A/N: Things get a little intense here, hence the rating. Anyway first rated M fic so be kind.

I admit Draco's a little angsty, but I've kind of always wondered what he'd be like in this situation, as for Hermione, I'm kind of sick of her sort of being given the stereotype of 'all-work-and-no-play', so that's why I kind of listed previous boyfriends here. Also I didn't include Ron, because I like the Ron/Hermione coupling too, but if he ever gets mentioned in a Draco/Hermione fic poor guy

There was really nothing I could do or say, so instead I decided to be an idiot, as per usual. I ignored her, I flirted with other girls relentlessly but she didn't care about that, why would she? She doesn't—feel the same way I do, she never would. Instead we got into fights again as usual, our closest friends thought we had gone insane, at first they joked about sexual tension, then even Potter and Weasley, joked too.

I know now I shouldn't have been so mad at her, at least not for that, for not seeing me, for, for not—loving me… So I returned that feeling by being completely hostile to her and I acted like I didn't care if she lived or died, but wait? When did I start to care, I'm a bloody Malfoy—ugh why do I do that?! I'm not a bloody Malfoy anymore! Anyway—I don't care, not about her at least, if only that were true. During the actual fighting all I could do was spit out insults, and feel the rage burning inside me and then being released when I yelled at her.

Afterwards wasn't as easy, though I hate to admit this, I wanted to cry, I never did, but I wanted to.

Then, one not-so-special day. I saw her. She didn't see me but I saw her. She ran into the room I usually hid in after our spats. She didn't yell, she didn't curse my name, stomp up and down the room as I've seen her do before. She just cried, it wasn't ridiculous sobs that are so obnoxious that you almost feel like laughing at the idiot whose crying. No it was worse much worse. Instead she just leaned against a wall, slowly slid down it, she hugged her knees to her chest as she sat down. She just sat there, she was so quiet, but she kept on taking deep breaths and then tears trickled down her face. She was silent, maybe that's why she didn't speak, because she didn't want to hear her voice shake like her breathing.

That's when the guilt set in.

I knew better, since I switched sides, I tried to drop all things connecting me to my family but there it is again, me, telling myself I'm disgusting for wanting to be with her, because I'm a Malfoy, and she's—she's Granger. The girl who—saved me, since then we were friends she told me everything. Her past; her secrets, her quirks, everything, and I had used it against her to the best of my ability while screaming at her. She was crying, because of me, because I couldn't be man enough and tell her what was really wrong with me. My breath hitched, and the coolest feeling of ice stabbed through my heart. How could I have done this, I promised I wouldn't hurt her like this again.

She didn't see me when she came in because I always hid myself in that room around the corner of a wardrobe, but I could see her. When she saw me, she got up and looked away out to the window that shows ocean. She loves the ocean, but then here chocolate orbs gazed downwards to the ground we were both standing on.

"I—I, I'm sorry." I tried

She acted as if she didn't hear me. I don't blame her I mean, how could she possibly forgive me after what I had done, the reasoning behind it was even worse.

"I'm an idiot."

Nothing.

"Please talk to me?"

Nothing.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me… at least look at me."

Nothing.

She didn't move or say anything for a while, I was getting restless again, and that's when she spoke. She spoke softly and her usual chocolate with a dash a red chili eyes were almost glazed over so that they almost looked like fresh mud, I cringed when the word 'mud' came to mind. " You win." She sighed, "I can't do this anymore… You know, I always thought—I always thought you hated me. Even when you switched side and it makes sense; you always got stuck with me. And now, ha—I know how much." I was the one who couldn't say anything this time.

Why did I always have to push, and push, and push and never stop, usually she just said 'you ill-tempered-ferrety-git, when will you learn to grow up.' But this time she finished with, "Don't worry I won't ever bother you again."

And stupidly, I could feel the rage again building inside me. And it almost overflowed, when she was getting ready to leave. This time I couldn't take it anymore; I knew that yelling wouldn't be enough. So I stopped her physically.

