri could here them, he could almost see them. It was as if he was trapped inside a small glass box in a realm of darkness, and unable to see or hear anything except for the echo of there voices and the most faintest of outline. It was if he was miles away from them. He didn't understand. He shouted at them and screamed their names, but they acted as if they could not hear him. He was moving his arms, his hands, walking around and trying to make sense of this dark abyss. Why didn't they see him? Why wasn't his real body moving like he was? Where was he.
Kankri sanked to his knees, holding his face in his hands. His mind swirled with questions, his back tingled in the pitch darkness. He didn't want this. He became an even more of a burden than what he already was, his plan had went in reverse. He let his tears fall, calling Cronus's name out now in a small voice, his throat hurting from the previous screams that fell to deaf ears. He was regretting so many things, now he knew there was truly no escape from the grave he dug himself.
Cronus started to follow Aranea back to the team, the weight of his new goal on his shoulders. He knew he was going to protect Kankri when he started the game, he was his only real friend. Now his purpose was even greater, he gladly accepted it. He would protect Kankri with everything he had, even his life. He would make up for the failure he had, he wouldn't let him out of his sight. If that was even possible. Deep in thought, Cronus couldn't feel Kankri's hand twitch near his chest, his little fingers clenching his white shirt.
Kankri couldn't close his eyes as he watched the horrifying scene in front of him, almost as if he was frozen in fear. The blackness had dissapeared revealing a scene so much like his own medium. In fact, it was his medium. The team was there. He knew they must have been there if Aranea and Cronus were also there. He could see into the future?
This wasn't a future he wanted though. Half the team was dead, there blood slapping onto the surface of the many hot rocks that scattered his meduim. There deaths were gruesome in the least. Meenah was still there, her many wounds bleeding profusely. She was protecting the last of her wounded team as best as she could. He couldn't see himself anywhere, maybe Cronus and Aranea did leave him. But no, he could see Aranea and Cronus on the ground also, there blood mixing together as they were killed close enough together.
He didn't want to see this, he couldn't bare it. He wanted Cronus, he needed Cronus. Cronus would listen to him, he would protect him and make him safe, he'd fix all his problems like he usually did. If he needed to talk to someone, it would be Cronus. He decided to think of Cronus and only Cronus, trying not to pay attention to the purple blood that surrounded his body or his teamates that continued to be picked of one by one in which he couldn't tear his eyes from. He imagined Cronus's wavy voice, his halfhearted chuckle, the warmth of a hug that he himself was too stubborn to accept.
If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
He could feel it now. Cronus looked down, Kankri's lips were slightly parted and he spasmed lightly every now and then, as if he was having a bad dream. A small red tear slid down his face from the corner of his eye. It was like he was paralyzed but was still there, it tore Cronus's heart. But at least he was still there, in his arms now instead of dead somewhere else. He shooshed him softly, a hand going up to wipe the stray tear. His hand went up to run through his hair, petting it and cupping the side of his face. It hurt Cronus to see his normally lively teamate reduced to this, a nonmoving, silent troll in a mysterious yet most likely scary trance, clinging onto his shirt like a child sleeping with his eyes open.
Kankri calmed down in his arms, going still again as Cronus shooshed him again and again, saying soft kind things he would be too embarassed to say in front of anyone, especially not to this troll in particular. He was behind the team now, out of earshot. He liked it better there, Meenah acted like she was going to go off on Cronus any minute and just leave Kankri at the slightest outburst he made. He didn't mind being quiet and dropping his flirtatious act with her, if it meant keeping Kankri in his arms and safe, he'd do it in a split second.
He smiled as he looked down at the quiet troll in his arms, his breathing back to normal but still clinging onto his white shirt. He brushed a lock of hair out of his face, sighing softly.
"I lovwe you chief.."
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?
The visions never stopped, it was if he was seeing every possible death of each one of his friends. He couldn't look away from any of it, his eyes were glued to the scenes by force. He had stopped crying long ago, he didn't have any tears left now. He sat in silence, in his head hoping for Cronus to wake him up and tell him it was okay. He wanted him more than ever.
He could hear his words now, almost feel his hand upon his cheek as he saw more blood. It calmed him down and let his mind drift away from what he was seeing, not entirely, but enough to set him at peace. Was this what it was like to be the Seer of Blood? To See each of his friends deaths, to possible protect them from the numorous possibilities when they arose? When would he get out of this cruel trance? It wouldn't be much of a use if he couldn't do anything, his role would be useless if he never woke up. Then again, when was he ever useful? Did he enter this game to be a character with no effect on anything, even making things worse? To lag everything, to doom his friends and send them to their deaths?
He heard those three words, Cronus whispering them but amplified to his ears. Oh how he wished he could respond, to say the same back. He could have earlier, he could have even before this game. But he never did. He might not ever get a chance to either. He wished he could go back in time, to stop himself from going into god tier, to actually listen to Cronus instead of being so stubborn. He couldn't bare to watch anymore of these visions, but as long as Cronus was there, whispering and shooshing him those kind words no one had ever told him before.. He would be able to hang in. After all, he was determined to wake up before it was too late and tell Cronus that he, too, loved him.
He loved him more than anything.
Walk on through a red parade and refuse to make amends.
It cuts deep through our ground and makes us forget all common sense.
How long had it been, Kankri wondered. It felt like ages, and perhaps it was. All the blood, he swore his eyes would be burned with all the colors, like looking into a lightbulb and seeing the after images swirling in his sight. The visions were non stop, but he grew accustomed to that. That scared him the most. He didn't feel anything now when he saw another teamate's throat get sliced, there bodies impaled, horrific incidents that could have been stopped so easily with knowledge, precision.
