Normally Olympus is protected from really annoying and dangerous stuff. Except someone (*cough* Hades! *cough*) decided to break that protection. Now the olympians are being bombarded with really annoying mail. From everyone. Everyone.

Seriously, it's like everyone somehow found out about this (or Hades put an announcement on the Percy Jackson Intercom) and sent a letter out to the world.

Damn.

Introducing…LETTERS

Dear Zeus

Why am I the mail carrier? We get so much mail now (thanks Hades) that it's really not fair. Can't we do shifts?

Annoyed Hermes whose arms ache

Dear Hermes

I will consider your shift idea, but why couldn't you just cross the throne room and ask me?

Zeus

Dear Hermes and Zeus

Fuck your stupid idea!

No way am I carrying the mail! My nails will break and I spent ages painting them! AAAAAAHH! I DON"T WANT TO! ARES! Tell them I don't have to! PLEEEAAAAASSSSE! AND GET ME A NEW TOGA, WITH OLIVE LEAF EMBROIDERY 1 IN AZURE!

Angry, bratty Aphrodite.

Dear everyone

Like we need to add more mail to the load? Get your lazy asses off your thrones and walk fifty metres to talk to each other?

Athena who is angry because she is on mail shift

Dear Zeus

FUCK YOU! (x100)

Hades who is planning more stunts (and hates Zeus. Well actually everyone on this goddamn mountain. But mostly Zeus.)

Dear Apollo

Can you come down here and meet us? I mean the hair, and the shades, and the hair, and the general awesomeness, and sungoddedness (It's a word, Deedee!) and did we mention hair?

Your fangirls.

P.S: Can Aphrodite come down to and show us some beauty tips?

Dear Gods

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Funny clown.

Dear Gods

Y U NO GIVE US THRONES ON HERE? IT VERY SAD. I MEAN COME ON, WE CONTROL WORLD TOO! WE EQUAL! Y U TREAT US LIKE WE INFERIOR? WE NO INFERIOR!

Angry Minor Gods

P.S: When some dark force rises we shall side with it and not you losers. GO KRONOS!

Dear Artemis

Can me and my friends join the hunt? PLEEEEAAAAASSSE!

From Deedee (Apollo's fangirl)

Dear Aphrodite

Will you date me?

Random mortal guy

P.S I know you're way out of my league, but pleeeaaaaassse.

Dear Hephaestus

Can you come down here and fix my house? Plus change Deb's lightbulb and Pierre's chalet? And don't forget Delphina's italian villa. And make a bunch of cool stuff so I don't have to buy christmas presents. And some more so Deb, Pierre and Delphina (my best friends ever) don't have to buy them either? Please!

Mark the broke DIY failure.

P.S: If I say that Delphina's villa is Greek, will you be more likely to do it?

Dear Gods

I am coming to set olympus on FIRE!

The PYROMANIAC!

"OK, this is stupid." Hephaestus said, basically voicing everyone's opinion. "No way am I fixing the houses of 'Mark the broke DIY failure' and his friends."

"Agreed! We cannot listen to the ridiculous demands of mortals." Artemis said as she started walking over with a whole bunch of mail. "Now read these and put me out of my misery."

"I think we should wait." Apollo said. "And not just to annoy Artemis, although that is a perk. Also to write letters back.

"OK." Zeus said. "I will allow that to be done."

"We were gonna do it anyway, FYI!" Aphrodite said. "ARES! I WANT MY TOGA."

"No-one listens to me anymore." Zeus huffed.

Dear Zeus

Hahahaha! I love your reaction. Ohhhhh, that was an awesome prank. GO ME. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Hades!

"That's annoying." Zeus frowned. "He's laughing at me! ME!"

"So am I. Sorry bro." Poseidon snorted.

"Yeah, it's pretty funny." Hera laughed.

"STOP LAUGHING AND WRITE BACK."

Dear Hades

I'm so gonna get you!

Zeus

Dear fangirls

I am way too busy to come meet you. I mean, between my beauty routine and keeping the sun going, I have no time. Sorry.

Apollo

"You so have time." Artemis said. "You just lounge around all day."

"I know, they're annoying. They mentioned my hair like four times. Although my hair is pretty awesome."

"It was three." Athena put in.

Dear Funny clown

That is NOT FUNNY! You should go to like comedy school because that was terrible!

Athena on behalf of all gods.

Dear Minor Gods

As I have explained on many, many, many, many, many occasions, there is only room for twelve thrones on Mount Olympus. And if you side with a dark force, I can squash you, you idiots.

Zeus.

Dear Random Mortal Guy

I WILL NOT DATE YOU! I AM WAY OUT OF THE LEAGUE OF EVERYONE IN THE MORTAL WORLD! I WILL ONLY DATE YOU IF YOU CAN GET ME AN OLYMPIAN SILK FABRIC TOGA WITH OLIVE LEAF PATTERN 1 IN AZURE! PLUS I AM ALREADY MARRIED TO HEPHAESTUS AND DATING ARES.

Aphrodite

"Stop writing in capitals, you're using all the pen." Hephaestus huffed.

Dear Mark the broke DIY failure

I am way too busy to fix your stuff. How about, like the rest of the mortal world, you and your (best and only) friends hire a workman? Ever thought of that?

Hephaestus.

Dear Deedee

I can't allow mortals to be in the hunt, especially not ones who are fangirls of my brother. Because you have to have nothing towards men! What is the big deal about my brother anyway? I mean, I'm the moon god. And I hunt and actually DO STUFF. Apollo just sits around and writes poetry and plays his stupid harp thing.

Artemis

Dear Pyromaniac

You can't get to Olympus and set it on FIRE, you clown. You are a mortal! DUHHHH!

Hera

P.S: Even if you could get up here, Zeus would squash you and Poseidon would put out your fire!

"That's done." Athena sighed.

"No it's not." Hermes said, ducking as mail came flying over his head.

"I'm really not bothered to pick this up." Demeter said.

"Let's just chill." Zeus said.

"I was going to chill anyway." Demeter smirked.

"See! No one! No one!"