I'm ashamed.

She looked at me, for the first time, as if I was a monster, she was afraid of me. She looked at me as if—I were my father. I couldn't believe it. She—she who saw me when everyone else thought I was a monster—she was afraid of me now, and there was nothing I could do about it.

I just wanted her to stop.

I pinned her against the wall and I kissed her, at first it was soft—but then I don't know, it wasn't rage—but it was the same fire. Lust, I guess that's what it was. But I've never been in lust with her… I had a crush on her when we were pre-pubescent, so then what was it? Frustration? Sadness? Anger? No it wasn't anger. Was it just unrequited love?

Maybe.

So that's when it happened, I started kissing her so hard, I forced her to open her lips where I was allowed dominance immediately, ugh she tasted so good. I could smell her hair, it wasn't something common like lavender or vanilla, it was a mix of gardenia and apples, I nearly died it was so good. I opened my eyes to see if she was still looking at me like she did before. She wasn't she was closing her eyes, tears were streaming down her cheeks again, but then she started to kiss me back, with everything that she had. I no longer had that much control, but it only increased the fire I felt in my chest, stomach and lower body. I moved from her lips, to jaw line, to her ear nibbling on her lobe, down to her neck, while at the same time making small circles, with my hands that settled on her waist and shoulder blade. She was murmuring, something that wasn't really words, but they were encouraging, so I slipped one hand in between her thighs to tease her a bit, she didn't stop me.

The room felt like it was spinning.

I could feel the material that was once covering my upper body being tugged at. I stopped kissing her; while she flung my shirt off me. At first I was surprised, I looked at her eyes, her chocolate eyes were so dark they nearly looked black, which caused me to do the same to her, she was looking at me again, with her huge doe like now fluttery midnight black eyes. When I looked at her bra, I was also shocked, no, red, black, or pink. Instead she had a lavender color—maybe a little darker than lavender, with light green lace around it. I grunted, I wanted her so badly, it was sick, then somehow, I don't really know what happened, but we were on the ground, I was still dizzy, I think she was too because even though we were on the ground she held onto me for dear life, and way stayed just like that for a while. Then I whispered with what little rational I had, "Is this a good idea?" It wasn't so much a whisper, it was shaky and husky, and ugh—I'm so ashamed I knew better, I know better!

She shivered back, "No." but then she gripped my shoulders tighter, which meant she didn't want me to stop either.

I grabbed my stupid wand and locked the door and whispered a charm upon myself in case, this really got out of control. What am I talking about 'in case' it did, way out of control.

It felt so good, but so wrong, and I didn't care because she was finally looking at me.

I unbuttoned her jeans—at least I think that's what they're called—as she took off my belt, she worked quicker than me so we were both down to our underwear at the same time. I didn't ask if this is what she wanted, I just kept undressing her. She let me, and got the last part of my clothing off of me.

I lost it after that; I am only a teenaged boy, ugh that's disgusting, I know better! I do, I did, but I didn't care at the time.

That was an experience I'll never forget not because this way my first time, or hers, as much as it killed me, I knew she had been with others, she had done 'it', multiple times but with only three guys, her first boyfriend Viktor, no surprise, This kid, Cyrus he was in Slytherin actually, she did it because he was a 'bad boy', and then a muggle guy Kurt, who everyone swore, that he was just like me. The guy I hated because he had her and I didn't.

But who am I to complain?

I had been with just as many as she, even more.

We both shivered with each other because on so many levels this was wrong.

She was one of my best friends now.

We used to hate each other.

She has a boyfriend.

I have a girlfriend.

We both at the moment hated each other. Well she hates me.

We're doing this for the wrong reason.

I love her.

I don't know if she loves me.

I don't really know if she wants me.

I don't really know if she wants this.

I love her… which way exactly this is so wrong.