He wanted to shout out at times, to tell them the things crucial to save them. But of course they wouldn't, they couldn't, listen. It wasn't different from reality in that aspect. All Kankri was trying to do was make everything better and protect them, but even here he couldn't do that. He also still saw that faint outline, he was half aware of the things going on around his body in reality. He liked to pay more attention to that, to see his real friends and not the countless dead bodies that looked like them so much. Although he couldn't see them as clear as he would hope, it was better than nothing. He loved it how Cronus gave him plenty of blankets when they slept together and would clean him as best as he could, actually not breaking any boundaries. Although he hated the whole idea of coddling, it was different if it was from Cronus. It showed that he cared about him, he wouldn't act like the flirtatious idiot when alone with him, he wouldn't take advantage of his immobile body like he feared Kurloz or even Mituna might.
Don't speak as I try to leave 'cause we both know what we'll choose.
'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need.
Chasing, relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why.
Meenah had tooken some of the team to help clear the path, and Cronus wondered if he should go along. He looked down at Kankri who stared idly to the side, his hand cleched onto his shirt like usual, at least now it was usual. The rest of the team was in some forest, perhaps in Rufioh's medium. They would really need Cronus's strength and he wasn't sure he could leave Kankri in Meulin's or Kurloz's eyesight, heaven knows what they'd do. He sighed, kneeling down and setting Kankri against a tree. He visibly tensed up, making Cronus blink in surprise as his lips parted slightly, as if trying to move.
"Cc...nnss..." He breathily let out, his focus still concentrated on nothing except for the ground. Cronus scooted closer, tilting his head, wondering if he was coming to. He waited there for a couple minutes, possibly an hour, and he didn't make another sound. If Kankri somehow wanted Cronus to stay, well he was making him, so Cronus thought his plan worked. He chuckled softly, sitting beside him and wrapping an arm around the god tier. Porrim was thinking of making him a new sweater or retreaving the old one so she wouldn't have to stand seeing him in woman's clothes any longer, but Cronus wouldn't let her near him. Some others had secretly went god tier as well, behind Meenah's back, but he knew. He was even considering it himself, who knew what his Hope powers would grant him. If he didn't go into god tier, would he possibly still be the same hopeless flirt? Were these the thoughts that Kankri had go through his mind as he considered god tier?
He sighs again, rubbing Kankri's arm and saying some things, like having a conversation with him even though he knew he probably couldn't hear it. He could still have a little hope, god tier or not.
If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
They had found their way to the meteor with everyone still in tact. As a few of them were on the computers provided, some outside the laboratory to explore, Cronus had set Kankri against a wall and sat beside him for most of the time. Some of their teamates made a rumor that Meenah was thinking of killing everyone off to just end the session, although Cronus didn't see any point in that. He wished Kankri could respond to him and hear that soft, silky voice he used when ranting and not only his own voice that he was getting tired of hearing, filling in the silence.
Some moments, after he'd been fed up of his own voice, he would just sit in silence with the small Vantas. Sometimes he would slowly lean in and press his lips to Kankri's, longing for him to somehow kiss back, to be himself again. He knew he shouldn't do such things to him, he would chew his ear off in the slight mention of molesting someone without their consent. Cronus wouldn't do anything too severe though, the furthest he had gone was traveling his hands upon his small frail body when he went to bathe him in one of the chambers the meteor came with. Cronus knew his boundaries and, for Kankri's sake, wouldn't break them.
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?
Kankri wanted to move so much. He never thought he'd ever want to react and return Cronus's feelings, he tried so hard now to interact with the seadweller. He tried his best to try and move his real body, to twitch or spasm against Cronus like he usually did, but he could tell he wouldn't budge. He let his mind drift away from the horrors he saw, to try and actually feel the warm touches, the kisses upon his body he was currently in, instead of being wasted on his useless body in reality.
If it was possible to drown himself in an even more distant dream than what he was already was in, he tried his best to. He let himself think that none of these visions were real, he was just dreaming and having a bad dream. He imagined he would wake up, Cronus would hug him and kiss him, tell him nice things that was being told to his physical body. He imagined he would wake up and everything would be okay, that he wouldn't have to play this damned game anymore, that it would be over when he woke up.
Why are you my clarity?
Why are you my remedy?
Why are you my clarity?
Why are you my remedy?
If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
Kankri couldn't stand it anymore. All these visions, they had to stop sometime. The possibilities were endless, he knew. If he didn't stop this somehow, he would be trapped in this hell forever. He knew of those Seers who could use their powers, who actually had a purpose. All Kankri had been doing here was staring hopelessly, letting the visions rule over him and not even trying. He choked out a small sob, his head hurting immensly. When had he last slept? He didn't feel the slightest bit tired, yet his head told the pain. This vision, it seemed simple enough. Everyone was there, was this the last one? Kankri had kept asking himself that, giving up on even thinking that question long ago.
Meenah was there, she held a bomb, and was secretly in god tier. What was she doing? In all of his visions, he'd seen Meenah fighting to protect the team. She let the bomb go off, instantly going off and destroying all of the team, including himself. He saw himself for a moment, beside Cronus. He had never seen himself in any vision, thinking that in all of them he was left behind or killed so early it didn't register. He didn't see another vision. It was like when it started, he could move, he could look around, he could blink and only see black. Except for that small shimer, as if everything was melting but still was pitch darkness. He woke up.
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?
Cronus woke up with a start. In his little sleeping spot he shared with Kankri, far away from earshot of the rest of the team, was filled with loud sobbing. Something light was pressed on his chest, hugging him tightly and burying its face into his now damp shirt. He looks down, still a little drowsy and almost can't believe what he was seeing. He was speechless, tears of joy brimming in his eyes as he wrapped his arms around the small troll, shooshing him.
"I-I had a 6ad d-dream C-Cr9nus.."