All these thoughts surged through my head, over and over again, so I just went faster and faster. Friction, and friction, tasting, biting, sweating, moaning, grunting, breathing… and ugh heat.

I was where I should not be, I was doing something I shouldn't even have fantasies about, to me it at the time it was beautiful. She didn't scream like all the others, she moaned and whimpered, which made everything even better and it caused me to let go of everything and I moan and grunted with her. I had felt her muscles clamp down, and it sent her into a wave of ecstasy. I wasn't ready yet, and it nearly killed me to go on even when she was done, but she didn't stop me, she gripped harder if possible, and whimpered my name, then as I yelled some random swear word and crumbled on top of her she came again as well.

We were sweating, breathing heavily and having our entire world crash down around us. She was right this wasn't a good idea.

I finally regained some composure and was ready to leave her but not leave her, the pressure of my body from on top of her and inside of her, but then she started rubbing my back, and I laid there for a second longer before putting my weight on my arms and pulling myself out of her.

I looked at her, her eyes were still slightly watery from earlier and back to their normal, beautiful deep brown.

She didn't take her eyes off of mine. I laid beside her and stroked her cheek and played with her hair a little, then I rested my hand on her cheek, I wanted to say, 'I love you.' Because it was true, although I didn't feel as if I had the right anymore, so instead I said, "Are-are you ok?"

Nothing.

"Hermione? Please say something to me? I'm sorry."

Nothing.

"Please? I know I, I can't be perfect all the time… I'm jealous as hell you pick other guys and—ugh why? Am I so disgusting?"

Nothing.

"Please."

"Draco, shh…"

"No, I'm sick of being quiet, I try and support you because your friends give you so much shit for going out, but they don't know—it doesn't hurt them like it does me. At least tell me, if I hurt you, or if this is what you wanted. I didn't want to hurt you not this much. I don't hate you not at all, and I never will. I just wanted for once, for you to look at me like you did with Viktor, Cyrus or Kurt, I'm sorry—I took it to far and—"

"Draco if I had to take back what we did…" she paused, I cringed, how did I let this happen? Did I really not have any self-control at all? "Draco? I wouldn't take it back—not for all the world. Hear me? None of it- anything not for the whole world."

That was our, 'I love you.' It hurts too much to actually say it, but was there.

After we both got our clothes on without looking at each other, I don't get why… I mean it's not like we didn't see anything, hell we did more than just look. Even though we said… what we said, I still felt gross, I should have asked. Even more than that, I hurt her really badly this time, and then—ugh what's wrong with me?

"What do we do now?" I shuddered

I turned to face her, she looking out the window again.

"I—I, I'm not sure. You have a girlfriend."

"And you have a boyfriend."

"You're my friend…"

"You're my best friend…"

"You—I …"

"You're—you're my everything."

She froze, again I couldn't say it.

She turned slowly, "What?"

"I said you're my everything." I didn't get why I even bothered to repeat myself, I said it more softly than I did the first time.

"What?"

Did she really need me to say it?

"I don't get what your saying."

"Yes you do." And shit, I kissed her again, my hands we cupping her face only, I pulled me lips off of hers but we were still only an inch away except exceptionally soft this time, " You are not a tease or a distraction—dammit don't you get it Hermione?"

She looked it was weird, I've seen that look from anyone before—then realized, unrequited love.

I stepped back, and felt my eyes widen, "You-you let me do that. And you don't even, oh I'm going to be—I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry. Why didn't you stop me? Did I hurt you?"

"N-no, no not at—"

"Then why? Oh I'm really going to be sick, was that out of pity? Why? Was it to get back it me for what I did to you?"

"No! I—I"

"You don't do you? You never did, not like this. Never like this. Oh shit what have I done?"

"Draco wait!"

I didn't stop I walked out of that room so quickly, and then I ran as far away from everything and everyone I knew as far and as fast as possible.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed. This is a little more angsty than I usually write so I'm kind of wondering what you guys are thinking. Review please?